Big Sean Talks Self-Care, Manifestation, And Trusting In Divine Timing
Big Sean continues to open up about his spirituality, mental health, and how he manifested his career. Over the years, the Detroit rapper has been open about his battle with depression and anxiety and has praised holistic practices such as meditation as well as therapy. He also is a believer in manifestation and the law of attraction and how he was able to use those lessons to obtain success. Back in 2019, he released a video about manifestation where he said, “If I want it and I believe I can have it, then that’s my reality.”
He also did an interview with Jay Shetty’s podcast On Purpose with Jay Shetty a year ago about manifestation that was such a big hit with fans that he’s back for another purposeful conversation. In the March 2022 episode, the “Play No Games” rapper dives even deeper into manifesting abundance, success, and happiness. Here are some highlights from the hour and a half-long interview.
Big Sean on How Meditation Lifts Your Vibration
“I change my meditations up frequently. I do mantra meditations sometimes and sometimes I do just guided meditations that are specifically for me. Maybe for that week, things that I, not necessarily trying to accomplish but things that I put in my consciousness. Things that I want to approach right, but most importantly it gets me right for the day. It’s like taking a shower after you work out and you take that shower and feeling fresh. That’s what it does for my consciousness, my energy and things just flow better.”
“I literally feel like I’m lifting my vibration up to a higher place of just to be successful and it all starts right there for me. You can’t do it right or wrong way. There’s no right or wrong way in doing it. The fact that you take the time out to just be with yourself to breathe. Your mind is going to race all over the place sometimes. Sometimes it doesn’t, sometimes it does. You bring it back to your breath, you bring it back to whatever you’re listening to, and just the fact that you took that time out to breathe and spend that time on yourself, you’re gonna feel an incredible difference every time.”
Be Specific With Your Intentions
“If you are specific, well then always make sure in that specification that you put and more or I’m open to whatever possibilities are also available, whatever options there are if you are specific because we can be specific somewhat, but you can’t be too specific and leave it there. You can say I want to have the number one podcast that talks about mental health and all these things but the specification of that is even bigger than that. Everything you do is way bigger than that, but you’re open to all of those expansive options. I just hope that people realize that whatever you want in life–first of all, wanting something is acknowledging the lack of it.”
“So, remember in our last interview I talked about how God gives you what you ask for so I kinda don’t say I want anything anymore, I say 'I desire,' or 'My intention.' I don’t say I want it because I’m just acknowledging over and over that I don’t have it and I don’t want to match that vibration of not having it anymore. So instead it’s this is my intention, my desire, and I put myself vibrationally on that frequency already having it already being there and that for me works I don’t know if that works for everyone else, but try it. If life isn’t going exactly how you want it to which is 99% of us in this world, try it that way.”
Self-care is Service
“The whole purpose of self-care is the complete opposite of being selfish. It’s service to the world so when you’re overwhelmed with all the anxiety of what’s going on, you’re overwhelmed with your personal problems and the world’s problems and things seem to be too much, we all go through this, the most important thing to rely on the faith that everything is going to be okay. When you put your best foot forward, the extra steps to take care of yourself to bring your best foot forward you realize, we talked about it last time, that the reason that we’re in this moment in the first place is ‘cause we have the ability to change this moment.”
“The great part about being in any situation whether you’re up or down in life is that it’s an amazing opportunity and you have the ability to change every situation. So, when you have that faith. I talked about that invisible bridge to have that faith and walk across and you don’t really see how you’re gonna get across, but you know it’s there and you step off that clip and unto where you don’t see anything and you still haven’t fallen. That’s what faith is and that’s what we have to have in each other and society and realize the more conscious we are the more we work on ourselves the more steps we’re taking to get to the other side of things."
Have Faith and Trust in Divine Timing
“These things, when they even happen you realize, I in the first place should never be mad at a timeline because how can I be mad at a timeline or something not getting done or a deadline when I’m on God’s time. I’m moving at God’s speed. I’m not moving at my speed. I can set my intention, give my attention to that intention in hopefully getting something done. It may get done earlier. I may want to finish something in April and it may get done in February. I may want to get something done by April and it may not get done till next April.”
“Who knows? Because it’s unknown but when we embrace that unknown, which a lot of us, it’s hard to do ‘cause we always like to think about what’s the worst that can happen instead of what’s the best that can happen. I had to change my whole mindset to think, okay, what’s the best that can happen because I don’t even want to attract what’s the worst that can happen. That’s such a normal saying. That saying is wack. I had to flip it over to what’s the best that can happen because I have 100% faith.”
Be Rich Within Yourself
“You can be rich in money but it’s conditional. That money goes, you’re not even rich anymore. If you take all of the money away from me or anyone around me, my family, we’re at a point where we were rich before we had money. Because of the rich practices that we were taught which is to take care of yourself early on which is a lesson I put on a back burner and went through and experienced life and life was hitting me and beating me up. I had to take a step back and reaffirm the things that I already knew but really strengthen them up. That is being rich for real because money is conditional and that is the energy we assigned it."
"It’s the currency of our countries and living the way we live but time is the currency of our universe and love is the currency of all. Love is God. I know I’m kind of rambling, but I just want people to get that because when you judge someone else, you’re just wasting your time. You’re really just giving someone else your energy that’s so valuable. You can be building a mountain with that energy, you can be building your future or career or something else, Instead, you’re worried about somebody else or tearing somebody else down and it doesn't make sense. It’s so easy to do though.”
Find Your Happiness and Writing a Book
“Make everything you’re doing fun because we’re here for such a short period of time and when we see somebody pass away that’s close to us or someone we idolize, our heroes or family members or friends whatever just you gotta realize that I work but I gotta make this fun because that is the key to happiness, right? And that is to me, that’s real success is when you’re happy so you gotta have fun with whatever you’re doing and if it’s not fun you gotta make it fun or do something else. Even if it pays your bills or anything you gotta –if you just approach it like that, something that may be depressing to you can completely change. That job you may have been working on, I’ve been doing this since I was 11 years old by the way making music, and obviously, I want to do other things with my life.”
“I want to write a book because I’ve learned so many lessons from you, Deepak, I get to sit with Sadhguru, my mom especially, I get to sit with Jhene (Aiko). I get to sit with all these amazing, I get to sit with Marie Diamond. I get to sit with a lot of people who know so much and I know that that’s one of my life purposes is to put that information into, and all the experiences I been through, all the testaments I’ve seen, and all of the magic I’ve witnessed in my life that’s the reason I want to write a book. I’m not doing it because, oh it’s a cool thing for your career to do I feel like I have to write a book because it’s one of my missions for humanity.”
How To Manifest ABUNDANCE, SUCCESS, & HAPPINESS Into Your Life | Big Sean & Jay Shetty
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Navigating Dating When Emotionally Unavailable & Detached: My Journey Back To Feeling
The last time I came with a dating story, I told you I got my little feelings hurt in 2021. I called myself trying to be out in these streets entertaining a man in a different area code, city, and state — only for homeboy to play in my damn face. So, I went and gave y’all "8 Rules To Casual Dating Every Woman Should Know This Summer." You’re welcome. Fast forward to 2024, and I am now coming to you from a more mature and intentional place. We’re not in summer yet, but I truly believe what blooms in spring, thrives in summer.
2023 was my year, and it was my turn. I had just completed an 8-month holistic detox. The glow-up was real and well-deserved. The way I have poured into myself is unmatched. Let me tell you, self-love is a love you have never known. After a five-year healing journey, I finally felt like myself again, and I was ready to play. My heart was open, my mind was clear, and my body hella transformed. I had told all my friends that I was ready to explore dating again, and at the height of summer, I did exactly just that.
This time I decided I wanted to take my time. I wanted to date the “right way” or the “healthy way.” You know, keep your options open, ask the right questions, believe actions and not words, observe patterns and pay attention to red, yellow, and green flags. I was never the dating app type of girl. I sincerely miss everything about human connection and dating from 2000 to 2012. Can we please bring all of that back into 2024? I prefer to feel a man’s energy and presence in real-time. Nonetheless, I still chose to dabble with a few dating apps. I was all the way outside and dating for practice.
Unfortunately, with today’s dating culture, social climate, and how some of these men move and/or behave, these dates were a dead end. Not one guy made it to my roster. What these men were was benched this season – not one of them could be my first-round select draft pick. It didn't seem like anyone I met was interested in a serious relationship. And it’s completely fine. Miss me with the ghosting, lack of effort, inconsistency, and poor communication. I continued to just do me because what is for me will not miss me.
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The universe must have heard me talking because I had specifically told my closest girlfriends that I wanted to meet someone who lived in the vicinity, no more than twenty minutes away, and no more long distance. And I did meet him (it’s crazy how I manifest exactly what I want). As we started to get to know each other, I liked his energy and effort. I liked the direction it seemed to be going to the point my girlfriends had to tell me not to run from him. Because every part of me wanted to run from something that seemed normal.
I liked what he was coming with until I became uncomfortable with my own feelings, and I didn’t know how to communicate them to him.
With that said, I knew if I truly wanted to experience the truest of loves, a reciprocal, requited love, and be in a healthy relationship this story had to come to a pause. What I didn’t know was that he was going to show me things I didn’t know I needed to work on. I didn’t know he inadvertently was going to help me continue to heal parts of me that were hidden.
As someone who has learned to self-heal, I am no longer the type that runs from herself. I am here for the growth.
The truth is I am emotionally detached from myself, and I am not actively dating at the moment. I am the one that has to work on herself. My reiki healer called it, too – she told me this year would not be a year for a relationship, but a year of continuous growth. And now I see why. After all the healing work I have done thus far – I am an unemotional mess. How?
At my big age of 39, I struggle to communicate my wants and needs.
I still struggle to communicate and process uncomfortable feelings. I would rather give myself anxiety, act nonchalantly, emotionally react, and choose non-communication when I am bothered with someone than address the issue (I will later explain why). I have been ignoring my feelings for so long it has become a habit, a defense mechanism, and more so a trauma response.
If you are someone like me who grew up in a household that didn’t discuss feelings, your emotional needs were unmet, and you don’t feel safe to share your feelings – emotional detachment is quite common.
Oftentimes, we always talk about men being emotionally unavailable, but what if it’s a woman who is emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached? How does she navigate herself, dating, or being in a relationship? As I navigate my emotions this season, let’s explore what it means to be emotionally detached, the signs of detachment, and how to reconnect with yourself emotionally.
Emotional Unavailability vs. Emotional Detachment
When we look at the terminology emotional unavailability and emotional detachment, one might argue that the two terms are interchangeable and have the same meaning. One could also argue that both terms mean that some people are not in tune with their emotions or lack the emotional capacity to be responsive to someone else’s emotions. Fair enough. However, there is a big difference. The definition of emotional unavailability is described as people who have difficulty with sharing their emotions and being receptive to the emotions of those around them.
According to Verywell Mind, signs of emotional unavailability can look like being distant or cold, lack of closeness, and emotional intimacy in relationships, inability to understand and relate to others’ feelings, defensiveness when asked to change or let others in, tendency to shut down or avoid topics that require emotional openness, or withdrawal from people or situations that provoke emotional reactions.
Whereas emotional detachment is defined as the inability to or willingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Furthermore, Psychology Today states emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings. Exhibit A – me. Emotional detachment has various causes – past neglect, childhood or adult trauma, PTSD, depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or, in some cases, medication (i.e. antidepressants). It is important to note emotional detachment is a complex issue. For someone like me, it’s a coping mechanism.
It is easier for me to ignore uncomfortable feelings to protect myself from stress or getting hurt. Hence, my nonchalant demeanor. It is also true for some people it is a reaction to trauma, abuse, and unprocessed emotions. Exhibit B – me. As it is difficult for me to open up about my feelings at the moment. On the contrary – emotional detachment can be helpful in navigating some situations like listening to people’s opinions and gossip.
Unfortunately, emotional detachment is not a behavior that can be turned on and off at will. Please note that emotional detachment is NOT a mental health diagnosis but can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as an attachment disorder. And if you know anything about attachment theory, it is related to the relationship we develop in our childhood with our primary caregivers.
Signs You're Emotionally Detached
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According to Psychology Today and Verywell Mind, general signs of emotional detachment can look like difficulty showing empathy to others, sharing emotions, committing to a relationship, feeling numb, poor listening skills, lack of self-esteem, preferring to be alone, struggling to feel positive emotions, inability to identify emotions, lack of physical, verbal, or sexual contact and losing touch with people or maintaining connections.
In a romantic relationship, emotional detachment shows up as you or your partner not being available for connection, poor communication, or reduced affection.
For me, my experience with emotional detachment is collective. I am an empath to my core. I don’t have a problem relating to other’s feelings or circumstances. I don’t have commitment issues, nor do I have an issue connecting with others or maintaining those connections. I struggle with sharing emotions, at least the negative ones.
Due to the emotional abuse from my childhood and a toxic relationship, I learned sharing emotions just wasn't the safe thing to do. As a survivor of trauma, I learned to suppress feeling negative emotions in general as a form of protection.
How To Reconnect To Your Emotions When You're Emotionally Unavailable
Serious Kid Cudi GIF by Apple MusicGiphyExploring my emotional side in-depth started late last year simply by noticing my reaction to something that he did. I didn’t know how to properly communicate to him how I was feeling or what he did bothered me in the moment. So, I swallowed my feelings and said absolutely nothing. I intentionally chose to avoid the issue. I chose to rationalize the situation instead of acknowledging that my feelings at the time were valid. I chose to act like everything was all good because it was all good.
“It wasn’t that deep to begin with” is what I told myself. And this is where the problem lies.
The saying is true, “What happens in your childhood shows up in your adult relationships.” I came to realize that because I was not able to express my feelings as a child, I struggled to process them. I either hold back my feelings, take a long time to say how I feel, or don’t say anything at all. This is because I fear people will walk away from me like my mother did if I share what I truly feel. I fear my feelings won’t be validated, or they will be rejected.
With that said, I was completely unaware that I was emotionally detached from myself until recently. So, here we are with this article. It all started by reading Instagram’s @theholisticpsychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera’s newest book How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships, which was released on November 28, 2023. As I read through the first chapter, I became triggered.
How Dr. LePera describes her childhood with her parents and experiences with her romantic partners somewhat mirrored my experiences with my own parents and relationships. As Dr. LaPera stated in her book, I have no issue showing up for others or meeting their needs and wants. But when it comes to expressing my own needs and wants – I cannot or I don’t. This is mainly due to my hyper-independence.
At an early age, I learned to show up for myself because the people I trusted to show up for me failed. Given my home environment, I had internalized it is not safe to talk about feelings. I never knew my emotional responses and behavior were abnormal. But because I am willing to continue to do my inner work, I know that I can reconnect to my emotions, and undo four decades of repressed emotions.
If you are someone like me who struggles with emotional connection with yourself and others, here is how you go about it:
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1. Know Your Attachment Style
For me, the first step was to understand my attachment style. I asked my therapist if she could help me identify my attachment style to understand my triggers. She recommended The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT. My therapist administered the associated online quiz – Attachment Quiz. If you haven’t figured out my attachment style yet by reading this article, I have an anxious attachment style.
This means I don’t do well with inconsistent behavior, especially from men (but I’m the type that holds men to standards too). People with an anxious attachment style have a need to feel close to their partner. It may come across as “clingy” or “needy.” However, this same need is often driven by fear of abandonment, mistrust, and low self-esteem. I would say knowing your attachment style is helpful because you can work towards having a secure attachment style (with practice) in your relationships – familial, business, work, platonic, or romantic.
2. Become Self-Aware
Most people who are not in the practice of self-care or self-healing are unaware of their triggers, patterns, and behaviors. We are so caught up in the daily minutiae of life that we forget to pay attention to the most important part of our days — ourselves. As Dr. LePera says, make it a conscious habit to pause throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself:
- How does my body feel?
- What am I doing right now?
- Am I present?
- Am I distracted and lost with other thoughts?
- What do I think or feel when I recall a specific experience with someone?
- What do I think or worry about?
- What would happen if I shared my authentic thoughts, perspective, feelings right now?”
This is what Dr. LePera refers to as exploring your embodied self or fulfilling your authentic needs in chapter two of her book. Consistent mindfulness and self-awareness are key to self-discovery and in any healing journey. Learning to focus on the present moment also includes paying attention to our emotional response to an event or how we think about emotions in general.
3. Practice Vulnerability
The idea of vulnerability is a tough one for me and so many other women for countless reasons. Whether it be toxic family, friendships, relationships, or trauma – trusting others with your thoughts and feelings is not easy. As much as I am open and transparent, I am not as vulnerable. And I believe there is so much power in the duality to be both. To trust someone, let alone a man with your authentic self is a delicate matter.
But it is emotional vulnerability that allows us humans to build authentic connections, create stronger relationships, and break down emotional walls. Emotional vulnerability is not something to be rushed – it takes time and practice from you and the people you choose to have in your life. Medical News Today suggests that we can learn to be vulnerable by opening up more to our closest friends, building our ability to become more trusting, and developing skills to regulate our emotions.
4. Seek Therapy
I have been in therapy for six years and counting. I would consider therapy one of my safe spaces. I am one of those individuals who recommend therapy to everyone as it has given me the tools and resources I need to navigate my life challenges. By choosing to get help, I was able to put my PTSD and depression in remission for four years now. I have also learned how to manage my anxiety.
I am fully aware that in this season of my life requires me to do the work to unlock new levels of self. And any time where I have consciously chosen growth – the universe or life has not failed me. I was able to heal my body, my heart, and my spirit. Now, it’s time to heal my inner child, this hurt little girl who lives in me.
I will say choosing a therapist is similar to dating; you might go through a few potentials until you find a therapist you connect with. Actually, one of my lifelong friends said to me the other day, “Your relationship with your therapist is one of the most important relationships in your life.” I needed her to say that, and I needed to hear it because it’s true. You are essentially trusting a licensed stranger to help you navigate your life on so many levels.
Be picky and ask the questions. Cut the cord at the first red flag given. Again, let me reiterate that emotional detachment is not a mental health diagnosis. It can be treated with the help of a therapist. Emotional detachment only becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. Pay attention to changes in your daily behavior and make decisions to cope accordingly.
I am genuinely excited about reconnecting with my emotions. I want to feel all the feels – good, bad, and indifferent. I want to cry all the tears – especially the sad ones. I want to process and release negative emotions. I want to say how I feel in the moment with no fear.
If you are that girl who struggles with emotional connection or thinks you're emotionally detached, I hope that you become willing to face your inner child and show up for her. Don’t run – she has been waiting for you.
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