
Two things that I made a concerted effort to do last year were make peace with a lot of areas of my life and to study more about what it means to be a minimalist (you can read a great article that breaks down what it means to be a minimalist here). In order to reach both of those goals, I had to let go of a lot of things—not just tangible ones either. I had to release some people, some perspectives, and certain expectations as it directly related to those people and perspectives.
I won't lie—doing some of that kicked my butt; altered me in some ways too. But if someone were to walk up to me right now and ask what pursuing peace and becoming more of a minimalist ultimately resulted in, I'd have to say that they both taught me to live in the moment.
How? It's fascinating, really. When you're not out here trying to buy a ton of stuff, maintain a billion relationships or define success based on other people's standards instead of your own, it's amazing how you're not so anxious or stressed about the future. It's not that you don't care about it (that's irresponsible), but it's like you take on the words that Christ himself once said—and instructed: "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (Matthew 6:34—NKJV)
You realize that all you really should concern yourself with is doing your best, right here and right now. Everything else is either karma (the result of past "in the moment" choices that you made) or something that is totally out of your control. And acknowledging this reality? It creates a kind of woosah that releases a lot of overthinking, burdens, and stress. And that makes life so much easier, across the board.
If you get where I'm coming from in theory, but you are still trying to master how to actually get into the present more often, I've got some reasons, via personal experience, that can (hopefully) get you to stop worrying so much about the past or obsessing over the future. Because really—why do that when the present is where it's at? Literally.
1.No Matter What, Now Is a Teachable Moment

A poet by the name of X.J. Kennedy once said, "The purpose of time is to prevent everything from happening all at once." Another way to look at that quote is, "The purpose of time is to keep you from becoming totally overwhelmed"—or more overwhelmed than you already are. Whether this very moment is showing you how to be more patient, how to focus solely on the matters at hand, how to stop worrying so much, or how to stop pushing yourself so hard—if you get really quiet, breathe deeply and embrace living in the present, every single moment that you're in can teach you something; especially about yourself.
The more you learn, the more you grow. The more you grow, the more prepared you are for what the next moment has in store.
That's one of the best things about time—it instructs us how to pace ourselves, to not rush, and to accept how every moment flows in our lives. It took me a long time—too long—to learn that if time thought I was ready for more than what is right in front of me, I would have it. Embracing this fact has totally altered how I choose to live my life for the better. (More on this in a bit.)
2.You’ve Got All That You Need to Handle the Present

A signature quote that I have posted as a signature in one of my email accounts is this—"You have everything you need, right now, at this very moment, to accomplish what YHVH wants you to do—right now, at this very moment." YHWH is "Yahweh" which is a Hebrew title for God. When you're a freelancer like I am, life can sometimes be mad unpredictable. There have been times when, without any warning at all, I have gone from being able to handle all of my bills to finding out that "my services are no longer needed" and immediately having to figure out what's next. Back when I tried to run ahead of time, it would totally freak me out. But as I worked more and more on only controlling what I could control while also realizing that even if my mind wanted me to imagine myself on the street and starving, neither of those things were happening in the moment, my anxiety subsided.
I still had my crib, the lights were still on, and food was in the fridge. The news that I got in the present was just alerting me to make a different kind of plan for my future. But in the now, I was fine. And, God willing, with the right plan in place, I would remain fine next week and the weeks to follow. Every time that way of thinking proved to be right. Did I always have what I wanted in the present? Nope. But what I needed was always provided—"For your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him." (Matthew 6:8—NKJV) Most times, that is exactly the case.
3.Living in the Moment Keeps Us Calm, Stable and Centered

Calm, stable and centered. Unfortunately, I don't think a lot of people realize just how powerful it is to live in this kind of energy space. When you're calm, you're free from disturbance. When you're stable, you're firm, steady and, as one of my favorite dictionary definitions puts it, "not wavering or changeable, as in character or purpose". When you're centered, you're able to do something that many human beings have yet to comprehend, let alone master—you can find balance between emotion and logic.
A couple of years ago, when I had one of the most devastating heartbreaks of my life, for a second time (long story, chile), as I was grieving it all out, I realized that a big part of what had me so shook was the fact that the life I thought I was going to have didn't appear to be panning out that way. You know what that means, right? It wasn't just that I loved someone who didn't love me the same way; it was that my feelings caused me to make all sorts of future plans rather than simply love in the moment. Looking back, I honestly was probably more disappointed in how I thought my future life was going to be more than anything else.
Fast forward to now and I love differently. I have standards and expectations, no doubt (we all should). But my emotions (what I want to happen) are not running so far ahead that logic (what is actually transpiring) is going by the wayside. And that? That has me in a state of tranquility that I've never really had before. And trust me, when you are approaching life and love from a calm, stable and centered head and heart space, nothing can touch you like it can when you're…not.
4.Living in the Moment also Encourages Gratitude

There's a Scripture in the Bible that says, "So are the ways of everyone who is greedy for gain; It takes away the life of its owners." (Proverbs 1:19—NKJV) I know that a lot of people think of the word "greedy" from the perspective of folks wanting monetary gain but, personally, I believe that you can be greedy when it comes to how you process time too. Being greedy is about being eager. You're preoccupied with being married? Greedy. You're obsessed over your biological clock? Greedy. You can't seem to finish anything you start because you don't like waiting for its manifestation? That is also being greedy because, again, being greedy is about being eager and, when you're eager, you don't really know how to enjoy the moment you're in. As a direct result, you're focused more on getting than being grateful for what you already have.
If you hate being single so much, ask some of your married friends what they miss about living the single life. If all you can think about is becoming a mommy, check out articles on our site like "I Am A 27-Year-Old Struggling Mom & I Regret Having My Child" and "For The Women Racing To Have Children Before It's 'Too Late'", just so you can get a bit of a reality check. If your eagerness has you procrastinating or quitting projects, use this time to create shorter term goals on a weekly basis that you can complete so that you can actually get things done.
The more you remove eagerness from your life, the more space you'll have for gratitude to come in. Gratitude is about recognizing what you already have and giving thanks for it.
You know, a novelist by the name of Cynthia Ozick once said, "We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude." It's pretty easy to take what you already have for granted…until you lose it. Maintaining a spirit of gratitude keeps this kind of reality check, ever in the forefront of our minds. That way, we're not so obsessed with wanting what we don't have that we're not thankful for what we do.
5.This Moment Will NEVER Come Again. Cherish It.

I get it. The moment that you might be in right now could very possibly suck in every imaginable way possible. But here's the thing about that—if you reflect on your past, there have been other times when you probably felt the same way (or very similar). But now that those moments have come and gone, if you're really honest with yourself, they probably strengthened you, matured you, or prepared you for something in the way that nothing else quite possibly could. Same goes for where you are in this moment.
My greatest disappointments in people taught me how to not treat others. My biggest financial blows taught me to respect my money and resources more. My greatest heartbreaks showed me how to love myself better. Bottom line, whether the moment you are in is good or not so good, if you choose to let it evolve you into an even greater person, it is something to cherish. In spite of whatever is happening right now, this moment will never come quite this way ever again. Take it in. Grow from it. One day, you'll look back and be glad that you did.
6.This “Dot” Is Connecting You to a Much Bigger Picture

Definitely one of my favorite quotes on the planet is the one by a pastor by the name of John Piper—"God is always doing 10,000 things in your life, and you may be aware of three of them." Yeah, I think that one of the hardest things for us to do is accept that whatever is happening (or not happening) today, this week or even this year is simply a "dot" or a part of the puzzle piece to a much greater picture. You may not to be able to fully comprehend why something is happening (or not happening) in this moment but it's important to remain humble enough to remember that you are not the only one who plays a role in your life story. Other people need to come in and out. Things need to transpire behind the scenes.
Timing needs to cause some things to come together and fall apart in order for the ultimate masterpiece to reveal itself.
So, no matter how you may be feeling about right now, try and keep your emotions in check. This moment is connected to something in your past and will also connect to something else in your future. If you're open to seeing things from this perspective, it will all make sense. One day.
7.Things Tend to Come to Us Once We’re Ready for Them

I kind of already touched on this, but I want to go a little deeper because, if you're someone who really struggles with living in the moment, I think grasping this final point can help you to do it better. Whenever I'm talking to a single woman who desires to be married and she goes on and on about how "ready" she is, I tend to say something along the lines of, "So, you're 'completely prepared or in fit condition for immediate action or use'? How do you know that?" If there's one thing that, shoot, I'd say 95 percent of married folks will admit about marriage it's that, although some went in believing they were ready, they realized they had absolutely no clue what they were getting themselves into.
Personally, I think it's pretty arrogant to assume that you are "completely prepared" for marriage and so the hold-up must be your future spouse. And boy, to go into that kind of relationship without humility and self-awareness is only setting you up to have your ego knocked down a peg or two—or 20. When I wrote articles like "If Your Man Is Missing These Things, Wait Before Marrying Him" and "Ask These Sex-Related Questions BEFORE You Marry Him", by no means was I implying that we shouldn't look within to see where we stand on these points too. For instance, one thing that I desire in my husband is financial stability and responsibility but guess who is just now really getting her past taxes together? Now what do I look like demanding my partner be what I am not? That is the epitome of hypocrisy.
One of the best things about living in the moment is it gives you the opportunity to get ready for what is to come. Time is wise and loving enough to slow things down and gift us with the present so we can do so.
So, even if you do struggle with embracing the present, I hope all of these reasons have offered some insight into just how important it is to love where you are. The moment is here because you need it. When you don't, it will pass. Once time deems that you are ready for it.
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Feature image by Anneka/Shutterstock
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Because We Are Still IT, Girl: It Girl 100 Returns
Last year, when our xoNecole team dropped our inaugural It Girl 100 honoree list, the world felt, ahem, a bit brighter.
It was March 2024, and we still had a Black woman as the Vice President of the United States. DEI rollbacks weren’t being tossed around like confetti. And more than 300,000 Black women were still gainfully employed in the workforce.
Though that was just nineteen months ago, things were different. Perhaps the world then felt more receptive to our light as Black women.
At the time, we launched It Girl 100 to spotlight the huge motion we were making as dope, GenZennial Black women leaving our mark on culture. The girls were on the rise, flourishing, drinking their water, minding their business, leading companies, and learning to do it all softly, in rest. We wanted to celebrate that momentum—because we love that for us.
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.

In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.

In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.

And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.

We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.

So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.

That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.

This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
How Les Alfred & Kayla Greaves Built Their "It Girl" Brands With Intention
It’s not always easy being an “It Girl,” but Les Alfred, host of She’s So Lucky podcast, and Kayla Greaves, beauty expert, reporter and consultant, never promised it would be. Instead, the two creators are forging their own paths based on resilience. Les originally launched her podcast, formerly Balanced Black Girl, from her bedroom in Seattle after creating fitness content elsewhere online.
Last year, she left her corporate job to scale the Dear Media-hosted series, which she rebranded earlier this year. Meanwhile, Kayla has worked as a journalist and editor, including for InStyle as Executive Beauty Editor. In 2023, she left the company to focus on consulting, hosting and speaking engagements.
Despite launching media careers from different pathways, the two New York-based women have forged a friendship where they can discuss their ambitions and challenges.
Both women are part of xoNecole’s It Girl 100 Class of 2025, recognized in the Viral Voices category for the impact they’ve made through storytelling, creativity, and authenticity. Together, they represent what it means to build an "It Girl" brand with integrity and depth. In the spirit of SheaMoisture’s "Yes, And" ethos, Les and Kayla embody the freedom to be multi-layered as women evolving boldly into every version of themselves.
This conversation has been condensed and lightly edited for clarity
On Forging Their Own Paths
Les Alfred: Being a Jane of all trades is incredibly challenging. And one of the challenges I've faced is that the scope of what podcasters now need to do has increased so much. When I first interviewed you in 2019, I was still very new at it, but I remember being on a Skype call with you from my bedroom in Seattle. That was how I ran the show. And that was good enough. That is absolutely not good enough these days. The scope and the quality keeps increasing, but the resources that you have don't necessarily increase in order to remain competitive.
I get asked so many questions from people who want to get into podcasts and they want to get started. Most of the time, I'm just like, 'I don't have tips for you.' Because, one, I don't know what it's like to start in this current environment. Two, I know what it takes to contend and be consistent in this environment. The barrier of entry is a lot higher in terms of having something of quality than it was before.
On Balancing Ambition and Rest
Kayla Greaves: I've had to make a very clear effort to slow down and just not take on as much. Yes, you're running a business, but you're also living your life. I had one of those days yesterday. I just laid down and listened to white noise for hours because I just needed my brain to just be clear. I called a friend. I cried.
I'm starting over again today. The sun is out. It's a new day. And that's just sometimes what you have to do. You can't show up for your audience or for other people, if you can't show for yourself. I think that creativity comes from a place of living your life and having genuine experiences, and then sharing those experiences through your art.
"I had to give myself permission to let myself grow publicly in ways that I'd already done personally."

Courtesy
On Evolving Through Growth and Rebranding
Les: I didn't create Balanced Black Girl until 2018, but I started blogging and creating content and doing things under the Balanced brand in 2014. I was 24 years old at the time. Now, I'm 36. The things that were important to me, the perspective that I had and the stories I wanted to tell were entirely different. I think I had to give myself permission to let myself grow publicly in ways that I'd already done personally. The show isn't really about wellness anymore. And that shift started happening a couple of years ago.
When we started expanding into more lifestyle topics, more self-help topics [and] talking about entrepreneurship, the audience responded really well. That was when the show really started to grow and take off. And that was what got so much more engagement than the episodes back in 2020 when I was doing hour-long deep dives on gut health.
Rebranding the show was something I've been thinking about for a long time. When I was finally like, 'Oh, I need to do this,' honestly, was the 2024 presidential election. I was like, these people are about to be in here acting crazy. I do not feel safe with my business name being what it is. I don't want to be targeted for any BS. We saw what they did to the Fearless Fund.
"You have to balance your integrity with your income."

Courtesy
On Integrity Over Income
Kayla: I have many other interests aside from beauty. I'm growing and I'm changing as a person. I'm not the same person I was when I started at InStyle in 2019 before the pandemic rocked everybody's world. I don't think reviewing every single lipstick that comes out is exciting or interesting, because everybody does it now, and everybody feels like they're qualified to speak on things that they're not qualified to speak on. I'm currently in that pain point of growth.
I don't think I have always been in environments where I've been encouraged to branch out on my own ideas. I finished Ina Garten’s memoir maybe a month ago. She kept repeating this quote in her book. She said, ‘What goes in early, goes in deep.’ Now that I'm on my own and I don't have the resources of a traditional media company, which is what I have become accustomed to, sometimes it's difficult for me to be like, 'Okay, just go ahead with the thing.'
I think, Les, just the other day, you reposted somebody saying that they let go of a five-figure deal and then got double the next day because it just didn't feel aligned for them. Those are the things that happen. I have to find a balance of, 'Okay, how do I keep myself afloat?' And that may mean I may not be balling out of control just yet, but I'm okay for now. I can buy myself nice things every once in a while, but you have to balance your integrity with your income.
Les: There are just certain lines that I'm not willing to cross. Especially when I created more wellness content, one of those lines was I will not promote any sort of weight loss product. All of these GLP-1s all want to advertise on my podcast. I actually have nothing against those types of products, but I don't ever want someone to look at what I'm putting into the world and think that I'm saying that they need to feel a certain way about their bodies.
Even if the money is great, that's not for me to say, and that's not the type of message that I want to put out here. Or, I had another kind of brand deal come through that would have required me to divulge things about my personal life that I just don't really want my audience knowing about me, and bringing them along on journeys that I just find personal and I want to keep offline. I don’t want to be known for dragging my mess all over the internet for a buck.
I don't want to be known for being an influencer. I would love to be 1,000% in on my podcast, scale it, have it grow to be a media empire where I'm producing and putting out other bodies of work. For now, until that other side of the business really picks up and gets to the point where I want it to be, I kind of need to play the influencer game a little bit to live in this expensive city. But I'm gonna do it on my terms. It's a constant compromise that I'm coming to with myself.
"You can never make a big vision come to fruition if you're sitting and you're waiting for somebody else to tell you exactly what to do."

Courtesy
On Mutual Admiration and Friendship
Les: Something that I really admire about you in having known you for the past couple of years is you don't wait for a roadmap. You jump in, you roll up your sleeves, and you do it. You can never make a big vision come to fruition if you're sitting and you're waiting for somebody else to tell you exactly what to do.
Kayla: Well, first of all, I want to say thank you for saying that, because that means so much to me, and it's very affirming. That's exactly how I feel about you. I remember, even at your first live show, you're like, ‘Oh my god, I'm so stressed. I don't know what I'm doing.’ And, the shit sold out. And, you know, and now, like, you see the growth of the podcast. And you have nearly 61,000 subscribers on YouTube. I just checked recently.
I talk a lot about people that really just need to not say anything on the internet, because it's so frustrating as somebody who grew up as a traditional journalist. You want people to fact check and ask thoughtful questions and have good conversations. I've never said that about you. I've always loved your podcast. And I've sent a lot of your episodes to friends when they're going through specific things that you're talking about.
This season has been a little bit slower to me, so you've been a constant source of inspiration, and it's just been such a pleasure to see your podcast grow despite the challenges you've had. I know it's not easy, but you continue to grow and continue to push through, and I really admire that as somebody who sat and cried yesterday and listened to white noise.
And this is why I tell you all the time, you really do inspire me. I love you a lot.
Les: Oh my gosh, I love you a lot. I'm so glad that the podcast brought us together.
Tap into the full It Girl 100 Class of 2025 and meet all the women changing game this year and beyond. See the full list here.
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