When Should You Replace Underwear, Make-Up, Bedding, Washcloths & Towels?

I collect panties. Next to lip gloss, it is almost an obsession of mine. I mean, I have so many that I could wear one a day, for about nine months, before ever running out. But as I've gotten older and more intentional about taking care of what I encourage all of my love nieces to call "their treasure box", as much as I hate it—because some of my drawers are super cute—I've been letting my underwear go at a faster pace than I used to.
Why? Because as much as I sometimes don't want to accept the fact, just about everything has an expiration date—bras, panties, and some of the other things that I'm about to share with you are not excluded from this very fact.
The Expiration Dates You Don't Know About
We spend a lot of time on this site sharing things that you can do to be a healthier you. But I'm gonna be real with you, sis—if you've got panties that you've owned since this time three years ago or an entire bathroom drawer that's full of makeup that has the writing missing from it, now is the time to set aside a couple of hours this weekend to do some tossing and replacing. In just a sec, you're gonna see just why I said that and how much better you'll be treating your body if you do.
When To Replace Bras

I recently read somewhere that you can go two weeks before washing your bra. I kind of found that to be interesting since they are on 6-to-whenever hours a day. Personally, I was thinking that once a week made more sense. Anyway, since a bra is designed to give our girls support for hours on end, it makes sense that they would need to be replaced. How often? According to lingerie experts, you can rotate 4-6 of 'em for about a year before it's time to get some more.
Signs that you need a new one? If your bra hikes up your back, if the outline of it shows through your tees (that usually means that the fabric has stretched out), if your breasts don't look as "perky" as they used to, if your breasts are sweating more (a good bra will minimize that), or if you continuously have to readjust your bra, put a budget aside (because good bras ain't cheap, chile). It's time for a new set.
When To Replace Panties

Just think about what panties go through on a daily basis. Our vaginas are self-cleaning, so panties are catching discharge. Pubic hair sheds, so there's that. Even the best menstrual cups can cause leakage if we're not careful. Whether we choose to admit it or not, all of us, as my grandmother used to put it, "break wind", 10-20 times a day (which leaves tiny particles of fecal matter behind). So yeah, if ANYTHING needs to be replaced fairly regularly, panties would be it!
How regularly? Although I laughed when one gynecologist said that we probably wouldn't die if we wore them until they practically fell off, the general consensus that I saw was it's time to get new ones every six months. Of course, if they don't fit well, the elastic wears out or they carry a stench (even after washing them) before then, get some new ones sooner.
One more thing, since there is "a tenth of a gram of poop in the average pair of underwear" and "about 100 million E. coli in the wash water" of a washing machine that can easily transfer over into your new load of laundry, this is one reason to strongly consider washing your panties by hand. Just something to think about. Hard.
When To Replace Mascara

Our eyes are precious. That's why we need to be extremely careful about what we put near or on them. As far as mascara goes, the FDA says that each tube of mascara should only be used for three months before tossing it out. And, definitely don't keep any mascara around if it has dried out and/or you're spitting on the wand in order to "make it work" again. Whether you realize it or not, you're practically begging for bacteria to get into your eyes and that could lead to a big ole' infection.
(By the way, pencil eyeliners should be replaced every 6-9 months, and liquid eyeliner should be replaced every three months, for reasons similar to mascara. Eyeshadows are cool for two years, so long as you keep the lids on them securely closed after every use.)
When To Replace Lipstick

It's not like you only apply lipstick right after your brush your teeth and exfoliate your lips, right? This means that every time you reapply, some sort of bacteria is going onto the tube. After months of that, coffee cups, water bottles and kisses, germs can really start to pile up. Plus, lipstick is at its best when it's stored in a cool dry place; our purses and glove compartment aren't always that. For all of these reasons, it's best that you replace your lipsticks once a year.
When To Replace Foundation

Whether it's liquid or cream, foundation is not built to last forever. After about 10 months or so, the color and consistency are not as good as they were when you first purchased it. That's why it's best to cop some new foundation every 12 months or so; sooner if it cakes up or looks "weird" in natural light.
Oh, and for the health of your skin, try and avoid applying foundation with your fingers as much as possible. There's no tellin' how much bacteria is on your hands and nails. You can reduce the risk of breakouts by applying it with a make-up brush instead.
When To Replace Make-Up Brushes

Speaking of make-up brushes, if you wash yours once a week and you spent more than a couple of bucks when you bought them, they should be able to last you a good five years. The key is to gently wash them, let them air dry (they should be hanging down so that the water doesn't drip all over the handle), and to look for signs that they are wearing out—like not feeling full and soft or the handle showing clear signs of wear and tear.
When To Replace Hairbrushes

Something that I recall doing every couple of weeks was washing my hairbrushes in some liquid castile soap. It makes sense since brushes not only help to style our hair, but they also remove debris, dandruff, residue from hair products and all sorts of other random crap from our heads.
If you get a quality brush (especially if it contains natural bristles), its shelf life can last a few years. But that's only if you wash it regularly, remove hair from it every time that you use it and you store it properly. Still, with the wear and tear that brushes take, it's still a good idea to replace yours every 3-4 years.
When To Replace Bed Sheets

When I was growing up, it was a given that every Friday, bedding was going to be changed. Most of us probably just do it out of habit, but if you stop and think all of what you're laying down on after say, day five, you might want to change your sheets more than that! First, we all shed 30,000 dead skin cells a day and 6-10 hours' worth of those are in bed. Then there's the fungus and bacteria that we naturally carry, along with, again, the tiny particles of fecal matter that land on our sheets, every time we pass gas (if you sleep naked or with someone who sleeps naked). Not to mention the drooling, hair products and hair shedding that happens to our pillowcases.
Yeah, bedding takes quite the beating. That's why you should wash your sheets and pillowcases no less than once a week (some experts say pillowcases should be washed 2-3 times a week), and you should replace your bedding entirely every 2-3 years.
When To Replace Washcloths

If anything takes a regular lickin', it's our washcloths (if you want to know just how much, check out "The Truth About Washcloths"). So much in fact that, I don't know about you, but I use two different ones—one for my face and one for everywhere else. Since it is a main "tool" that is used to remove all of the "gunk" that our body accumulates throughout the day—and/or night, depending on how many times that you shower—it's a good idea to use a new set of washcloths a couple of times a week.
As far as when you should replace them altogether, it all depends on how often you use them. The fancy stuff that is mostly reserved for guests, since you're probably only using them a few times a year, they can last for five years or so. But the ones that you use on a regular basis? 1-2 years top is how long you should keep them around.
When To Replace Towels

Just because towels are (mostly) used to dry ourselves off after washing up, that doesn't mean they aren't a breeding ground for bacteria too. That's why they need to be washed, along with your bedding, every week. As far as getting new ones go, because they tend to be more durable than washcloths, so long as they aren't fraying or sucking on the absorbency tip, you should be able to keep the ones you've currently got for 3-4 years. Not bad, huh?
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This Is How To Keep 'Holiday Season Stress' From Infecting Your Relationship
Hmph. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like there is something really weird happening in the fall season air (because winter doesn’t officially begin until December 21) that cuddle season is in full swing while break-up season is as well. In fact, did you know that break-ups are so popular during the holiday season that December 11 is deemed Break-Up Day?
The reasons why relationships shift around this time vary; however, I did both roll my eyes and chuckle when I read that a very popular one is because it’s an easy way to get out of getting one’s significant other a Christmas present. SMDH.
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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7 Tips For Deactivating Family-Related Triggers This Holiday Season
Sometimes, people who read content on the site will email me for advice. Today’s content is an example of that because an avid supporter of the site hit me up for my opinion about the fact that, although she has been able to dodge family occasions for the past couple of years, this year, she has to “face the music” — and she was pretty nervous about it. According to her, it’s because “My family can be…A LOT.”
She’s not alone. Reportedly, 40 percent of family members find themselves getting into some sort of fight over the holiday season and 1 in 3 Gen Z’ers opt for friends over family during the holidays. And that’s why I thought that I would do everyone a solid by writing an article that features some effective tips/hacks on how to deal with your relatives…if they tend to trigger you more than just about anything else (whether intentionally or unintentionally) whenever you’re around them.
Yeah, Merry Christmas. LOL.
1. Don’t Lie to Yourself
GiphyWhenever I watch a video of someone going on and on about how quick they are to cut someone off for something that they said or did (check out “Why I Don't 'Cut People Off' Anymore, I Release Them Instead”), one of the first things that comes to my mind is the fact that they should be sure to extend the amount of grace and mercy that they would like to receive someday because life indeed has a way of boomeranging.
In fact, while we’re here, THIS is ACTUALLY what the Good Book means when it says to “Judge not” because if you actually think that God is down with no one being held accountable…umm, what kind of sense does THAT make? Yeah, if you read those set of Scriptures in their entirety (Matthew 7:1-6), it says that how you judge is how you will be judged — oh, and that the area that you are judging others in, you should probably have it cleaned up in your own life first.
And what does all of this have to do with lying to yourself? Well, ain’t it wild how something that most people say they have zero tolerance for is a liar — meanwhile, many of those same folks are lying to their own selves? Signs of that: you see things through rose-colored glasses; you constantly justify your own poor behavior; you let people walk all over you, all the while believing that “taking abuse” will prompt them to change; you rarely heed good advice, and/or you contradict yourself a lot.
Now ponder what I just said and then think about how you act around your family. If any of those points apply, the first thing that you need to work on is being honest with your own self about the habits that you need to break as it relates to dealing with your relatives. For instance, if you know that your aunt is disrespectful as hell, stop telling yourself that this year will be different. Or if you’re close to being a basket case at the thought of dealing with your overbearing in-laws, hit up a mentor or a therapist beforehand for some interaction tips…then actually take what they say seriously.
Moral to the story: the quicker that you are real with yourself about what you are getting yourself into when it comes to your peeps, the easier it will be to deal with whatever comes your way.
2. Accept the Reality of What Your Family Is
GiphyEven though I can do a hard pass on holidays (pretty much any holiday), I do enjoy holiday movies. I think it’s because this is the time of year when there is less violence, sex and ridiculousness on tubes and screens; for the most part, everything simply feels…safer to watch. Anyway, a movie that I saw on Tubi that I thought was super cute is called A Verry Merry Hood Christmas.
One of the things that I liked the most about it is it showed the different personalities and dynamics of a nice-sized Black family along with the compromises that everyone had to make in order to get along — even if they didn’t agree with certain things about one another. Know what that is called? Acceptance. And, in the context of today’s article, acceptance is about striving to understand, believe and, where possible, accommodate and reconcile with other people.
Now will you always be able to accommodate or reconcile? No. Sometimes certain standards and convictions will challenge that. What you can do, always, though, is understand where your family members are coming from and accept it, whether you agree with them or not.
I’m telling you, just learning how to accept the reality of what you have going on within your bloodline can take a lot of the pressure off because, honestly, what oftentimes causes a lot of unnecessary drama and trauma is trying to make people be something or one other than who they truly are.
3. Clearly Articulate Your Boundaries. Without Apology.
GiphyI talk about gaslighting…A LOT. That’s because there are so many people out here who do it. SMDH. Just so we’re all on the same page for this particular point, gaslighting is when someone tries to manipulate you into wondering if what you know to be true, right or accurate actually isn’t — and boy, if anyone is a master at this, it’s certain types of family members…and typically, if they really want to take gaslighting to a whole ‘nother level, it’s when it comes to the personal boundaries that you have set.
One way they will gaslight you? They will say that you should do whatever they tell you to or that you should tolerate however they are speaking to or acting around you because they are family or they are older than you are. GASLIGHTING. I say it often that the same Bible that says to honor your parents also says to not provoke your children (Ephesians 6:4).
My point? One reason why family members can trigger us so much is because we can find ourselves in conversations or situations where we feel disrespected by them. The way to help to keep this in check is by stating what your boundaries/limits are on the front end and not wavering if they try to cross the line.
And what do I mean by “not wavering”? If your boundary is that you don’t want to talk about your dating life and they start hitting you with a round of 20 questions about just that, stop talking or go to another room.
Listen, something that I tell my clients often is it’s unfair to expect people to honor your boundaries when you haven’t clearly stated what they are. Once you have, though, and they overstep? That is called disrespect — and you don’t have to tolerate that from ANYONE. Family or otherwise.
4. Avoid Triggering Topics
GiphySo-and-so made me mad. Chile, live on this planet long enough and you begin to accept that unless it’s literally by force (which is a form of abuse), no one can MAKE you do anything…and that includes causing you to feel some type of way. Sometimes, it can feel like someone made you feel some type of way, though, because they triggered you — oftentimes, all the while knowing exactly what they were doing. SMDH.
Know how you can dodge this? Don’t engage in subject matters that you know are going to get you going whether that be religion, politics, standards for relationships, family issues…whatever it is. A few years ago, I penned an article for the platform entitled, “How To Handle Folks Who 'Trigger' You.” A part of the reason why I wrote it is because being triggered is a very real thing. For instance, if something current takes your emotions back to something unpleasant in your past, that can make you feel stressed or even hurt — and boy, no set of people like to bring up past ish like relatives do.
That’s why it’s really important to figure out what your (main) triggers are before even getting around them. That way, you can be clear on what you are willing to entertain — and how far you are willing to go.
5. Suggest Some Distractions
GiphyIf there are two things that families can be, on a whole ‘nother level, is chaotic and a lot of fun. That said, if you want to avoid annoying drama, a great diversion can be to recommend entertaining things to do like playing board games, watching holiday-themed movies together, doing some Christmas music karaoke, suggesting a dance-off with prizes, caroling throughout the neighborhood — anything that will get those folks’ minds off of who should be getting married or going back to church and onto laughing and cuttin’ up.
6. Mind Your Business. Literally.
GiphyA man by the name of Robert A. Heinlein once said, “Ninety percent of all human wisdom is the ability to mind your own business.” Another man by the name of Edmond Mbiaka once said, “While you are too busy minding other people’s business, who is busy minding yours?” And still another man by the name of Steve Maraboli once said, “How do I have productive days with minimum drama? Simple; I mind my own business.”
We’re talking about how to have an as-much-as-possible peace-filled holiday season around your family members, right? Without question, a hack for that is to absolutely determine to mind your own business. Now does this mean that you should just act like a mannequin the entire time? Nope. My recommendation would simply be to not volunteer opinions to people who you already know won’t be receptive to them or who like to pick debates or even fights— oh, but if someone asks…then they invited you into their business. That is something different.
Minding one’s business ain’t neva hurt nobody, chile. Words to live by. Always.
7. Know What Your Limit Is and Be OK with Leaving When It’s Crossed
GiphySome of my clients are the epitome of what it means to be an introvert and it always tickles me how, right around this time of the year, like clockwork, at least a couple of them will ask me how they can avoid going to family functions. It’s not really because they suspect that some drama or trauma will go down, it’s just that the busyness, the noise, the close quarters make their nerves bad — and they would rather prevent that from transpiring by not going to the family events in the first place.
Typically, what I do is help them to come up with some sort of compromise that will keep them in a place of peace without pissing off their grandmother. However, as we close all of this out, I will be the first one to say that, as an adult, you have the complete and total right to have and set whatever boundaries you wish. If you know that 90 minutes is all that you can stand, so be it.
If you’ve already decided that if everyone gets to “poking bears” and starting silly arguments that that is your cue to step out, all good. If you’d prefer to go earlier to your aunt and uncle’s house because past occasions have proven that your least favorite relatives like to show up really late and you want to leave before they arrive, that is certainly your prerogative.
Listen, there is no point in trying to cultivate peace and goodwill towards your relatives if it’s at the expense of your own. Hopefully, these seven tips will help everyone to get some of both — so that this can be a really good holiday season…yes, even when you are around your family. LOL.
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