Everything You Need To Know About The Transformative Power Of Yoni Eggs
A couple of years ago, I discovered a new modality that took my healing journey to the next level. I'm not even sure how I found out about Yoni eggs prior to coming across a distributor's Etsy account but I always seem to be guided to exactly what I need at the right moment. Shortly before my discovery of these transformative crystal eggs, I started having flashbacks of sexual abuse I experienced as a child. I was still living in Long Beach during the resurfacing of this childhood trauma and during the time, I was at a crossroads of whether I should move back to Georgia or stick it out in sunny, expensive SoCal.
A culmination of unfortunate events and an emotional breakdown led to me calling my dad to admit what, at that time, felt like defeat. I needed to come home. After so many years of fearfully holding on to my childhood secret, I crumbled under the emotional overwhelm and revealed what had happened to me decades ago. As much as I wanted to live my California dream, I knew that I needed to be around my family for support while finding my way through sexual trauma that had surfaced for the first time in 20 years. A week later, I was homebound.
Shortly after settling back into my roots, I found myself bonding with my first Yoni egg, a Rose Quartz crystal, marking a new phase of my commitment to self-love, spiritual evolution and the awakening of a calling hidden in the shadows of my pain.
Editor's Note: This is the writer's personal experience with Yoni eggs. This is in no way a substitute for a medical opinion. If you decide to use Yoni eggs, consult your doctor and use these tools at your own discretion.
What’s a Yoni Egg?
Yoni eggs are egg-shaped crystals used in the vaginal canal for physical, sexual, and spiritual revitalization. The most commonly used Jade Eggs, dating back to royal dynasties in Ancient China, were used to enhance women's healing abilities, creative expression and spiritual power through their sexual energy. Today, Yoni eggs are used for a wide variety of reasons including PMS relief, womb wellness, emotional healing, spiritual growth and so much more!
How Do I Use My Yoni Egg?
Each woman's experience with the Yoni egg will be unique to her. It is common for all sorts of memories and emotions to arise. My personal experience with Yoni eggs has brought about an array of responses mainly dependent upon the type of crystal I use.
My first Yoni egg, Rose Quartz, was a warm and light experience. I recall feeling extremely giggly, like a little girl, along with feeling a gentle lightheartedness. I recommend this crystal for beginners as well as for women that want to cultivate a deeper sense of self-love, enhance fertility, gently heal emotional trauma and expand the heart chakra. Rose Quartz is also well known for increasing vaginal lubrication and emotional intimacy with your partner. Use the power of your yoni wisely! This crystal is best suited for women wanting to deepen emotional intimacy in established relationships. If you're into more casual sexual encounters, Red Carnelian is your best bet.
When choosing a Yoni egg, rely on your intuition, first and foremost. You're likely attracted to a specific type of egg for a reason (just like I was attracted to Rose Quartz as a means of gentle emotional healing). The Jade egg is commonly recommended for beginners due to its non-porous exterior and durability, making it easier to maintain cleanliness and less likely to crack in case your Yoni egg falls out while you're using the bathroom. Yes, it's very common for a beginner's egg to drop into the toilet but as you develop your Yoni egg practice, you'll cultivate greater Yoni awareness, giving you the strength to manipulate your vaginal muscles to prevent your egg from sliding out.
It is recommended that you use your Yoni egg for a few hours every day (except during your menstrual cycle). Regular practice with your Yoni egg can enhance vaginal awareness, increase stimulation, alleviate PMS symptoms, balance emotions, develop self-love, expand intuitive and body awareness, awaken creativity and self-expression, and boost overall vitality.
What Size Yoni Egg Should I Use?
There are three standard sizes of Yoni eggs—-small, medium, and large. Small eggs, best for more experienced users, are 2.0-3.0 cm. Medium eggs, the most popular go-to, are 3.0-4.5 cm. Large eggs, best used for beginners, are 4.0-5.5 c.m.
Small Yoni eggs are great to use for building vaginal coordination, enabling you to easily move your Yoni Egg inside of your vaginal canal. Note:Use this size egg if you've experienced 2nd or 3rd degree Pelvic Prolapse to avoid placing extra pressure on your pelvic organs. The small Yoni egg is also helpful for developing intuition, requiring you to rely on your insight to connect with your Yoni egg's placement. After consistently refining your practice with a medium for several months, you may wish to advance to a small egg.
Medium Yoni eggs are the most commonly used and best recommended after at least one to three months of regular practice with a large egg. If you feel like you can easily remove your large egg and have developed your pelvic floor strength, you may be interested in using a medium egg. Women seem to benefit most from medium eggs which help develop vaginal muscle coordination. Using a Yoni egg takes the Kegel exercise a step further due to both its weightlifting and aerobic components.
Note:If you're on birth control, had a partial/total hysterectomy, or you're experiencing menopause, a medium egg is the best option for you as your vaginal lining may be more delicate.
Large eggs are best recommended for beginners as its width makes it less likely to fall out. This size egg helps you become more neurologically engaged while building vaginal strength. You can also control the movement of your Yoni egg more easily with a large egg. Avoid this size egg if you tear easily during intercourse or have experienced Pelvic Prolapse. Use the large Yoni egg daily (except during your menstrual cycle) for one to three months before advancing to a medium egg.
As you can see, your preferred Yoni egg size varies depending on many factors including personal goals, lifestyle, sexual activity, and medical history. If you need help deciding which size egg is best for you, please consult with a trusted Yoni egg distributor.
Non-Drilled or Drilled Yoni Egg
Both non-drilled and drilled eggs have their pros and cons. The advantages of non-drilled eggs is that they're more basic for beginners, less maintenance to clean, encourages connection with Yoni's muscle movement, and is also preferred during vaginal penetration. Disadvantages of the non-drilled egg include the possibility of a more difficult removal as well as it not being viable for advanced practices.
Drilled eggs offer advantages of easy removal due to the option of a string being used, more versatility for advanced practice, and easier observation of vaginal fluids. Some disadvantages of drilled Yoni eggs include a high maintenance cleaning routine as well as them not being suitable for vaginal penetration.
How to Clean Your Yoni Egg
Rose quartz crystal yoni eggGetty Images
There are various ways to clean your Yoni egg. What I refer to as a thorough cleaning, should be done prior to using your egg for the first time. Avoid harsh cleaning products and opt for natural cleaning ingredients such as hot water, apple cider vinegar, lemon, or baking soda. To begin, boil a cup of water (avoid the microwave) and add 2 tsp of ACV. Once the water is simmering, pour it in a small container. Give the water a few minutes to cool down especially if you're cleaning a quartz crystal (Crystal quartz, Rose quartz, Amethyst).
Allow your egg to relax in the water for a few minutes before rinsing it under lukewarm water. Let the egg air out and cool down before inserting it into your Yoni. You may also like to bathe your Yoni egg in Sage or incense smoke to clear your crystal from energies it previously came into contact with.
How Do I Charge My Yoni Egg?
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First and foremost, energetically cleanse your Yoni egg with Sage or incense smoke prior to charging your egg. Afterwards, gently allow your Yoni egg to rest in the palms of your hand. Focus your intentions on what you desire to cultivate from using your Yoni egg. You can infuse your crystal with self-affirming intention like:
- I am comfortable in my sexual expression.
- I allow myself to enjoy pleasure.
- I orgasm with ease.
- I am confident, focused, and determined.
- I love and accept all aspects of myself.
- I am healed from trauma stored in my womb.
- I embrace my lunar cycle and my PMS is soothed.
Use your intuition to charge the most genuine and helpful intentions into your Yoni egg. You may also like to charge your Yoni egg underneath the moonlight or try burying it outside in a safe place to connect with Gaia's healing energies.
Bonding With Your Yoni Egg
Developing a relationship with your Yoni egg is a unique process for each woman. I prefer somewhat of an elaborate ritual when initiating a new Yoni egg into my collection which includes a Goddess Bath to cleanse my crystal and get a feel for the work she wants to do with me. Although it's totally fine to infuse your own intentions into your Yoni egg, I love connecting with the innate wisdom that each crystal carries. After my Goddess Bath, I may also include a candle meditation, automatic writing or a tarot reading in this initiation process.
Feel free to be as simple or elaborate as you like. Your intention is the most important element of your magic! Other suggestions may include sleeping with your egg underneath your pillow, breathing and Kegel exercises, yoga, sensual dance, or connecting with nature. Use your intention and do what feels best for you!
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our weekly newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
The Power Of Connecting Energetically To Your Yoni
How I'm Cultivating Better Self-Love By Using Yoni Eggs
Take Better Care Of Your Vagina With These Tips
Women Are Using Yoni Steams To Heal Themselves From Sexual Trauma
Featured image by Giphy
Originally published on May 15, 2019
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?
German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once said, “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” At close to two decades of working with married couples, I agree with this man 1000 percent. It’s actually the main motivation for why I once penned, “Are You Sure You're Actually FRIENDS With Your Spouse?” because, the reality is, if you’re not friends with the person who you vowed to share every aspect of your life with, for the rest of your life, it’s going to be very difficult (if not damn near impossible) to honor that level of commitment. Without question, I will now and forever die on the hill that if you like your partner, you can make it through the not-so-in-love-right-now moments. Vice versa? Eh…not so much.
A basis for why I feel this way? Another quote immediately comes to mind. Famed author Jane Austen once wrote: “There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.” You know, back when I also wrote “10 Things You Should Absolutely Expect From Your Friendships” for the platform, I shared that some of the traits of a friend — a real friend — include loyalty, honesty and compassion. And if you can’t say that your spouse is this way (as they say the same thing about you), chile…what is y’all doin’ over there?
So, why am I talking about marriage when this article is supposed to be about friendship? It’s because, something that life has taught me, kinda sorta the hard way, is we should vet potential friends — especially close friends — almost like we would a spouse.
And if you keep reading, I think you’ll get why I framed the intro in the way that I did.
Why Friendships Are Still Hella Essential
GiphyOkay, so before I get into why it seems that people have fewer friends than they ever had before, let me just say that, even as an ambivert who enjoys my own company and has absolutely no problem with being alone a good amount of the time, every personality type needs friends. That’s not just my opinion;science makes it a fact. Not only do studies support thathealthy friendships help us to feel more satisfied with our lives, but they can also reduce our chances of experiencing depression, stress, and anxiety and they increase longevity overall.
This is why — without going too deep because it’s kind of another topic for another time — it’s important to not allow past hurts and disappointments from former friends (or folks you thought were your friends) to cause you to build up walls as you declare that you don’t need anyone. When you do that, all you’re really doing is working against your own health and well-being. The saying that “no man (or woman) is an island”? It is absolutely true.
That said, even if it’s just a couple of people, make sure that you’ve got individuals in your life who you can call a friend and, in turn, they can say the very same thing about you, okay?
Are All of Those People Your Actual Friends? Or Do You Just Happen to Know a Lot of Folks?
GiphyAight but what if you happen to be someone who swings on the other side of few? Meaning, if someone were to ask you how many friends you had, you’d quickly declare that you’ve got too many to count. Listen, not to patronize or anything yet, but whenever I hear folks (especially if they are over 35) say something along those lines, it takes me back to high school — a time when so many of us thought that so long as we knew a ton of folks and/or we were popular, clearly, we had many friends.
Wisdom and pure ole’ dealing with humans on a consistent basis will teach you that an article that I wrote a few years back for the platform has a title that is spot-on: “According To Experts, We Only Have A Few Friends — Here's Why.” According to it, the average American (based on a survey that was conducted) has somewhere around 16 friends. Oh, but wait. Last fall, I wrote another article for the platform entitled, “What's The 'Five Friendship Theory' All About?” According to it, if you’re someone who takes the word “friend” and the responsibility that comes along with it very seriously and quite literally, as an adult, you can probably only maintain about five close friendships.
Why? Well, that brings in another article that I once wrote: “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient.'” Chile, I don’t know about y’all but my friends know that if I call you that, you can call me in the middle of the night, and you can have money towards your rent (I’m not your mama but we all have hard times sometimes) and I’m gonna have your back in a way where you’ll wonder where you stop and I start — and no, I don’t have a lot of bandwidth for a ton of those people.
Okay, but what if you’re someone who is like, “I know that I have more than 16 and definitely more than five friends, no question”? The next thing that I would encourage you to explore is a theory by Aristotle (check out “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends”). Without even realizing it, many of us have people who we use the word “friend” for when…it’s kind of like how social media apps say “friend”: we’re familiar with one another and enjoy some of the same things, we might even have some of the same goals; at the same time, though, we’re not “all-encompassing friends.” We just get along really well at work (utility friends) or like to go to brunch at the same spots sometimes (pleasure friends).
Taking all of this into account, are you sure that you have a ton of actual friends? Or do you just happen to know a lot of people and you use that word for the lack of having another?
And that brings me to my next point.
There’s A LOT of Space Between “Friend” and “Enemy”
GiphyIf you read a lot of my friendship content, something that you will notice me saying quite a bit is that there is quite a bit of space between friend and enemy. It needs to be mentioned, as often as possible, because there are some people who get offended if you don’t consider them to be a friend — and that is unfortunate. I say that because the conclusion shouldn’t automatically be that they are your enemy just because “friend” isn’t what immediately comes to your mind.
They can be an acquaintance. They can be “cool people.” There is someone in my life who, while we’re not friends in the traditional sense, we are each other’s confidant; years ago, we agreed that we would be the place to tell each other whatever and it would stay between us — that is the main purpose that we serve in each other’s lives. Some people, you may consider to be spiritual family in the sense that you care for them and have some deeply profound things in common and still, they are not exactly a friend (I mean, a lot of blood relatives aren’t “friends” with each other).
All I’m trying to say here is we’re all too old now to only put folks in two boxes when it comes to this particular relational dynamic: friend or enemy. So, take some time out to seriously reflect on what you consider the various people in your life to be. I can promise you from personal experience that the sooner you know and the clearer you are, the easier it will be on everybody — because needs and expectations will be clear to you (and them once you articulate them) too.
What Got Folks to Having Less Friends? The Pandemic Plays a Significant Part.
GiphySo finally on to what inspired this piece to begin with. A part of it was an article that was published last year by Big Think entitled, “Americans more than ever have no friends. Here are 5 steps to make more friends.” Another was something that The New Yorker published back in 2021; it’s entitled “What COVID did to friendship.” Y’all don’t have enough time and I don’t have enough space to get into the fact that, just because the media may be talking about it less, that doesn’t mean that we’re not still in a pandemic.
In fact,one article stated my thoughts on it quite well when it said, “The real question, then, is not whether COVID is still a pandemic, but how much COVID illness and death are we willing to accept?” SMDH. And one of the things that has come with experiencing COVID is an interesting type of PTSD: detachment. There are plenty of articles out here to support the fact that my saying that is not merely my opinion.
Even according to the American Psychological Association, loneliness damn near skyrocketed, especially during lockdown and, unfortunately, a lot of people have not recovered from it. That’s why it did not surprise me at all when I read that more than ever, many people do not consider anyone to be a best friend; fewer people are relying on friends for any type of real support, and there is a semi-steady decline in people having friends, especially quality friendships, overall.
In fact, as far as close friends go, currently, close to 50 percent of Americans say that they only have three or fewer, and a relevant contributor to that was what the pandemic revealed as far as people’s proactive participation in other individuals’ lives (I actually read that young women were the ones who lost touch with friends during the peak of the pandemic the most). I also thought it was interesting that some studies cite that 12 percent of Americans say that they don’t have any friends at all.
Is the pandemic the only cause? No. So are things like people working more hours and spending more time online than they probably should (which also increased due to the pandemic, though). To that, Teen Vogue once published, “Social Media Is Impacting IRL Friendships” and Healthline once published, “Social Media Is Killing Your Friendships.” Then we also have to factor in having families of our own which can also take up a lot of time, and that sometimes can cause us to forget to nurture our friendships; so, before you know it, they fade to black. Not due to a fallout or anything, just…life.
And all of this? Some people are saying that it has led to what is known as a “friendship recession.” A huge flag about that is there are reports that a drop in close friends can cultivate a type of loneliness that is just as health hazardous as smoking a whopping 15 cigarettes a day. Not good, y’all. Not. Good.
Quality over Quantity Is Key. Just Make Sure That You Have a Friend or Two.
GiphyOkay, so what is my overall point? That’s a fair question. Just like sometimes “life life-ing” can make us forget to tend to our friendships, if you don’t stumble across content like this, you might not even realize that you’re feeling mentally stressed, emotionally strained, or super isolated and it’s all because you need to prioritize your friendships — because your mind, body, and spirit need them. Again, science has proved it.
At the same time, if, like a client of mine, you find yourself getting a little bit paranoid because you have noticed that over the past several years, your close friend count has been far less than what it used to be, this article proves that you are absolutely not (pardon the pun) alone. Honestly, there’s nothing wrong with having a very small circle of friends because quality is gonna beat out quantity every time; you just need to assess when it happened and why so that you can be sure that you are choosing it to play out that way and it’s not due to some underlying cause that you hadn’t taken into consideration — until now.
An Italian priest by the name of Thomas Aquinas once said, “The happy man in this life needs friends.” Even if it’s just one or two people, please make sure that you have folks who aren’t just your friend but your very close friend. You need them. They need you.
Everyone else, figure out where they fall and nurture accordingly. Life is a lot. We all get by with the help of our friends. Real talk, y’all. Thank goodness for them.
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Featured image by jose carlos cerdeno martinez/Getty Images