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The Age Old 'Ride Or Die' Mantra Goes Both Ways
In a super animated video from For Harriet's founder, Kimberly Foster, she voiced her distaste for the overplayed unofficial "Ride or Die" rule, and began her discourse with her disappointment of Beyonce and Jay-Z's "Bonnie and Clyde" themed, On The Run II tour.
Though she had some valid points about the detriment of a woman foregoing her self-worth and over-laboring in a imbalanced relationship, I think she may have missed a mark in providing the proper framework for a committed heterosexual relationship or marriage.
This read will break down some of her arguments, as well as collective feminist beliefs, and interject some of these findings with my own critical thoughts about how being a ride or die partner transcends patriarchal gender roles by going both ways.
So, first things first… as a huge Beyonce fan, I'd like to debunk the anchor for her opinion. At the end of the day, you don't "Ride or Die" for someone who doesn't reciprocate. I don't understand why that always seems to be the missing part. Kimberly expressed her annoyance of the overplayed Bonnie and Clyde archetype. Bonnie and Clyde are a real life couple, who were real life criminals, and died as a result of their real ass crimes. It's an archetype that has been romanticized as part of a patriarchal conditioned system.
Outside of the sensationalized criminal wrongdoings of these two people, they committed to each other in a vow that was sacred to them. Do you think that when they were in bed making love, that they were focusing on the bank they just robbed? No. Beyonce and Jay-Z are artists who are doing the expected thing by channeling an infamous fated couple. They might as well throw in their rendition of Romeo and Juliet, Adam and Eve, Mr. and Mrs. Santa Claus...but I digress.
In the comment thread of this video, many people were upset that she omitted their personal battle in marriage. Kimberly then rebuttaled that she was speaking of the "performance." I think that this trivializes their private lives, in which they have clearly fought for the union, which heavily relied on Jay-Z doing right by his wife, coming to terms with his infidelity, and the pain he caused his family. Jay-Z had to awaken to his toxic masculine qualities, and redeem himself for succumbing to not only infidelity, but also the staunch truths of his past - and I'm sure that Beyonce did not make it easy, because our society certainly didn't.
You don't ride and die for someone who doesn't reciprocate. Period.
Moving on, she mentioned that it would be great to imagine a world where "women get equal care and support." So why stop there? Why stop at imagining this was so? Why not fight against the status quo, whilst upholding what many of us want - a monogamous, reciprocal, healthy and balanced relationship? Instead, she quickly streamlined her conversation into the outdated acceptance of, "women fix men, men take the credit." If you have been on a spiritual path like the one I have been on, which requires you to raise your vibration, then you likely don't subscribe to this old paradigm.
This goes for both men and women.
As a womanist, my personal truth is to enlighten men, or anyone who falls victim to the box of misogyny and patriarchy that we live in, about what it means to respect women, because ultimately it translates into respecting yourself. What is the point of embodying a whole ideology of feminism, for the purpose of schooling those who don't get it, to only disallow the desired growth to bloom? In short, I can cling tightly to my feministic convictions, but I fear that women like Kimberly cling so tightly, that they give no space for growth of the other half.
As a student of universal law and energetic exchange, if you think about it, women are built with a more innate intuition, or at least the ability to tap into it, on a greater scale than men are. But men, because of the very rigid separation of their heart centers, they are able to enforce 3D or physical stability, protection, and provisions. Now that things are shifting energetically, women are growing more of that physical ability to enforce that masculinity within us, and men are learning to embrace and utilize the feminine energy. Kimberly did mention that a paradigm of this nature would be better for men as well, and that is something we can agree on.
Another point that I found problematic was when she generalized the idea that men use women as, "a means to an end," and a "vehicle to get to their best self." Well, I have seen with my own eyes relationship dynamics where men depend on women for everything, including: housing, food, money, and emotional support. I doubt however, that the co-dependency in this type of relationship leads to being their best selves.
I'm a firm believer that you only attract the sum of yourself.
If you end up with a man who does not take accountability for himself, then you sis, are not embodying your best self. As gender roles continue to transform and people are waking up to the idea of balancing masculine and feminine energies within themselves, both men and women will find themselves shifting out of this old paradigm.
In her own words, she said one of the critical failures of feminism is that "we don't provide women with the tools to push back against the social norms." In Kimberly's critique of the "Ride or Die" trope, ironically, she is not providing the tools to help women push back against the social norms, by denying or omitting the fact that the paradigm she speaks of is transforming.
How many Black women do you know is gung-ho about training a grown little boy? The true problem is in how many of us subscribe to the aforementioned statement, being the only thing that is available, and in the process, not working on our self-introspection, self-love, and self-care, that will ultimately get us to a point of vibration where we will attract our equals.
The idea of being a "Ride or Die," transcends not only the patriarchal paradigm that we have been socialized and conditioned to live in, but it also transcends race, gender, and heteronormative relationships.
It's about respect, love, equality, and mutual reciprocation for the person you share your life with.
I have worked hard to get myself to a level of self worth, and unconditional love within my own soul, and you best believe that when I find my vibrational equal, I will "Ride and Die" for that man, because he will do the same for me.
Want more stories like this?
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- 3 Ways to Be a Ride or Die Chick - wikiHow ›
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- 'Ride-Or-Die' Mentality Is Killing Black Women | HuffPost ›
Fontaine Felisha Foxworth is a writer and creative entrepreneur from Brooklyn New York. She is currently on the West Coast working on creating a TV Pilot called "Finding Fontaine", that details the nomadic journey of her life so far. Keep up with her shenanigans @famoustaine on IG.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Blair Underwood Initially Turned Down 'Sex And The City' Because 'It Was About How Samantha Was Fascinated By Dating A Black Man’
Actor and heartthrob Blair Underwood is opening up about why he turned down Sex and the City the first time he was offered a role. Many fans of the HBO series may recall Blair's time on the show in which his character was dating Miranda (Cynthia Nixon). However, he was previously offered another role where his character would date Samantha (Kim Cattrall).
During his interview with AV Club, the Set It Off star revealed that he was uncomfortable with the initial offer due to the character's fascination with him being a Black man.
“I actually did say ‘no’ the first time,” he said. “The first time they had offered the role, to be honest with you, it was about how Samantha was fascinated by dating a Black man and wanted to know if, uh, all of the rumors were true about our anatomy! And I said, ‘Listen, I’m honored, thank you, but I just don’t want to play a character based on race, on curiosity about a Black man.'”
But that didn't stop them from reaching out again. This time he was offered to play Dr. Robert Leeds, the love interest to Miranda and he decided to go for it. "So they were nice enough to call about a year later, and I said, 'Well, is it gonna be about race?' And they said, 'No, no, no, we’re not even gonna mention race!' And I think it really did only come up maybe once," he recalled.
"It did five episodes, and I think Samantha mentioned it once, saying something about 'a Black doctor' that Miranda was dating. And that’s really been a consistent thing in my career: not wanting to be boxed as 'the Black guy.'
"I’ve had that conversation with many producers along the way, and they were so great. They said, 'No, he’s just a doctor who Miranda meets in the elevator, and they have a nice little fling.' And it was amazing."
Blair has had a wide-ranging career playing everything from a lawyer on L.A. Law to playing Madame CJ Walker's husband on Self Made: Inspired by the Life of Madame CJ Walker. And during his interview, he revealed another role that he initially turned down, Set It Off. The movie, which is considered a classic in Black culture, stars Queen Latifah, Jada Pinkett Smith, Vivica A. Fox, and Kimberly Elise. Blair's character, Keith, played a banker and love interest to Jada's character, Stony.
He explained why he said no at first and eventually accepted the offer. "I had initially said “no” to that. Because I was playing this historic, iconic African-American historical figure in Jackie Robinson, and the time, y’know, there was Boyz N The Hood, and Menace II Society was out there, and I’d finished playing this noble Negro… [Laughs]," he said.
"And I’m reading the script, and there’s a scene where Jada Pinkett’s character—Jada Pinkett-Smith now—was going to sell her body so she could make some money to send her brother to college. And I remember, honestly, I threw the script across the room. I was, like, “I don’t want to do this. I want to do something uplifting for the Black culture and Black characters, and I don’t know if I want to see this.”
After a conversation with the movie's director F. Gary Gray and the actor's manager encouraging him to finish reading the script, Blair had a change of heart. What he first thought about the movie turned out to be totally different.
"So I finished the script, and I saw that the character they were asking me to play was really the love story in the midst of all of this turmoil of all of these characters, the four ladies: Queen Latifah, Vivica Fox, Kimberly Elise, and Jada," he explained.
"It was so well-written, it was such a great platform for them. And to be able to play the love story and the storyline that gave Jada’s character a leg up and a way out of this world, something to hope for, to wish for, someone to love her… I said, 'You know what? I’d like to be a part of that.'
"And I’m so glad I did, because that film resonates to this day. People all the time come up to me and say that they love that movie. So I’m glad that I did it."