The first big leap was moving to a new city and getting settled into my new home. The next big leap? Was finding community and belonging. Moving to a new city excited me! I looked forward to having my own apartment, decorating it, and exploring what the city had to offer. I also found excitement in the thought of meeting new people and expanding my connections. When it actually came down to it, I felt nervous. I heard that making new friends as an adult can be hard because we all have different responsibilities and schedules that may not align. I knew in order for me to really feel at home in my new city, I had to create community.
Having a community of people who I can share memories with, lean on in times of need, and inspire each other is something I always valued. I took a moment to truly center in on what I desired from the new friends I would make. Then I realized it all would have to start with me. I had to be centered and confident in who I was to attract who I desired to be aligned with. As someone who moved to a new city and established quality friendships, I gathered these six tips that helped me feel grounded and create community in hopes that it will help you, too.
6 tips to start building community and making new friends in a new city:
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Be true to yourself
Do you know who you are? If someone asked you to describe yourself in three words, what words would you use? In order to develop deep friendships, you must be a friend to yourself first. Know what refuels you and what zaps your energy. Self-study your habits and why you do the things you do. All this will be important to keep in mind when looking to create bonds with others. Every day there’s all kinds of people telling you who you should be, how you should act, or what you should wear. At the end of the day, the only opinion about yourself that truly matters is your own. Spend some alone time with yourself indoors or out at an event you like to truly discover who you are in this season of your life.
Pray about it
Before you step out into the world and cross paths with all kinds of people, it’s important to pray about building your community. God outlines what true friendship looks like in numerous Bible verses such as "Iron sharpens iron." - Proverbs 27:17 and “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.” - Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. If you desire friendships that last, pray about what you seek in friendship. I remember praying for mentally stable, happy, and whole women who moved through life with abundance mindsets. Take a moment to journal about the community you want to build and then pray on it.
Go to fun events to meet people who share your interests
Most metropolitan cities like Washington, D.C., New York City, and Atlanta are known to have strong young professional communities and events where you can connect with others. I highly encourage you to attend events in or near your community to see what the city is like and meet people. It’s likely that the people at the event have the same interests as you, which is a great way to start a conversation. You can start by searching for events on Eventbrite or following Instagram pages that highlight events happening in your city.
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Accept that you won’t be compatible with everyone you meet
While living in your new city, it’s likely you’ll meet a variety of people. Please know that everyone you meet will not bud into lasting friendships, and that’s okay! You are uniquely created and not made for everyone. Then you’ll meet people who are good for only surface-level connections, and then you’ll have your girls who you can get deep with. I think sometimes people can look down on surface-level friendships, but not everyone needs to fully know you. That’s a privilege to have and to accept within yourself. Continue to check in with yourself and be real about who you crave to spend more time with and who is nice to see for a monthly or quarterly catch-up.
Join Facebook groups & GroupMe chats
If you haven’t used Facebook in a couple of years, it’s time to dust your profile off. Facebook Groups is a great place to join online communities for people who just moved to a new city like you. Typically, you have to agree to the group’s guidelines, and then you can join. For example, you can search for groups in the Facebook app by using keywords like women, Black girl, or [the name of your city] foodies. With the GroupMe app, you’ll have to be invited to join an already existing group. While you’re out and about networking, don’t hesitate to ask if they’re in any online groups/communities they recommend you join too.
Be friendly to folks in your neighborhood
When I first moved to my new apartment, I spent the first week walking around the complex and working in the community spaces to get a better feel of it. I was able to meet people in my neighborhood, enjoy small talk, and learn more about what the community has to offer. Step outside of your comfort zone and work in your apartment’s community space or a local coffee shop to connect with others.
Overall, you may feel alone in your new city, but I guarantee you’re not. There are other people experiencing living in a new city too, and all you need to do is find each other. I hope these tips help ease the nervous feelings you have about building a new community and inspire you to make a new friend today!
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The simple but sweet moment was a reminder of just how vocal Omar is from time to time, either through social media or in various interviews, about his love and appreciation for his soulmate. R&B singer and one-third of the R&B group Total, Keisha Spivey and Omar, have been married since 2006, an achievement the actor credits taking “breaking up off the table” for.
In a 2022 interview, Omar opened up about the “secret sauce” to a nearly 20-year marriage.
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“Our little secret sauce is we took breaking up off the table,” he said in the interview. “And what that did for me personally, I can’t speak for her, but what that did for me was it changed the way that we had conflict … We still bump heads from time to time. We do it in such a respectful way.”
Omar and Keisha have had years of practice to get the recipe behind their secret sauce to marital bliss a success. After meeting and briefly dating in 1992, the pair broke up, and Keisha would become “the one who got away” for many years for Omar in his heart and his mind. He had other relationships, including one with Love & Basketball co-star Sanaa Lathan and a romantic relationship that led to the birth of his oldest daughter, Aiyanna, in 1999.
But fate would have Omar and Keisha crossing romantic paths once more, and by the early 2000s, the couple had their first child, a daughter, K'marie, in 2004. In 2006, they wed. And in 2007, they welcomed their second child, a son named Amir.
In 2018, while promoting his self-published memoir, From Fatherless to Fatherhood, Omar spoke to The Hollywood Reporter about his writing process, his upbringing, his beliefs around fatherhood, and the passing of his father and his oldest child Aiyanna’s mother’s passing, which was recent at the time. When asked by the interviewer how his wife was navigating everything, Omar didn’t hesitate to show praise.
“She’s amazing. There’s no question that that’s my soulmate. She anchors me in a way that I can only relate emotionally is like how I feel anchored by my mom. That’s the weight of what I feel; this connection to another person. She is family. …
“Keisha taught me how to smell the roses, which is one of the most important things in life. Like through her, I really am still learning, but I’ve learned how to become present, because I’m an artist. I’m constantly in my head and she’s helped me be more present. She loves hard … and she’s taught me a lot, about everything.”
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In the past, Keisha has referred to her husband as her “forever love.” In a 2020 Instagram post, she captioned a photo of the two of them from an album release party in 1996. “We were friends. He was my best friend. But the very first time we met? Was truly like something out of a movie🙏🏽 I mean really,” she explained in her caption.
“No LOVE comes without its challenges just as no life comes without its challenges. But when you are with your soulmate, the person you are meant to share forever with, LOVE becomes that much more beautiful and worth doing the work for. I’m connected to a beautiful & special soul.”
In 2021, Omar took to Instagram to share a throwback photo of him and his wife Keisha with the caption, “We been ten toes down for damn near thirty years now. It’s just that everything ain’t for the public…”
Just last month, Omar posted a carousel of selfies of Keisha and captioned the post, “My completion. My muse. My forever love. We were, we are, and always will be. @lovekeishaepps I love you beyond time itself, and I’m truly thankful for our journey together in this life and beyond…”
Keisha commented underneath the post, writing in response to her love, "🥹…My love, you took the feeling, thoughts and words from my heart❤️ God knows my LOVE & joy for YOU King.❤️❤️❤️❤️💋💋💋💋 An ordained LOVE, a blessed union🙏🏽🫶🏽."
Awww. Don't you just love Black love?
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