3 Keys To Knowing (And Getting) EXACTLY What You Want
I'll admit it: I've been getting a little annoyed by all of the memes, statuses and reminders that 2020 is right around the corner. Partly because I consider my birthday as my own personal New Year, but also because many times, our Instagram feeds look like a buffet of other peoples' accomplishments and manifestations.
We watch in awe as women we know (or know of) harness their power. They inspire us to do, be and have more. And that inspiration feels amazing--especially when we know that their accolades, recognition and rewards are well-deserved and long overdue.
As a truly empathetic person and chronic people-watcher, I sometimes consider those of who are still out on the fringes. Y'know, the ones who feel like they're floating.
Women who know they potential, and have a vague idea of who they would like to be, but aren't sure how to make it happen. Because, let's face it: the motivational memes and abstract advice are only useful if you know EXACTLY what you want and how you'll get it.
As I've gotten further along the path to achieving my own goals, I've realized something: to even get started, there was some really BASIC shit that I just...didn't know I needed to do.
There are also things that helped me, that I didn't even realize I was doing. In the last year, I've left (a couple) of "friendships" and situationshipsthat no longer served me. I intentionally manifested a position in a field that I wanted within days, and have built some serious momentum in establishing my own brand. These steps may sound small, but it's all 100% more than I was doing this same time last year, and they're all 100% moving me toward what I want for my life.
I have a long way to go, but I hope this serves you as a starting guide to knowing and GETTING exactly what you want. First things first:
Know That You Are Inherently Worthy
They key word here is "inherently". You don't have to earn your worthiness. Believing this is the very first, most important step (and sometimes the most foreign). It's much easier said than done. Work on making worthiness a part of your being.
If you find women (famous or not) who are happy, inspired and finding peace in their lives, read their books. Watch their interviews. Examine their thought processes and how they carry themselves. Begin to create new thought patterns that support this basic truth: YOU ARE INHERENTLY WORTHY AND DESERVING OF A PURPOSEFUL AND ENJOYABLE LIFE. Even if you believe this on a surface level, exposing yourself to these women continuously will reprogram your subconscious mind.
The second step is the most fun:
CLEARLY Establish Your Desires
Some may get overwhelmed with this one, or even defensive. So in my Obama voice, "Let me be clear."
Establishing desires or goals is not always about money. With no map, you go nowhere.
No one can judge you, so decide what you want. If you have no idea what you want, great! You now have a desire...to establish a desire. You can begin researching different professions or businesses, and looking for new opportunities.
If you're feeling stuck, just pick one or two things that make you say, "It would be amazing to accomplish that in my lifetime." Or in one year, or five years. Ignore the skeptic in your mind and don't pressure yourself too much—most desires, life paths or intentions change dramatically on their way to physical manifestation. Breathe, spend time alone and really get clear on what you want your future to look like.
While we're talking about getting clear, on to the next step:
Choose The Best Vehicle For Your Desires
I struggled with this one for a long time, because I always wanted the solution that would get me to my desires "faster". So until I found a vehicle that made me happy on the way, I had what some would call "shiny object syndrome".
Here's a secret: there are no shortcuts.
If your desire is a certain income level, or accolade, that's great. Consider these questions: What makes you happy outside of work? You're probably very good at something how can you teach or expand on that, or give the experience to others?
I personally don't agree when people say, "Find your passion, and you'll never work a day in your life."
However, I do believe that being passionate WHILE you're in pursuit of your goal will empower you, even when the journey towards your desires gets difficult, as it definitely will.
It's worth saying again, that success has little to do with income or status. The money will definitely follow, but a successful woman is the one who is happy with where she is, where she's going and where she's been.
But to pursue something, you will deeply serve yourself. And in serving yourself deeply, you serve the world. Whether you're starting a restaurant, taking care of foster dogs, singing or writing or doing nails...whatever the vehicle to your desire(s) is. Find what you desire to do, learn how to improve the lives of others while you do.
Don't forget that in the process of achieving your desires, you will give to the world, just by being you. It's a win-win.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Regina King Offers The Secret To Gaining True Power & Success
This Is What's Blocking You From Manifesting
How To Manifest The Life Of Your Dreams In 5 Steps
Meagan Good Believes This Is How You Get What You What You Want In Life
Featured image by Getty Images
How Content Creators Hey Fran Hey And Shameless Maya Embraced The Pivot
This article is in partnership with Meta Elevate.
If you’ve been on the internet at all within the past decade, chances are the names Hey Fran Hey and Shameless Maya (aka Maya Washington) have come across your screen. These content creators have touched every platform on the web, spreading joy to help women everywhere live their best lives. From Fran’s healing natural remedies to Maya’s words of wisdom, both of these content creators have built a loyal following by sharing honest, useful, and vulnerable content. But in search of a life that lends to more creativity, freedom, and space, these digital mavens have moved from their bustling big cities (New York City and Los Angeles respectively) to more remote locations, taking their popular digital brands with them.
Content Creators Hey Fran Hey and Maya Washington Talk "Embracing The Pivot"www.youtube.com
In partnership with Meta Elevate — an online learning platform that provides Black, Hispanic, and Latinx-owned businesses access to 1:1 mentoring, digital skills training, and community — xoNecole teamed up with Franscheska Medina and Maya Washington on IG live recently for a candid conversation about how they’ve embraced the pivot by changing their surroundings to ultimately bring out the best in themselves and their work. Fran, a New York City native, moved from the Big Apple to Portland, Oregon a year ago. Feeling overstimulated by the hustle and bustle of city life, Fran headed to the Pacific Northwest in search of a more easeful life.
Her cross-country move is the backdrop for her new campaign with Meta Elevate— a perfectly-timed commercial that shows how you can level up from wherever you land with the support of free resources like Meta Elevate. Similarly, Maya packed up her life in Los Angeles and moved to Sweden, where she now resides with her husband and adorable daughter. Maya’s life is much more rural and farm-like than it had been in California, but she is thriving in this peaceful new setting while finding her groove as a new mom.
While Maya is steadily building and growing her digital brand as a self-proclaimed “mom coming out of early retirement,” Fran is redefining her own professional grind. “It’s been a year since I moved from New York City to Portland, Oregon,” says Fran. “I think the season I’m in is figuring out how to stay successful while also slowing down.” A slower-paced life has unlocked so many creative possibilities and opportunities for these ladies, and our conversation with them is a well-needed reminder that your success is not tied to your location…especially with the internet at your fingertips. Tapping into a community like Meta Elevate can help Black, Hispanic, and Latinx entrepreneurs and content creators stay connected to like minds and educated on new digital skills and tools that can help scale their businesses.
During a beautiful moment in the conversation, Fran gives Maya her flowers for being an innovator in the digital space. Back when “influencing” was in its infancy and creators were just trying to find their way, Fran says Maya was way ahead of her time. “I give Maya credit for being one of the pioneers in the digital space,” Fran said. “Maya is a one-person machine, and I always tell her she really changed the game on what ads, campaigns, and videos, in general, should look like.”
When asked what advice she’d give content creators, Maya says the key is having faith even when you don’t see the results just yet. “It’s so easy to look at what is, despite you pouring your heart into this thing that may not be giving you the returns that you thought,” she says. “Still operate from a place of love and authenticity. Have faith and do the work. A lot of people are positive thinkers, but that’s the thinking part. You also have to put your faith into work and do the work.”
Fran ultimately encourages content creators and budding entrepreneurs to take full advantage of Meta Elevate’s vast offerings to educate themselves on how to build and grow their businesses online. “It took me ten years to get to the point where I’m making ads at this level,” she says. “I didn’t have those resources in 2010. I love the partnership with Meta Elevate because they’re providing these resources for free. I just think of the people that wouldn’t be able to afford that education and information otherwise. So to amplify a company like this just feels right.”
Watch the full conversation with the link above, and join the Meta Elevate community to connect with fellow businesses and creatives that are #OnTheRiseTogether.
Featured image courtesy of Shameless Maya and Hey Fran Hey
Exclusive: Nivea Gets Real About Her Self-Love Journey And Why Being On ‘Queens Court’ Felt Like Therapy
You may be familiar with Nivea through her hit songs “Don’t Mess With My Man” and “Complicated,” but thanks to her reality television arrival, we are seeing the woman behind the music. The singer stars in the Will Packer-produced Peacock dating series Queens Court alongside Tamar Braxton and Evelyn Lozada. The series features the three women being courted by several men in an effort to find love. From day one, Nivea captivated viewers with her infectious laugh and down-to-earth personality, with many people wanting to see more of the Atlanta native on our TV screens. However, Nivea never expected to have this newfound fame.
“I never thought of myself as no TV personality chile, like never,” Nivea admits to xoNecole. “But watching the show back, I’ve literally catching myself laughing, falling out, screaming, and laughing at myself. So with that being said is that I’m always so uncontrollably myself like it could be shocking, I guess even for me. But I’m glad I made people laugh, or they could relate to me because I was definitely being myself.”
While the dating series was a unique experience for all the ladies involved, Nivea found herself in quite a conundrum throughout most of the show. Unlike Tamar and Evelyn, who were both able to narrow down their options to one guy by the finale, the “Laundromat” singer had two guys she couldn’t quite shake, Ty and Mack. The difficulty of choosing between the two men was apparent as Nivea would often say on the show how both of them appealed to different sides of her. The mom of four tells me that she was really “torn between the two all the way up until the end.”
But in the finale, she made the ultimate decision of choosing herself.
“I’m a very instinctual being, and I trusted honey,” she explains. “I’m so into my intuition, and I really go with [my] gut feelings, and I kept saying I’ll know since it took up to the last dang on day anyway. I said okay, when I’m making this final decision, I’ll feel where my heart is pulling me, what my mind is saying, and everything was saying, nah, neither one was the one.”
She continues, “You know when you know. As I’ve had not-so-great relationships, I’ve had good, healthy ones as well, so I know what that exchange at least should feel like. The same way as you know when something don’t feel right, so I had to say deuces to both of them. And Mack and Ty are so cool, though. I had two cool dudes, I must say.”
"I said okay, when I’m making this final decision, I’ll feel where my heart is pulling me, what my mind is saying, and everything was saying, nah, neither one was the one.”
Nivea is a mother to four children. She shares three children with her ex-husband, singer/ producer The-Dream, and one with rapper Lil Wayne. While those relationships didn’t work out, the “Okay” artist is determined to find her person and credits her self-love journey in helping her weed out those who aren’t worthy of her love. Being on Queens Court complemented her personal journey as she felt like the process was a form of “therapy” for her.
She explains how talking with the guys, the hosts of the series, Holly Robinson Peete and Rodney Peete, and Evelyn and Tamar, helped her see things about herself that she needed to change such as setting boundaries and no longer always putting others’ needs in front of her own.
“Tamar and Evelyn showed me that it’s nothing wrong with being like, ‘I'm not putting up with that shit.’ Like, I don’t have to take this,” she says. “They are very much set in knowing of what they deserve, and anybody that's not honoring that of what they want in their lives then they stop it at the door.
“I’m the 200th chancer, you know what I mean, and now it’s like from not just in every way. I’m not allowing a lot that I would use to in the past. Like uh, uh, stop that bullshit at the door before it festers like I'm used to doing.” While her self-love journey is ongoing, she can now take what she has learned so far and apply it to her dating life. The beloved singer got emotional as she began sharing the type of man she wants in her future.
Photo courtesy of Nivea
“I’m looking for somebody who mirrors me now. That mirroring in the past, my God, and now I’m able to say dang, I did do that. I was a part of that. Now that I love who I’m becoming, I want that mirrored. I’m okay with what’s coming next because I know I’m a better me,” she says as she becomes overwhelmed with emotion.
“I know this time around it will be because, I hate to say it, I've been forced to do self-work and just constantly being let down and disappointed and heartbroken. It forces you to say, like seriously what am I doing wrong? And I don’t like that word wrong because, a lot things are yin and yang, and more left and right than right and wrong.
"Now that I love who I’m becoming, I want that mirrored. I’m okay with what’s coming next because I know I’m a better me.”
She continues, “I’m just ready for the next season, I know that my next forever person is going to be a support system for me. They will be spiritual, they will be educated in many ways. I can feel it. It’s gonna be really powerful and I can’t wait chile. I’m glad I’m finally ready and I can trust myself again.”
Nivea just released her new song “Killa” and will be releasing the music video soon. She is also working on her new album.
Follow Nivea on Instagram @thisisnivea.
Feature image courtesy of Nivea