Recently, while talking to a client of mine about why they seem to have such a challenging time releasing some of their vices, I simply said, “You know they are a dopamine hit for you, right?” While it’s not an excuse for some of the poor decisions that they’ve been making as of late, science is science.
That said, it’s an irrefutable fact that the neurotransmitter known as dopamine has been proven to cause us to feel pleasure, to motivate us, to cause us to want to put our attention on certain things, and to also get us into a better mood. And when things like sex, sugar, or social media give us this rush or hit, if we’re not careful, these activities can lean into addiction…sometimes without us even noticing it.
However, because you need dopamine in order to do so many daily functions (some signs that you are low in dopamine are located here, by the way), the focus shouldn’t be to avoid these rushes altogether. First, make sure that your “preferred hits” are used responsibly (and that you factor in short as well as long-term consequences or outcomes).
Secondly, check out the following 10 things that you can do to get a fix in a healthy (or healthier) way. Things that can benefit your mind, body, and spirit overall — so that your pleasure doesn’t come with any unexpected “extras.”
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1. Eat Foods That Are High in Tyrosine
Tyrosine is an amino acid. Your system needs it because it helps to reduce stress, boosts cognitive function and it helps your system to produce dopamine. That’s why it’s such a good idea to consume foods that are high in tyrosine including chicken, turkey, eggs, pumpkin seeds, lima beans, cheese and nuts.
2. Consume More Protein and Less Saturated Fat
Speaking of tyrosine, since amino acids are considered to be “the building blocks of protein” and protein is a rich source of tyrosine, you should also consume protein-rich foods like salmon, beef, bison, Greek yogurt, peanut butter, peas and quinoa. Just make sure that when you eat meat, you watch how you prepare it because saturated fats (like animal fat and dairy) can actually disrupt how dopamine is processed within your system.
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3. Take a Probiotic
You may already be aware of the fact that probiotics can do wonders for your gut health. However, were you aware that research also says it can help to put you in a better mood as well? Probably the easiest way to explain it is, your gut and brain are connected via something known as a gut-brain axis. And so, since your gut produces some of the same neurotransmitters as your brain does (including dopamine), when your gut is strong and healthy, it gives off a stronger “dopamine vibe” which, in turn, makes you feel better. The more you know. So, since a probiotic helps your gut to thrive — there you go.
4. Take a Multivitamin Too
Remember how I briefly referenced dopamine deficiency earlier? A few signs that you need more dopamine in your system include having trouble concentrating, being moody, having a decreased libido, your weight fluctuating (for what appears to be no reason) and you not being able to sleep (well) — and sometimes, these things are directly tied into not having enough of certain vitamins and minerals in your system. That’s why taking a multivitamin can also be good for you, as far as your dopamine levels are concerned.
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5. Spend More Time in the Sun
I’ve said a billion times before that I like random information. Well, while reading an article on natural ways to treat Parkinson’s disease, it stated that something that naturally increases dopamine levels is spending time in the sun. Apparently, when cells in your retina are exposed to sunlight, they send messages to cells that produce dopamine, so that your dopamine levels increase. So, if you like to exercise or just enjoy quiet time, consider doing it outside more often. Your dopamine levels will adore it.
6. Set a Goal. Then Reach It.
Even though there are some haters out in the universe who believe that too much hype is put into goal-setting (crazy, right?), so much scientific research disagrees. In fact, some studies cite that when you set a goal, that automatically causes your dopamine levels to spike, because it feels good to do something that will motivate, inspire and ultimately cause you to become a better person. Now just imagine how even better you will feel once you reach the goal that you set. AMEN?
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7. Listen to Instrumental Music
Wanna improve your sex life? Check out “Before You Pull Out Your Playlist, This Is How Music Affects Your Sex Life.” Along these same lines, wanna increase your dopamine levels via another all-natural way? Listen to instrumental music. According to science, dopamine is activated via stimuli like instrumental music. In fact, not only can listening to it make you feel a lot better, playing an instrument can too.
8. Meditate
If you don’t meditate on a consistent basis, you absolutely should ponder doing so. Studies show that it helps to decrease stress and anxiety levels, it improves your emotional health, it makes you more self-aware, strengthens your memory and even helps you to be a kinder individual. Know what else meditation has the ability to do: elevate your dopamine levels. According to science, by getting still and then concentrating on that stillness for a certain amount of time will provide certain neurotransmitters in your system with a real boost — including dopamine.
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9. Do What (Responsibly) Feels Good
When’s the last time that you did something purely for the fun of it? Believe it or not, there is a pretty popular study out here which says that most of us only spend three percent of each day doing something that we thoroughly enjoy. Y’all, it really is kind of wild that we don’t prioritize two things that are directly tied to our overall happiness and well-being: hobbies and quality rest (which I will get to in just a sec). That said, never feel guilty about choosing to participate in activities that make you laugh, bring excitement into your life and cause you to feel good about life. So long as you’re acting responsibly, it’s the right thing for you to do.
10. Get More Rest
Dopamine is on a cycle. That’s why it’s critical to get no less than 6-8 hours on a consistent basis; that way, dopamine can build back up in your system, so that you will have enough to get through the next day. So, if you are someone who keeps treating sleep more like a luxury than a priority, here’s hoping that this will finally get you to take shut-eye more seriously.
Your dopamine levels are dependent on it — which means that you enjoying life more does too, chile.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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