

Trust me—between married clients, horny friends and folks who send me the most random of emails, I definitely hear about sex a lot. And what I'm happy to report is, while not many women have told me that they've never had an orgasm before, what they do say is having one, as much as they would like to, can sometimes be a bit of a challenge.
So, in honor of all the ladies who have no problem climaxing, it's just that, they would like to do it more often and consistently, I've got 10 hacks that, if you apply at least three of 'em during every sex session, you should have one less thing to "worry" about. Are you ready to get yours…more?
1. Get Wetter
I wrote an entire article on lubrication because that's how much I believe that the wetter sex is, the better it can be for everyone involved. When you bring lubrication into the picture, it makes sex slicker and so much more erotic. Between the stimulation of your nerve endings, the sounds that wet bodies coming together can make, along with how lube can actually help you to relax so that your own natural lubricants are able to flow freely and more quickly—you just can go wrong with lubrication (especially if you make sure to apply some directly onto your labia; preferably one that has a silicone base). As a bonus, lubricant is also a great safe sex addiction because, the wetter it is down below, the less friction you and your partner will experience and, the less of a chance there will be of the condom breaking. That's why it's my top sexual climax hack (for today, anyway).
2. Use a Pillow (or Two)
Something as simple as a pillow can take difficulty having one orgasm to no problem having a few of 'em back to back. When you put a pillow underneath you, right at the top of where your back ends and your butt begins, not only does that make it easier for your partner to access you in all of your glory during a lil' cunnilingus action, but it intensifies penetration during intercourse as well. Plus, if you're a visual lover and you like to watch your partner please you (or enter you), being perched up on a pillow can make it so much easier to get a much better…view.
3. Try Places Other than Your Bed
Boredom is a huge cause of the decline of sexual excitement in long-term relationships. Something that you can do to break out of the ho-humness that you might be currently feeling between you and your boo is to get out of your bed and have sex somewhere else. Anywhere else.
Your couch can support your partner's back when you're in sexual positions that require sitting up. Having sex outside in your backyard (so long as it's a closed-in space and your neighbors can't see) can bring out the inner exhibitionist in you. Sex on the stairs can put you and your partner's bodies into all kinds of angles for oral sex. A running washing machine can easily serve as a huge vibrator. The hood of your car can be sexy AF. Right at your front door is pretty passionate and animalistic. You get my point.
Oh, and if you want a few more places for inspiration, Paired Life is a site that lists a whopping 200. (You're welcome.)
4. Buy Your Man Some Eurycoma Longifolia Oil
Oh, we're big essential oil fans over here at xoNecole (check out "8 Natural Aphrodisiac Scents, Where They Go & How To Make Them Last" when you get a chance). Well, one that I'd be floored if you've ever heard of before is Eurycoma longifolia. It's an essential oil that is extracted from a shrub tree in Southeast Asia that can help to reduce high blood pressure, ease chronic coughing, relieve headaches, treat ulcers and is even used as a homeopathic way to ease syphilis-related symptoms. But what Eurycoma longifolia has the greatest reputation for is making a man last longer in bed.
That's because it's able to do everything from increase his testosterone levels and treat mild forms of erectile dysfunction to heighten his stamina and even help to treat male infertility. On average, men only need five minutes to climax (while we need somewhere around 20 minutes). So, if you want your man to be able to get on the same page with you in this department, putting some of this oil in a diffuser or, even better, giving him a massage with a mixture of one-fourth cup of sweet almond oil and 5-7 drops of Eurycoma longifolia may be all that you need to make sure that you have an even better (and longer-lasting) night.
5. Use Ribbed Condoms
If you don't want to get pregnant or an STD, condom use is a must. When it comes to the kind of condom that can make climaxing easier and so much more intense, you might want to go with a ribbed one. The raised ridges that run along the entire rubber can help to increase friction (in a good way) and intensify pleasure during penetrative sex; especially if you make sure to put some lubrication on the inside of the condom (for him) and the outside of the condom (for you). If you want to check out a wide variety of ribbed rubbers to choose from, click here.
6. Have Him Play with Your Pubic Hair
Ready for a pubic hair hack? When you have a bit of a (well-manicured) bush down below, not only can that result in less uncomfortable friction during sex, but there is another perk that you probably would've never considered. By allowing your partner to gently tug on it, in the direction towards your belly button, that can actually help to expose your clitoral hood more so that he has easier access to the "button" inside. And well, when that gets pushed right, you know how it goes down (wink).
7. Drink Some Red Wine
I don't think we've ever had to convince y'all to drink more wine. Red wine, that is. But if you want to get you and yours' juices to flowing that much more (pun totally intended, by the way), drinking a couple of glasses, about an hour before you plan to get it on and in, is one way to do it. Red wine contains flavonoids that help to increase blood flow to your genitalia. Some researchers also say that the mere smell of red wine can help to get you in the mood too. Especially if it's something along the lines of a Pinot Noir for women or a Moscato for men.
That got me to thinking (and researching). Since red wine is all that, why stop at just drinking it? Yep, did you know that some people also partake in red wine body massages? All you need to do is fill up a spray bottle with half red wine, half rosewater (a skin softener) and a few drops of jasmine essential oil (an aphrodisiac). Spray your partner's body with the mixture and massage them for 10 minutes. Not only will the resveratrol, tannin and polyphenols be really great for his skin, but the wine going into his pores is another way to boost his libido, that much quicker.
8. Get (and Give) a Back Massage
When people hear the phrase "happy ending", usually that's in the context of some highly-sexual-basically-illegal activity going on at a spa or salon. But there are a lot of people who can end up with what are known as back-gasms from a massage that is totally legit. For one thing, during a massage, we tend to be extremely calm with no defenses up.
Also, whether you may realize it or not, a main sexual "trigger spot" on your body is located along the lower part of your spine (due to all of the nerve endings that are there). So, when that part of your body gets massaged, it can help to release a burst of energy while increasing blood flow to your sexual organs.
This is especially the case if you add a little lavender (which is calming), ginger (which can soothe any backaches or discomfort) or sandalwood (which is an aphrodisiac) essential oil into a DIY massage oil blend and then warm it up a bit before applying.
9. Put on a Blindfold
You might've heard somewhere that when you lose one of your five senses (sight, hearing, taste, touch and smell), it tends to heighten the other four. Well, when you temporarily impair your sight by putting on a blindfold, it can amplify the dirty words your partner is saying, make you that much more sensitive to your partner's touch, make his kissing, licking and nibbling feel that much more intense and, anything that they put into your mouth? Well, I'll let you fill in the blanks there. Two other benefits that come with using a blindfold is it adds to the element of surprise (since you literally won't see what's coming) and, it can also help you to trust your partner more (for the same reason). That's a whole lot of bonuses for a little piece of material. Try it. You might be pleasantly surprised—and aroused—by just how much you like it. And how much it helps you to cum that much more.
10. Openly Fantasize
So that you can get off of here and get to testing some of these hacks out, let's end here. I recently read an article about a study that revealed that when a couple is intentional about fantasizing about each other, not only can it significantly increase sexual appeal and attraction to their partner, it can diminish negative feelings about the relationship too. That makes sense when you think about the fact that our biggest sex organ is our brain and when we allow ourselves to tap into our sexual imagination, it can make us, well, hornier.
So, take a moment. Get quiet. Take a few deep breaths. Maybe turn on a song that instantly makes you think about your partner or some of the best sex you've ever had with them. Then think back. What about them turned you on from the very beginning? What was the first intimate experience that was totally indescribable? What have you always wanted to try with him but haven't? What would you like to do again but haven't? What is on your sex bucket list, in general? While a lot of us attribute foreplay to physical sexual activity of some kind, when you open yourself up to doing nothing more than purely fantasizing about your partner, that oftentimes can get you so hot 'n bothered that not much else is needed by the time he is in your presence. You'll be ready to climax before he even touches you. And who knows what being in that mind, body and soul space will lead? All. Night. Long…Over. And. Over. Again.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Luxury Hairstylist On Viral 'Hey Boo' Texts & Professionalism In The Hair Industry
As Black women, our hair is our crowning glory - whether we paid for it or not. We take pride in how we wear and take care of our hair. As with everything, hair care and hair styling have evolved over the years. Long gone are the days of Blue Magic (although I hear it’s making a comeback).
Now, we have a plethora of creams, oils, conditioners, shampoos, and stylists to choose from. Beyond wearing our natural curls, we have a range of options, from wigs and sew-ins to tape-ins, I-tips, and K-tips. So much choice! But you know what they say about too much of a good thing...
The Black hair industry has definitely blossomed in the last decade with a wave of new stylists and salons popping up all over the place. As much as I love that for us, many of these stylists have become the subjects of viral TikTok and Instagram tirades because of their alleged questionable behavior and bizarre rules.
Excessive policies, strange fees, long wait times, poor performance, and the infamous “Hey boo” texts. Beauty is pain, they say… xoNecole got to the root of these issues with luxury hair extensionist Dee Michelle, who’s been in the hair game for 20 years and runs a seven-figure business - all while being a mom of four.
Antonio Livingston
“I started my business with my career in the hair industry [at] very, very young age when I was maybe like eight...So, over the years, I've just built a very successful seven-figure business very quickly just by offering high-end services and creating great experiences for my clients, many of whom are high-profile professionals,” she said. “I'm also a mother of four, including a set of triplets, which inspires me daily to show what's possible with my hard work and focus.”
Dee’s business has gone viral on social media because of what many call outrageous prices for her invisible K-Tip installs.
“When I developed my invisible K-tip extensions technique, I made sure that it wasn't just about the hair or the style, but about providing a high-end experience from start to finish. So, my clients just aren't paying for the extensions or just the style itself, but they're investing into my meticulous, seamless craft and premium hair sourced from the best suppliers…I've spent so many hours mastering my craft, creating this seamless method that gives my clients long-lasting natural results, and my pricing just reflects that - the value of my expertise and the exclusivity of the service.”
The K-tip specialist stands on business when it comes to catering to her clients and giving them an experience worth the cost.
“And it's just important for me to also say that my clients are high-profile individuals who value quality, their privacy, and their time. They want a service that fits into their lifestyle and their time. They want things that deliver perfection. And I deliver that every single time.”
I’m sure we’ve all seen the various TikTok rants about people’s nightmare experiences with stylists and uttered a silent “FELT!” We asked Dee her opinion on a few nightmare scenarios that beg the response, “please be so forreal."
On stylists charging extra to wash clients’ hair:
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
On ‘deposits’ that don’t go towards the cost of the service:
“I think that's kind of weird, too, for deposits to not be like a part of the service. I've seen people have booking fees and I just don't understand it, to be honest. I disagree with that kind of policy…By all means, people should do what works for them, but to me, it doesn't make sense. Why does somebody have to pay a fee just to book an appointment with you? I don't get it. It feels like exploitation.”
On stylists charging extra to style (straighten/curl) wigs, sew-ins etc., after installing:
“I don't get it. Clients come to us to get their hair done, to get it styled. So why is it extra for you to style it? If you're going to charge extra, just increase your price. I feel like it could be just a lack of confidence in those stylists, feeling like people won't pay a certain price for certain things, or just their lack of professionalism as well, because people are coming to us to get styled.”
On the infamous “Hey boo” text stylists send to clients when they need to cancel/reschedule:
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
We know all too well what kinds of things will keep us from ever gracing certain hairstylists’ chairs with our butts again. So, what should hairstylists do to provide a good service to their clients? What is good hairstylist etiquette?
“For one, being on time is an important rule for stylist etiquette. It's just not okay to require your clients to be on time, and you're not on time. Also, communication. Being able to communicate clearly, respectfully, and professionally, whether that's in person, via text, or on social media. Style is etiquette. Appearance matters. So just maintaining a clean, polished, and professional look. Clients respect you more whenever your appearance reflects your work. There's just so many things, but another thing I would say is active listening. So, being able to pay close attention to what your client wants and also clarifying any questions that they might have. Just to ensure that they feel heard and to minimize any misunderstandings.”
Dee also shared some red flags to look out for when considering a new stylist.
“Even me as a client, if I'm booking somebody and they have a long list of rules, I don't even book with them. That's, for one, just such a huge turn-off. Also, stylists who have inconsistent or unclear pricing, that's a red flag. People who change their rates too much without an explanation. Poor communication. So, if a stylist is responding very slow or responding unprofessionally, or giving vague answers to questions, that can make clients question whether or not they are respecting their time and their needs.
Another red flag - an inconsistent or low quality portfolio. And I feel like, I see this a lot with stylists stealing other people's work, and their portfolio on social media is just very inconsistent.”
We couldn’t let Dee go without getting the tea on what styles she predicts will trend in 2025.
“I feel like people are going back to natural-looking styles. So, a lot of people are ditching the wigs, the lace fronts, things like that. People are still wearing them, of course, but it is becoming more of a trend to embrace your natural hair and something that's not looking too fake. That’s one thing that we're going to be seeing a lot. I would say a lot of layers are coming back, heavy layers. Those are becoming really, really trendy. And people are leaning more towards platinum-colored hair. I've been seeing lots of like blondes coming out. Also, jet black is always going to be a trend. But I would say more like natural colors, but natural colors that are still making a statement.”
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Feature image by Antonio Livingston.
How To Use Your Rising Sign To Unlock More Financial Abundance In Your Life
Abundance is a mindset and it's one you can obtain more effortlessly by knowing your birth chart. Your birth chart in Astrology reflects your cosmic blueprint for this lifetime and maps out things for you like your purpose, destiny, and financial potential. There are key ways to earn income or increase your finances and Astrology helps you dive into that. By knowing your financial strengths, weaknesses, and gifts, you can enhance the abundance surrounding you and align yourself more with what resonates.
How Your Birth Chart Reveals Your Key to Financial Abundance
In Astrology, there are a few areas of your birth chart that signify what your financial world looks like and have the potential to look at as well. Your 2nd house, rules your finances, personal income, and values, your 8th house rules your shared finances and the money you receive from partnerships or through marriage, and your 11th house rules your hopes and dreams, manifestations, and what you have accumulated through your career or business. The sign Venus also represents finances and luxury, and the placement of this planet is key to understanding your financial purpose as well.
We each come into this life with specific skill sets and perspectives that have the potential to help us live the life of our dreams and fulfill our intentions. By understanding where you tend to naturally thrive in life, you open the door to financial freedom and empowerment. What the stars say about your financial potential is the inspiration you need to walk through that door.
Read for your Rising Sign below to see how to unlock your key to abundance.
How Your Rising Sign Unlocks Abundance
ARIES RISING
Your key to unlocking abundance involves creating concrete, long-term, financial plans. With Taurus in the 2nd house, you have a natural gift for money and you know how to build something from the ground up. You create beauty, love, and stability in the world, and your ability to make people feel comfortable will help you financially succeed. Taurus in the 2nd house are collectors as well, and you have a good eye.
With Scorpio in your 8th house, the partnerships and connections you form help you increase your income and earnings. It’s not about overly relying on others financially, but knowing there is support there for you when you need it. Your financial potential overall involves how much you are dedicating yourself to your dreams and doing things that will provide stability and security in your life.
TAURUS RISING
As a Taurus Rising, you have Gemini in the 2nd house, and there are a lot of different avenues in which you can earn an income. You will most likely have multiple streams of income in fact, and your capacity to learn, grow, and expand financially is endless.
You thrive in communication, publication, and collaborative worlds, and your networking abilities will help you succeed in life.
By educating yourself and expanding your mind, you can use this knowledge to help you connect, sell, and raise awareness to others. With Pisces in the 11th house, you have lucky Jupiter helping you make your dreams come true and creating miracles in your life. No one sees things the way you do, use this to your advantage when it comes to your finances and goals here.
GEMINI RISING
For you, you are more emotionally tied to your finances and sense of stability than most. With Cancer in your 2nd house, you have a strong intuition regarding money matters, but you may also feel like things fluctuate a lot for you here. Your key to unlocking your personal abundance comes by finding the things that you hold value in, thinking about your purpose and the legacy you want to leave behind, and owning your nurturing abilities.
You are a natural caregiver, creator, and protector, and can thrive in roles such as these. Cancer in the 2nd house also shows an ability to earn through real estate, antiques, or investments. With Capricorn in the 8th house, your logic will help you execute your plans and goals, and you are always thinking one step ahead. People may underestimate you often, use this to your advantage.
CANCER RISING
As a Cancer Rising, you thrive when you are able to take charge and lead your creative efforts. With Leo in the 2nd house, you are a charismatic soul and you are meant to take center stage in life. Your creativity, confidence, and courage will set you apart from others, and you will financially succeed in roles where you have some type of authority or can express yourself freely.
With Aquarius in the 8th house, you may also find your financial power when it comes to technology or social media. You are a natural influencer and people want to know what you think about things and what your current obsessions are. You are the star of the show, remembering that is your key to unlocking your abundance in this lifetime.
LEO RISING
You have Virgo in the 2nd house, and unlocking your key to abundance involves getting organized, sticking to a routine, and doing things that benefit others or society in some way. You are typically found in roles that involve being of service and you also have a gift with your words. Careers such as writing, speaking, publishing, health roles, and healing treatments all serve you well.
With Gemini in the 11th house as well, you have a gift for networking, communication, building a group or a team, and succeeding in your collaborative efforts. Don’t let your need for perfection take you away from your potential regarding your ability to connect with others and build something inspiring. Your vision, partnerships, selfless attitude, and creativity will help you financially succeed.
VIRGO RISING
As a Virgo Rising, you are a hard worker and have a lot of beauty and wisdom to share with the world. You have Libra in the 2nd house, signifying a creative soul and someone who can earn an income through art, interior design, fashion, or therapeutic and beauty practices.
You have a gift when it comes to creating things appealing to the eye, and you resonate with the more luxurious spheres of life.
Aries in the 8th house signifies a drive to succeed, and you financially move through a lot of transformations in this lifetime that lead you closer to your dreams. Creating a business that you are passionate about or being a part of a legacy that creates something beautiful for the world, helps you financially succeed in life.
LIBRA RISING
Financially, you evolve over time. The key here for you with Scorpio in the 2nd house, is to trust your intuition when it comes to what to invest in and what to spend your time and energy on. Know that with any setback you may encounter financially, you will rise above more abundantly and successfully. You have a unique way of understanding the undercurrents and concept of money, use this to your advantage.
With Leo in the 11th house, you succeed when you are confident, standing out from the crowd, and doing things that feel authentic and natural for you. You are meant to shine and inspire others through your charisma, personality, and strong intuition.
SCORPIO RISING
With a Scorpio Rising, you have Sagittarius in the 2nd, and financial freedom is very important to you in this lifetime. You are working towards building a legacy for yourself through your wisdom, knowledge, and quest for understanding. You inspire others in your own unique way, and this is a placement for many teachers or guides in this world.
Virgo in the 11th house reminds you to get clear on the things you want for yourself and the plans or dedication it will take to get there. Your intelligence and your capacity to see all perspectives and express yourself in a grounded way is what is going to unlock your key to abundance.
SAGITTARIUS RISING
Financially, you have a lot of potential to succeed in this lifetime. With Capricorn in your 2nd house of income, you are business-savvy and have a knack for money. You know what the world needs more of, and you are the one to provide it. Through your work ethic and need to succeed, you are someone who can be found in higher positions within a business or company.
Cancer in the 8th house also shows that you find financial empowerment by dedicating yourself to a cause or career that holds deep importance for you and your heart. The people you meet along the way are also key to recognizing your dreams and financial abundance.
CAPRICORN RISING
As a Capricorn Rising, you have Aquarius in the 2nd house which shows a gift in community, networking, and social media. You are a trendsetter and are ahead of time when it comes to trends, fashion, and ideals. You have a unique vision and ability to succeed in this lifetime through your manifestation potential.
With Scorpio in the 11th house, you can build a team or an organization and lead yourself and others to success. Your acquaintances and friendships throughout life will help you meet the right people and get the right opportunities. You always need to be thinking big when it comes to your finances, and know that you have what it takes to succeed.
AQUARIUS RISING
For you, financial success comes from your imagination and your hope for it all. With Pisces in the 2nd house, you view your financial world through a spiritual and creative lens, and the opportunities for you in this lifetime are vast. You need a lot of freedom within your career and you need to be doing things that allow you to express your creativity.
With Sagittarius in the 11th house of your hopes and dreams, you will succeed when you are stepping out of your comfort zone, traveling, and exploring new things. Your knowledge combined with lucky Jupiter, makes you someone who is more lucky than most when it comes to making your financial dreams come true. Remain positive and know your path to abundance won’t look like everyone else's.
PISCES RISING
You have Aries in the 2nd house, and financially you feel empowered when you are going after your individual dreams and intentions and are in leadership roles. Entrepreneurship inspires you, and you know how to lead a team. Taking initiative when it comes to your financial world is key here, and you need a certain sense of freedom when it comes to your career and working life.
Libra in the 8th house signifies abundance through your love life, marriage, business partnerships, or commitments and people are more willing to lend you a helping hand than most, use this to your advantage. Overall, your key to abundance is taking initiative, creating things never seen before, and using your charming personality to attract the support you need to succeed.
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