It's a winter Saturday and the wind chill could cause most to cancel their plans and stay in bed but Jei Monroe and I are conversing like girlfriends who've known each other for years. We're at a bar of The Andaz on Wall Street and she's just ordered hot chocolate while I'm sipping cranberry juice. Our conversation naturally swings toward labels and fads, given the current pop cultural obsession with showing off brand names as a testament to personal style.
"When people compliment me on what I'm wearing, I have no problem oversharing and telling them, 'Thanks! I got this for $10!' It could be a designer label but at the end of the day, does it really matter?" she muses.
Jei Monroe is not just a stylist; she is a fashion curator utilizing her natural eye for confidence-enhancing, aesthetically-pleasing fashion looks to dress clients from all walks of life. Early on, she recognized the fashion industry's tendency to leave the everyday woman out of styling conversations and offer little to no tools and resources. She decided, in no uncertain terms, to be a solution to the problem.
And what a solution she is. With a newly launched pop-up thrifting workshop in Brooklyn, NY, she is teaching everyday women how to "slay in their lane," dressing to impress and doing it all without breaking the bank.
Finding Your Own Lane
You can sense a freedom that boasts confidence and courage, vulnerability and verve. Her posture and tone invite you to nestle into your own magic long before any mention of fashion. As we discuss her path to New York and her status as a thrift fashion guru, I can't help but notice her look: a blush fur coat draping her lean frame, a bold matte burgundy lip color, a bright bronze natural haircut and beautiful large rings reminiscent of Victorian brooches. Nothing looks out of place. Her vibe fits her perfectly and she fits it. "My boyfriend makes fun of me all the time like, 'You gotta be dressed up going to the bodega.'"
We both laugh. Men rarely get it. "I don't have to be dressed up," she laughs, "But I like to dress up; this is who I am. A lot of people think 'Why are you always dressed?' I think, 'Well why are you not dressed up?' I mind my business and I do what I love!"
While perusing her Instagram and Twitter feeds, it's easy to be captivated. Her photos, while well-curated, are also honest and effortless. In a culture desperate for validation, you can tell she's got nothing to prove but a diamond mine of knowledge to share.
"I joke around with people and say that I could slay a trash bag. No lie. And y'all would be like 'That trash bag is fire, girl!' But that's because of the confidence I have. That's gonna be the most poppin' trash bag you've ever seen in your life. Belt it. Put a little bow on it. Something!"
When it comes to getting dressed, the dilemma for many of us is battling the projections of who we should be, how we should dress, and who we should try to emulate to find ourselves beneath it all. So how do we find our style when we're presented with so many opinions and ready-made options?
Jei's take? It's quite simple. When you know yourself and love what you know about you, that makes it much easier to see what works best for your closet.
"[First], go through your wardrobe and see if there is a common theme between pieces. For me, I love sheer shirts. So there's a good portion of sheer shirts in my wardrobe. [And] I love prints. Finding the common denominator of things you love that are already in your wardrobe and then [building off of that]." She's both pensive and passionate as she describes the process.
Next, she says to add pieces that you wouldn't normally try. And thirdly, you should be inspired by others but never copy them.
"There's nothing wrong with trying what's trendy but try it because you love it. Try it because it's something that you like, not because it looks good on somebody else."
She asserts that there is a difference between liking a specific look on someone else and liking the attention they get. "It's like 'Oh this person gets a lot of attention when they wear this or everybody's commenting on that.' And so, you go and buy it and nobody says nothing to you and you're mad like, 'Ok, where are the compliments?' You have to just do what works for you."
We both crack up at how relevant that statement is today.
Moving By Faith
After visiting two years ago, Jei was sold on New York City. She made plans to leave sunny California for the East Coast. "I told my friend, 'I'm moving to New York!' I felt like God was leading me here. And it makes so much sense because New York matches my personality so much."
It's true. Her energy is that of a lifelong New Yorker.
Only three months after visiting the city, Jei took God up on his directive. With living arrangements made through a Facebook group for NYC housing, all that was left to do was to arrange travel. She sold her car the day before she was set to fly for her one-way ticket to The Big Apple. Moving by faith is a hallmark of being Jei Monroe.
Her work as a freelance wardrobe stylist caught the eye of fashion retailer BCBG Max Azria and she became a stylist for the brand in 2012. While working with both Max and Lubov Azria, celebrity clients and everyday women - Jei began creating not only fashion looks but tools and resources for the everyday woman.
Looking to pursue something more fulfilling than the monotony of corporate America, Jei decided it was all or nothing. Following God's plan was an easy decision to make and stemmed from a confidence that she has had since childhood.
"[Self-confidence] was a gift. I feel like I've always had confidence from the time I was two or three years old," she reminisces.
It was that confidence that led her toward fashion. Though her early fashion journey was not without its bumps, it has evolved because of her self-assurance and commitment to trying new things. "Around high school, I feel like my style was raggedy. Not trying to be funny but once I was able to really just start experimenting and trying new things and just stepping outside of the box, [that] helped me to find my style and what I love."
She adds, "[It's really just about] trying what I love and not doing something because it looked good on someone else. And at the end of the day, I just mind my business. And when you do that, there's no looking to the left or looking to the right."
"When you slay in your lane, there is no competition."
"It's Thrift!"
Falling in love with the idea of teaching while shopping, Jei wanted to introduce everyday women to the art and practice of thrifting in a way that wasn't intimidating and allowed for one-on-one attention. So, in January 2019, she created and launched "It's Thrift!" her own pop-up thrifting workshop - and it only took her one month to put it all together.
The idea first came to Jei as a collaboration with a local thrift store. But as she prepared to pitch the store she had in mind, something happened. "God dropped it in my spirit, 'You can do this on your own' and I said, 'You are absolutely right!'"
Having already created an in-depth thrifting guide to help conceptualize the steps and best practices of thrifting, producing a hands-on workshop for those who may not necessarily know how to get started was the natural next step.
"I really just want to show people that this is teachable."
While many within the fashion industry aspire to become celebrity stylists, Jei Monroe's got a different idea that centers the rest of us. She offers her thrifting workshop as a viable way to look great, spend very little and never be beholden to fashion trends. With what can be found at thrift stores, one can always find a way around looking just like everyone else. It just takes a little practice.
"I do what I do because no one caters to the everyday woman. Nobody's showing people how to put these looks together that influencers are posting. People are liking their pictures but nobody's teaching them. I show you how to do it versus just showing you what it looks like."
What's Next For Jei?
With the success of "It's Thrift!", Jei is interested in taking her pop-up workshops on the road to major cities across the country. And eventually, setting up her own New York-based brick-and-mortar consulting boutique.
"I don't think I've heard of anything like that in particular. A lot of places will help you put a look together but [only] because they're trying to sell you the entire look, accessories included," she explains. "I want to be able to do that to where you can come in and say, 'Hey I have a wedding to go to' or 'I want to revamp my wardrobe.'"
Combining thrifting workshops, confidence sessions and styling consultations in one location without the department store sales hassle? Sounds like a dream for us everyday women.
And with Jei's track record of moving quickly and efficiently, I can't wait to see it become a reality.
Follow Jei on Instagram and Twitter at @jeimonroe. And to learn from the best how to slay in your lane, check out the link below to get more information and register for the next "It's Thrift!" next pop-up in NYC set for March 30th: JeiMonroe.com/itsthrift.
Photos courtesy of Jei Monroe
RELATED
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
It’s not like it has to be a bad thing. In fact, studies say that somewhere around 15 percent of engaged couples actually met through a friend. All I’m saying is, before you entertain someone’s “I’ve got someone I want you to meet” invitation, it would benefit you to interview them first — for the sake of all parties involved.
The questions that I recommend asking? The following six are what I think can get everyone on the same page, so that there is more pleasure than regret from the hook-up attempt.
1. Why Are They So Invested?
GiphyTwo things that I recently watched over again are the series Survivor’s Remorse (the writing is so damn good) and a movie called Trapped in Temptation (both are currently on Tubi). Something that both of them made me think about is the fact that motive reveals a lot when it comes to why people say and do the things that they do.
When it comes to the movie, specifically, without giving the film away — let me just say that, if you are in a relationship, be really careful about listening to individuals who try to talk you out of maintaining it. More times than not, the motive is shady as hell. And honestly, sometimes people who are close to obsessed with you being in one deserve a bit of side-eye too.
Now, if it’s someone who loves all things love, they are in love and they want you to experience something similar — that’s sweet. Just make sure that they are approaching the set up from a healthy space. What I mean by that is they don’t see singleness as some sort of relational handicap or they aren’t trying to override what you want for your life as if they somehow know better (there are so many ways to be a control freak, y’all).
Hmph. Now that I think about it — make sure that the set-up crew isn’t trying to use you to “save” some male friend or relative of theirs. I say that because I once knew a mother whose son had — count ‘em — 10 kids and she was FOREVER trying to get me to date him. Girl, that wasn’t for me. She was looking for a Holy Ghost Jr. for that child of hers. I’ll pass. HARD PASS.
Bottom line with this one — if someone wants to set you up with someone else, the first thing to ask is why? Make sure to really listen to what their answer is. Then pay attention to if your mind, body and spirit are at peace with their answer(s).
2. Do They Know What You Want?
GiphyI don’t know about y’all, but the people (and let’s be honest, by far, it’s usually women) who have tried to set me up with someone? They didn’t even know what my preferences or type was. Hell, they didn’t even know my thoughts or timeline as it relates to being in a serious relationship were either. And what that boils down to is they were trying to hook me up based on their agenda, not mine — and that usually meant that the guys who they came up with? Yeah…I was good on them. LOL.
Yeah, if someone wants to hook you up, you definitely should ask them if they know what you are looking for in a guy when it comes to his looks, personality, passions, spirituality, relational desires and goals, location, etc. Because, indeed, what is the point in going out with someone who is fine as hell and yet, you want kids and he doesn’t (or vice versa) or who has a great personality yet he isn’t even in the same ballpark of your spiritual beliefs?
If your friend really wants to help you out, valuing your time should come with that — and that means bringing someone into your life who complements your lifestyle. No wiggle room here.
3. Are They Aware of Your Deal-Breakers?
GiphyLast year, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Should Bad Sex Actually Be A Relationship Deal-Breaker?” The thing that I think needs to go on record about deal-breakers is they aren’t exactly standards that you have. No, a deal-breaker is something that can’t be worked out even after trying to negotiate or compromise. When it comes to relationships, a deal-breaker might be how long two people should date before becoming exclusive or getting engaged. Another deal-breaker might be if being religious is more important than being spiritual and how that manifests itself (church or no church, etc.). And yes, another deal-breaker may be what each other’s sexual needs and expectations are.
When someone is setting you up, it is imperative that they know about your standards. For instance, for me, I am not interested in dating a divorced person, pretty much ever (I Corinthians 7:10-11). I’ve had friends who have tried to hook me up with that demographic before and it has always been a moot effort. The fact that some of them have gotten frustrated with my convictions has absolutely nothing to do with me. Some have tried to get me to compromise my deal-breakers too — like a long-distance relationship. Is it a firm “naw”? No. However, it’s not really something that I am interested in, so why not just…recommend someone local?
Yeah, if someone thinks that they know you well enough to hook you up, they absolutely should be well-versed in what your deal-breakers are before they do. And if they’ve never asked, all they are doing is assuming — and we know what that typically means. LOL.
4. What Is Their Track Record?
GiphyIt’s kind of wild that we now live in a time when more couples meet online than they do through “old-fashioned ways” like via their friends (although some reports say that Gen Z is getting back to that) — and yet, here we are. Still, if you are willing to let someone play pseudo matchmaker in your life, you are well within your rights to inquire about their track record in that department. Have they hooked others up, successfully, before? Has any of their “Cupid work” caused both people to get exactly what they wanted out of the situation? If/when things went awry, why was that?
I know someone who is constantly trying to hook people up. Thing is, maybe 10-15 percent (no joke) of their efforts have proven to be positive and fruitful — and we’re talking about close to close to two decades of them doing it. Listen, time is too precious to be out here doing stuff ONLY to please other people. That said, if someone wants you to devote some time to one of their grand ideas, you are well within your rights to ask about their past and current success score when it comes to it.
5. Can They Keep Their Own Feelings Out of It?
GiphyWanna know if someone who is offering to do something for you is actually doing it more for themselves? If they try to make it be about them when things don’t go the way they would like, that is a dead ringer. An example? They post a message about you on social media and then question you about why you didn’t do the same thing in return. Another example? They do something for you and then throw it in your face during an argument. Still another example? They set you up with someone, it doesn’t work out, and suddenly you’ve put them in a weird spot. No dear — you put your own self in that position by trying to hook two people up in the first place.
I promise you, it will spare everyone unnecessary energy spent (or even drama experienced) if, before you agree to be hooked up, you get the matchmaker on record stating that they will keep their emotions out of it as much as possible. MEANING — they will do the introductions and then let the chips fall where they may. If they can’t do this, my two cents (save it or spend it) would be to decline the offer. Because all you need is someone texting you about why you haven’t called their cousin back or having an attitude with you when you break up with some guy at their church who they thought was the perfect catch (P.S. These aren’t hypothetical examples — LOL).
6. Will They Respect Your Boundaries? Start to Finish?
GiphyYeah, this final one is a biggie. Just because someone sets you up with another person, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily mean that they should have the right to the details of the dynamic. I don’t care if it’s the first date or the 10th date. I don’t care if you decide to just be sex buddies or to have a full-blown relationship. I don’t care if you stay together or break-up — it’s your relationship which makes it your business. Whatever you share is privileged data.
Yeah, I would say that probably the most challenging thing about being hooked up by someone you know is they have a tendency to think that they are a part of the relationship too — and that is a lie. If things go well beyond a couple of dates, you and the guy should discuss what you will both share with the person who introduced you and then agree to stick to that boundary, no matter what. It’s a great way to protect the dynamic, to keep “outside voices” from influencing the growth and to navigate how you want to move, moving forward.
Someone who hooked you up for the right reasons and knows how to honor limits? They will understand. Will they ask questions? Absolutely. Will they pry? Nah.
___
Should you sit and let someone hook you up? I mean, you never know how your blessing will come. Just make sure that they are prepared for you to do some digging into their mindset before they start sweetly meddling into your love life.
It’s only fair. Hell, and right. LOL.
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Featured image by PeopleImages/Shutterstock