Then & Now: 10 Black Women Making History, And The Queens Who Paved The Way
When we think about history, oftentimes it brings to mind olden times, ancestral boss moves, or back-in-the-day memories. And that's all good. I mean, you really can't know where you're going until you know where you've been. As Women's History Month continues, it's also good to remember the new-school pioneers who are making an impact today, while still paying homage to those who laid the groundwork for them to even do so.
Here are 10 black women making history—along with the 10 queens who paved the way:
Then: Maya Angelou
GiphyAuntie Maya Angelou is a fav among any literature lover, and if you don't have at least one of her best-selling books in your collection, can you truly call yourself an avid reader? Nah, sis. Angelou wrote more than 35 books and hundreds of poems in five decades, expanding the stories of the Black female experience around the world. She was a multi-hyphenate phenom, serving as a professor of American studies at Wakeforest Univesity, a TV and film producer, a playwright, an actress, and a singer. She's recited her works at former U.S. president Bill Clinton's inauguration, for the United Nation's 50th anniversary, and in honor of former South African president Nelson Mandela. (That elegy was commissioned by the U.S. State Department. Talk about a big deal!) In 2011, Obama honored her with the Presidential Medal of Freedom.
Now: Amanda Gorman
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Amanda Gorman wowed us all when she recited her poetry at the 2021 inauguration of President Joe Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris, making history as the youngest poet ever to get such an honor. She's also serving as our nation's first Youth Poet Laureate, so she's the official poet of the U.S. She's performed for the likes of other political and entertainment who's who including Hillary Clinton, Lin-Manuel Miranda (creator of "Hamilton"), Al Gore, and Malala Yousafzai (Nobel Prize laurete and activist). She's had poems commissioned by "CBS in the Morning" and has been in front of audiences at prestigious venues including the Library of Congress and Lincoln Center.
Then: Mae Jemison
It's no secret that Black women have contributed significantly in the area of science. (Hidden Figures, anyone?) Mae Jemison, an engineer, physician, and NASA astronaut, set her mark in history when she became the first Black woman to be admitted into NASA's astronaut training program and later explore space in 1992. (Yep, it took that long.) She served as a science mission specialist, conducting groundbreaking crew-related experiments. She's also been a member of the American Medical Association, the American Chemical Society, and the American Association for the Advancement of Science.
Now: Jeanette Epps
Jeanette Epps holds a doctorate degree in aerospace engineering and worked in technical intelligence for the CIA before becoming the first Black woman to join an International Space Station (ISS) crew for a long-term mission last year. This woman is bad, OK! She'll start a six-month trek into space this year, her first ever, giving all of us---especially those of us who are science and solar system geeks---major life and inspiring women and girls around the world to continue to dream beyond Earth's limits.
Then: Ella Fitzgerald
Giphy
The first Grammy Awards took place in 1958. (Wow, can you believe that?) Ella Fitzgerald, a native of Newport News, Va., was the jazz singer of the time, touring with the likes of Dizzy Gillespie (the original "Ambassador of Jazz" and the king of bebop). She was famous for popularizing the music and taking it pop, selling out theaters and concert centers, appearing in TV commercials for major brands, and slaying stages as a plus-sized singer way before Lizzo, Jill Scott, or Jennifer Holliday hit the scene. She sold more than 30 million records in her lifetime. Fitzgerald also made history as the first female to win multiple Grammy awards and would take home more than a dozen by the end of her career.
Now: Beyonce
GiphyBeyonce was all over headlines when she took home her 28th Grammy on March 14, breaking the record for the most awards of the kind won by a woman and any singer—male or female. But this isn't the first time she's blown the whole industry out of the water. In 2016, her visual album Lemonade debuted at No. 1 on the Billboard charts after just one week, marking the sixth time her solo works had done so. Queen Bey also held the record for highest-selling album on iTunes and been the highest-paid Black artist of all time.
Then: Lisa Leslie
In college, this basketball star led the University of Southern California in a record four consecutive NCAA tournament appearances. By the time she ended her career in WNBA, Lisa Leslie led the Los Angeles Sparks to two Finals, been named an MVP, and become an eight-time first team All-WNBA player, four-time second team All-WNBA, seven-time WNBA All-Star, and two-time WNBA Defensive Player of the Year. She's also won four Olympic Gold medals. Whew, chile! Who said women can't ball? She continues to rally women around sports with her more than 260,000 followers on IG, and she's served as a leading coach for the Big3, a pro 3-on-3 league of basketball legends founded by Ice Cube.
Now: Allisha Gray
As a college student, Allisha Gray played ball for the North Carolina Tarheels and the South Carolina Gamecocks, and during that time, she excelled, becoming 2nd on the team in double-figures scoring games, a key player in the NCAA Final Four All-Tournament, and a leader in the Gamecocks' NCAA championship win. She left college to join the draft and was selected by the Dallas Wings in 2017. She was also selected as Rookie of the Year, ranked first among rookies in points scored per game, and took home Nickelodeon's Kid's Choice Sports Award for Favorite Newcomer in 2018. Today, the 26-year-old is among the younger players making lists of top promising 2021 WNBA players. Her usage rate and efficiency on the court make her one amazing player to look out for in the coming seasons.
Then: Shirley Chisholm
"Unbought and unbossed" was the mantra Shirley Chisholm made famous, and her run for the U.S. presidency in 1972 made her the first woman and African-American to seek the nomination from a major political party. Before that, she was a pioneer in her role as the first African-American woman in Congress in 1968 (again, it took that long?) and held that seat for 14 years, introducing more than 50 pieces of legislation and advocating for racial and gender equality. Though she did not win the nomination for the Democratic Party's presidential candidate in '72, her journey opened doors for taking the possibility of a woman on a major ticket seriously. She'd later teach at Mount Holyoke College, co-found the National Political Congress of Black Women, and be offered the role of U.S. Ambassador to Jamaica.
Now: Vice President Kamala Harris
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Last year, Kamala Harris made history as the first woman of color to become vice president of the United States. She previously served as San Francisco's district attorney--another first in the realm of gender and race--- and then became California's attorney general, before advancing on to become a U.S. senator.
Today, she has been part of the leadership team to swiftly execute impactful efforts including the finalization and execution of the American Rescue Plan that includes additional stimulus funds, expansion of a national COVID-19 vaccination process, extension of housing and unemployment relief and benefits, and the increase in resources for small businesses, particularly minority-owned. So far, so good, sis!
Then: Judith Jamison
Her powerful solos in some of Alvin Ailey's greatest works have etched her a space among the most prolific dancers of all time---Black or otherwise. Judith Jamison joined the troupe in 1965 and became an international star, dancing in and creating unforgettable shows all over the world in the 1970s and '80s. She's also starred in the hit Broadway musical Sophisticated Ladies, and launched her own successful dance company, The Jamison Project. She would later take leadership of the American Dance Theater in 1989 as artistic director, bringing the company to new heights including a 50-city global tour for its 50th anniversary and two historic performances in South Africa. She's a top choice among everyday dance lovers and the art patron elite. Black Girls Rock! paid tribute to her in 2018, the Obama administration honored her through the White House Dance Series in 2010, and her autobiography was even edited by former U.S. first lady, Jacqueline "Jackie O" Kennedy Onassis.
Now: Amanda Morgan
Amanda Morgan holds her own as the only Black female dancer with the Pacific Northwest Ballet (PNB) corps, one of the largest, most prestigious ballet companies in the U.S. She's held leading roles in some of their most popular performances, and has toured across the globe. She's also founder of The Seattle Project, an interdisciplinary artists' collective that provides a space for community-accessible work, in 2019. When the Black Lives Matter movement kicked off after the death of George Floyd, she used her platform to speak out against racism and advocate for inclusivity—particularly in the ballet world—and has rallied to fight police brutality. She continues activism and community work serving as a mentor for a program that connects PNB School students with seasoned dancers and a leading voice for podcasts and articles on social justice.
Then: Lisa Price
Lisa Price's another OG in the game, but this time it's all about boss moves in haircare. She started Carol's Daughter out of her Brooklyn, N.Y. home in the early '90s—well before the beauty supply shelves were saturated with natural haircare products—and got the likes of Mary J. Blige, Jay-Z, and Jada Pinkett Smith to endorse her line of shampoos, conditioners, and creams. She even reaped the benefits of the "Oprah Effect" when she made an appearance on Winfrey's show and saw the demand for her products instantly skyrocket. Before you knew it, they'd take over the shelves of big-box stores like Walmart and Target and major kiosks at malls around the world. In 2014, when her company was said to be worth more than $25 million, global powerhouse L'Oreal acquired it for an undisclosed—but we're sure quite enormous and well-worth-it—amount.
Now: Courtney Adeleye
Courtney Adeleye is another self-made multi-millionaire who built her hair and bodycare empire, The Mane Choice, from the ground up. In 2013, the medically trained entrepreneur used her knowledge as a registered nurse to create a line of products that cater to all sorts of issues from hair growth to scalp dryness. She made the first products from her kitchen, built up demand, and expanded her brand presence to attract more than 350,000 followers on IG, launches in Target, Walmart and Sally Beauty and millions of dollars in sales. She's been a true rider in supporting female entrepreneurs and advocating for small businesses, so it's no surprise that her next big transition, an acquisition by MAV Beauty Brands that puts ownership of the company in corporate hands, comes at the heels of a partnership that opens funding doors for other women to the tune of $30 million.
Then: Whoopi Goldberg
GiphyHer career in Hollywood spans across decades and genres, and there's no doubt that she's a legend in the game who continues to keep the bar high. She was first introduced to the world as a stand-up comic, and in 1983, she starred in a one-woman Broadway production called The Spook Show and won a Grammy for the recording of that performance, renamed Whoopi Goldberg: Direct from Broadway, in 1985. Her landmark role as Celie in The Color Purple would win her an Oscar nomination in 1986, and another as Oda Mae Brown in Ghost would land her a win. She later hosted the highly-rated awards show, becoming only the second actual winner to do so and the first solo Black woman to get the spot. She's also one of few entertainers---and among only two who are Black—to have won all four of the major entertainment honors: a Tony, Oscar, Emmy and Grammy.
Now: Tiffany Haddish
Tinseltown / Shutterstock.com
This "She Ready" comedian has gone from playing local Los Angeles spots to starring in hit TV shows and films including Real Husbands of Hollywood, Girls Trip, The Carmichael Show, Like a Boss, and The Last O.G.Tiffany Haddish has been a spokesperson for brands including Groupon, made Time's cover as one of its "100 Most Influential People in the World" in 2018, and made history the year before by becoming the first African-American female stand-up comedian to host an episode of Saturday Night Live. (She earned an Emmy Award for that gig as well.) Recently, she made history again as only the second black woman to win a Grammy for Best Comedy Album, for Black Mitzvah. We all ready, Tiff!
Then: Dolores Shockley, Ph.D.
Dr. Dolores Shockley became the first Black woman to earn a doctorate from the School of Pharmacy and Pharmaceutical Sciences at Purdue University in 1955, also making her the first in the nation. After earning her Ph.D., she was awarded the Fulbright Fellowship and worked in Denmark at the Pharmacology Institute in Copenhagen from 1955 to 1957. Her key research focused on studying the effects of chemical pollutants on the brain and recognizing pharmacological agents that interact with addictive drugs such as cocaine as to find solutions for recovery. In the '60s, she'd become a professor at Meharry Medical College, a top historically Black medical school that has graduated some of the most successful doctors in the U.S. She later advanced to chair of pharmacology at Meharry, becoming the first Black woman to hold the post, and she would remain at the university for more than 25 years.
Now: Kizzmekia Corbett, Ph.D.
Dr. Kizzmekia Corbett is one of the leading scientists from the National Institutes of Health who has been behind the search for the COVID-19 vaccine. She's been on the frontlines and has been lauded by the top U.S. immunologist leading national pandemic response efforts, Dr. Anthony Fauci, as a key member of the team making history. They've been working with Moderna, the pharmaceutical company that developed one of the two mRNA vaccines that is reportedly more than 90 percent effective. It's already received emergency use authorization from the FDA. Corbett is also spending her time volunteering to raise awareness and dispel myths about the vaccine. Sis has more than a decade of expertise studying dengue, respiratory syncytial virus, influenza, and coronaviruses, and we're more than here for it!
Then: Effie Lee Morris
Effie Lee Morris was a children's librarian, activist, and pioneer in advocating for library services for minorities and the visually-impaired. After beginning her career as a public librarian at the Cleveland Public Library in 1946, she worked for the Philadelphia Public Library before moving to New York for a position at the American Library Association. She also worked for the New York Library for the Blind and served as the first female chairperson of the Library of Congress. Her career would span from multiple posts in San Francisco, and while there, she established a research collection of out-of-print children's books that showcase the diverse depictions of ethnic and culturally diverse groups throughout time. By 1971, she'd became the first African-American president of the Public Library Association. In 1978, she became an editor of children's books, and she was honored in 2009 by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, who called her "a visionary" in literacy and education advocacy.
Now: Marley Dias
Marley Dias sparked a viral book donation campaign hashtag 1000BlackGirlBooks back in 2015, and she was only 11, reaching her goal and then some. (More than 12,000 books have been collected to date.) Dias wanted to make books with Black girls as the main characters more readily available to her peers, after becoming frustrated with the options in her own reading journey. She decided to create the change she wanted to see. Her efforts landed her on the Forbes "30 Under 30" list and a Smithsonian Magazine American Ingenuity Award. She'd later pen a book of her own called, Marley Dias Gets It Done: And So Can You!, and continues to advocate not only for youth literacy, but for representation that gives all African-American youth and teens a chance to see themselves in stories that change the world.
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How This New Bond Repair Line Transformed One Mother's Postpartum Shedding Into The Ultimate Curl Comeback
This article is in partnership with SheaMoisture
For Crystal Obasanya, her wash day woes came shortly after her son did. The beauty and lifestyle content creator had been natural for years, but during postpartum, she quickly learned about one reality many mothers can relate to experiencing: postpartum hair loss. “Sis had thinning hair. Sis had split ends,” she shared about her hair changes in a Reel via xoNecole.
Over a year into her postpartum journey, Crystal explained she also had dry, brittle hair, noting that keeping it hydrated before pregnancy had already been “a task.” The 4C natural recalled going from thick hair during pregnancy to a thin hairline due to postpartum shedding as “devastating.” When it came to strengthening and revitalizing her hair, the new SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection was just the thing she needed to elevate her damaged coils to revive and thrive status and get them poppin' again.
SheaMoisture is providing us with the cheat code for transforming dry and damaged strands into thriving and deeply nourished crowns. By unveiling their 4-step hair system, the SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection is equipping you with the tools to reverse signs of hair damage caused by protective styling, heat, and color and is uniquely formulated for Type 3 and 4 hair textures.
The haircare system revives damaged natural hair by repairing and rebuilding broken hair bonds through a game-changing combination of HydroPlex Technology and AminoBlend Complex, a unique blend of fortifying amino acids formulated specifically for curly and coily hair. Scientifically proven to reduce breakage by 84% and make your hair six times stronger (vs. non-conditioning shampoo), the collection infuses your hair with the nourishment it craves and the strength it deserves.
All five products of the SheaMoisture Bond Collection are infused with natural strengthening ingredients like Amla Oil and fair-trade shea butter. The collection consists of the 4-step breakage-fighting Bond Repair system, as well as the Bonding Oil.
“When trying it out, I quickly noticed that my hair felt revived and renewed, and my curls were so hydrated,” Crystal said while using the Amla-infused Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner. “I also felt my hair strands were stronger.” So much so that the influencer felt brave enough to get her hair braided shortly thereafter. “I can definitely say that I will be keeping it in my hair wash routine,” she added in the caption of her Reel about her positive experience using the products.
SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection is making bond-building a key player in your wash day routines and the purveyor of life for thirsty manes. Because who doesn't want stronger, shinier, happier hair?
Step One: Bond Repair Collection Shampoo
Rejuvenate your hair with SheaMoisture Bond Repair Shampoo, your go-to solution for luscious locks. Packed with hella hydration power, this shampoo adds moisture by 60% while removing buildup without stripping your strands. This shampoo gently cleanses impurities while significantly enhancing shine, smoothness, and softness.
The Bond Repair Collection Shampoo is the first step in the 4-step Bond Repair system, all of which are powered by the uniquely formulated AminoBlend, and HydroPlex, SheaMoisture’s technology that rebuilds hair strength at its core.
Step Two: Bond Repair Collection Conditioner
Tailored to repair styling damage, this creamy conditioner locks in 12x more moisture than standard non-conditioning shampoos, boosting damaged hair strength by 1.5x with significantly less breakage. The creamy SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Conditioner deeply hydrates, enhances manageability, and leaves your hair looking healthier and shinier.
Step Three: Bond Repair Collection Masque
This Ultra Moisturizing reparative masque is a moisture-rich game-changer for those dealing with the aftermath of hair damage caused by styling. The SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Masque delivers 13 times more moisture compared to non-conditioning shampoos, ensuring your hair feels nourished and soft. Designed to repair and rejuvenate, this masque significantly strengthens damaged hair — making it twice as strong while reducing breakage.
Step Four: Bond Repair Collection Leave-In Conditioner
Elevate your curl game with SheaMoisture’s Bond Repair Collection Leave-In Conditioner. Lightweight and hydrating, the Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner provides 12x more moisture than non-conditioning shampoos and tames frizz with 24-hour humidity control. Designed to define curls and coils, the leave-in conditioner enhances softness and shine allowing you to detangle effortlessly.
Bonding Oil
The SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Bonding Oil is a multitasking all-in-one formula that acts as a heat protectant and provides the hair with moisture, strength, shine, damage protection, and intense nourishment. This lightweight oil not only offers 24-hour frizz and humidity control but also fortifies your tresses, making them up to 5 times stronger with significantly less breakage.
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10 New Moms Share What They Wish They Knew About Sex Post-Delivery
Back when I was the teen mom director for the local chapter of a national non-profit organization, I decided to become a doula. One reason was that I couldn’t stand how disrespectfully dismissive a lot of doctors were towards pregnant teenagers (how you gonna pre-schedule C-sections in girls who are in their first trimester?). My second reason was to do some healing from my own past pregnancy choices (check out “Why I Named The Children I Aborted”). Over time, another reason was that when a woman has a child, she needs support for more than just birthing her baby.
Take her sex life, for example. Although some women have a pretty thriving sex life throughout their pregnancy and, after their six-month check-up, they resume having sex relatively smoothly then as well, for other women, their experience is quite different. And because sex, post-delivery, still (amazingly) remains a taboo topic on a lot of levels, other (new) moms suffer in silence because they feel like they are alone.
That, right there, is why I decided to sit down with some mothers to have them share what they wish someone had given them the heads up on when it comes to sex after having a child. If you are a mom who’s having some challenges in the bedroom, hopefully, this will assure you that others get exactly where you are coming from. If you’re not a mom (yet), my goal is that you can get an idea of some things that could possibly happen — so that you can surround yourself with the support that you need (i.e., a girlfriend, some other new moms, even a counselor, if necessary). That way, you can do what needs to be done to get your sex life back (or right) to where you want it to be…in time.
*Middle names are used in this type of content so that people can speak freely*
1. Bevelynn. 28. Mom of a Six-Month-Old Daughter. First Child.
Giphy“The weirdest thing for me is there are certain positions that can always make me cum that were super uncomfortable throughout most of my pregnancy. So, it felt like I was having sex for my partner instead of with him. Then, after having the baby, my man was so used to hurrying through sex because that’s how I was while pregnant that he felt self-conscious that I was trying to ‘coach him’ through foreplay like he wasn’t a good lover.
"You know how they say that sex, after abstinence, is like riding a bicycle? The hell you say! There was a lot to relearn that it was almost like having sex for the first time again. Pretty much a year of sex being one way and then adjusting to something else will do that to you. We’re still figuring it out.”
2. Embree. 34. Mom to a 11-Month-Old Son. Third Child.
“I never had postpartum depression, thank God. I did go through a long sex lull. I love my babies, Lord knows that I do, but you don’t really get just how much sex creates them until you have them, if that makes sense. Being a mom is fulfilling and draining — any woman who says otherwise isn’t taking her role as seriously as she should. And when you sit and realize that kids can’t exist without sex, you have moments when you’ll avoid having it at all costs because you don’t want to risk what comes from it — another baby. And that’s just the truth.”
3. Gail. 37. Mom to a Four-Month-Old. Third Child.
Giphy“Please don’t give your husband a hard time about getting used to your new body and hormonal changes during sex. It might be popular to act like men shouldn’t have a say in giving birth or what comes with it, but science says otherwise, and while they’re supporting you through your changes, they might end up going months without intimacy — no man wants that. The more talks [that] you have about sexual needs and expectations before getting pregnant, the better. Remember that he is a part of all of this, too.”
4. Quincee. 32. Mom to a One-Year-Old Daughter. First Child.
“I was told that I should get a doula before having my daughter, and I should’ve listened because it makes no sense to push out a baby on your back. My friends who had doula assistance learned positions that were way more helpful. Since I didn’t and my daughter, although I love her dearly, has a really big head, I tore pretty badly. The healing process was borderline hell but, more than anything, I had some PTSD about allowing any — and I do mean anything — from going into my vagina.
"I don’t care if it was a penis, a sex toy, or even a tampon, I was traumatized. Get those perineal massages before giving birth, squat during labor, and get a man who loves oral sex, both ways, so that you both can get through the adjusting. That’s the best advice that I can give on it.”
5. Francis. 30. Mom to a Seven-Month-Old. Second Child.
Giphy“You might need to see a sex therapist after having children. It might sound crazy, but no one talks about how having a baby changes everything about you — every single thing. My husband has always been able to please me, and he’s not small in the least, but after having our first child, my vagina never felt the same. That kept me from feeling the same pleasure, which made me want to have sex less and even resent him for not being able to please me like he used to.
"We tried to figure it out on our own, but that started to affect his self-esteem, and then we weren’t having much sex. My girlfriends had some of the worst advice, so I spoke with a marriage counselor who referred me to a sex therapist who helped me to understand the transitions of motherhood, sexually. It’s one of the best things that happened to our relationship. My best advice is nothing is fully ever the same after a baby — sex, for me, was on top of that list.”
6. Erda. 25. Mom to a Three-Month-Old Son. First Child.
“Being a mom is hard as sh-t — do you hear me? I am terrified of getting pregnant. I don’t mean any time soon; I’m contemplating being done forever because my pregnancy was difficult, and my son thinks that we all should be up all day and all night long. People keep telling me that this will pass, but until it does, whenever I see my husband’s penis, it’s like ‘enemy #1’ in my eyes. We can do some oral action; I’ve always been about that. But if he wants to put that thing in me, I always want him to put on three condoms — I’m NOT playing.”
Shellie here: As a doula, I’ll be checking back on her in six more months or so. Something tells me that this will have a bit more balance in the narrative. Those first few months can be a mutha, indeed.
7. Laurelle. 39. Mom to a One-Year-Old. Fourth Child.
Giphy“Even after having four kids, I never got used to my breasts being available to everyone. Mine, then my husband and mine, and then, for a season, my kids — and then sometimes everyone’s. Our two first children were less than two years apart, so I swear that my husband didn’t get to touch my breasts for like three years straight…and he’s a breast man! I don’t think anyone can fully prepare you for how to be a momand a sexual being at the same time. It’s one of the hardest things about motherhood to date.”
8. Iris. 30. Mom to a One-Year-Old. Second Child.
“Your erogenous zones might change. Mine did. I used to not be a breast person, but I started having orgasms while breastfeeding, which kind of creeped me out but then it made me want my breast played with more than ever during sex with my man. The other thing is my thighs got pulled on a lot during labor, and so, I’m kind of jumpy when my fiancé reaches out for them now — and he’s a thigh man. Having a child isn’t just a miracle because of the baby. Being able to figure out a new normal in the bedroom is a miracle, too, sis.”
Shellie here: If you can relate to what Iris just said about climaxing while breastfeeding, there is no reason to feel embarrassed or guilty.Breastfeeding tends to produce some of the same hormones that come from sexual stimulation — for instance, remember that oxytocin is a bonding chemical.It’s for this same reason that you might produce extra milk when you orgasm after having sex with your partner. It’s natural. It also tends not to last forever. It will usually pass.
9. Hope. 32. Mom to a Four-Month-Old. Second Child.
Giphy“The talk about the whole ‘Madonna-Whore’ thing that men may go through — you know, how once you become their wife or mother of their child, they have a hard time seeing you as a sexual being. Some of us go through that, too. I don’t have hang-ups about sex. I’m just not as nasty as I used to be. My body is used for so many different things now, and the fluids get all mixed in together — I dunno. Sometimes, when I’m about to show my porn side, I’m like, ‘Hold up — is this appropriate? I’m a mother now. It’s so complex, honey.”
10. Tateyana. 27. Mom to a Nine-Month-Old. First Child.
“I was told to get a co-sleeper and keep our baby out of our bed. I didn’t listen. I wish I had because now our bedroom is more like a nursery/daycare and it’s harder than ever to keep our son out of our bed — emotionally. My husband is patient; sometimes, he’s the one who wants our son to stay in the bed but we know that sex is an important part of marriage and we certainly didn’t sign up to be co-parents who are roommates. When they say that the bedroom is for sex and sleep only, the sleep part really shouldn’t be your children. They’ve got a room. They’ll be fine in there. We’re trying to wean him off now, so I’m preaching to the choir here. Sex after babies…it’s just so much.”
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Sex after babies…it’s just so much. As you can see, sex, post-delivery can be layered, complex, and sometimes challenging. Still, if you have a partner who is understanding, if you’re patient with yourself throughout your transitions, and if you get that healthy intimacy has a mental, emotional, and spiritual component that can get you through all of the physical “growing pains” that you may be experiencing — sex after having a child can become richer, closer and even better with time.
After all, a new normal? Sometimes, it exceeds what you’ve been accustomed to.
And isn’t that something to look forward to when it comes to post-delivery intimacy? Definitely.
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