I've been in a long distance relationship with the love of my life for almost three years now, and my deepest wish is to see him for more than six months out of the year. I've had an even longer love affair with the country of his birth--Jamaica--having visited since I was 19 and having extended family ties there. I literally long for the day when the beaches of Westmoreland or Ocho Rios are my backyard and when I can jerk my own chicken and pick mangoes, avocados, and coconuts outside my front door.
Now, with global quarantine orders and borders closures in place due to COVID-19, many of us have had to put any plans of traveling on hold almost indefinitely. But no worries wanderlusters.
Below, 4 women share why and how they relocated abroad, how the current events have affected their everyday lives, and--when things are back to normal--how other women can realize their dreams of moving abroad, too:
China: Karina Henry, Teacher And Model
Image via Karina Henry
How have things been for you abroad, especially with the COVID-19 pandemic changing our way of life?
In January, I returned home to visit since I had a month-long vacation for Chinese New Year. Unfortunately, due to the airline restrictions and border closings related to Coronavirus, I've been stuck in the States. I'm hoping China reopens their borders soon and allows foreigners to reenter so I can get back to my life in China!
How did you transition into working in China?
In 2018, I convinced my job in the States to approve remote work from Thailand for a month by submitting a 7-page-proposal. (To this day, I am still shocked that they approved me working from another country because they rarely approved people working from home!)
While in Thailand, I met a young lady who was living and teaching there. She told me how easy it was to find a teaching job in Asia and that I should apply. Of course, I shrugged it off and returned home to my regular job. Weeks after returning home from Thailand and settling back into my normal life, I realized how miserable I was and how much I missed my life in Thailand. I was beyond depressed. I cried everyday!
That summer, I decided to begin looking into teaching abroad and stumbled upon an awesome opportunity in Suzhou, China. I nailed the interview (which wasn't very difficult) and began preparing my documents for my visa.
In September 2018, I boarded the plane with my one-way ticket to China to begin my life abroad. I've been enjoying my life abroad ever since! I am a foreign language teacher at a privately-owned kindergarten in Shanghai and this is my second year teaching in China. Though most people find international teaching opportunities via websites like TEFL.com or Teachaway.com, I truly stumbled upon both of my teaching opportunities.
Image via Karina Henry
What resources have helped in being an expat?
When I began to consider teaching abroad, I turned to social media as a valuable resource. I joined a Facebook group called Brothas&Sistas of China, and it's a wonderful group for people of color who live or have lived in China. I began asking questions about teaching opportunities and life abroad. Because China isn't known for being very friendly to black foreigners (you wouldn't imagine how many times I've seen "only interested in European teachers" when I was job searching), I was most interested in working for a school that had already hired people of color.
I received helpful leads and reached out to schools because of referrals I received from people in the Facebook group. One of the things I love most about living in China is that opportunities are easier to find and they often fall in your lap.
In addition to teaching, I also model for a wholesale company that is based in Shanghai. How did I land that gig? I was out with a Chinese friend, stuffing my face at a restaurant, when I was approached by two representatives who asked if I'd model for them! This has also opened other doors for me in China and back home.
I recently started a YouTube channel called Karina Worldwide to document my life as a teacher, plus-size model, traveler, and black woman living life abroad!
Ghana: Maame Adjei, Actress, Producer & Creative Entrepreneur
Maame, who attended undergrad and graduate school in Philadelphia, has Ghanaian roots and decided to moved to Accra, Ghana to pursue a healthcare career in 2013. Her interests shifted when a friend suggested she try acting, and the following year she landed a starring role in the critically acclaimed show An African City. She also hosted a travel show showcasing the beauty and diversity of Ghana called Girl Going Places, and has since collaborated with other actors and creatives on the continent. Here's her story of moving abroad:
What led you to take the leap?
I've been moving "abroad" all my life. I've lived in the UK, in the US, and in Ghana. I was born in Ghana and I consider it home, [but] I left at a young age. When I finally decided to move back 7 years ago, it was like moving 'abroad' or to a new place. I had been living in Philadelphia for over a decade, so moving back to Ghana was a leap, however, it was something I had to do.
I came to Ghana on a quick 2-week vacation, and by the time I was heading back to Philadelphia, the mundaneness of my life hit me so hard.
I realized how unhappy I actually was with my life and my work and just felt an overwhelming need to shift the path and try something completely new. My family had all moved back to Ghana, and it just felt like if I was going to re-start my life with a goal to pursue happiness and passion, it was the best place to start. So I did.
What was the process to do what you love for work?
I'm a creative, and that's saying a lot in Ghana! My background is in healthcare finance and that's the field I was in before I moved to Ghana, but since I made a conscious decision to find my passions and pursue them, I took the first year of being here "off" and just traveled and lived an Eat, Pray, Love life. I had cashed out my 401k, so I had the money to just "figure it out."
In the midst of that, I started working on my own travel show. Then a friend reached out to me about a TV show she was working on, An African City, and really, my creative life began from there. So, my work found me and not vice versa.
What were the first steps you took to officially move?
Thankfully, I was moving to a country that I knew well. I had lived in Ghana as a tween, I had visited during Christmas holidays, and I had a family here, so the transition was certainly easier.
I do suggest that if you're planning on moving away from your home base, research, research, research. [Look into] work visas and how long you can stay.
Germany: Zoie-Marie, Tech Professional & Vlogger
Image via Zoie-Marie
Why did you choose to live abroad?
I am originally from New York and now living in the Stuttgart region in Germany. There are a few reasons why I decided to move abroad. During my college years I did two study abroad semesters, one to Austria and one to Germany. Those two semesters abroad really opened my eyes to travel.
Before that time I never went anywhere--never went on family vacations (outside of the country), never went on solo vacations. I was just a homebody. After those two semesters, I had a nasty bite from the travel bug.
It was so easy and affordable to travel from one place to another within Europe! To top it off, I had met so many amazing individuals, and I had the most romantic and exciting experiences which I will never forget. After that, I decided I wanted my life to always be an adventure. I wanted to make travel an essential piece of my existence which led me to the grand idea that I should move abroad officially and at least give the idea a try.
Image via Zoie-Marie
How have the quarantines and all that is related to COVID-19 affected your life?
The Coronavirus has hit me hard! My personal life is more affected than my work life. In my job, I am normally able to work from home once or twice a week, so I am not new to that. I am very fortunate that my job and my role was not affected by this virus. Outside of my job, my personal life has been halted. My main purpose of moving abroad was to travel, have experiences, and meet new people. The virus has eliminated all opportunity to continue to do that at the moment.
COVID-19 has canceled an important training trip I had to California and also a special mother-daughter vacation which I planned for Greece. I haven't seen my mother in-person since January. Further, since I moved to Germany on my own, I have no family here or nearby and due to social distancing, I cannot meet my friends or co-workers. I am home and alone 24/7. I am missing human interaction. It's extra lonely, and quite frankly all my travel plans for the year have come to a shattering and lengthy halt.
What do you do for work abroad, and how did you find job opportunities?
I am working in the artificial intelligence industry, and I was able to attain my job through LinkedIn. Before that, my two jobs in Germany did not challenge me for long and as a result, I was very unhappy with my situation. I went on LinkedIn every other week applying for jobs for over a year, and many were, in the end, not a right fit until I landed my current position.
My suggestion for anyone who wants to move abroad is to be vigilant, and if the social sites like LinkedIn are not helpful, you can try to network via Facebook groups or friends and friends of friends!
In Germany, there are numerous expat groups online where many people list or forward job openings from their companies. I even applied to one or two jobs via that channel.
Image via Zoie-Marie
What are the first steps you took to move?
First, I needed to find a job. I did extensive research on what I could do in the field of English in Germany (which is an easy field to find entry work anywhere abroad). Once I secured a job abroad, I needed to save enough money to support myself for the first few months abroad. I worked two jobs in the States, 7 days a week, and saved every penny (literally).
Before I officially moved abroad, I did research on what was needed for my work visa. Since Germany is included in the Schengen Agreement, Americans with a U.S. passport are allowed to enter Germany for a maximum period of 90 days. This allowed me to enter the country without a work permit.
As soon as I landed in Germany, my immediate task was to apply for my work visa as it was now time sensitive and the clock was ticking. I could not start my job without it [so] during that time I just relied on my savings.
My advice is to be very vigilant in getting this process started as soon as possible because the processing time could be anything from 1 to 2 months. On top of that, you will need to consider the additional tasks that must be completed before you can even apply for the permit. This includes signing up for health insurance, opening up a bank account, and finding accommodation which could take up a chunk of that 3 months.
France: Latrice Shepherd, Educator & Travel Consultant
Image via Latrice Shepherd
Latrice is from California, and after working in New York, decided to act on her dream to live in Paris. She launched her own travel site, Penniless in Paris, where she shares insights on places to go, live, and shop and where expats can find support and community. She also helps others reach their expat goals and feed their travel bugs. Here's her story:
How has life changed for you as we all face the issues of a global pandemic?
I am currently abroad in Paris and the Coronavirus has affected my life tremendously. More than ever before I wish I was home with my family. I know that I live far, but these past few weeks on lock down, I actually feel far. Additionally, as an expat, your friends become your family. Being separated from friends during the quarantine is also very difficult.
I consider myself to be an avid traveler and I'm usually exploring a new place every 90 days. Due to the lock down, I'm also unable to pursue my passion of travel. Nonetheless all is not lost.
My French neighbor and I have forged a bond during the quarantine. She's around 55, and like me she's single and lives alone. She's across the hallway, and she and I shoot the shit over a bottle of wine every other day. We remind each other that this too shall pass and talk about all the things we intend to do when the quarantine is over. We get 6 weeks of vacation in France---one of the many reasons I'm still here! When this is all over I intend to frolic in the South of France as I do every summer. There's a fabulous jazz festival in Nice in July---the largest of all of Europe. I'm also looking forward to spending the month of December at home with my family.
What sparked the final decision to move to France?
I'm originally from the [San Francisco] Bay area (yeeeeee!) but before I moved to Paris, I was living in New York. Fun Fact: The day I moved to New York, I told myself that once I was finished with New York I would move to Paris. I believe that my move was literally a stepping stone to prepare me for my relocation to Paris.
While in New York, I had been laid off from my retail management job. It was the middle of a recession and finding a job with a comparable salary was impossible. As a result I returned to university to finish my bachelor's degree since I already had an associate's.
I studied international relations, and as part of my degree program I was required to learn a second language. I chose French and studied abroad in Paris for two months during the summer to help me master the language.
After returning from Paris, I decided to pursue a second degree in French and embarked on a one-year study abroad program in Paris. I moved to Paris January 2014 for my program, and I literally never returned!
Image via Latrice Shepherd
What were the first steps you took to officially move and enjoy life in a new country?
Because I moved to Paris with my university I had to obtain a student visa for a year. I argue that a student visa is the most hassle-free visa to obtain for anyone looking to move to Paris and have the ability to work part-time.
I also significantly downsized my life before my move. I rid myself of unnecessary material things because I knew I would be gone for at least a year and I didn't know what my future held. I wanted to be able to transition to any situation smoothly and that's difficult to do when you have a lot of things in tow. Parisian apartments are very small and there's no way they can accommodate the things that we Americans tend to acquire in the States.
I arranged for all of my financial responsibilities to be managed online. I set up a checking account with Capital One 360 which is basically an online banking account with no foreign transaction fees.
I also prepared myself to integrate to another culture. Paris is not the U.S., and French culture is not American culture. It's pointless to compare the two. If I want to maintain a positive experience and a happy life, it is necessary to adapt.
What do you do for work in Paris?
I'm a tenured English lecturer at a private university. I acquired my current position through a liaison that my university uses for study abroad students in Paris. Before becoming tenured, I was working under the table (or 'au noir'), and making roughly 300 euros a month (about $330 today).
My first two years in Paris were very bare bones. I was literally surviving on scholarships and grants received from my university. Additionally, I taught English on the side. I also started a small business helping people plan trips to Paris or move abroad. That small business has since turned into a full-fledged website aptly named "Penniless in Paris." If anyone is interested in moving or even traveling to Paris, please check out the website. Au Revoir!
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Featured image courtesy of Latrice Shepherd
A Cosmic Guide To Love In 2025: What The Stars Have In Store For Your Heart
The most important lesson we are learning about love in 2025 is change. Many major Astrological transits are happening this year, and these will last for years to come. As we walk through this new year, we are being asked to let go of the things we can’t control, and give more grace to the things we can. This is a year of a new perspective on love, finding gratitude in the little things, and watching as the universe supports us and the dreams we build for ourselves here.
At the beginning of the year, we are being shown how significant 2025 will be for love. From March 1, 2025, until April 12, 2025, Venus, the planet of love and relationships, will be retrograde. Venus goes retrograde approximately every 18 months and hasn’t been retrograde since the Summer of 2023. With love taking a step back at the beginning of the year, we move through a time of understanding the emotional world better and letting go of trying to control outcomes here.
What Does 2025 Have in Store for Love?
It’s time to refocus your relationship priorities overall, and with this retrograde happening in both Aries and Pisces, Aries being the first sign of the zodiac and Pisces being the last; there is a chapter we are closing and a new one we are walking into.
Another significant factor that is influencing relationships this year, is Jupiter’s entry into Cancer. Jupiter brings blessings, abundance, luck, and expansion, and in water sign Cancer, brings these gifts to your emotions. Cancer rules emotional safety, foundations, close loved ones, family, support, and emotional well-being, and with Jupiter in this sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, we experience blessings in stability within love. This is a good year for building stronger foundations in love, aligning with those who are loyal and supportive, knowing what you need emotionally, and being a lot clearer on it.
Letting Go of the Past: The Astrological Theme of 2025
Overall, the guideline for the year when it comes to love is to focus on the bigger picture and let things work themselves out without forcing them to. Magic will come in for you this year when you can assess your needs and wants, let go of illusions or smoke and mirrors, and focus on the things you want for yourself rather than what you don’t. Your focus and beliefs on love are the priority right now, and things will be coming full circle for the better.
Read below to see your personal 2025 love forecast. Read for your sun, moon, and rising signs.
What Does Your Zodiac Sign Say About Your 2025 Love Life?
ARIES
2025 is one of the more significant years for you, Aries. A lot of the major transits are happening in your sign, which includes Venus retrograde in Aries at the beginning of the year, Neptune in Aries from March 2025 until 2039, and Saturn in Aries from May 2025 until 2028. Not to mention, Chiron, the wounded healer is currently in your sign until 2027.
What this means for you when it comes to love, is that you have learned a lot about where you want to be here, and it’s the year to implement more of these tools and knowledge of the heart.
This year for love is about honoring your integrity and what you need personally to thrive in life and creating that space to let it in. You need someone who will be there for you through whatever you are experiencing in life and not someone who adds to these challenges. This year is a time of rising above, and choosing better for yourself.
TAURUS
2025 for you when it comes to love, is all about perspective and taking better care of your heart, Taurus. Uranus, the planet of change, rebellion, progress, and upheaval, has been in your sign since 2019, and this year you get a break from all of the surprises. From Jul. 7, 2025, until Nov. 7, 2025, Uranus leaves your sign and enters Gemini, giving your mind and your heart some time to breathe.
This year you are being given the opportunity to see things for what they are, rather than what you fear them to be. You are able to see your relationship dynamics clearer, allowing you to feel more confident in what you are building and creating for yourself in this area of your life. What you are working on this year is letting go of overthinking, and allowing things to play out the way they are meant to in love.
GEMINI
This year you are feeling in balance when it comes to love, Gemini. Relationships are important to you in life overall, as you are a relationship-oriented sign, but it can be difficult at times to keep the balance and perspective here. This year, with lucky Jupiter in your sign until June, you have the opportunity to be blessed with some fortunate circumstances personally and within romance.
You are feeling yourself this year, and this is attracting you success and new opportunities within love.
Uranus will also be in your sign this year from Jul. 7 until Nov. 7, and some surprises are in store for you. Pay attention to what happens in your love life during this period, as similar themes will be coming back around for you when Uranus officially enters its Gemini transit from 2026 - 2032. Overall, this year is about balancing what’s coming and going in love, and finding your peace within your inner confidence for it all.
CANCER
2025 for you, Cancer, is about stability in love. You are growing emotionally from the ground up, and are feeling a sense of support, confidence, romance, and receptivity in your love life this year. You are one of the lucky signs of 2025, and this is due to Jupiter, the planet of blessings, entering your sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026. While Jupiter is in your sign, your life expands and you are able to see the gifts of your world that may have been harder to come by previously.
This is a year of spending more time with your loved ones and feeling more heard and supported emotionally. Safety and security are especially important to you this year, and you are only entertaining the people who feel that way about you and provide that. Many Cancers will be expanding their families this year or developing a long-term relationship, and overall this is a year of feeling stronger when it comes to love.
LEO
When it comes to love this year for you, Leo, it’s about trusting your intuition and listening more to what your heart is telling you. There are not many major transits happening in Leo in 2025, which means there is a lot of room to grow, but you may be feeling a lack of support or encouragement to do so. A lot of Leos are taking a step back to look at where they are currently in love, and yearning for some change and a new direction here.
Neptune will be in your 9th house of adventure for most of this year, and you are being asked to get inspired and do things differently, but don’t take unnecessary risks in love that may not serve you in the long run.
It can be easy to get lost in the fantasy of love rather than the actual reality you’ll live in here, and taking more time to understand yourself, your relationships, and the dynamics in your love life will be necessary. Overall, your heart is healing this year and you are moving away from the past and creating your new future.
VIRGO
This year when it comes to love, you are going through changes that are aligning you closer to your goals and dreams here, Virgo. You are focused on making things work that you want to see bloom, and also letting go of putting effort into people that aren’t reciprocating the same energy. With the North Node entering your sister sign Pisces and the South Node moving into your sign from Jan. 11, 2025, until Jul. 26, 2026, you are doing a lot of letting go over the next year.
However, with the North Node being in your 7th house of love, new doors and gifts are also opening up for you and your partnerships. The more you can let go of perfection and overworking your mind and your heart, the more blessings you will experience when it comes to love this year. In 2025, you also have two Eclipses in your sign, and there are overall a lot of changes Virgos are moving through this year. Your main guidance for love is to stand by the things that serve your heart and release yourself from what burdens it.
LIBRA
Love is coming to fruition for you this year, Libra. You have been through a lot in your personal life these past few years, and walking into 2025, you are ready for some positive change. This is a year of feeling in balance with your personal goals and dreams, and what you are experiencing romantically and financially as well. Relationship dynamics are serving you and your sense of abundance, and many gifts are coming your way in love this year.
With Neptune, Chiron, and Saturn all being in your 7th house of love, your love life and partnerships are the main focus for you in 2025.
You are moving through changes, overcoming previous obstacles, and bringing back the dreamy energy here. With Chiron in the 7th, you are still doing some healing of the heart, but with Neptune now entering, it all feels a little more romantic and spiritual at the same time. This year is about believing in the impossible in love, taking care of yourself, and allowing someone else to take care of you as well.
SCORPIO
This year is all about opportunity when it comes to love, Scorpio. You have your eyes on the prize and are focused on what you want for yourself, but also how you want to show up for love as well. You have goals and intentions that you are setting for your love life this year, and a lot of them reflect the passion and strength you are feeling as you enter the year. Vesta is in your sign this year until September, and you have a spark within you that is a magnet for success and love. You are walking forward confidently and are feeling inspired, sexy, and magical this year.
This is a very sensual and powerful year for you, and this energy is being reflected in the relationship experiences you are having. Jupiter also enters your 9th house of adventure halfway through the year, and there is something special about the trips you are taking and the risks you are taking in love. Overall, this is a year of doing things your way and attracting love to you through your inner confidence and charisma.
SAGITTARIUS
This is a beautiful year of feeling balanced and abundant in love, Sagittarius. There is a lot of energy coming in and you are giving a lot of love as well. This sense of synergy you are feeling within your love life this year has a lot to do with Juno, the asteroid of soulmates, in your sign from Feb. 19 - Apr. 15. Your people are coming in and you have options this year, Sag.
This is a year of feeling loved for the inspiring, outgoing, and unique being you are, and meeting more people who match your energy.
Saturn also enters your 5th house of romance this year, and you are learning a lot through your experiences with others. You are learning how to be more confident in who you are and what you want for yourself and also recognizing the importance of making more time for fun and playful experiences. This is the year to see love as a more light-hearted experience and to not take yourself too seriously.
CAPRICORN
You are letting things come to you when it comes to love this year, Capricorn. You are feeling beautiful, capable, and worthy, and you are receiving the gifts that come from this sense of confidence and patience. This past year, you were setting a lot of new goals for yourself and your relationships, and in 2025, you are experiencing the results of these efforts.
Jupiter moves into your sister sign Cancer from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, and enters your 7th house of love, partnerships, romance, marriage, and harmony. Your love life and experience of it all are expanding this year, and benevolent Jupiter is sending blessings to this area of your life. This is a year of things coming full circle for you in love, and you feel less confused about it all and more sure of yourself and what is becoming for you here.
AQUARIUS
Love is a highlight for you this year, Aquarius. You are coming together with another, and many Aquarius’ will be forming new relationships or growing within a strong relationship. You are experiencing the fruition of your dreams in love, and are also able to heal and let go of past emotional experiences that have been overwhelming for you in the past.
The North Node enters your 12th house of closure this year, and you are motivated towards change, cleaning house, and releasing the cobwebs of the past.
You are walking into new emotional experiences with less baggage and self-doubt, and are experiencing a fresh start in love. This is a year of asking for what you need emotionally and receiving it. Love is coming in for you in harmonious and magical ways, and you are rewriting your story in love in 2025.
PISCES
You are moving through a lot of changes when it comes to love in 2025, Pisces. This is a year of closure, healing, and giving yourself a fresh start, and the way you enter the year will be a lot different than the way you end it. The North Node of Destiny enters your sign this year, and the South Node of Karma enters your 7th house of love. So, a lot of your focus this year is on your personal goals and path, and there may be some neglect or lack of focus on your relationships.
This can create some discord with those close to you, and your guidance for this year is to try to balance the personal successes and wins you are experiencing, with the love changes that also need your attention right now. Know that what leaves your life this year is being replaced by something better, and also know that your healing doesn’t need to have a timeline and you can take as much time as you need to grow. Overall, you are turning a new page in love in 2025.
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Featured image by Anchiy/Getty Images
Even though I work with mostly married couples, that doesn’t mean some of my clients aren’t engaged or single (which I personally classify as being not married or betrothed). And y’all, if there is one thing that I will advise single folks on — male and female alike — when it comes to intimacy, specifically, it’s please do not choose someone for the long run who is merely “good at sex;” instead, select an individual who enjoys it because there is a really big difference between the two.
It has been my professional observation (20 years in at this point) that people who are good at coitus can oftentimes find ways to weaponize, manipulate, and gaslight with it. People who enjoy it, though? Within them, there is a natural level of enthusiasm, joy and, even if they aren’t all that masterful, skill and technique-wise, at the acts(s), they are more than willing to learn (or customize).
The Oral Sex Gap: What Statistics Reveal About Giving and Receiving
Oral sex isn’t exempt here — and boy, when it comes to that topic, there are layers abundant. Although I’m pretty sure that no one is shocked that both fellatio and cunnilingus are acts that are hella popular and even preferred to actual intercourse (well, at least when it comes to women), what may surprise you is that while reportedly only 28 percent of women actually enjoy giving head, they still tend to go down on men way more than men go down on them (well, us — check out “What?! Only 35 Percent Of Men Go Down? Say It Ain’t So.”).
Not only that but I can’t tell you how many men and women have said to me that if there is one thing they wish would improve when it comes to experiencing intimacy with their partner, it’s oral sex — sometimes when it comes to receiving, sometimes when it comes to giving…sometimes when it comes to both.
Y’all, it would truly suck (absolutely no pun intended here) to go into (wow!) a quarter of this century and not be able to say by the end of it that 2025 was the year that you got some of the best cunnilingus — and gave some of the best fellatio — ever. And so, please take a moment to review a few helpful give-and-receive oral sex hacks. Nothing below is super revelatory or complex. If anything, they’re all just reminders that a bit of tweaking can lead to some totally mind-blowing oral action. It’s damn near guaranteed.
How to Make 2025 the Year of Mind-Blowing Oral Sex
GIVE: Be More Enthusiastic
GiphyJust like I write about sex a lot, I also talk to people about it quite a bit — and when it comes to fellatio, although I do hear some men express that they wish their partner would improve in the technique department, what is conveyed even more is that they think their partners lack in the enthusiasm department; enthusiasm in the sense that no one wants to feel like someone is going down on them when they would rather do just about anything but. SMDH.
Enthusiasm is all about approaching something earnestly, eagerly, and with a lot of passion. It’s about doing something because YOU want to, not just because it’s expected of you.
And so, if you know that you lack enthusiasm and it’s genuinely because you feel a bit self-conscious because you don’t think that you’re as good at going down as you would like, first check out articles on the platform like “Are You Ready To Amp Up Your Oral Sex Game? Try This.,” “12 Things You Should Do During Oral (That You Probably Aren't)” and “Umm...Wanna Learn How To Swallow? Try These 10 Hacks.”
And what if you struggle with zeal because you really don’t like doing it? Well, check out “Sooo...What If You HATE Oral?” and then be ready to have an open and honest (yet kind) conversation with your partner. Sometimes just getting that off of your chest can release a lot of pressure, so that you two can figure out something that will work for you both…together.
RECEIVE: Be More Communicative
GiphySomething else that I have noticed is A LOT of people sure do have egos when it comes to oral sex — this time, I mean in the giving department. It’s kind of wild (and unfortunate) too because it’s pretty unrealistic to think that just because a hot mouth is around genitalia, that should automatically mean that undeniable pleasure will ensue. Nah, the only way that anyone is going to get the type of oral sex pleasure that they long for is if they are willing to openly and effectively communicate with their partner.
And no, I don’t mean barking orders around. I mean, mastering the art of dirty talk which means watching your tone (make sure it’s inviting), clearly expressing what feels good and also being patient throughout the process. Y’all, the reality is that, although the acts of sex are somewhat generalized, each of us has individual “edits” that we like to have made — and there’s no way that your partner will know that unless you speak up. So…SPEAK. UP (check out “How To Make Him Better At Oral (Without Putting Him On The Spot)”).
GIVE: Master the Frenulum
GiphyThe underside of a man’s penis that is closest to his scrotum (balls)? That is called his frenulum. Since it’s considered to be the most sensitive part of a man’s penis, that’s why it definitely deserves some extra special attention when you’re giving a guy oral sex. You can do this by using your fingers to act like you’re sending a text (or playing a flute) while you are performing fellatio. You can put an ice cube in your mouth and lick the base of his penis so that he can experience some temperature play.
You can get your favorite sex condiment (check out “12 ‘Sex Condiments’ That Can Make Coitus Even More...Delicious”), apply it to his penis, and then lick the base as if it were an ice cream cone. You can put a vibrator on his frenulum while he’s in your mouth. You can lick the tip while using a penis massager like the Arcwave Ion Penis Stimulator (which uses airwaves as its main stimuli). The bottom line with this giving tip is to remember that just like your clitoris is the most sensitive part of your vulva, his frenulum is the most sensitive part of his penis — so, if you want to blow his mind, you simply shouldn’t ignore it.
P.S. To be fair, if a man is circumcised, he may only have a partial frenulum or he may not have one at all; however, because there still tend to be quite a few nerve endings at the base of a man’s penis, it still can be stimulated, so still give it some TLC either way.
RECEIVE: Have Him Give You “Cunnilingus Foreplay”
GiphyMaybe it’s just me, but I don’t get how there is foreplay for intercourse and not foreplay for oral sex. Hmph. Maybe it’s because far too many people see fellatio and cunnilingus as foreplay — I don’t, though. In my eyes, they are both types of sex which means they both deserve some “pregaming” action, if you know what I mean. On the cunnilingus tip, I think that men should be encouraged to kiss their inner thighs more and keep their partner’s underwear on longer.
Licking on top of panties, using ice for its own cunnilingus-focused temperature play, pulling panties in and while gently sucking on a woman’s vaginal lips (which stimulates her clitoris due to the pressure of the fabric that is on it) — these are all examples of doing just what foreplay does: serve as a prelude to sex.
That said, if you’ve got someone who simply “dives right in,” slow things down with a bit of cunnilingus foreplay. It will make the experience even hotter and will significantly increase your chances of having multiple oral orgasms (because yes, those are an actual thing too!).
GIVE: Focus on Other Erogenous Zones (Simultaneously)
GiphyTell me something: when you’re giving your partner head, where are your hands? If they are on his shaft, that’s cool (more on that in a bit); however, do you make the time to explore other parts of his body too? Yeah, let’s also make 2025 the year when we explore more than just the obvious erogenous zones. For men, places that drive them wild include their lower stomach, inner thighs, and nipples. While you’re down below, use your hands to caress those parts of his body.
Oh, and before you even get down there, massage his scalp and/or French kiss his earlobes as you whisper just what he is in for. Since, from what I’ve read, many guys are fine with fellatio lasting between 5-7 minutes (if they know that intercourse is on its way, that is) — by focusing on his other “hot spots” at the same time, that time might get even shorter.
RECEIVE: Get into Different Positions
GiphyJust like the missionary position is the traditional go-to for sex (hey, and don’t sleep on it either; check out “Here's Why The Missionary Position Will Forever Be Top-Tier” and “15 Hot Tips Giving The Missionary Position The Upgrade You Crave”), a woman being on her back is the traditional way that she (we) receive cunnilingus. However, just like other sex positions can “hit spots” in ways that you never saw coming — well, cumming — positioning your body in other ways during cunnilingus can do the same thing.
Get on all fours, so that your partner can slide his head in between your knees. Stand up and put one leg on the bed while he kneels in front of you. Try the Kivin Method which is basically about you being on your back while your partner goes down on you from a side angle (that way, your clitoris, vaginal opening, and perineum can all be easily stimulated).
Sit in a chair and “receive him” that way. Get into the doggy-style position and see if you like it from that direction. I’m telling you, folks be out here seriously missing out on other forms of oral pleasure and it’s all because they think that there is just one way to “do” oral — THERE ABSOLUTELY IS NOT.
GIVE: Use a (Wet) Hand
GiphyThere’s a series that I stumbled upon several years ago on YouTube entitled,Diary of a Cheating Man. During the second episode, the main (cheating) character said something while hiding in the closet from one of his ladies’ boyfriend: “I’m too old for this sh-t. I thought I got past this in high school or somethin’. Maybe Preston was right; I’m supposed to be the player and I’m out here gettin’ played by some fake ass basketball wife. Hey, I can’t lie, though. I get why dude is so overprotective. It’s hard to find a girl who can do the twisty hand thing when she gives you head.” LOL.
And you know what? That lil’ hack receives high praise, even in real life — plenty of men have told me so. Yep, massaging your partner’s penis while you are performing fellatio on him can provide an indescribable sensation because there are different types of applied pressures that are happening simultaneously.
If you want to make it extra erotic, either put some lube on your hands (flavored lube is even better — for you) or apply something like shea butter or a carrier oil (check out “So, Here Are The Carrier Oils That Will Take Your Sex Life To A Whole 'Nother Level”) to the shaft of his penis. Not only will it reduce the friction (and potential chafing), but it will require you to do less work in the “make it wet” department (you know, via spit) as well.
RECEIVE: Incorporate a Pillow
GiphyWhen it comes to cunnilingus, oh, what a difference a pillow makes. It’s practical (because it makes giving a lot easier on a man’s neck). It’s comfortable (because, as a receiver, your lower body is propped up without a ton of effort on your part). And it can help the experience to last longer, if that’s what you’d like — because, from what I’ve read and researched (check out “Who Knew Oral Sex Has An Official Time Limit?”), many women want to “be on the receiving end” anywhere from 15-30 minutes at a time.
Honestly, your own pillows should be able to suit you just fine. Still, if you want to become extra well-versed in all things oral, check out Cosmo’s, “16 Best Sex Pillows, Wedges, and Cushions of 2024 for Hitting All the Right Angles;” you should be able to find one or two that will…get you right. #wink
GIVE AND RECEIVE: Make Eye Contact
GiphyAccording to science, when eye contact is made during sex, not only can it intensify your arousal (by increasing the levels of dopamine that are able to surge throughout your system), but it can also make you feel more connected to your partner. That’s why I decided to close this out by encouraging you and your partner alike to give each other eye contact while giving and receiving oral sex. And you know what this means, right?
In order for this to happen, you’ve got to be able to see each other (check out “How To Incorporate All Five Senses To Have The Best Sex Ever”) — and that means you need to have a red, blue, or purple light bulb in your bedroom or some lit scented soy candles. The right lighting, a comfortable position, and eyes peering into each other during fellatio and cunnilingus — whew…does it get any better than that? Test it out and see, chile. Test it out and freakin’…see.
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