This Emmy-Nominated Producer Says Self-Care Teaches Others How To Value You
In xoNecole's Finding Balance, we profile boss women making boss moves in the world and in their respective industries. We talk to them about their business, their life, and most of all, what they do to find balance in their busy lives.
Since the launch of her first company back in 2011, Revitalized Media Group, Tamra Simmons has created a brand for herself as one of the top influential women in the entertainment industry as a talent agent, casting director and TV producer with an extensive portfolio of work such as producer credits on VH1's Growing Up Hip Hop and Mary Mary. The inspirational single momprenuer has gone on to launch her international firm, The Tamra Simmons Brand Agency, and been deemed as a powerhouse amongst names such as Ava DuVernay, John Legend, and Chelsea Peretti.
While she currently is in the midst of earning her MS and JD, Tamra is also balancing the hats of entrepreneur, filmmaker, CEO, and mother. This internationally acclaimed CEO of LA Productions, LLC is most recently notable for her role as a creator and executive producer of Lifetime's groundbreaking docuseries Surviving R. Kelly, which has 26.8 million viewers to date and over 20 million live streams since its debut on January 3, 2019 with part two airing in January 2020.
For this installment of "Finding Balance", xoNecole had the chance to discuss with award-winning producer Tamra Simmons about her understanding relationship with her closest friends, managing her multiple hats in the entertainment industry and the importance of self-care.
xoNecole: At what point in your life did you understand the importance of pressing pause and finding balance in both your personal and professional life?
Tamra Simmons: I knew that I needed to find balance in my personal and professional life when I realized the importance of ensuring your family is never last while reaching your goals. Being a mompreneur is challenging and makes you have to create a structure that one may typically not need to create. Even as an entrepreneur, it is vital that you find a balance never to lose value in the things and people that mean the most and also to keep you centered in all that you do.
"Being a mompreneur is challenging and makes you have to create a structure that one may typically not need to create. Even as an entrepreneur, it is vital that you find a balance never to lose value in the things and people that mean the most and also to keep you centered in all that you do."
What is a typical day in your life? If no day is quite the same, give me a rundown of a typical work week and what that might consist of.
Ha! No day is typical. Every day is different, and it all depends if I am currently in production filming or developing. I find myself now having to rearrange my schedule due to COVID-19, and now the kids are attending school virtually. I am currently a homeschool teacher, CEO, filmmaker, television developer, and, most importantly, mom. My day usually consists of conference calls, development strategy meetings, reviewing scripts, studying from Southern New Hampshire University, and entering into [Georgia State University] Law, catching up on politics while teaching my son in between his Zooms. When I am in production, it consists of 10-14 hour days on set, in the office, or on network calls to prepare for production.
What are your mornings like?
I wake up praying, cooking breakfast, and preparing for the day, which can mean checking emails, posting on social media for the morning with inspiration, and writing down my calendar for the day. I then decide if I can squeeze in the gym in the morning or the afternoon.
How do you wind down at night?
Sometimes I catch up on phone calls I wasn't able to make during the day. I like to schedule dinner between 6-8 and spend time with my son before he goes to bed. I then try to grab a book after my son goes to bed and relax and unwind.
Do you practice any types of self-care? What does that look like for you?
Yes. I started this thing where I go to the spa at least once a week, if time permits. I found that when I take that hour out to myself to get a massage, it relaxes me for the rest of the week. I try and get a 60-minute massage every Wednesday or at least every other Wednesday. I also started going to the gym more. I found that working out is not to look good, but I internally feel good, and it keeps my spirits up. I have been on the treadmill, sending emails, making business plans, etc. It allows my creative juices to flow. I used to do so much for everyone else that I finally realized I have to take time for myself and that I am important, too.
"I used to do so much for everyone else that I finally realized I have to take time for myself and that I am important, too."
What advice do you have for busy women who feel like they don’t have time for self-care?
My one [piece of] advice to women who feel like they don't have time, YOU MUST CREATE TIME. If you do not create time for yourself, guess what? No one else is going to care or value you. When you take care of yourself, you not only are teaching yourself how to value you, but you're also teaching others how to value you. It took me a while to learn this, but I swore I was never going back to non-self-care once I did.
How do you find balance with:
Friends?
My friends that I have know that I am swamped and that I am balancing a lot at one time. I usually will make sure I attend their holiday, birthday celebrations, and keep in touch with them as much as possible. Many of us will have dinner like one-on-one every few weeks to stay in touch. I'm usually the party planner for their birthdays and joyous celebrations, so the fact we do not talk every day does not bother them because they know that I am going to come through on the most important days of their lives. They understand that we may not talk every day, but I love them no less. Real friendships do not have to be in each others' faces daily to say they are friends. The ones who continue to love you and be there for you without seeing them all the time are the real friends you need in your corner.
"Real friendships do not have to be in each others' faces daily to say they are friends. The ones who continue to love you and be there for you without seeing them all the time are the real friends you need in your corner."
Exercise?
I work out four days a week twice a day if my schedule allows it. I try to have some cardio in the morning and work on certain parts of my body in the evening, such as leg day, back day, etc.
What about health? Do you cook or find yourself eating out?
I do meal prep often and intake only so many calories at the time. If I eat out because I am on the go, I usually try and make sure I am eating healthy on the go.
Do you ever detox?
Yes, I detox at least once a week. I love how it makes my body feel clean from toxins that it may be filled with, and it helps me stay extra hydrated.
When you are going through a bout of uncertainty, or feeling stuck, how do you handle it?
I pray often and meditate. Prayer is the key to keeping my sanity, especially working in this industry. If I am stuck in life, I ask God to guide me and wait for Him to lead me to the next step.
"Prayer is the key to keeping my sanity, especially working in this industry. If I am stuck in life, I ask God to guide me and wait for Him to lead me to the next step."
What do you do when you have a creative block on a project or feel like you have to clear your head before going into a project?
When I feel stuck creatively, I will put on some feel-good music and allow my mind to escape and then come back to that subject.
Honestly, what does success and happiness mean to you?
Success means to be reaching a particular goal, whether it turns out the way you wanted to or not. The only way you fail is if you never try. I believe all those who try are successful. They are successful at striving no matter the result. In the industry, people equate your level of success to accolades, awards, and money. That does not equal success to me. To me, you are successful when you have a vision, passion, and desire and continue to keep your eye moving forward and not looking at where everyone else is.
You determine your success. Now there are levels of success; however, you dictate those as well. Happiness, to me, looks like when you can take care of yourself. You may not have everything you want, but you have everything you need, and you can continuously provide for your family.
For more Tamra, follow her on Instagram!
Featured image by Marjoni Janee.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
From Toxic Traits To Transformative Growth: Understanding Evolved Vs. Unevolved Zodiac Signs
Explore your sign’s 2024 horoscope predictions to learn what is in store for you this year in love, career, and more. Check out the love compatibility of each sign to learn more about zodiac pairings and all things compatibility.
Have you ever heard someone talk about a certain zodiac sign and wondered why your experience of that particular sign has been completely different? We have all heard about the notorious Gemini Man or Virgo Man being a difficult partner to have in love, but does this apply to all Geminis and all Virgos? Well, this is where the discussion of evolved signs vs. unevolved signs comes in. It’s the idea that, while some toxic or challenging traits are more prevalent in certain signs, it also depends on the individual at hand and on whether or not they have evolved in life.
Evolved vs. Unevolved Signs: A Guide
Astrology is life-changing not only because it allows you to learn more about yourself, but it also allows you to see certain behaviors or traits in yourself, and change them if you are not happy with the way they manifest in your life. To be evolved means to learn and develop. In order to tell whether you are dealing with an evolved sign or an unevolved sign, look at the way they navigate their strengths and weaknesses. We are all predisposed to certain behaviors aligned with our zodiac sign; it’s how you grow from your experiences rather than what you accept as a defining characteristic of who you are.
Evolved signs have done the inner work, unevolved signs make excuses for their behavior.
When we are talking about evolved zodiac signs, we are talking about the Virgo who appreciates progress more than perfection, the Libra who trusts that they can stick to a decision rather than accepting they are incapable of making the best one, and the Aries who takes intentional action rather than an impulsive one. It’s those people you meet and they make you change your perspective on a certain sign you may have had a negative experience with in the past. An unevolved sign, however, is the Aquarius who isolates rather than expresses how they are feeling, the Scorpio who lets their jealousy get the best of them rather than trusting their connections, and the Leo who puts their ego before anything else.
The good news is that if you feel you are living a more unevolved version of your zodiac sign, you can change this by first addressing where you may be self-sabotaging, and where you can highlight more of your strengths. Healing from past traumas, seeking a therapist or astrologer, or overall making your well-being more of a priority all will benefit. When you are feeling good within, you attract more experiences to you to where you can be that evolved version of yourself rather than entertain old habits or ways of relating that don’t serve you.
It takes work, but the more you tap into the evolved version of yourself and strengthen this part of you, the less you will revert to your old ways or attract those same types of toxic or unevolved people towards you.
So, how do you know which side of the coin you are dealing with or are yourself? Read below to find out more about the traits and characteristics of the evolved vs. unevolved signs of the zodiac.
EVOLVED ARIES
- Confident
- Methodical
- Disciplined
- Leader
- Energetic
UNEVOLVED ARIES
- Aggressive
- Short-tempered
- Reckless
- Arrogant
- Impulsive
You’ll know whether you are dealing with an evolved Aries versus an unevolved Aries through the way they communicate and approach others. If they are confident and encouraging, you are dealing with an evolved Aries who is comfortable with who they are but also doesn't feel the need to force their energy on you. Unevolved Aries will make you take a step back, evolved Aries will make you want more. Aries’ strengths are that they are bold and assertive, but an unevolved Aries tends to create more disagreements or challenges with others in the process.
EVOLVED TAURUS
- Abundance-mindset
- Grounded
- Generous
- Compassionate
- Trustworthy
UNEVOLVED TAURUS
- Materialistic
- Stubborn
- Lazy
- Vengeful
- Envious
An evolved Taurus versus an unevolved Taurus can be differentiated by the person who has stability or who has goals in life that they share with you and are working towards. The unevolved Taurus you will most likely find on the couch, demanding that you give them what they need at the same time. Unevolved Tauruses tend to show traits of envy or jealousy when you are explaining a recent win to them. An evolved Taurus will be the first person you want to go to with the good news, and they are a big support and secure person to their loved ones.
EVOLVED GEMINI
- Communicative
- Curious
- Creative
- Innovative
- Fun
UNEVOLVED GEMINI
- Confusing
- Chaotic
- Disorganized
- Bored
- Unpredictable
An evolved Gemini will have you feeling understood, heard, and inspired. They are fun and light-hearted people to be around. An unevolved Gemini will have you questioning them, life, and everything in between- and will create unneeded chaos in your life. Unevolved Geminis are notorious for being unavailable and disloyal in relationships, and you can tell the difference between whether they are evolved or not by what they do when they are bored. Do your Gemini create or connect, or do they do something destructive, leaving you feeling a deep sense of distrust around them?
EVOLVED CANCER
- Compassionate
- Nostalgic
- Supportive
- Nourishing
- Protective
UNEVOLVED CANCER
- Moody
- Holds a grudge
- Pessimistic
- Manipulative
- Clingy
An evolved Cancer leaves you feeling supported, nourished, and loved. An unevolved Cancer may make you feel the same way, but will be hot and cold on when and how they show it. An evolved Cancer will be your go-to and someone you can trust with basically anything. An unevolved Cancer, however, you will steer away from and not want to express yourself to them for fear of them making things worse. Evolved Cancers understand their emotions, unevolved Cancers let their emotions get the best of them.
EVOLVED LEO
- Self-confident
- Passionate
- Generous
- Motivating
- Kind-hearted
UNEVOLVED LEO
- Entitled
- Angry
- Selfish
- Controlling
- Dramatic
Evolved Leo has an evolved ego. They have a strong sense of self, they know who they are and what they want, but they don’t let that get in the way of how they treat others. Unevolved Leos command the room in a way where you are looking at them in shock rather than in awe. Unevolved Leos think the world revolves around them, evolved Leos think the same thing but also want other people to be in that world or think the same thing about themselves as well. Evolved Leos are like the Sun, and you will feel enlivened in their presence.
EVOLVED VIRGO
- Organized
- Caring
- Down-to-Earth
- Inspiring
- Helpful
UNEVOLVED VIRGO
- Perfectionist
- Overly critical
- Resentful
- Anxious
- Cynical
The easiest way to tell the difference between an evolved Virgo and an unevolved Virgo is the way they make you feel. If they make you feel inspired and like you can accomplish or experience great things, you are dealing with an evolved Virgo. If they are overly critical of everything you do, you are dealing with an unevolved Virgo. Evolved Virgos help you grow, unevolved Virgos tend to make you feel incapable of that. Evolved Virgos can laugh off or let go of the little things, unevolved Virgos will get caught up in them.
EVOLVED LIBRA
- Relationship-oriented
- Balanced
- Charming
- Diplomatic
- Fair
UNEVOLVED LIBRA
- Codependent
- People-pleaser
- Flaky
- Indecisive
- Dishonest
Evolved Libras make some of the best partners, friends, and confidants. Unevolved Libras make some of the hardest of the above to maintain. The difference between the two is the Libra's ability to find the balance between their needs and the needs of others. Libras are relationship-oriented people, but unevolved Libras tend to let this trait get the best of them and will be in and out of relationships and never really settle down to figure out what they truly want and need. Evolved Libras love, but will not sacrifice their sense of self in the process.
EVOLVED SCORPIO
- Passionate
- Mysterious
- Intuitive
- Transformative
- Resilient
UNEVOLVED SCORPIO
- Obsessive
- Secretive
- Reclusive
- Destructive
- Ruthless
The difference between an evolved Scorpio and an unevolved Scorpio is their ability to let go. Evolved Scorpios have learned from their past and have made their life better in the process. Unevolved Scorpios hold onto a lot of resentments and often cause themselves or others emotional turmoil. Evolved Scorpios can let people in and make some of the most loyal, protective, and supportive partners. Unevolved Scorpios tend to be very distrustful of others and have a hard time letting go of control in any way or letting people get close to their inner world.
EVOLVED SAGITTARIUS
- Outgoing
- Optimistic
- Spiritual
- Adventurous
- Genuine
UNEVOLVED SAGITTARIUS
- Dramatic
- Brash
- Superiority-complex
- Unreliable
- Careless
The evolved Sagittarius are inspiring, optimistic, and hopeful. The unevolved Sagittarius is just about the complete opposite of that. Evolved Sagittariuses have learned to fuel their adventurous spirit with intentional action rather than recklessness, and are there for their loved ones rather than leaving people hanging or being unreliable. Unevolved Sagittariuses can be very rude and aggressive and will mask this behavior with humor. They can be very harsh, rather than the evolved Sagittarius who is still outgoing, but is also genuine and confident and aligned with their highest self.
EVOLVED CAPRICORN
- Hard-working
- Loyal
- Stable
- Sensible
- Ambitious
UNEVOLVED CAPRICORN
- Workaholic
- Unforgiving
- Rigid
- Stubborn
- Dominating
When you are looking at an evolved Capricorn, you find yourself in the presence of someone loyal, hardworking, and down-to-earth. An unevolved Capricorn can be judgemental and cold, with only their personal goals in mind. Unevolved Capricorns seem to be stuck in the same place in life, and unmoving in what they believe is best for them. Evolved Capricorns are open to feedback and are flexible enough to figure out what is truly best for them, to explore, and to allow someone else to lead them at times. Evolved Capricorns are responsible and productive but take care of their well-being in the process.
EVOLVED AQUARIUS
- Freedom-oriented
- Logical
- Friendly
- Open-minded
- Outgoing
UNEVOLVED AQUARIUS
- Distant
- Cold
- Disloyal
- Detached
- Superiority-complex
Evolved Aquarius and unevolved Aquarius are mirrors of each other. The evolved version of Aquarius is friendly, open-minded, and supportive of not only themselves but of others as well. The unevolved version of Aquarius can be quite distant and detached from their relationships and life altogether and can be hard for people to get close to. Evolved Aquariuses value their independence, but don't use escapist behavior as an excuse for their actions. Unevolved Aquariuses will leave someone on read for months instead of just telling someone how they feel.
EVOLVED PISCES
- Loving
- Intuitive
- Compassionate
- Creative
- Romantic
UNEVOLVED PISCES
- Consuming
- Escapist
- Moody
- Distant
- Unrealistic
Evolved Pisces are the artists, muses, lovers, and dreamers. Unevolved Pisces may have that same creative energy but tend to wear rose-colored glasses that get them into trouble in the process. Pisces are hard to grasp in the first place with their fluid, mutable nature, but an unevolved Pisces will make that distance feel like miles. Unevolved Pisces can get pretty messy and will act out on their emotions without getting the full picture or giving themselves time to sort things through. Evolved Pisces on the other hand, let their emotions inspire them and know how to step into their true power.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by