

Lord y'all. Where do I begin?
Like a lot of you, I sat down last night and watched the first two episodes of the six-part docuseries of Lifetime's Surviving R. Kelly. However, I'm not so sure my reasons behind doing it are like most.
My friends and even my (marriage life coaching) clients know that I'm the type of person who isn't nearly as interested in "the tree" (the way a person appears to be or even currently is) as I am in the "the roots" (what's going on underneath it all and the history that led them to where they are).
And so, as a sexual abuse and assault survivor myself, while I was a mixture of saddened, horrified, and empathetic with the various women that R. Kelly has manipulated, controlled, and abused over the span of his entire career (some of us should really let that sink in), it was honestly the first 30 minutes of the first episode that really stuck with me.
But let me lay the foundation for where I'm going with this first.
I was a freshman in college in 1992. R. Kelly and Public Announcement were already out and it was in the late fall of the following year when his solo LP debuted. March of 1993 is when I had sex with my first official boyfriend (I was molested by a family member before that time, but my first love is who I would've chosen to give my virginity to…had I had the chance to choose). The song that was playing in the background was "Honey Love". By winter, "It Seems Like You're Ready" was like a staple in my relationship (and sex life). A girl never forgets her first time so yes, ironically, for better or for worse, R. Kelly will be forever etched into one of the most impactful sexual and emotional experiences I've ever had.
Because of that, I think there is a weird connection I've always had towards him. I didn't just like his songs, they moved me. "Dedicated". "Sex Me". "Your Body's Callin'". "I Can't Sleep". "I Wish". "Just Like That". "When a Woman's Fed Up". "Strip for You". "The Greatest Sex". "R&B Thug". "I'm Your Angel". Y'all already know I could go on…and on…and on. Because no matter how sick he is — and Robert Kelly is indeed not well — it's irrefutable that he's a musical genius. And therein was my conflict.
Maybe that's why, several years ago, when The Boondocks did the oh-so-classic episode of how R. Kelly basically entertained his way through his court proceedings and got off because of it, I found it to be profound but also quite funny. He had already not-so-allegedly urinated in a child's mouth on video tape. And just like writer Jamilah Lemieux asked in the doc-series, "Where was Essence? Where was Ebony? Why didn't the culture say that something's wrong?" At the time, the animated character (who usually had more sense than most of the adults on the cartoon) Huey stood before the court and said, "What the hell is wrong with you people?! Every famous n*gga that gets arrested is not Nelson Mandela." #facts
And really…what is wrong with us? How could things get so far that there is now a six-part documentary series with woman after woman sobbing about the nothing-short-of-torture they've been through at the hands of someone so many of us are still in conflict about?
This is where "the roots" that I referred to earlier come in.
As someone who was molested by a family member for years and then sexually-assaulted in high school by two young men while at the school, only to have family members and then an entire school administration try and figure out how to do everything but what should've been done (which was notify the police so that all three perpetrators could be arrested), it triggered me. How is it that there are people whom are following the R. Kelly situation say things like "Why are they just saying something now?", "If they didn't want it to happen to them, they should've just left" or "Clearly they liked it…they kept doing it." Unless you've been mentally controlled and emotionally traumatized by a sexual predator, you have no idea the kind of hell it can put you through. How confusing, complex, degrading, and baffling it all can be. And then, on top of that, to have people who can't relate re-victimize survivors by telling them how and when they should handle their own violations?! From the very bottom of my heart, anyone like that, please kindly just shut up.
Yet, as I was listening to these women, something hit me.
The first episode opened up with R. Kelly's childhood. People who knew him said that he was quiet, shy, and gifted. He couldn't read (and apparently, based on what his ex-wife Andrea said, he is still illiterate as an adult). He was great at music. He was quite awkward. And he had been molested, by family members, from the ages of 7-14.
From the famous Tavis Smiley interview where R. Kelly spoke of the abuse while saying that he didn't think it was appropriate to uncover his victimizers, to his music teacher and mentor Dr. Lena McLin saying that she could tell things were wrong at home because it came out in his music, to several of his victims saying that he demanded they call him "daddy" while using lines like, "If you really love me, you'll [do what I ask]" (which is exactly what a lot of predators of children say), to his brother Bruce who was also molested describing R. Kelly's desire for younger women to be a "preference", to R. Kelly saying himself that he was a man who performed in order to lure young children (eh hem, that is what a Pied Piper is) — what came to my mind was something that I once read (and firmly believe) while I was processing how my own molester could do what he did. Someone who also grew up quiet, shy, and gifted.
There are plenty of scientific studies to support that at whatever age a child has been traumatized, they emotionally remain that way until they receive therapy (check out "Childhood Abuse May Stunt Growth of Part of Brain Involved in Emotions"). As some of the people from the beginning days of R. Kelly spoke of him repeatedly seducing 14-year-olds, that theory kept repeating in my mind.
Someone who had his own power taken away at 14 is now, as an adult, making it his mission to do the same thing to 14-year-olds. Y'all, this isn't about sex. Like most sexual offenders, it's about power. He's not "sexin'" these women, he's doing to them what was done to him. He's violating them. He's hurting them. Like his music mentor said, whether he thinks he's so-called protecting his abusers or not, R. Kelly is taking out what was done to him on countless women. I personally believe that he's either rationalizing it or denying it because "childhood abuse stunts emotional development". In other words, a part of me thinks he's right where he was when he was 14. At least emotionally. Because he never got help for his own abuse.
Putting all of this together in my own mind, aside from what these women's bravery is doing in order to heal themselves and be a voice to those who are not yet ready to speak up about their own victimization, whether they recognize it or not, they are also sounding the horn to something that we overlook far too much — the sexual abuse that happens to many young boys and men. Statistically speaking, 1 in 6 have reported experiencing sexual abuse or assault (with the operative word being "reported").
What R. Kelly has reportedly done is beyond sickening, it's criminal. Full stop. But so is what happened to him back when he was the same age as some of the young women he's pursued. And boy, does it bring new meaning to "hurt people, hurt people". Again, what he's doing isn't about sex. It's about unresolved pain.
A couple of weeks ago, R&B singer Jacquees had us all in an uproar about who is the current king of R&B. Understandably, R. Kelly's name was thrown into the ring. But out of all of the blogs and vlogs that I saw on the topic, Diddy's definition stayed with me the most:
"Let's get to the topic of R&B: we talking about rhythm and blues, we talking about sharing your soul, and making love through your music. We're talking about adoring a woman. Not just putting it down or talking about how you just want to smash her, I'm talking about adoring her. So in order to be the king of R&B you first gotta start making some R&B, you have to be vulnerable, you have to be speaking about love, you have to be able to affect women in a positive way and your ass has to be able to sing."
R&B is about adoring a woman.
Between the docuseries and this definition, none of us should be in conflict about if R. Kelly, the self-professed Pied Piper, is "the king" or not.
It's becoming more and more apparent that R. Kelly doesn't adore or even like women, healthy sexuality (one woman said sex with him felt "not natural"), or even himself (how could he?). And that alone totally taints how much of a musical genius he is. That alone leaves a residue of filth and conflict in every song he's written or performed (because if you watched the doc, you peeped the inspiration behind Michael Jackson's hit "You Are Not Alone"...right?).
This alone should make us all want to stop listening to his music (not just until the doc is over but PERIOD) and then do what he requested years ago in "I Wish" — pray for a brother — while still supporting these women in however they want justice to be sought and served. Because whether R. Kelly realizes it or not, he is caught up in a vicious a cycle of victimization and self-victimization. Not one or the other. Both.
Bottom line, no matter what R. Kelly's "tree" has accomplished, his "roots" reveal that he was introduced to sex in a very demented way. The way he's living his life — in the studio booth, on stage, and in his own compound…I mean, home — is a constant reminder of this very fact.
It's not sexy. It's painful. Very. And that is nothing short of sad and tragic.
And how can any sane person slow drag or have sex to a narrative like that?
Surviving R. Kelly – Survivors Speak Out (Part 1) | Lifetimeyoutu.be
Featured image by Rolling Stone via @lifetimetv.
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
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Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Relationship Timeline
Sterling K. Brown and Ryan Michelle Bathe are one of our favorite Hollywood couples. We can't get over their adorable moments together on the red carpet and on social media. While they're both from St. Louis, they didn't meet until college, which they both attended Stanford. And the rest is as they say, history. Read below as we dive into their decades-long relationship.
Mid to Late1990s: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Meet
Sterling and Ryan met as freshmen at Stanford University. "We were in the same dorm freshman year...that's kind of how we met," Ryan said in an interview with ET. "I was mesmerized," she said after watching him audition for the school play, Joe Turner's Come and Gone. Sterling revealed that The First Wives Club star was dating someone else, so they started off as friends.
"She got cast in the play as well, and we would ride bikes to rehearsal, and we would just talk. We found out that we were both from St. Louis. We didn't know that we were both from St. Louis, like, our parents went to rival high schools. We were born in the same hospital. Like, we were friends," he said.
The first few years of their relationship involved many breakups and makeups. However, they ended up graduating and attended NYU's Tisch Grad Acting Program together.
Early 2000s: Sterling K. Brown Tells Ryan Michelle Bathe She's 'The Love Of My Life'
The Paradise star opened up about telling Ryan that she was the one. "We broke up for three and a half years before we came back into each other's lives," he said. "She was on the treadmill working out, and I had this epiphany, 'I have to go tell this woman she's the love of my life.'"
"I go to her apartment, I tell her, and she's like, 'Well, I'm working out right now,' and I was like, 'No, I can see that—I'll just talk to you while you're on the treadmill,' and she's like, 'Well, I feel like going outside. So I'm gonna go on a run,'" he continued. "So I'm like dressed [in a suit], and she starts running through Koreatown, and I start running along with her. Brother had to work, but it was well worthwhile."
2006: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Tie The Knot
The St. Louis natives eloped in 2006 and a year later held a larger ceremony. According to the bride, the best part of their wedding was the food. "The best thing about it was the food," she told ET.
"Can I just say, sometimes you go to weddings, and you get the winner-winner chicken dinner and you're like, 'I pay. OK, it's fine.' But I wanted people to remember their experience -- their culinary experience. So I was happy about that. The food was good."
2011: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Welcome Their First Child
In 2011, Sterling and The Endgame actress welcomed their first son, Andrew. In a 2017 tweet, Sterling revealed they had a home birth. "An unexpected home delivery is something my wife and I went through ourselves with our first born, so this was round 2 for me!" he wrote while referring to a scene involving his character Randall, in This Is Us.
2012: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Appear On-screen Together
A year later, the couple acted together on the Lifetime series Army Wives.
2015: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Welcome Their Second Child
In 2015, Sterling and Ryan welcomed another son, Amaré. Sterling shared an Instagram post about their latest addition to the family. "1st post. 2nd child. All good! #imoninstagram," the Atlas star wrote.
2016: Ryan Michelle Bathe Joins Sterling K. Brown On 'This Is Us'
Ryan guest appears on her hubby's show, This Is Us.
Sterling K. Brown Reveals Ryan Michelle Bathe's Mother Didn't Like Him At First
During their sit-down interview for the Black Love series, Sterling revealed that Ryan's mother wasn't a fan of him, which caused friction in their relationship.
2024: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Explain How Jennifer Lopez Once Broke Them Up
While visiting The Jennifer Hudson Show, Sterling and Ryan share their hilarious Jennifer Lopez break-up story. "We had just gone out, we were living in New York City, we were in grad school, and we had gone to see a Broadway play and we came back to my place and my roommate was playing the ["Love Don't Cost A Thing"] video on MTV," Sterling said.
"Now I'm a fan of Jennifer Lopez's dancing, and I was watching the video and I knew my young...21, 22-year-old girlfriend was looking at me watch the video. And I know I'm not supposed to have a reaction. In trying NOT to have a reaction, what had happened was, my eyes began to water."
Ryan jumped in, "Otherwise known as, TEARS! I turn around and my boyfriend is weeping, tears like big fat [tears]. And I'm looking and she's just a shakin' and a shimming, and he's just crying. I said 'Oh no, I got to go.' "
2024: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Launch Their Podcast, We Don't Always Agree
The couple launched their podcast, We Don't Always Agree, where they disclose more intimate details about their love story.
Feature image by Chelsea Lauren/Shutterstock