10 Small Habits That Can Make A Really Big Difference
OK. Who remembers India.Arie's song "Little Things" from back in the day? If you do, you probably can recall the line in it that says, "In the quest for fortune and fame, don't forget about the simple things". Indeed. Sometimes, in the quest to live out our absolute best life ever, we forget that it really is the little moves that make up the big impressions along the way.
That's the inspiration for this article today. No matter what it is that you want to improve upon or make better in your world, if you apply small habits like these to your life, you might be blown by how BIG of a difference they can make—to you and ultimately, to those around you too.
1. Pull an “Issa” in Your Mirror Every Day
Anyone who's an avid watcher of Insecureknows that a signature scene that has been happening, ever since season one, is Issa looking into the mirror and talking—sometimes in the form of rapping—to herself. While it is funny to watch, if you look deeper, she is oftentimes doing it in order to gain clarity, hype herself up or to make a big decision.
In the psychology world, a technical term for this is "external self-talk". The reason why you shouldn't "feel crazy" for doing it is because talking to yourself can be a practice in self-affirmation. It can help you to blow off stress and steam. Talking to yourself is also a cool way to hold an impromptu forensics debate between your feelings and your common sense (which aren't always one and the same), if you're trying to look at the pros and cons of a particular situation. The list of benefits really does go on and on.
So yeah, when you get up every morning, encourage yourself to talk to yourself. You might get the confidence and/or answers that you seek, if you do.
2. Tell Someone What You Like/Love/Appreciate About Them
I used to find myself in the position of feeling taken for granted…a lot. Some of it had to do with codependency. Some of it had to do with poor boundaries. Some of it had to do with putting people into the "friend" category long before they deserved it or moving them into a level that they weren't worthy of (check out "Always Remember That Friendships Have 'Levels' To Them"; you might wanna read "7 Signs Your Friendship...Actually Isn't One" too). So, what broke me out of the pattern? Some self-love. Some prayer and meditation. Some journaling. Oh, and also becoming totally unapologetic about my primary love language (words of affirmation) and accepting the fact that people who truly value me will not only show appreciation because "words are my thing", but because they want to keep me around; they don't want me to feel taken for granted. Ever.
Making sure that others feel appreciated has levels to it, just like friendships do. But I can promise you that, when you take a moment to tell someone what you like, love or appreciate about them, not only will it do wonders when it comes to (further) establishing confidence and trust in their connection with you, it can make them feel good about looking out for you in return. Besides, a wise person once said, "If you don't show appreciation to those who deserve it, they'll learn to stop doing things that you appreciate." There are a lot of people in my relational rearview window who can probably attest to that, chile. For real, for real.
3. Do Something Nice. Anonymously.
Motives. I'm big on motives (the Bible is too: "We justify our actions by appearances; God examines our motives."—Proverbs 2:12[Message]). That said, it's one thing to do something nice for someone and then post it for all of the world to see. But if you really want to know if you're doing something, and that it is totally for the right reasons, without it having absolutely anything to do with you, do it anonymously. You know, there's a verse in Scripture that basically says that if we do things for applause, applause is all that we will get. But if we decide to do things "secretly", it will be God who rewards us (Matthew 6:1-2). The something that you do doesn't have to be anything big. Maybe put your co-worker's favorite snack on their desk or mail your friend something from Etsy and ask for only a gift receipt with no name to be attached. Listen, no one said that playing Secret Santa had to be reserved for Christmas (although you might wanna call it something else). The seeds that you plant into someone's life, solely for benefit alone, are ones that you can feel the best about—and know that the Most High totally has your back on.
4. Eat Something Raw Every Meal
Eating fruits and vegetables when they are in their rawest form makes it possible for you to get an optimal level of nutrients from them. In fact, many nutritionists say that if you commit to eating at least one raw fruit or vegetable each meal, within a month's time, you will notice that your skin is clearer and you've got a lot more energy. As a bonus, you help to reduce the risk of heart disease (which is currently the leading cause of death in Black women) too. As far as what food qualifies, pretty much any fruit or veggie goes. Just remember that it needs to be cleaned with water and that's pretty much it. Anything "extra" is gonna take the food out of its purest form which means you will lose some of the potency of its vitamins and minerals as a direct result.
5. Drink an Extra Glass of Water
Here's something that's crazy. 75 percent of Americans are not only dehydrated butchronically dehydrated. And since our bodies are made up of more than 60 percent water, I'm pretty sure you can see how that can cause real health issues. If you don't get enough fluids into your system, not only can it cause dry mouth, fatigue and dizziness but, over time, it can also lead to kidney problems, low blood volume and even seizures. If you're already intentional about drinking 8-10 glasses of water a day, that's awesome. But I'm pretty sure that more than a few of us fall into the "75 percent" category. You've got to crawl before you can walk so, do yourself a favor and ease into drinking more water by committing to a glass more a day for a week and then doubling that by the end of the month. I'd be shocked if your body doesn't feel a thousand times better after you do.
6. Read a Chapter of a Book Each Day
While you can't really go a day without reading something (because most of us are online all day long, in some capacity), what I'm referring to here is leisure reading (which can help to relax you) or checking out something that will truly benefit you like an educational or spiritual book or maybe even something that is self-help related.
If you set aside 30 minutes a day to do a little bit of reading, not only can it help to calm you, it can also stimulate your mind, expand your vocabulary, make you a better writer (and all around communicator), improve your level of focus and concentration and, even make you a more empathetic individual (especially if it's literary fiction).
I know life is hectic, but we've all got time for what we want to make a priority. For so many reasons, reading on a daily basis can only benefit you. Fit it into your schedule. It'll totally be worth your while.
7. Take a Morning or Evening Walk Outdoors
Aside from the fact that indoor air pollution is as much as 2-5 times worse than the pollution that is outside (especially if you rarely open up your windows), there are quite a few benefits that come from taking a stroll outdoors every day. If you walk outside in the daytime, it will help you to get more Vitamin D into your system (something that we, as Black women, are oftentimes deficient in). Walking outside can also keep your joints and muscles from getting stiff, can release endorphins to improve your mood, can help to decrease health risk issues like type 2 diabetes and high blood pressure, can make it easier to digest your food and, it's also a great way to lower anxiety levels. So, whether you opt to do it alone, with your boo or maybe with a friend or neighbor, start or end your day by walking outdoors. Your health can only get better if/when you do.
8. Discuss/Debate in Question Form
People can be so freakin' defensive these days. Don't get me started on how I think that social media and the narcissism of it all plays a direct role in that. It's like, unless you are feeding someone's ego, by constantly agreeing with them or telling them what they want to hear, they feel attacked. While that is certainly NOT your problem, interacting with individuals is pretty much unavoidable too. Something that I've learned to put into practice is, when I'm in a potentially challenging discussion or debate with someone, is I try and pose my responses in question form. For instance, rather than hearing something that I know is wrong (because I have data to back it up or because it's based on an assumption), instead of quipping, "You're wrong", I will say, "Why do you think that?". Not only does it take the edge off of my own tone and potential attitude but, more times than not, it prevents the other person from going on the defensive so that some progress can be made in communication. Sure, it's an extra mental step, but if you want to keep harmony with others, it can be worth the additional effort. Trust me.
9. Review the “High” and “Low” of Your Day
Back when I used to mentor teenage girls (and sometimes their boyfriends), something that I would ask them to do is to share the high and low that they experienced since the last time we saw each other.
We live in a world that tends to lean so much on the side of negativity that, for one thing, it helps them to see the brighter side/silver linings in life. Plus, when you think about the best and worst things that have transpired, on a consistent basis, it helps you to see that life is quite the balancer. Not everything is bad. Not everything is good. But, if you really take a moment to put the best and worst into their proper perspective, it can be easier to see how they might be working together to make you a better person, in ways that you didn't quite expect until you actually thought them through.
This is why I also incorporate this exercise with my clients. If you take out a moment, every day, to think about your peak high and low, it can make that day make (more) sense. It can also make preparing for the next day, a lot easier to do.
10. Keep Your Phone Out of Your Bedroom at Night
Earlier last year, I wrote an article for the site entitled, "8 Solid Reasons To Put. Your Phone. Down." If you take a few moments to check it out, you'll see why being plugged into the Matrix—I'm sorry, your smartphone—can actually do more harm than good, if you're not careful. This is especially the case when it comes to bedtime. Aside from the fact that your mind needs time to decompress from all of the information that it already received throughout the day, looking at the light on your phone's screen can make it very difficult to fall back to sleep once you look at it (like when you get up to pee, for instance). And sleep deprivation isn't good for you. Not by a long shot. I say it all of the time, because it will forever be relevant—your bedroom should be set aside for sex and sleep. No more, no less. So, do your mind, body and spirit a favor and either put your phone in another room or turn it off at night. Whatever is happening inside of it will be awaiting you in the morning. Tackle it all—then.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here to receive our latest articles and news straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock
- Your Self Worth Determines Your Net Worth - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- 10 Habits Of Successful Creatives - xoNecole: Women's Interest ... ›
- We're Stealing These Celebrity Self-Care Tips & You Should Too ... ›
- Adopting These Habits Can Totally Change Your Life - xoNecole ... ›
- 7 Things Married Couples Should Do...At The END Of Their Day - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
I Took Three Months Off From Work In The Name Of Radical Self-Preservation
In the fourth quarter of 2023, I finally did it. I pulled the plug! To be honest, it was a long time coming. I spent years juggling all of the balls in my life, and on October 2, 2023, I dropped every one of them and fell into surrender mode.
I couldn’t take it anymore - work, family, relationships, politics, death, the ramifications of COVID-19, and my fears creeping in. I had either put off dealing with these things, or I simply didn’t want to acknowledge them. Instead, my time, energy, and focus were on everyone and everything beside me. I pushed myself to the limit; then everything started to consume me. Burnout was swallowing me whole, you feel me?
All of this forced me to do some much-needed introspection which I turned into my self-proclaimed, "Fade to Black Season."
What is a “Fade to Black Season,” you may ask?
It’s a call to rest.
It’s a call to reset.
It’s a call to retreat into a deep, quiet space.
It’s radical self-preservation.
Deciding to step back from everything was not an easy decision for me. I contemplated taking a break from everything for many years until I couldn’t put it off anymore. If I didn’t take this time off, I knew I wouldn’t be able to truly show up for the life that I claimed that I wanted for myself.
I know I’m not the only one who has felt this immense weight on their shoulders. Why? Because I’m a Black woman. According to Every Level Leadership, 88% of Black women sometimes often, or always have experienced burnout. And let’s be honest here - Black women work harder than any other group. We are the backbone of our jobs, families, and community. Because of this, we must incorporate rest as an integral part of our well-being. In case there’s some pushback, I’ll leave this quote here for you to marinate on:
“If you are silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it.” - Zora Neale Hurston
The reality is that with piles of work and life obligations, many of us are walking time bombs. And, for me, two weeks of PTO/vacation wasn’t enough time needed to balance myself, so I took three months off. If you feel called to do so, let this be your inspiration to take your own “Fade to Black Season.”
Here’s what I did.
- Shadow Work: I became best friends with my journal and illuminated the things I hid from myself to heal. Shadow work consists of the things you don’t like about yourself, your conscious and unconscious fears, and other negative emotions that exist due to past experiences and trauma.
- Trigger Warning: During this time, I let my triggers become my wisest teacher. I asked myself why various experiences, news, or communications resulted in negativity. I observed them, listened, and learned why they took up so much space in my life. Then, I allowed myself to choose to be open to a different outcome or feeling moving forward.
- Get Back To Pleasure: I re-centered my pleasure. I had to remind myself of what turned me on. I allowed myself to take life slowly, engage my senses, and play. I signed up for every tantra workshop, went to art museums in the middle of the day, took movement classes, and went to dance parties. I moved all the stagnant energy out of my body.
- Let Others Lift You Up: I let my people love on me. I let my loved ones take care of me. This wasn’t easy. I was used to being everyone’s support system and soft space to land. However, in my time of need, I finally let my tribe show up and show out for me. My only regret is not letting them do this sooner.
- Social Media Break: I broke up with social media during this time. Reclaiming my time and attention was an integral factor in calming my nervous system. I put blockers on my phone, and when I felt the urge to swipe and scroll, I took a walk or picked up a book.
- Redefine Your Life: After doing this type of work, I knew that I would never be the same. In this new space, boundaries and balance are prioritized, and everything else has to fall in line. I now have the mental/emotional space and capacity to do my best work!
Best of all, during this time, I found God in myself, and I loved her, fiercely.
My “Fade To Black" Season allowed me to grieve in peace, rest, tap into unrelenting joy, and simply be. At this point, me and peace got a good thing going on. Nothing else will be tolerated!
For those of you who are nervous about taking the first step, use The Dufree Foundation’s DIY Sabbatical Guide to help you plan, prep, and prepare yourself for your sabbatical - this is something I wish I had done before I leaped. Consider going on a Divine Pause Retreat to learn tips and tricks to avoid mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual burnout.
For those who work in social impact, apply for The Durfee Sabbatical program, which offers $60,000 and a three-month sabbatical, so nonprofit leaders can be a lever for whole systems change.
The choice to take a sabbatical is up to you! Just remember to prioritize yourself and never pour from an empty cup.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Maskot/Getty Images