One of the things I've learned about work/life balance is that it doesn't exist, at least not in the way most of us think it does.
In reality, it's more like a juggling act as we try to keep every piece of our lives from falling by the wayside. From family and friends to securing the bag, there are so many different areas of our lives that we, as women, want to make sure we don't forget about.
I spoke with five women who shared their tips on how they at least achieve enough balance to keep their peace of mind because, despite all of our obstacles and responsibilities, we've proven we can have it all, and make it look easy.
Kierra Lanice | Professional MUA
Courtesy of Kierra Lanice
One of the ways I practice a work/life balance is having quiet time in the morning. I wake up with a more soothing alarm instead of an abrupt one that scares me out of my sleep. This is followed by 15 minutes of praying, meditation, reading, or devotion. The key is that this time has to be spent in a designated area outside of your bed.
I also don't think I could have a work/life balance without writing everything, from schedules to tasks and goals, down on paper. Doing this allows you to hold yourself accountable more when you see your own handwriting versus something you type or try to remember on your own.
I've gotten to the point where I schedule time to talk to family and reconcile relationships.
I try to connect with someone in my family at least once a day; not on social media, but on the phone; my siblings, elders in the family, younger cousins, distant relatives, etc. A simple 3-5 minute check-in takes your mind off of your life bubble.
A major benefit I've found in my journey to a work/life balance is the "Do Not Disturb" button on my phone. We live in a high-tech, low-touch society. Turning my phone off to constant notifications and emails allows for more time to focus on what matters in the moment.
I learned to be honest with myself and communicate when I'm getting overwhelmed. If you can lie to yourself, you'll lie to anyone. I had to set boundaries and learn to communicate when they're crossed. This is HUGE for me.
Dani D | Radio Personality
Courtesy of Dani D
It's honestly not easy for me to balance my work and personal life because they run so closely together. Being a radio personality is a lifestyle. I'm a public figure, so being transparent comes with my career. But I try my best not to 'overshare.' Everyone doesn't need to know everything.
On Sundays, which are really my only off days, I take time for myself to talk to God, get in a good pampering session, clean, eat something good, read, or just binge-watch my favorite shows.
" Me time" is crucial for my sanity!
I also make sure that I spend a good amount of time with my family and friends. I never let work get in the way of relationships that are important to me. Overall, I've found that there are ways to balance work and life. It's not easy, but it can be accomplished without a doubt!
Kenni Powe | Model
Courtesy of Kenni Powe
For me, a work-life balance is feeling content with every area of your life. As a career woman right out of college, I was sucked into the "work hard" lifestyle of Corporate America, so I'm grateful the corporation I work for believes in this balance and provides an easy work lifestyle.
I think a peace of mind is the main thing to maintain; peace of mind knowing that everything won't always go as planned. When you have a healthy balance of work and play (meaning life), you feel more at liberty to manipulate your schedule without being afraid.
I am the type of person who believes in boundaries in life and that every piece of your life is only as big and successful as the time you put into it; balance creates contentment. You can't feed one area in your life while the other areas starve and call yourself successful.
I believe balance curates freedom, creativity, flexibility, stamina, and tenacity to fight for what you want in this life and what you will sacrifice to get it.
I am a To-do List Calendar Junkie! I love making daily, monthly, and quarterly lists to ensure my image of success for my life is maintained. Some people measure success by the money they gain. But success to me is being passionately fulfilled and at peace with my life decisions. Back to being a junkie; I routinely ensure that I touch every segment of my life every day in my daily list. This normally starts off with a heading of what makes me who I am and fulfills me as a person.
The headings generally include GOD, Food, Health (workout), Public Projects (community service), Business Projects (corporate), Home, Knowledge, ME ME ME, and Events. The best part of creating these lists is when you get to mark something off of it. Marking a check or scratching through something on my to-do list is like a natural high and toot of my horn. I feel like the queen of Wakanda and a champion of life.
Another tactic in maintaining this lifestyle is a balance of theoretical and actuals. I'm not a "life is bubbles and unicorns" type of girl, so I try to balance optimism and realism; myth and perfection. I ensure I don't battle my faith with actual natural abilities. Meaning, I love to look at numbers and I do believe numbers don't lie, however, I don't set my expectations of my abilities based on a reality of a situation. Everyone's maintenance is different but being a To-do List Calendar Junkie Optimistic Realist is how I maintain.
Remember to always unplug, meditate, give yourself props, self-analyze, prioritize, and above all let go of perfectionism.
Gabrielle Flowers Rader | Vlogger & Influencer
Courtesy of Gabrielle Flowers Rader
For me, work/life balance is kind of tricky since I work from home with my husband and the majority of our work stems from documenting everyday life. Starting the day with some form of "me time" is super important, whether it's heading to the gym for an early morning workout or taking the time to read a couple of devotionals and pray. When I allow myself to have that time, I can move through the day feeling more focused.
In order to amp up my productivity, I take the time to brain dump and make a list of all the things that need to be done. I then prioritize which tasks are truly important for the day and utilize time-blocking to make sure there is a space for them to actually get done. When you work from home, it helps to have designated times in place or else your day will just run together and you'll look up and wonder where the time went. To keep me in the mind frame of work, I set office hours and try to complete business tasks in my home office or a local coffee shop for a change of scenery.
Once the important tasks are complete, I switch gears and focus on spending quality time with my family without distractions.
To be completely honest, every day doesn't look like this. There are some days where I'm on it and then there are others where I struggle to get anything done. You can't give 100% to every single thing at the same time and that's okay. I often remind myself of that when I feel like I'm getting off track and then give myself grace to try again the next day.
Kristyn Alexis | Lifestyle YouTuber
I currently manage a YouTube channel of almost 150K subscribers, which is a part-time job, and I have a career in medical devices, so my life is crazy! I also have three kids – one in college and twins in elementary school.
Maintaining a good work-life balance starts with scheduling. I plan everything in advance from cooking to working on my channel. I recently obtained my certification in project management and had to scale back a lot, but I maintained to keep up by keeping my schedule. I also feel it's important to get lots of sleep and plan fun times.
Staying busy keeps me sane and happy, so while my crazy schedule works well for me, it wouldn't be suitable for everyone. My fiancé is also supportive of me doing as much as I do. That is critical to the success I have experienced in my life.
The last thing I think is important is staying scrappy (a term I learned while participating in a group called MLT – Management Leadership for Tomorrow). It means having a determined resolve to complete any task, and it has helped me to stay on track.
Overall, balance comes from prioritizing and support.
Featured image by Getty Images.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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If, while on your continual journey to get the best out of your own tresses, you’d like to learn how to get them healthier than it’s ever been, I’ve got seven acids that are typically known for skin use that can be just as beneficial to your hair as well.
1. Salicylic Acid
When it comes to your skin, salicylic acid is beta-hydroxy acid that is great for your skin if you’re looking for something that will exfoliate it, clear out your pores and dissolve dead skin cells. In fact, this is why it’s an acid that is quite popular when it comes to treating acne.
Your hair will enjoy salicylic acid because, if you’re looking to remove product build-up, you want to soothe an itchy or irritated scalp or you’ve got some dandruff flakes that are totally driving you up the wall, salicylic acid has the ability to treat all of this. Either purchasing a shampoo that contains this ingredient or adding it to your favorite scalp scrub is probably the most effective way to get the most out of it.
Just make sure that if your scalp is sensitive or dry that you approach with caution. In these instances, it could end up irritating your scalp more than helping it out, so use a very little bit in the beginning to make sure that it vibes with you.
2. Lactic Acid
Lactic acid is an alpha hydroxy acid that can help to even out your skin tone as well as slow down the signs of aging. The properties in it help to do this by reducing hyperpigmentation and boosting collagen production in your skin as well as keeping it hydrated.
Why is it great for your locks? For one thing, lactic acid is considered to be a humectant. This means that it pulls water from the air so that your hair is able to remain moisturized.
Another thing that makes it a winner is the fact that lactic acid breaks down dead skin cells on your scalp (so that your hair follicles are able to flourish), it can help to soften and detangle your hair (making it a helpful addition on your wash days) and it also helps to protect your tresses from heat styling tools and UV damage. Applying a hair rinse that’s made up of part lactic acid and part water can work wonderfully (so long as you apply it once a month, tops; more than that might be too “intense” for your hair strands).
3. Glycolic Acid
Glycolic acid is a water-soluble alpha hydroxy acid that is actually made from sugar. Your skin will adore it because it smooths the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles, improves the texture of your skin, gently exfoliates, clears your pores and brightens up your complexion overall.
The reasons why you should consider this acid for your hair is because it helps to keep your scalp youthful (and yes, there is such a thing; check out “Your Scalp Ages Six Times Faster Than Your Face. Why It Matters.”), removes excess sebum (that could be clogging up your hair follicles) and it helps to keep your hair moisturized. Your best bet here is to make it a part of your pre-shampooing ritual.
4. Succinic Acid
Succinic acid is an acid that is made from sugar cane and contains antimicrobial and anti-inflammatory properties. Although it doesn’t exactly exfoliate (like many of these other acids do), it can still be beneficial to your skin when it comes to reducing the kind of irritation that is associated with eczema, decreasing the bacteria that leads to breakouts and keeping your skin pretty hydrated.
As far as your hair goes, this is an acid that is worth trying out because it helps to balance the sebum that is on your scalp, remove dead skin and product build-up that can irritate your scalp and clog your hair follicles and, succinic acid is also beneficial when it comes to reducing dandruff and helping to prevent hair loss. Most people tend to apply this as a serum.
5. Hyaluronic Acid
I’ve officially sung the praises of hyaluronic acid on this platform before. One example is via the article, “Why Your Skin, Hair, And Nails Need Hyaluronic Acid Like...Yesterday.” On the skin tip, hyaluronic acid is great because it deeply hydrates your skin, contains anti-aging properties and can even bring relief to vaginal (including vulvar) dryness.
Your hair will adore this particular acid because it aids moisture to it (including your hair follicles), will help to improve your hair’s texture and it also soothes scalp dryness, nurtures the cuticles of your tresses and decreases frizz. Using a serum rich in this acid as a pre-poo or as a leave-in conditioner is recommended.
6. Azelaic Acid
If you’ve never heard of azelaic acid before, this is your lucky day. It’s a dicarboxylic acid that, when it comes to skincare (and hair care) products, is usually synthetic. Anyway, if you are looking for a way to reduce inflammation, even skin tone after a breakout or if you want to use an exfoliant that will improve the texture of your skin overtime, you might want to give this acid a shot.
This one makes the list as far as your hair is concerned because, if achieving more inches is your current focus, azelaic acid might come in handy. That’s because it is able to strengthen your hair, thicken your strands and also stimulate hair growth from within your hair follicles.
7. Glutamic Acid
Glutamic acid is actually a type of amino acid. Skin-wise, it’s great for deeply hydrating your skin as well as protecting it from pollutants and damaging UV rays. Also, if you’re looking for an acid that treats skin dryness or “tightness,” this could be the answer to your prayers.
Since glutamic acid is also considered to be a humectant, it’s another acid that can moisturize your hair. As a result, it can decrease breakage while helping your hair to feel smooth and look shiny.
BONUS: Amino Acids
Speaking of amino acids and hair, please try to keep some amino acids in your diet at all times. The reason why is because, since your hair is made up of mostly protein (keratin, to be exact), amino acids are pretty darn effective when it comes to helping you to maintain the overall health and well-being of your hair.
Ones to prioritize include proline (it boosts collagen so that your hair strands can maintain flexibility); arginine (it increases blood flow to your hair follicles so that they can receive the nutrients that they need); cysteine (it helps to keep your hair follicles healthy); alanine (it helps your system to produce more collagen), and isoleucine (it strengthens the tissues that help to make up your hair strands). All of these are available in supplement form or you can use Google to see which foods contain them.
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Although it might initially seem odd to apply acid to your hair, as you can see, certain ones will work miracles for it. So, test them out to see which one tickles your fancy.
Hell, since they work for your skin as well — it’s a two-for-one deal that is worth every penny!
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