The COVID-19 pandemic has put a halt to so many things that we all took for granted: going out without masks, going to concerts, visiting family and friends, and traveling wherever we want. However, there is one thing that COVID-19 cannot stop and that is the miracle of childbirth. When babies are ready to come into this world, they are coming no matter what is or isn't going on around us. The addition of a global pandemic to a time in a woman's life where there is already so much going on, so many things to decide, so many things to do, and so many emotions seems unfair. Yet, that has been the reality for many women for almost a year now. However, it should come as no surprise that women all over the world have accepted the new normal with strength and grace and do what women do best: get it done (and beautifully, might I add).
I recently connected with five incredible women who either gave birth during the pandemic or are currently expecting. They shared everything from their reactions to finding out that they were pregnant, to how the pandemic reshaped their initial thoughts on pregnancy and motherhood. I was both touched and inspired by their outlook and their strength. Despite the fact that things looked different than they imagined they would, with limitations on who can attend prenatal visits or the hospital during the birth, these women have been able to pivot, remain positive, and adjust to their new normal.
Check out their stories below.
Erica James-Strayhorn
Photo Courtesy of Erica James-Strayhorn
Erica is a first-time mom to a baby girl born in December 2020.
"I was very excited to find out that I was pregnant. I knew that things might be different, I just wasn't exactly sure what that looked like. I remained open and focused on how I wanted my pregnancy and delivery to be and focused on that. One thing that was impacted was the decision to have a home birth instead of having her at a birthing center. I made this choice based on the number of people allowed to be present at the birth center.
"My pregnancy and motherhood, so far, have been pretty close to how I thought it would be, even during a pandemic. I was focused on creating the experience I wanted when it came to the pregnancy and the birth. I have an amazing community, friends, and family who have supported me. It was upsetting knowing that my husband could not attend doctor appointments with me and that he could not attend our baby's appointments with us. However, that encouraged us to find creative ways for him to be involved in that part of her life and for me to make sure I was communicating information from those appointments to him.
Photo Courtesy of Erica James-Strayhorn
"Becoming a mother during this time has encouraged me to continue to be really mindful of the messaging and fear-based narratives that I have taken on so that I do not pass those on to her. It has also encouraged me to continue to take a stand for myself and for my family and honor what I feel is best for us. Slowing down and being present in each moment are two major things I am focusing on now that she is here. It goes beyond cherishing these moments. For me, it is about connecting to how each moment feels, without distractions."
Marshana Dahlia Spavento
Photo Courtesy of Marshana Dahlia Spavento
Marshana is a first-time mom to a baby boy born in November 2020.
"We found out on March 10th that we were pregnant. We had just returned from our delayed honeymoon to Dubai. We landed, and the first thing I did was take a pregnancy test. We had married just seven weeks earlier and were thrilled that we got pregnant with relative ease. I was 38, one day shy of 39, and my husband was 49 at the time so we knew that we were blessed to be pregnant. The day after finding out we were expecting was my birthday and the same day that COVID-19 was determined a pandemic. Then on March 12th, I lost my job due to the pandemic. Needless to say, it was challenging looking ahead with so much uncertainty around us. Our plan was always for me to be a stay-at-home mom, but due to the pandemic, those plans were thrust upon us a little early.
"The pandemic really restricted the view that I had for myself as a mom. My mother passed away unexpectedly in December of 2018 and I always saw my motherhood journey with her by my side. Losing her was not only crushing, but the idea of becoming a mom, without her guidance and help was frightening."
"When I found out we were expecting, I was met with the reality that not only would my mother not be here for me, but no one would. None of my aunties or friends could come and help me out as a first-time mom. I was going to have to go at this one on my own. Of course, my husband is a great support, and he is so hands-on with our son. I would be lost without him. However, there is something to be said about having help from a fellow mom, and I just have to go without for safety reasons.
Photo Courtesy of Marshana Dahlia Spavento
"Becoming a mom in a pandemic is a true testament to the resilience of womankind. We truly hold inherent and innate power. From time, women have brought forth children, during times of war, times of peace, times of sorrow, or times of joy."
"As much as I wished my husband would have been able to attend my prenatal appointments, or that we could have toured our hospital's maternity ward ahead of time, I realized that even in these dire times, other women were bringing forth life just the same. That gave me hope. If they could do it, so can I."
Jessica Cooper
Photo Courtesy of Jessica Cooper
Jessica is expecting her first child in June 2021.
"The pandemic did not affect my reaction as my husband and I were actually trying to conceive. Although, we were apprehensive about getting pregnant while in the middle of a pandemic, we knew that God wouldn't give us more than we could handle. Lastly, because we had been trying for a few months, we were absolutely elated to find out we were expecting!
"The pandemic has reshaped my views on the superficial aspects of my pregnancy like hosting certain social events like a gender reveal or a baby shower. I am a social butterfly and love to entertain, so I've been planning my baby shower long before we were even trying to conceive! Due to the uncertainty of the pandemic, it's very likely I won't be able to have a formal, large baby shower, but I am OK with that because I am just grateful for my health and those of my close family and friends. I realized it's more to the pregnancy and motherhood than just the 'social' aspects of it and that I am more than blessed when it comes to embarking into the motherhood phase of my life.
Photo Courtesy of Jessica Cooper
"I have a newfound respect for moms and moms-to-be who are preparing for and/or raising a family all while still working full-time and still finding time to work on their dreams and aspirations. I started to feel anxiety at the beginning of my pregnancy just thinking about how I was going to juggle becoming a mother, working full-time as an educator, building my consulting business, The Savvy Counselor LLC, building my brand The Stylish Organized Wife, and maintaining a meaningful godly marriage! I realized though that the power of God is within me and that he has built women to naturally be strong beings. Giving myself grace and patience and asking for help when necessary is definitely OK."
Diamond Nurse
Photo Credit: Kathryn Hastings Photography
Photo Courtesy of Diamond Nurse
Diamond is a mom of a 2.5-year-old named Emerald. Diamond 's second daughter is due in April 2021.
"Initially, I was quite anxious and nervous due to all of the unknowns of COVID-19 and how it would affect my birthing experience and its effect on expecting mothers. I knew the hospitals were having more restrictions and it was important to me to have my husband and my doula to be a part of/assist in the birth of our new baby. I could have never foreseen a world stricken by a pandemic nor could I have known what that would mean for my life as a mom, wife, and owner of Diamond M.I.N.E Social Media Group. While my goals have not changed, I have learned to think about these things a little differently.
"COVID-19 has made me more efficient and intentional about how I spend my time. I love that I get to watch my daughter experience the world around her. It brings me so much joy and I hope to inspire her the way that she inspires me. As a mom, this pandemic has shown me the importance of community and being intentional about the time we spend together. We have shifted to having playdates with our 'COVID-19 bubble' who also have daughters the same age. This has been super helpful for us, as our children are mostly impacted by the restrictions. A toddler does not completely understand why you have to social distance or wear a mask. It's been such a blessing to be able to continue our playdates.
Photo Credit: Kathryn Hastings Photography
Photo Courtesy of Diamond Nurse
"This pregnancy has been physically draining, due to nausea and fatigue, but I have also been emotionally drained due to not only COVID-19 but also the racial unrest our country is facing."
"It's important to me that I keep a level of hope and positivity as I am carrying new life and also reflect on what's going on and continue to be an inspiration to my daughters. I love what a mom friend of mine said, 'While the world is experiencing chaos, I am creating life.' That in itself is powerful! Being a woman is powerful. I am grateful to be a woman and love being a woman. Living through the crazy times we are in has made me feel even more vulnerable, strong, and powerful. I love encouraging my sistas, especially my mamas. Through this all, I intend to give myself permission to take a break, show up as my authentic self and be present in my home life, where it counts the most."
Whitney Rene Osborne
Photo Courtesy of Whitney Rene Osborne
Whitney is expecting her first child due in Feb 2021.
"My then-fiancé and I were still doing long-distance at the time we found out, so trying to coordinate travel and other things were extremely difficult and scary at the beginning of everything shutting down. Having to experience doctor's appointments alone or on FaceTime was also a little disappointing, but we eventually got used to it and made the best of it!
"I don't think the pandemic has reshaped my thoughts of pregnancy or motherhood since I haven't experienced it any other way. I've pretty much convinced myself this was the best time to be pregnant since everyone is missing out on things, not just the pregnant lady that can't drink or handle late nights! As far as motherhood, I will absolutely be more cautious and protective of my little one since the pandemic has made me even more of a germaphobe than I was before.
Photo Courtesy of Whitney Rene Osborne
"Even with the challenges we all are facing during the pandemic, I have been blessed to have a very healthy pregnancy. This has allowed me to focus my energy on creating a healthy foundation for my little bundle. Being a business owner, a wife, and soon-to-be mother, I feel like I am unlocking my superhero powers one at a time. It is overwhelming to think about what it truly means to carry my own legacy as I go through my day — a constant reminder of the power of womanhood."
Featured image courtesy of Diamond Nurse
Originally published on January 29, 2021
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A big part of the clarity that is coming through this month is due to Neptune going direct in Pisces on December 10, after being retrograde here since July. With Neptune now direct, we are able to see our inspiration and creativity a little more clearly, providing the perfect energy for dreams and manifestation to be built upon. The smoke is clearing, and it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with this newfound clarity that this transit is bringing. Mercury also moves back into Sagittarius on December 11, which is great for communication and clarity, and the adventures you were trying to see through at the beginning of November come around for you again with greater purpose and support.
On December 15, Mars enters Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and this is the extra push we need to make important changes and to be on the path towards greater abundance, stability, and prosperity. Mars in Capricorn takes care of business, and we have extra energy at our disposal during this time to do so. This transit is an ideal time to focus on your career or financial goals for next year and to start putting some of these plans into motion now. A few days later, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be in Sagittarius on December 19, and this is the perfect New Moon to manifest.
The energy is high, magic is in the air, and it’s all about moving forward with the new beginnings that are inspiring you and bringing you joy to think about right now.
Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21, and this earth sign energy is how we heal, gain closure, and build new foundations in our world. With Venus also moving into a Capricorn a few days later, there is something about peace, prosperity, and security that we are gaining in life and in love as we close out the year, and this is what we need right now. This month is about reflecting on what was, letting go of old hurt, and renewing. December is an ending and a new beginning in one, and there is magic in this space to be created.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December 2025 has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is a full-circle moment for you, Aries. You are seeing the gifts in your world and have a lot of gratitude for the way things have come about for you as of late. There are culminations in your world that are providing you with more abundance, stability, and community, and you are exactly where you are meant to be this month. With the Sun in a fellow fire sign and in your 9th house of travel for most of the month, December is a good time to get out of your comfort zone, explore the world around you, and get your body moving.
Mars, your ruling planet, also makes a change and moves into Capricorn on December 15, which will fuel your inspiration and power in your career space. You are making a lot of professional progress as we close out the year; however, make sure to be more mindful of your competitive drive right now. The New Moon on December 19 is the perfect opportunity for you to create some new plans and goals when it comes to traveling, education, and where you want to gain some new inspiration in your world. Overall, this is a month of things coming together for you serendipitously.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is about trusting your intuition, Taurus. You have a lot on your mind this month, and it’s best to delegate, communicate, and allow yourself some relief by opening up to someone and not feeling like you have to hold everything in. As we begin the month, we have a Supermoon in Gemini happening in your house of income, and the plans and projects you have been building here come to fruition for you now. This is the time to gain clarity on your financial world and to take a look at what spending habits you want to let go of here as well.
With Venus in your 8th house of shared resources for most of the month, you are doing a cleanse on your commitments, partnerships, and business ventures. You are taking a look at what you want to dedicate yourself to in the future, and what commitments you may need to let go of now in order to be in the space you truly want to be, both financially and within some of your relationship dynamics. Before we end the month, we have a New Moon in this same area of your chart, and it’s time to look at the opportunities that are presenting themselves and to trust your internal guidance system to lead you forward.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
You are moving forward fearlessly this month, Gemini. December is your month of love, passion, and dignity, and you are owning the light that you shine. We begin the month with the last Supermoon of the year, happening in your sign, and you are stepping up to the plate. You are showing up, owning how much you have grown this year, and allowing yourself to heal while also acknowledging that you have done your best and you deserve to have fun in the midst of the changes you are creating.
Mercury, your ruling planet, is officially out of retrograde, and you can use this energy to the fullest potential now. With Mercury in your 7th house of love, it’s time to speak from the heart and to talk about the things that matter and that are inspiring you right now to your loved ones. You never know what kind of epiphanies you may have when you open up the conversation to others. Before the month ends, you have a New Moon in this same love area of your chart, and this New Moon is all about manifesting romance, commitment, and abundance in your world.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is an opening for more love, more joy, and more freedom in your life, Cancer. You have come to a place where you hold so much gratitude in your heart for where you are today and where your heart is shining, and things come together for you with more ease right now. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines for most of the month, you are getting your ducks in a row while also putting more energy and effort into taking care of yourself, your priorities, and your well-being. This month surprises you in many ways, and it’s because you are showing up.
Mars and Venus both move into your house of love, relationships, marriage, and abundance this month, and you are making strides in your love life. You have both of these opposing forces on your side and are being recognized for the love you are while also receiving the love you want. This month, overall, is about focusing more on the positives in your world and letting your heart have its joy. Before December comes to an end, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius, and this is the perfect opportunity to create the plans you want to see through next year, especially when it comes to your work life, colleagues, business ventures, and health.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
The scales of karma are balancing, and they are balancing in your favor this month, Leo. December is your month of truth, and of seeing it clearly in your world. The Sun is in your house of romance, pleasure, and happiness for most of the month, and it’s time to relax, be in the present moment, and allow what is meant to be, to be. With a Supermoon in your 11th house of manifestation as December begins, this is a powerful month for seeing your dreams come to fruition, and for feeling like the intentions you have set this year are finally here for you now.
Mars also moves into your 6th house mid-month, and this is the perfect energy to have to move into the new year. You have extra energy at your disposal right now and are feeling fearless with what is possible for you and your daily routine. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in a fellow fire sign, Sagittarius, and this is a breakthrough moment for you and your heart. December, overall, wants to show you how loved and supported you are and will be doing so in magical, unexpected, and concrete ways.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
December is a month of victory, Virgo. You are showing up and experiencing some new successes in your world that move you forward on your path in life. With a Supermoon in your 10th house of career as we begin the month, the effort and intentions you have made this year come into full bloom, and you are being recognized for who you are and the good work you have done. This month is all about showing up and allowing yourself to be seen and loved, knowing that you deserve the support and opportunities you are receiving.
Mars moves into Capricorn on December 15, which brings the passion and excitement into your love life, hobbies, and little pleasures in life that light you up. You want to have fun this month and are going to be walking into the new year with this fearless, happy, and spontaneous energy within you. Before the month ends, Venus also enters Capricorn, and in this same area of your chart, you have a lot to look forward to and believe in right now. Overall, December wants you to be happy and will be doing everything possible to make that happen for you. This is your month to shine, Virgo.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is a month of opportunity for you, Libra. New doors open, and you are financially making breakthroughs this month because of it. December begins with a Supermoon in your 9th house, and you are getting a clearer view of where you have been making strides in your life and how it has all brought you here to this present moment of freedom. This month is showing you what happens when you are fearless with your purpose and when you believe in yourself and what you are worthy of.
Moving further into December, Mars moves into your 4th house of home and family mid-month, and you are closing out the year in your safe spaces. You are spending more time with your loved ones and taking the time to quiet your mind and listen to what your heart has been telling you. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, happening in an area of your life that deals with communication. This is a great time for getting the answers you have been looking for and for feeling more clear-headed and confident about the decisions you are making as you move into the new year.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
Patience is a virtue this month, Scorpio. December is all about remaining patient and vigilant with what you are creating in your world, and knowing that the universe has your back. It’s time to be reminded of the power of hope, and this month is an opening to greater clarity in your life. There is a lot of energy in your financial zones right now, and this is providing you with new opportunities and new insight; however, the speed at which things come about for you may feel daunting. Keep your head up and eyes focused on what you want and know that you are more than worthy of receiving it.
With Mercury in your 2nd house of income this month, December is a good time to plant new seeds and to think about where you want to be financially a month from now or even a year. This month is asking you to think bigger and to think more long-term so that you can set the appropriate plans into motion now. We also have a New Moon in your house of income before the month ends, and this is when you will see more of your dreams come to fruition in this area of your life, and have more opportunities to build. Overall, December will be teaching you a lot, Scorpio.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius Season is here, and there is a lot in store for you this month, Sag. December is all about what you are dedicating yourself to. It’s about setting your intentions and putting the work in to back up your dreams, and about getting things in order so that when the new beginnings come, you are ready for them. The Sun and Venus are in your sign for most of this month, and there are a lot of eyes on you right now. You have the potential to create a new beginning for yourself, and it’s time to invest in yourself, your love life, and your dreams.
Mercury moves into Sagittarius on December 11, and this is giving you another opportunity to see through some of the plans that you had initiated in November. Mercury was retrograde in your sign last month, and there may have been some disruptions to your vision and plans for the future, and now this energy is turning around for you. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in Sagittarius, and you are walking through new doors fearlessly. You are catching others by surprise by your growth this month, and you are thinking a lot about your purpose, future, and plans for the new year.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
December is all about the vision, Capricorn. You are moving through a lot of changes and transformations this month, yet they are giving you a chance at a new beginning in the process. You are focused more on the future and what goals you want to manifest for yourself right now, and are ready to let go of what hasn’t been working for you. With the Sun in your 12th house of closure for most of December, this is your time for healing, but remember, healing doesn’t have to be isolating or boring; you can thrive while you renew, and you are this month.
Mid-month, the excitement picks up for you, and you are feeling more energized than you have in a while. Mars moves into Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and you are being proactive with your goals, intentions, and passions. You are a force to be reckoned with this month, and you are making things happen for yourself with confidence. Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21 this year, and this is definitely speeding up your healing process. You are breaking free from what was, and with Venus also moving into Capricorn before the month ends, you are leaving this year in high spirits and with love opening a new door for you.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is all about community, creativity, and manifestation, Aquarius. This is the month to work together with others to help bring your dreams to life. You are in a space of inspiration, empowerment, and beauty, and are creating more of this energy around you and in your world. Look out for what support comes your way this month and know that you don’t have to do everything alone to succeed. With the Sun in your 11th house of manifestation and friendship, your intentions are coming to fruition, and it’s time to celebrate with the people you love and to own how far you have come this year.
On December 19, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, lighting up your life in all of the best ways possible. This is your New Moon of freedom, victory, and magic, and you are seeing new beginnings appear that you were once just hoping for. Before the month comes to an end, Venus moves into your 12th house of closure, and after an active and successful month, you are ready to relax, heal, and give your heart some of the attention it has been asking for. You are moving into the new year with the need to release and renew what hasn’t been working in your relationships, and you are finally ready to.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
December is a big month for you, Pisces. You are making some huge accomplishments this month, and are feeling like everything you have been through this year has been worth it for these moments that are coming to fruition for you now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career and reputation for most of the month, and this is where a lot of your focus is right now. You are claiming your successes and putting yourself out there in ways that not only serve you, but that inspire others as well.
Neptune officially goes direct on December 10, after being retrograde in your sign since July, and you are finally seeing things a little more clearly. You are feeling renewed inspiration and passion in your life, and your intuition is your strongest asset right now. Before December comes to an end, we also have a New Moon in your 10th house of career, and what happens now not only changes things for you in the present, but it also opens new doors and what is possible for you in the new year as well. Overall, you are on top of your game this month and are owning the joy and empowerment you feel.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Oh, but there are plenty of people whose egos have them thinking that they can read someone else’s mind. Then there are others who have fantasies, which create unrealistic expectations that others in their lives actually should read their mind. And you know what — both of these things can cause unnecessary stress, drama, and trauma, if folks aren’t careful.
And that’s why I think it’s important that we unpack this a bit more. Because if you’re someone who thinks that if another person truly cares for you, they should be able to read your mind, it’s time to let that ridiculous yet semi-popular notion absolutely and completely go.
Here’s why.
It’s Scientifically Impossible for Someone to Read Your Mind
There are a couple of reasons why I am starting this off with R&B singer Avant. For one thing, I don’t think that he gets nearly enough flowers and secondly, clearly, this is a more-than-fitting song for today’s topic, wouldn’t you say? Because, lawd, there really is something that makes some of us feel all warm ‘n fuzzy about the mere thought of a man telling us that he is so in tuned with us that he can basically read our mind.
Hmph. Problem with that is, as I said in the intro, it is scientifically impossible (for us and for AI to do, praise the Lord!). And yet the fact that so many individuals think that they defy scientific data and research is oftentimes why there are so many breakdowns in communication — because if you run on assumption (that you can read someone’s mind) without clarification and confirmation, you can create issues that didn’t exist before you decided to fall for your own mind-reading theories.
Now to be fair, while science is still trying to figure out why we can’t read minds, what is sure is that we do have the capability to perceive the thoughts and actions of others if we’re willing to pay really close attention. However, do keep in mind that reading and perceiving are different. Reading? It’s about being able "to apprehend or interpret the meaning of" and "to anticipate, expect, or calculate by observation." Perceiving? It’s all about “to become aware of, know, or identify by means of the senses” and “to recognize, discern, envision, or understand.”
And already, do you see the differences? So much certainty comes with reading while perceiving is about humbling oneself (bookmark that) to not try to know everything but instead to try and understand what is transpiring. And since no one person (or their mind) is ever truly static, that is a huge part of the reason why believing that you can read someone’s mind — no matter how close you may be to them — is futile. You can change your mind on a dime. Others can do the same. Learning to perceive what is going on instead of assuming that you can “read” folks is far more beneficial.
Besides, you might be surprised by a particular demo who thinks that if you are truly who they need you to be, you will read their minds — and boy, once you know who they are, that may cure you of the whole “read your mind” ish…quick, fast and in a hurry.
The Expectation Is Oftentimes Rooted in Egomania
GiphyWhile doing a bit of research on this topic, I thought it was interesting that a particular type of person kept coming up. Can you guess which one? A NARCISSIST. What I kept noticing is a telling sign of a narcissistic individual is they expect others to read their mind.
I must admit that I was caught off guard by that at first because narcissists and their damn egos are so out of control (bookmark that) that it would seem like they would be more focused on acting like they know the thoughts of other people. Here’s the thing, though — the reason why narcissists want others to read their mind is because they want you to do things like guess what they want and need before they ask — and they want that to happen because they believe that they are so damn special that you should put in the extra blood, sweat and tears to figure it all out. Hmph. Now that tracks.
Another reason why narcissists want you to be able to read their mind is so they can manipulate and deflect. Meaning, if you say and do things based on what you thought they wanted you to, should everything crash and burn, they can dodge accountability and blame you for it. Hmm, does reading someone’s mind seem romantic and beautiful now? SMDH.
And again, all of this is tied to ego because, at the end of the day, mind-reading is a form of control and narcissists are definitely very controlling people. And honestly, mind-reading is as well because why do you even want to know someone’s private thoughts before they share them and, at the same time, why would you want someone to have that kind of power in your life either? “Eww” is what immediately comes to my mind. “Yuck” is what follows.
So, why is it that so many people think that it’s a good thing to have someone read their mind — I mean, the ones who don’t show narcissistic tendencies, that is? Good question.
5 Reasons Why Some People Wish Someone Would/Could Read Their Mind
GiphyOkay, so ego and pridefulness aside, what would be some other reasons why people think that it’s such a wonderful thing if someone who they are in some sort of intimate relationship with can read their mind.
1. They are caught up in Disney and rom-coms. One day, I am going to do an article on all of the ways that Disney and rom-coms have destroyed the reality of relationships. For now, I’ll just say that the scripted tales of both have caused a lot of people to think that if someone loves them, they should be able to read their mind. Nooo…if someone loves you, they should care to know what is on your mind. And that brings me to the second point.
2. They aren’t as good at communicating as they think. Are you a good communicator? One way to know if you are is you’re able to clearly articulate your wants and needs — because really, if you are able to do that, why should anyone even need to read your mind? Feel me? Let’s move on.
3. They want someone else to work harder at their relationships than they do. I say it in my sessions often — it’s beyond crazy to think that someone should work harder at figuring out what your wants, needs and expectations are than you are willing to express them. Hmph. It makes me think of a friend of mine who says that “should” is a dangerous word. What she means by that is saying that someone should do or not do something simply because YOU THINK that’s how it “should” go is a surefire way to stay disappointed and even be disillusioned. No, your man shouldn’t just know what you want every year for your birthday. Did you state it? If not, why aren’t you playing fair? Who has time for all of the guessing games and then getting penalized if they guess wrong? Stop it.
4. They think it’s the sign of a healthy relationship (it isn’t). Anyone who knows me knows that I am always and forever going to be Team Healthy over Team Happy and my reason why never changes. Only children expect to live in a world where they are happy all of the time — and yes, there are a lot of childish people out here. People who want their mind read? They tend to live in happy land. Meanwhile, a healthy relationship knows that clear communication, mutual respect, keen listening, patience and understanding that humans make mistakes are foundational to its success.
5. They are lazy. And yes y’all, some people want others to read their mind because they are lazy and it really is just as simple as that. Thing is, while they are being passive aggressive, dropping hints or giving the silent treatment so that you can figure out whatever it is that they…want you to figure out, that tends to take more effort than simply speaking up. Ridiculous, chile.
How to Let the Myth Go
GiphyGee, after reading all of this, suddenly reading minds just seems like a lot of silliness with a sprinkle of drama and potential trauma, doesn’t it? And it’s all because some people choose to treat something that is a myth like it’s a bona fide fact. SMDH.
And what if you happen to be one of those individuals? How do you break free? COMMUNICATE. Openly, clearly and maturely share what’s on your mind and heart because, the true tell of a solid relationship isn’t that someone can read your mind; it’s that they can retain what you’ve already stated.
Less reading. More perceiving. That’s the secret sauce.
And when you accept this for what it is, you will realize that it’s far better for you, your partner and your relationship to stop expecting the impossible and to accept what is actual: that learning your partner, as they strive to do the same thing with you, is better than you both assuming that you know what…maybe you do, maybe you don’t.
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Author Frank Sonnenberg once said, “People can’t hear what you don’t say. Thinking isn’t communicating” — and I think this is a perfect place to bring all of this to a close.
Find the kind of relationship(s) where intention is so strong that mind-reading isn’t even desired.
At the end of the day, it really is as simple as that.
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