Like millions of black women around the world, I've struggled with managing fibroids. And after successfully changing my diet and eliminating stress triggers, I had to make the tough decision to go under the knife for a myomectomy.
Five days out of surgery and 41 days into recovery, I was relieved but quite depressed and miserable.
I did a lot of thinking and soul-searching in that short period of time, reflecting on major moments from the past three years of my life: running a successful consultancy, living in Jamaica for 30 days, traveling to Ghana with a client, losing two jobs--and my sanity--and meeting the love of my life.
Related: How I Healed My Uterine Fibroids The Holistic Way
Add to that the recent removal of nine tumors from my womb and a C-section-like scar without the baby to show for it, and you've got a nice Netflix rom-com on your hands.
I was hell-bent on using the time of bedrest and healing constructively, so, in an effort to cut the whining, loathing and feelings of utter inconvenient annoyance, I offer the following tips for at least slaying those feelings with a bit of delusion and positive thinking. Oh, and these ain't your Granny's get-well tips:
Replace thoughts of fear, disfigurement and further complications with Netflix binging, meditation and gratitude.
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I've never, in my life, had to have any sort of surgery or be admitted into a hospital. Since fibroids crashed my 35th birthday, I've had two blood transfusions, two lengthy stays in the surgery prep area, two life-threatening visits to the ER, several panic attacks, and one too many days in the hospital for surgery and observation—all within a year.
I really don't do well with being sick and dealing with doctors and their medical possibilities. The whole idea of having a scar across my pelvic area, possibly having scar tissue, possibly having new tumors grow back, and possibly not being able to have a vaginal birth (if I am even able to possibly have a kid) has invited anxiety and depression to bang on my door.
To totally rebuke the nasty, utterly terrifying thoughts going through my head, I turned to prayer (thanks to my awesome sister who actually believes in the concept of "prayer warriors" and is fervent in consistently praying with and for me), Netflix series (gotta love a little Maisel and some thrilling crime docs), and my faith that God is in control. These trumped any doomful possibility any day.
Ignore the “Oh yeah, So-and-So went through the same thing back in ’83. You’ll be alright.”
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I guess people who lack self-awareness don't see how annoying and a tad dismissive it is to immediately compare your hurt to someone else's.
I heal how I feel.
It's great to be able to relate to other women who've had the same or a similar procedure, but those who have never been through a myomectomy or any sort of surgery may have their self-awareness or sensitivity dials turned down to zero. They'll downplay your pain, question why you have to be out from work for so long, scrutinize you turning down that cheeseburger and fries while recovering, or ask intrusive questions about things that have nothing to do with ensuring your well-being or post-surgical peace. Earphones, selective hearing, and closing my eyes to fake sleep were my best friends in these cases. Get you some.
Surround yourself with elements or things that will make you smile.
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After being in the hospital, I felt totally yucky. I'm a super-germaphobe, and I hated wearing that gown. (I could have brought pajamas for my stay, but did you miss the part about me being a germaphobe? I wanted nothing more than the sweats I came there wearing to be in contact with anything from the hospital.)
Pre-surgery, you can't use deodorant, lotions, or perfumes, so, again, I felt disgusting.
After I got home and was finally able to take a real shower, I put on my favorite lotion (along with sesame and coconut oil for my very dry skin after multiple wipes with that God-awful antibacterial liquid they put on you to prep for surgery.) I love Palmer's Moisturizing Body Oil and Bath & Body Works' Shea Butter lotion in Sweet Pea.
(Of course, I also made sure to follow doctor's orders in terms of cleaning my new birthmark—I mean, scar–with nothing but soap and water, patting it dry, and letting none of my good-smelling lotions or oils near it. Today, I still use the oil along with pure African shea butter on my scar, which has worked nicely. My doc--a black medical-industry phenom in her own right --did an amazing job making a clean and neat five-inch incision that will one day become a faint memory.)
My aunt brought me balloons (which I love, even at the ripe age of 36), and my grandmother kept flowers in my room.
When you get the strength, make use of your favorite Plug-in or vaporizer scent, wear a bright-colored scarf to keep your hair under wraps, or play your favorite music. Create a happy atmosphere.
Cliche? Yes, but go ahead and catch up on learning something new.
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It took me hours to even figure out how to change the look and font for a new blog I started, but I did it. Oh, and those Netflix docs: I learned how gullible, gluttonous and wicked people could be via the Fyre Fest docs, how complex the whole issue of legalizing marijuana is via a California community that's apparently a hilly, murderous haven of marijuana farmers via Murder Mountain, and how to say hello and thank you in Russian via the Red Queen.
Seriously, take a few free courses, learn more about recovery methods and healthcare options for reproductive health, challenge yourself to daily writing exercises, or play a new game. Maybe knitting wasn't your thing before you had to go under the knife, but that crochet bikini or dress might look damn good on your next vacation!
Embrace visits from people who maybe thought you’d died and want to be sure you hadn’t.
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OK, I'm being dramatic but it is refreshing to reconnect with family members you haven't spoken to in a while over stories about fertility, hospital stays and the best pain meds to take. I was truly blessed by it and was able to do something I'd been putting off doing for years: reconnecting with folk. Sometimes it takes a difficult situation to do that, but just thank God for the opportunity.
Enjoy the conversation and take in the love in whatever form it comes.
Dealing with fibroids can be one huge annoyance at best and an expensive health disaster at worst. but you can overcome and thrive through it all. Take it from me. I now smile and wink at the scar that serves as a reminder that I've joined millions of other badass women who survive and slay.
Related Stories:
How I Healed My Uterine Fibroids The Holistic Way - Read More
3-Step Guide To Self-Healing - Read More
Healing: What Two Weeks In A Psychiatric Hospital Taught Me - Read More
I Tried Energy Healing & It Transformed My Life - Read More
- How I Used Holistic Methods To Heal My Uterine Fibroids - xoNecole ›
- Healing Diet Changes For Fibroids - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- da Vinci Surgery l Minimally Invasive Fibroid Removal ›
- 7 Myomectomy myths debunked | MDedge ObGyn ›
- Myomectomy - Better Health Channel ›
- Laparoscopic Myomectomy for Fibroid Removal | CIGC ›
- Abdominal Myomectomy: What to Expect at Home ›
- Myomectomy: Procedure, Types, Recovery, Fertility, and More ›
- Fibroids Surgery: Myomectomy, Hysterectomy Open Surgery ›
- Myomectomy | Conditions & Treatments | UCSF Medical Center ›
- 5 Types of Uterine Fibroid Surgery Explained - Fibroids Removal ›
- Myomectomy - Mayo Clinic ›
RELATED
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
It’s not like it has to be a bad thing. In fact, studies say that somewhere around 15 percent of engaged couples actually met through a friend. All I’m saying is, before you entertain someone’s “I’ve got someone I want you to meet” invitation, it would benefit you to interview them first — for the sake of all parties involved.
The questions that I recommend asking? The following six are what I think can get everyone on the same page, so that there is more pleasure than regret from the hook-up attempt.
1. Why Are They So Invested?
GiphyTwo things that I recently watched over again are the series Survivor’s Remorse (the writing is so damn good) and a movie called Trapped in Temptation (both are currently on Tubi). Something that both of them made me think about is the fact that motive reveals a lot when it comes to why people say and do the things that they do.
When it comes to the movie, specifically, without giving the film away — let me just say that, if you are in a relationship, be really careful about listening to individuals who try to talk you out of maintaining it. More times than not, the motive is shady as hell. And honestly, sometimes people who are close to obsessed with you being in one deserve a bit of side-eye too.
Now, if it’s someone who loves all things love, they are in love and they want you to experience something similar — that’s sweet. Just make sure that they are approaching the set up from a healthy space. What I mean by that is they don’t see singleness as some sort of relational handicap or they aren’t trying to override what you want for your life as if they somehow know better (there are so many ways to be a control freak, y’all).
Hmph. Now that I think about it — make sure that the set-up crew isn’t trying to use you to “save” some male friend or relative of theirs. I say that because I once knew a mother whose son had — count ‘em — 10 kids and she was FOREVER trying to get me to date him. Girl, that wasn’t for me. She was looking for a Holy Ghost Jr. for that child of hers. I’ll pass. HARD PASS.
Bottom line with this one — if someone wants to set you up with someone else, the first thing to ask is why? Make sure to really listen to what their answer is. Then pay attention to if your mind, body and spirit are at peace with their answer(s).
2. Do They Know What You Want?
GiphyI don’t know about y’all, but the people (and let’s be honest, by far, it’s usually women) who have tried to set me up with someone? They didn’t even know what my preferences or type was. Hell, they didn’t even know my thoughts or timeline as it relates to being in a serious relationship were either. And what that boils down to is they were trying to hook me up based on their agenda, not mine — and that usually meant that the guys who they came up with? Yeah…I was good on them. LOL.
Yeah, if someone wants to hook you up, you definitely should ask them if they know what you are looking for in a guy when it comes to his looks, personality, passions, spirituality, relational desires and goals, location, etc. Because, indeed, what is the point in going out with someone who is fine as hell and yet, you want kids and he doesn’t (or vice versa) or who has a great personality yet he isn’t even in the same ballpark of your spiritual beliefs?
If your friend really wants to help you out, valuing your time should come with that — and that means bringing someone into your life who complements your lifestyle. No wiggle room here.
3. Are They Aware of Your Deal-Breakers?
GiphyLast year, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Should Bad Sex Actually Be A Relationship Deal-Breaker?” The thing that I think needs to go on record about deal-breakers is they aren’t exactly standards that you have. No, a deal-breaker is something that can’t be worked out even after trying to negotiate or compromise. When it comes to relationships, a deal-breaker might be how long two people should date before becoming exclusive or getting engaged. Another deal-breaker might be if being religious is more important than being spiritual and how that manifests itself (church or no church, etc.). And yes, another deal-breaker may be what each other’s sexual needs and expectations are.
When someone is setting you up, it is imperative that they know about your standards. For instance, for me, I am not interested in dating a divorced person, pretty much ever (I Corinthians 7:10-11). I’ve had friends who have tried to hook me up with that demographic before and it has always been a moot effort. The fact that some of them have gotten frustrated with my convictions has absolutely nothing to do with me. Some have tried to get me to compromise my deal-breakers too — like a long-distance relationship. Is it a firm “naw”? No. However, it’s not really something that I am interested in, so why not just…recommend someone local?
Yeah, if someone thinks that they know you well enough to hook you up, they absolutely should be well-versed in what your deal-breakers are before they do. And if they’ve never asked, all they are doing is assuming — and we know what that typically means. LOL.
4. What Is Their Track Record?
GiphyIt’s kind of wild that we now live in a time when more couples meet online than they do through “old-fashioned ways” like via their friends (although some reports say that Gen Z is getting back to that) — and yet, here we are. Still, if you are willing to let someone play pseudo matchmaker in your life, you are well within your rights to inquire about their track record in that department. Have they hooked others up, successfully, before? Has any of their “Cupid work” caused both people to get exactly what they wanted out of the situation? If/when things went awry, why was that?
I know someone who is constantly trying to hook people up. Thing is, maybe 10-15 percent (no joke) of their efforts have proven to be positive and fruitful — and we’re talking about close to close to two decades of them doing it. Listen, time is too precious to be out here doing stuff ONLY to please other people. That said, if someone wants you to devote some time to one of their grand ideas, you are well within your rights to ask about their past and current success score when it comes to it.
5. Can They Keep Their Own Feelings Out of It?
GiphyWanna know if someone who is offering to do something for you is actually doing it more for themselves? If they try to make it be about them when things don’t go the way they would like, that is a dead ringer. An example? They post a message about you on social media and then question you about why you didn’t do the same thing in return. Another example? They do something for you and then throw it in your face during an argument. Still another example? They set you up with someone, it doesn’t work out, and suddenly you’ve put them in a weird spot. No dear — you put your own self in that position by trying to hook two people up in the first place.
I promise you, it will spare everyone unnecessary energy spent (or even drama experienced) if, before you agree to be hooked up, you get the matchmaker on record stating that they will keep their emotions out of it as much as possible. MEANING — they will do the introductions and then let the chips fall where they may. If they can’t do this, my two cents (save it or spend it) would be to decline the offer. Because all you need is someone texting you about why you haven’t called their cousin back or having an attitude with you when you break up with some guy at their church who they thought was the perfect catch (P.S. These aren’t hypothetical examples — LOL).
6. Will They Respect Your Boundaries? Start to Finish?
GiphyYeah, this final one is a biggie. Just because someone sets you up with another person, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily mean that they should have the right to the details of the dynamic. I don’t care if it’s the first date or the 10th date. I don’t care if you decide to just be sex buddies or to have a full-blown relationship. I don’t care if you stay together or break-up — it’s your relationship which makes it your business. Whatever you share is privileged data.
Yeah, I would say that probably the most challenging thing about being hooked up by someone you know is they have a tendency to think that they are a part of the relationship too — and that is a lie. If things go well beyond a couple of dates, you and the guy should discuss what you will both share with the person who introduced you and then agree to stick to that boundary, no matter what. It’s a great way to protect the dynamic, to keep “outside voices” from influencing the growth and to navigate how you want to move, moving forward.
Someone who hooked you up for the right reasons and knows how to honor limits? They will understand. Will they ask questions? Absolutely. Will they pry? Nah.
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Should you sit and let someone hook you up? I mean, you never know how your blessing will come. Just make sure that they are prepared for you to do some digging into their mindset before they start sweetly meddling into your love life.
It’s only fair. Hell, and right. LOL.
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