
'The Bachelorette' Alum Mike Johnson Is Doing The Inner Work For A Better Love

What does it take to find the love you want? To attract the love you want, to make the love you truly want to experience in this lifetime? Well, former Bachelorette star Mike Johnson says it starts with doing the inner work FIRST. And by inner work, he means rewriting and reflecting on the internal stories we tell ourselves about ourselves and using them as a springboard to attract the life and love that we deserve. And if you need help tapping into that side of yourself, look no further than his debut book, aptly entitled Making the Love You Want.
In it, the Texas native provides a toolbox for all those looking to genuinely level up their lives from the inside out through the practice of self-love. "I just want it to be a vessel that can help people with the issues that they're going through and the things that they're facing in life," he tells xoNecole in our midday chat. "By reading it, you'll be able to obliterate, and I mean, completely destroy those self-limiting beliefs. You will be able to have the courage and the strength to propel yourself to the next level of your life."
We recently sat down the 32-year-old self-love sage to talk about personal growth, romantic love, and why it's important for Black men to be vulnerable.
*Some answers have been edited and condensed for clarity.
xoNecole: In your book, you really harp on doing the inner work, particularly in the areas of self-love and self-worth. Personally, I tend to think self-worth is an inside job.
Mike Johnson: It absolutely is, it's in the name.
For Black men in particular, how can they continue to cultivate that sense of self-awareness?
[I think it's in] the strength that we have, the strength that we are blessed with and the strength that society makes us have. I think that we can take some of that strength and be vulnerable as well, because it does absolutely take strength to be vulnerable. And I feel that once we can see the strength, meaning vulnerability, there's nothing that we can't do. It's more of a mindset--it's funny because when I think of this topic, I think of Eminem and 8 Mile. If you remember when he did the rap battle, he said everything negative against himself, he put it all out there. And once you put everything out there, no one could combat you. It's already out there. So, I think that's something that we have to utilize to our advantage.
"I think that we can take some of that strength and be vulnerable as well, because it does absolutely take strength to be vulnerable. And I feel that once we can see the strength, meaning vulnerability, there's nothing that we can't do."
Why do you think it’s so hard for Black men to have conversations around self-love and personal growth?
I wouldn't say that it's hard. It's just maybe something that isn't as seen in mainstream media. And I can speak to why I think that is. I feel that in our community, we put on a tough face at times but I do want to say that the color of our skin doesn't dictate our emotional levels. I feel that our environments do. And we adapt to the environment to make sure that we survive out of it. I think people like Charlamagne are doing a wonderful job of spearheading how to get out of those environments, Derrick Jaxn on Instagram, someone like myself--since I'm trying to be in that realm as well. And if something is popular, more people want to be able to do it as well.
When men start to realize that, you know, it's OK for us to be vulnerable, it's OK to talk about real issues and you're not considered a victim--I think that people relate to that more. I mean, the reason some of our biggest musical artists are so big is because they have a creative way of getting out their emotions and they speak on what they're going through, through songs.
You seem to be a very optimistic guy. Every time I come across you on Instagram, you always seem to have a smile on your face. So I wanna know, is a positive outlook a deal-breaker for you when it comes to relationships?
Not having a positive outlook, yeah. If she doesn't have a positive outlook--I don't care how fine she is. I don't care how much money. I don't really care, if you [are] a Negative Nancy, I'm not with you. I am extremely strong with that. If you're just a negative-thinking individual, I'm not going to let your negativity interrupt my energy. It's too precious.
"If you're just a negative-thinking individual, I'm not going to let your negativity interrupt my energy. It's too precious."
Courtesy of Mike Johnson
How has your time on ‘The Bachelorette’ or ‘Bachelor In Paradise’ influenced what traits you now look for in a potential partner?
No, it hasn't changed whatsoever. I still know the type of woman that I love and adore, and quite honestly with me on TV-- it doesn't change my outlook because I was able to attract the woman that I like already. The TV doesn't do anything when it comes to dating, except for if you want to be superficial and get a certain type of chick, then you can do that. But my homies still know back in the day, when I was a teenager, we would call Walmart, Club Walmart. And if I go to Walmart to this day and I see somebody that I'm into, she could be the cashier. I don't care.
So, no TV doesn't do anything. All the TV does when it comes to dating is people feel as if they know exactly what you like. I know you didn't ask the question, but when I talked to my homies about when Black women say that I don't like Black women--I'm like, 'Why is it that way?' That's hard for me to hear because that's a damn lie. My ex was Black. And if the Bachelorette was a Black woman, no Black woman would say that. Right? So that's the only thing that actually hurts me, if I can honestly be transparent about that. That hurts my heart because I'm like, 'Hey, I love y'all period.'
Who is Mike Johnson as a romantic partner?
Mike Johnson is a loving partner. I'm the guy that your girlfriends hate because you are going to be saying all of these positive things and they don't have a good man like that (laughs). I would say that I'm pretty damn good at relationships. I definitely have no problem with someone putting me in the check but if they do something crazy too, I'm going to let them know. I don't like that either. I'm definitely someone that will motivate you just by you just watching how I act and how I move in life. I have goals all the time and so that will rub off on my partner. And I am definitely a sexual being.
Speaking of, kind of. Do you know your love languages and if so, what are they?
Yeah. So at first, before I read the book by Gary Chapman--amazing book-- I thought my love language was physical touch. But after reading the book, doing the quizzes, I ended up going deeper and it turns out my love language is actually quality time. But my dialect is quality communication. So when you speak to me, tell me what your heart is telling you, tell me your thoughts, be transparent with me, be loyal to me, that brings that trust like nothing else.
Are you single? How would you like for a woman to approach you now?
Oh wow. Well, I will say I am dating someone right now. I'm making a love that I want.
Shameless plug. Lastly, what's one thing you know now to be true about love?
One thing I know to be true about love. If you're loyal to a person, that person is loyal to you, if you do everything to make that individual happy, and if you have an open communication, open dialogue--there's nothing that you guys can't get through.
Making the Love You Want is available now, wherever books are sold. And to keep up with Mike, be sure to connect with him on Instagram.
Featured image courtesy of Mike Johnson
Writer. Empath. Escapist. Young, gifted, and Black. Shanelle Genai is a proud Southern girl in a serious relationship with celebrity interviews, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and long walks down Sephora aisles. Keep up with her on IG @shanellegenai.
On her debut album,CTRL,SZA crooned about her desire to be a “Normal Girl.” Now, nearly eight years since its release, her Not Beauty line represents her commitment to existing outside of traditional beauty norms.
The singer whose real name is Solána Imani Rowe first teased the idea of a lip gloss line during Super Bowl LIX in February, noting that the release would be happening “very shortly.” Not Beauty debuted simultaneously with the Grand National Tour, which she co-headlines with Kendrick Lamar, in Minneapolis on April 19.
Each Not Beauty pop-up would offer fans the opportunity to purchase the glosses, learn more about the brand, and have the opportunity to meet the superstar in the flesh regardless of their ticket status.
During the Los Angeles tour stop, which spanned three dates on May 21, May 23, with the finale on May 24, xoNecole had the opportunity to test out the glosses included in this soft launch, as SZA revealed in a statement that "this is just the start of other lip products, including plans to launch stains, liners, and creams all inspired by SZA's “infamous layered lip combinations.”
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So, what is included in the first Not Beauty launch?
The current Not Beauty products available are lip glosses that come in three shades: In the Flesh, Strawberry Jelly, and Quartz.
During my visit to the first LA Not Beauty pop-up activation, I not only had the chance to purchase all three glosses but also took a peek inside the blow-up log tent. Inside, fans got to experience SZA’s love for nature and her fascination with bugs, which are prominently featured in her performances for this tour. At one point, she even had human preying mantis prancing across the stage y'all.
There were blow-up photos of the beauty that is SZA for fans (myself included) to take photos, but in wooden-like tree trunks were a deeper dive into some of the ingredients featured in her products and their benefits.
For example, the glosses feature Hi-Shine Lip Jelly and Shea Butter as key ingredients and some of the listed benefits included are:
- Shea Butter - “A powerhouse ingredient, offering both functional and nourishing benefits.”
- Hi-Shine Lip Jelly (featured in the In the Flesh shade) - “Formula glides on with perfect adhesion to the lips without stickiness).
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What are in the products?
Featured in an orange package, with images of a bug and flower on the side, the back of the box reads: “It’s NOT BEAUTY, it just works. Developed by Solána “SZA” Rowe.
As someone who never leaves home without a good lip gloss, I loved how compact the wood panel packaging is. Perfect to slip into my purse, or in the case of the show at SoFi Stadium, into my pocket when I’m not carrying a bag.
Because I’m a sucker for a good black and brown lip liner and clear gloss combo, I decided to wear the Quartz flavor on night one of the Grand National Tour LA stop, and it did not disappoint. I’ll admit, it’s light weight feel made me nervous because it felt like there was nothing on my lips. However, when I checked my lips in my compact mirror several times throughout the night, I was shocked to find that my gloss was still intact. I only reapplied once out of the habit of looking cute and applying my gloss, but not necessity.
Here are some of the ingredients featured, but not limited to, in the Quartz flavor.
- Polyisoubutene
- Butyrospermum Parkii (Shea)Butter
- Ricinus Communis (Castor) Seed Oil
- Mentha Piperita (Peppermint) Oil
- Tocopherol
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Lip prep
I’m a simple girl who loves to stay true to her roots. So ahead of the show, I stopped by a local Inglewood Beauty Supply store and grabbed a Black and Brown shade lip pencil for just under $2 a piece.
Shading the outline of my lips with the black pencil first, I used the brown to lightly fill the inside of my lips before applying my Quartz Not Beauty shade gloss.
How to apply
There’s truly no right or wrong way to apply lip gloss (in my opinion), with this being a brush applicator sort of product, I simply untwisted the top and swiped the gloss around my top and bottom lip generously.
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Results
Again, my Not Beauty Quartz product stayed on my lips from the start of the show, which began with a fire DJ set from LA’s very own, Mustard, to the conclusion when Kendrick and SZA reunited on stage to send us home to their duet, “luther,” featured on the rapper's GNX album.
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Feature image courtesy
The millennial in me is nostalgic at best...and at worst, deeply, deeply yearning. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss the past.
In the days of old, community was never hard to find. It was a knock on the door from a neighborhood friend who needed no invitation. It was trading jokes over lunch and lingering strolls after the final bell. It was choir practice on Saturdays and giggling in the pews on Sundays.
The love was free and plentiful, and my cup runneth over.
But there was a certain rhythm to the ’90s and early 2000s. People were ever-present in the most ordinary ways, and fortunately, this followed me well into adulthood. The door knocks have since turned into tequila shots, and brunch on Sundays became my new sanctuary, but you know...same thing!
However, life has changed drastically, and with it, so have we. Sometimes by force (2020..no other words needed, amirite), and other times by the natural, inevitable flow of growing up.
As we age, our identities become more defined. And while the people we’ve always loved still matter deeply, we start to crave new connections and experiences that reflect who we’re becoming.
When COVID reared its ugly head, not only did it disrupt the lives we knew, it pushed us to reevaluate the lives we want… and the people we want in them. For many, it exposed a loneliness that had already been there beneath the surface. It made space for questions we hadn’t slowed down to ask: What do I truly enjoy? Who do I feel most myself around?
After months of quarantine and isolation, we were left craving connection in a deeper, more intentional way. This sparked a renewed interest in “the third space.”
Coined by sociologist Ray Oldenburg, the term refers to those places beyond home (first space) and work (second space) where people gather, build relationships, and foster community. Think coffee shops, libraries, dance studios, run clubs, and other environments that offer connection outside of our daily obligations.
My own desire to find like-minded folks has only intensified over the past few years. And as a self-proclaimed medicine woman and wellness enthusiast, I went looking for spaces that felt good, and found more than a few.
So if you're in NYC and searching for places that feed your spirit (and tend to your interests), consider this your starter guide. Whether it's a wellness club, a run group, or a kickball league, these third spaces might just feel like home.
A Safe Space Mentor
My Shaylaaa.
What started out as a simple offering from founder Teya Knapp has grown into one of the most intentional, heartfelt communities I’ve had the privilege to be part of. Together with COO Jasmine Dayze, they have cultivated more than a collective—it’s a movement rooted in community care, softness, and restoration.
A nonprofit centered on mental health advocacy and equity, A Safe Space Mentor has redefined the possibilities of communal healing. With over 22 fully funded retreats to date (yes, free), monthly programs ranging from support groups and hikes to pottery classes, free therapy, and now a physical home at A Safe Place Studios, they’ve built an ecosystem where people can show up fully and be accepted just as they are.
I came across them by chance, but as fate would have it, it allowed me to bloom in ways I never saw coming, surrounded by women who affirm and love me in ways I didn’t know I needed. I’m serious, ya’ll. Even at the risk of sounding dramatic: expect to be changed, to find friends, possibly even family, and maybe a group chat, too.
Beyond their no-cost offerings, they also host weekly yoga and meditation classes, massages, and more. Learn more about this beautiful space here, and keep an eye out for their upcoming Juneteenth gathering.
NARC
Who needs Hinge when there’s a run club? (Kidding... kind of.)
NARC, short for Not a Run Club, is technically a run club but with a twist. Co-founded by Omari Ross and Noah Hutchins, NARC takes a holistic approach to fitness and community. Picture track workouts, dynamic circuits, core finishers, followed by a post-workout brunch with the crew. Sure, the occasional match may be made, but at its core, NARC is about connection, movement, and showing up for yourself and others.
It’s the kind of space where most people arrive solo but rarely leave without a new friend or a new perspective. And personally? I never tire of seeing Black men love on one another out loud.
If you’re looking for a solid sweat (not gonna lie, it gives Olympic training at times), laughs, and folks that show up rain or shine, they’ve got you. Beyond the track, they also host boxing classes, hot yoga sessions, social mixers, and a number of other events. NARC meets every Saturday at McCarren Park at 10 a.m. unless otherwise noted. Learn more here.
The Music Nerds
My favorite part about The Music Nerds? The DJ. Scene Serene, a former music journalist turned vibe curator, created this club out of pure love for music and the Black people who create it. And that love is felt in every detail.
Past functions have celebrated Kendrick Lamar, Black women in music, and Virginia legends, each thoughtfully crafted to tell a story through sound. Here, you’re not just dancing, you’re feeling, remembering, and reflecting, too. Additionally, she kicks off each event with icebreaker quote cards to spark conversation, because the vibe isn’t just in the music; it’s also in the people.
That sense of connection comes full circle in her choice of venues, which are always Black-owned spaces that feel safe and inclusive for all Black folk. After all, if we don’t support each other, who will?
This isn’t just a party. It’s a celebration of culture, connection, and Black joy…and yes, it’s free! She’s cooking up some magic for the summer, so follow her here to stay in the loop.
SociaLight Social Club
For the anti-social socialite or the extrovert who wants a little more intimate play, the SociaLight Club might be your sweet spot.
Nayah, the founder, is all about curating intimate, low-pressure gatherings that bring people together through random yet delightful activities, all while supporting Black-owned businesses in the process.
From coworking days to supper clubs and nights building LEGOs, it’s the kind of space where you can show up as you are and end up discovering new people and new passions. It’s chill, it’s intentional, and very much a vibe. Keep up with her events here.
Recess Kickball League
Black folks deserve to frolic, dilly-dally, and straight-up play. And that’s the spirit behind Recess Kickball League. Though kickball is the anchor, it’s really about reclaiming joy through movement and connection.
Founded by five friends during the lockdowns of 2020 (Emmanuel Maduakolam, Christopher Thomas, Cris Jones, Daemon “Tubbs” Krueger, and Ermias Tessema), the club started as a way to get outside and let loose, and now it’s blossomed into a thriving community with leagues in both LA and Brooklyn.
If you’ve been looking for field day vibes and opportunities to love on your inner child, keep up with them here.
The Free Black Women’s Library
Tucked in the heart of Bed-Stuy, The Free Black Women’s Library is a cozy nook that centers Black women and holds space for book lovers, creatives, and community-builders alike.
Founded by OlaRonke Akinmowo, it functions as more than a library but a cultural hub. While every book is written by a Black woman or non-binary author, she also hosts grief workshops, writing circles, and curated events that honor both healing and imagination, too. Their monthly calendar is packed with offerings that meet you where you are, celebrating who we are and who we’re becoming.
And the best part? You don’t have to buy a book, you can swap one. Bring something you’ve read, and leave with something new. Keep up with them here.
Peak & Pace
This one’s for the runners and the lovers. If you’re looking to meet your future bae who’s into fitness and a good Sunday reset, Peak & Pace might just be your new favorite link.
Founded by London native Owen Akhibi after relocating to NYC, the club was born out of something a lot of us know too well: feeling a little lonely in a big city. So he created a space that brings people together who just so happen to run.
Every meetup ends with a social, and some runs come with fun themes like wearing flags repping your country to wristbands signaling your relationship status (lovers tap in!). Off the track, they host yoga, comedy nights, parties, and other events to build real connections. They meet every Saturday at Prospect Park at 10 a.m. Tap in with them here.
Free Peace Meditation Club
Free Peace Meditation Club offers a rare pause in the middle of NYC’s bustling Lower East Side, encouraging folks to be still in the midst of chaos while finding beauty in it, too. What began as a simple conversation between Kenji Summers and Angelo Baque has blossomed into a welcoming sanctuary where New Yorkers gather to unplug, recenter, and recharge.
Hosted monthly at the artfully decorated Awake NY, this community-driven experience invites participants to reconnect through guided reflection, mindful breathwork, and thoughtfully curated music that features the rich sounds of New York’s rap, R&B, and jazz artists. FPANYMC stands as a powerful affirmation that stillness is not a luxury but an essential practice. Keep up with them here.
Knot Okay Club
This one’s for the soft girls, the creatives, and anyone who’s ever needed to crochet their stress away.
Knot Okay Club brings Black women and non-binary folks together through fiber arts. It’s about slowing down, making something with your hands, and feeling held while you do it. The work might be small and intentional, but the connection? That’s the magic. Learn more about them here.
Girls That Gather
Lauren Franco started Girls That Gather after moving to NYC and realizing just how hard it can be to find genuine connections as an adult.
What began as a way to bring women together has grown into a go-to space for meaningful conversation and real friendship. From curated dinner parties to small, cozy events, everything is designed to feel easy and intentional. No awkward networking energy, just good vibes and even better people. Learn more about them here.
Adanne Bookshop
Adanne is one of those places that makes you want to linger.
Tucked away in Brooklyn and owned by educator Darlene Okpo, this Black woman-owned bookshop is as intentional as it is inviting. The books are curated with care, the energy is warm, and the events, from author talks to community gatherings to incense-making, always leave you a little more full than when you walked in.
It’s not just a bookstore; it’s a cultural anchor. Check out their events here.
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Featured image by Clarke Sanders on Unsplash