

There are two T-shirts that I wear that automatically let me know if I'm speaking to a 20-something or not. One is a shirt that has Dylan McKay on it (an original Beverly Hills, 90210 role that was played by the late Luke Perry). Another is a shirt that says, "I'm Just a Whitley in Search of My Dwayne". Whenever I'm sportin' either of those, it's pretty common for folks under 32 or so to ask me what my shirts mean. Wow. How time flies.
I thought about my second shirt when I sat down to do my Wednesday night ritual recently; one that consists of watching Queen Sugar. My props to you, Cree Summer (who used to play Freddie Brooks on A Different World, alongside "Dwayne" and "Whitley"). I'm aware of your quirky hippie role on a 90s sitcom, your comedic parts in other shows, and your voice-over resume (which is so impressive that one video takes a entire hour just to get through it all!); however, I don't recall seeing you in something that showcases your acting chops via the more dramatic side. But listen, as Nova's former professor (and lover) Octavia Laurent, you (clap) did (clap, clap) that.
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Maybe it's due to my past pattern of not realizing that I have an opportunist in my path, oftentimes until it's too late, but I could sniff your agenda from the very moment you stood up to ask Nova a question at one of her tour stops. You had "get something from you" energy all over your tailored suit. But clearly, there was something in Nova that felt like you were the one who got away (at least on some level), so she took you with her on some of her other tour dates. Sometimes our nostalgia—especially emotionally and sexually—will have us longing for something and/or someone that we really should leave as a past memory. I think that's why I think I surprised my own self when I heard a loud "HMPH" come up from my belly when Nova finally said in your last scene together, "This is a sad day. I suspected but now I know. I've outgrown you." Whew.
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Outgrowing someone you love, or at least once loved. That is such a heavy and complex topic that I'll have to circle back around to it another time (trust me, I will, though). But for now, when those words, that declaration, came out of Nova's mouth like the brightest light bulb moment, my mind went to the man who used to hold that title in my own world.
I'll be the first to admit that if there is one thing that I used to have a real knack for, it was picking fruit before it was ripe—you know, choosing the right man at the wrong time. Is that even possible? Oh, trust me…it is.
Sometimes someone can have all of the right qualities, but they need more time alone to mature and evolve. It is literally like eating a watermelon or a peach before it ripens; it has everything within it to be very good; it's just not fully ready…yet.
And when it came to "him", when he told me that he loved me, desired me and couldn't really see past me when it came to what he needed to do for his future (which was a part of the problem, to tell you the truth), and so he had to let me go, at least for now, because I couldn't think of one thing about him that I didn't want in a man, lover or spouse, he earned the title that so many of us have given to at least one guy—the one who got away.
Hmph. He actually held that title for about 15 years too.
That is until I got the nerve to look him up and give him a call. To this day, he's got one of the most impacting and masculine voices that I ever heard (lawd). After an eight-hour-straight convo, while I still totally understood just how and why he earned the "got away" position in my life, as he started to share with me what the past several years had been like for him, we didn't really seem to complement each other as much as we used to. His spiritual views couldn't be more different than my own. His perspective on relationships was a bit Twilight Zone-ish for me. While once upon a time, we would talk about our goals, dreams and even values without any hesitation or reservation, I found myself thinking, "Don't even get into it" in direct response to some of the things that he said. Don't get me wrong now, I'm pretty sure that the sex would've been better than ever (le sigh), but beyond the memories and the dormant passion, I'm not sure what else we would have…now.
Once we reconnected, we stayed in touch for a couple of months or so. He was just that fine, a part of my heart missed him just that much and the walks down memory lane were so sentimental that I think when it came to the phrase "the one who got away", I was so focused on "the one" that I didn't give as much credence to "away". In the midst of all of my romanticizing, I had to accept the reality that the time apart gave us both the space to become, who we were now. What catching up did was reveal to us both that while there would probably always been an uncanny connection and a bona fide chemistry, we didn't complement one another anymore.
He didn't "get away". He was simply gone. Because he needed to be. Even all those years ago.
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That last part? That is why I'm sharing all of this with you. Because I know that at least 70 percent of the women reading this article have given some man the "you're the one who got away" title and position in their own life, and because I know that doing that can prevent you from fully giving your all to someone else, if you feel like there is some man who got away, ask yourself why is that. Is it based on some solid evidence that you have in your present life or a handful of memories from your past?
And if you believe it so wholeheartedly that, even you have to admit that you are a little emotionally stunted, maybe you should do what I did and look him up. If he's married or not interested, he's not the one who got away; he's the who needed to be let go. If he's interested in reconnecting, he won't be casual about it; if he clearly communicates that the last time he lost you, he'll make sure that he won't let that happen again. In fact, if that's the case, you probably would've heard from him first (some of y'all will catch that later).
But more than anything, be open to the possibility that the one who got away, got away because both of you needed him to. You didn't let him escape so much as the Universe removed him from your path because, had he remained, you wouldn't be quite the woman you are now and he wouldn't be quite the man he is now—both of you, being what you need to be, for someone else.
My friend, what life is revealing to me, more and more, with every passing day, is what is meant for us is presented to us. The love of our life is not exempt from this fact. Love doesn't "get away". At the right place and time, it comes boldly, clearly and eternally towards us, determined to never let us get away from it.
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So, as someone who used to use the title, I get why you would too. Yet I hope my own experience will cause you to rethink still putting that kind of energy into the atmosphere. When it comes to the true "love of your life" and "meant to be", unless he comes and you push him away (which is also another message for another time), "the one" and "got away" don't exactly go together. The one doesn't do that. Love—and both of your life paths—won't let him.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Why You Should Be Grateful 'He' Didn't Choose You
If He REALLY Wants You Back, He'll Do This.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
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Patricia "Ms. Pat" Williams has always marched to the beat of her own brutally honest drum — and that’s exactly what makes her so magnetic to watch. Whether she’s making us laugh until we cry on The Ms. Pat Show or now laying down the law on her courtroom series Ms. Pat Settles It, the comedian-turned-judge proves time and again that there’s nobody quite like her. Unfiltered, hilarious, and real to the core, she’s made a name for herself by turning her life’s journey — including the pain — into purpose.
Now in her second season of Ms. Pat Settles It, airing on BET and BET+, she’s not only delivering verdicts — she’s dishing out life lessons in between the laughs. The show feels less like your typical courtroom drama and more like your outspoken auntie running a court session at the family cookout, complete with celebrity jurors, petty disputes, and a whole lot of real talk. xoNecole sat down with Ms. Pat to talk about her wildest cases, balancing motherhood and fame, and why sleeping in separate bedrooms might just be the key to joy.
CASE CLOSED, BUT MAKE IT CHAOS
If you’ve ever tuned in to Ms. Pat Settles It, you already know the episode titles alone deserve awards. But when we asked Ms. Pat which case stood out most, she didn’t even have to think twice. “There was this one woman — Shay — who got out of federal prison and was working for her old bunkmate. But the bunkmate didn’t want to pay her!” she says, chuckling. “That girl came in the courtroom like a firecracker.”
It’s moments like those that remind viewers Ms. Pat isn’t just bringing the laughs — she’s giving people a platform, even if it’s a little messy. And if her court ever gets turned into a real-life franchise, we need Shay on the promo posters immediately.
WHEN THE CELEBS SHOW OUT
It’s already hard enough to get a word in with Ms. Pat running the show, but throw in a celebrity jury featuring Tamar Braxton, Ray J, TS Madison, and Karlous Miller? Whew. “I don’t even try to control them,” she laughs. “Thank God we have something called editing.” According to her, behind the scenes, things get wild — but that chaos is part of the magic. “People only see the cut-down version. What you don’t see is all of us losing it in real time.”
Still, Ms. Pat makes it work. The courtroom becomes a stage, but also a safe space for guests and jurors to show up as their full, unfiltered selves. “It was a wild season,” she explains. Let’s be honest — if your jury looks like a BET Awards afterparty, you might as well let it rock.
IF FAMILY COURT WAS REALLY A THING
Ms. Pat might wear the robe on screen, but at home, she’s still managing her own wild bunch. When asked what kind of case her kids would bring into her courtroom, she burst into laughter. “Oh, they’d be suing my oldest son for eating their food,” she says. “You know how you have that one roommate that eats up everybody’s food? I can see my oldest son getting sued for that..”
And let’s face it, we’ve all either been that sibling or have one. Ms. Pat says moments like that — the everyday family squabbles and real-life irritations — are what make her courtroom show so relatable.
THE VERDICT SHE WISHES SHE COULD REWRITE
Ms. Pat is known for keeping it real, even when the conversation turns serious. When asked if there was one “verdict” in her real life she’d change, she pauses for a second before answering. “I wish I had graduated high school,” she admits. “All my kids went to prom and I took all of their high school diplomas.”
“I wish I had graduated high school,” she admits. “All my kids went to prom and I took all of their high school diplomas.”
It’s a rite of passage in most Black households — your diploma doesn’t really belong to you, it lives at your mama or grandma’s house like a family heirloom.
HOW SHE STAYS GROUNDED
Between filming TV shows, headlining comedy tours, and running a household, Ms. Pat makes it very clear: she will find time to rest. “People swear I don’t sleep, but I do — I just knock out early and wake up early,” she shares. “And sometimes, I’ll just sit in my car.” She’s also a big fan of solo naps and mini getaways when things get overwhelming.
But one of her favorite forms of self-care? Separate bedrooms. “Me and my husband don’t sleep in the same room. That way, when I don’t feel like being bothered, I go to my space,” she laughs. She’s also found a new love for facials. “They’re addicting! I don’t need a lot — just sleep, a facial, and a little quiet.” Honestly? That’s a self-care routine we can get behind.
FROM PAIN TO PURPOSE
Ms. Pat’s story is one that’s deeply rooted in resilience — and she’s always been transparent about how her journey shaped her. Her advice to other Black women trying to turn their pain into purpose? Speak up. “You have to tell your story,” she says. “Because once you tell your story, you realize you’re not the only person that’s been through that situation.”
She adds that sharing your truth can be one of the most powerful things you do. “When you give a voice to pain so many other people who have that pain gravitate to you,” she says. “To heal, you have to speak out loud about it. What you keep inside is what eats you up.” Coming from someone who built an entire brand on truth-telling? We believe her.
WHAT’S NEXT FOR MS. PAT?
While Ms. Pat’s got her hands full with Ms. Pat Settles It and her comedy show, she hints there’s much more to come. “I got some stuff poppin’ that I can’t even talk about yet,” she teases. “But just know, like Kendrick [Lamar] said, we about to step out and show ‘em something.” That multi-genre deal with BET and Paramount is clearly working in her favor — and she’s not slowing down anytime soon.
She says one of her proudest moments in this chapter of her career is seeing things she once dreamed of finally come to life. “In this business, you never know what’s gonna work or what’s gonna stick. But now I’m working with a network that really understands me — and that’s special,” she says. “I feel seen. And I’m just getting started.”
Whether she’s in the courtroom cracking jokes or catching up on rest in her own sanctuary, Ms. Pat is living proof that success doesn’t have to come at the cost of authenticity. She’s rewriting the rules in real time — on her terms, in her voice, and for her people. As she continues to turn pain into purpose, laughter into legacy, and everyday mess into must-see TV, one thing’s clear: Ms. Pat is in her prime. And we’re lucky enough to watch it unfold.
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Feature image by Earl Gibson III/Shutterstock