

The older you get, the more you realize that life is all about reinvention, especially when it comes to your career. For some of us, this means leveling up in skills, emotional intelligence, and leadership mastery for a promotion, while for others, this means totally changing how we approach work, what we're known for, and the career we actively pursue.
This article is for the latter: for the sis whose current career has run its course, the professional who has outgrown her industry, or the woman who wants to lean a bit more heavily into other facets of being a multi-hyphenate creative. If you've made the decision to make a total 360 in your career, first, congrats.
It takes a lot of courage and a bit of crazy. And you're not alone. Queen Latifah went from bold '80s raptress rocking the regal crowns to acting in iconic sitcoms to becoming a music and Hollywood mogul. Rihanna was singing dancehall-laced tunes in the early 2000s, cut her hair and went pop (selling out global arenas), and is now a hot mama of two, taking billion-dollar beauty brand meetings.
Coco Jones went from giving us sugary-sweet Disney vibes to sultry R&B hits. Tracee Ellis Ross morphed from model-daughter-of-Diana-Ross to award-winning cult-classic actress, to fashion icon, to haircare brand boss. Eve was riding rough as a blond-haired hip-hop legend, got her own TV sitcom, then went into the shadows for a bit, only to emerge as the wife of a wealthy British entrepreneur and cash in on millions of her own (with a new book release to boot).
If these examples still don't convince you that you're on to something good, and you're a bit lost as to where to start your reinvention, try these steps to get you going:
1. Get honestly clear on who you are as a professional and what you currently offer.
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If you don't know who or what you already are in your career, you don't really have a foundation for envisioning who or what you can or will become. A great place to start is adding 30 minutes of devotional, silence, meditation, or prayer time in the morning or evening (or both). This creates space for self-reflection, gratitude, and positive vibes.
Then, carve out at least 30 minutes to an hour a day to write out who you think you are professionally and what people have said you are (i.e., performance reviews, LinkedIn recommendations, career success metrics, or verbal insights from work friends, mentors, and former managers who can offer constructive criticism as well as insights on what you're good at). Ask your network to support you in getting this information. (You can even get creative with this. I once sent surveys using Google Forms.)
Once you've done this assessment and you are clear on the actual reality of where you are (versus an inner perception that might be based on ego, trauma, fear, or, let's just be honest, lies fed by negative self-talk), plan for who and what you want to be, starting today, even if that happens in the form of a brain dump, vision board, or to-do list.
2. Dip a toe in that future career water first to get experience before taking the big leap.
More than a decade ago, award-winning actress Niecy Nash was known most for thriving in comedic roles until she advocated for herself and began to go for more dramatic parts. After six years of success with the early 2000s TV series, Reno 911!, (and several other comedic TV and film roles before that), she was mostly known for her ability to command attention through slapstick antics, satire, and witty comebacks. During that period, she still appeared in smaller roles on dramas like ER, CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, and NYPD Blue.
“Once they found out I was funny, it was like, ‘You’re just that,’ ” she told Backstage about her start in comedy despite having dreams of being a dramatic actress. “But because I wanted to work, that part of my gift opened the door first. I rode the wave of that for quite a long time before it finally manifested into what I saw in my head at the beginning.”
Now, the 2020s have been a winning one for her, as she's won big among audiences and critics alike for her major dramatic roles in films and series like Selma, Scream Queens, Clawz, When They See Us, and Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story.
Consider this as one powerful example of how making small strategic pivots to pursue elements of your major reinvention today can lead to big success tomorrow.
3. Take deliberate, but small steps to change your current habits.
This is especially important when your reinvention includes more financial freedom (or wealth) or you're looking to make a major physical change as part of your reinvention. In the very wise words of author Octavia Butler, “Habit is more dependable. Habit will sustain you whether you're inspired or not. … Habit is persistence in practice." And I'm sure you've read or heard this somewhere on social, but I'll remind you anyway, "You can't change while embracing the same habits."
Start with micro-actions and be consistent for 10, 20, or 30 days initially. This could be waking up 30 minutes earlier to work out, committing to (and even buying tickets for) two networking or professional events outside of your industry per month, or simply getting a new haircut or hair color (and setting the follow-up maintenance appointments immediately after your service is complete).
If you're a homebody but the new you requires more networking, get out there, even if it's to volunteer once a month. If you need additional skills, invest in a 6-week online course, certifications, or a 2-year program at a local community college (and allow the money you've paid to be your accountability partner.) If you're always hanging out with your healthcare besties for brunch, but you're trying to break into cybersecurity, take one weekend from that crowd and give it to a new crew who's in the other industry. Create new systems around new goals and stick to them.
4. Get more active on social to showcase the new (or future-loading) you.
If you think constantly posting on social is cringe, you might want to forget the shame, apprehension, or snobbery, slap the dust off those LinkedIn, Facebook, or Instagram profiles, and showcase the new you on those platforms (or at least who you're shifting to be).
Personal branding isn't just for influencers. Create a content calendar, start posting at least once per week (as a way to, again, build a new habit of consistency and discipline), and simply showcase the new you. Think of it as a fun project just for your own enjoyment and personal satisfaction.
Take new photos for your personal website, your social media banners, and profile photos. And you don't necessarily need to do a full-on shoot for this. Maybe there are photos you've already taken that better reflect the new vibes you want out there, or simply set up an affordable tripod with your phone, go somewhere local with good daylight (i.e., your home office, living room, veranda, or apartment complex's lobby---all places I've taken great photos for websites) and get to snapping.
If you've been put in a box in terms of the expertise or skills you're known for, post useful information, blogs, videos, or other content that showcases new knowledge or areas of interest. Update your photos, share the latest news, watch the analytics, and find out how you can collaborate with others in the industry you're looking to break into.
If your reinvention includes more public speaking opportunities, research appointments, or a promotion in your current industry, showcase yourself like that powerhouse executive with real knowledge and talent and offer your unique way of breaking down processes, problem-solving, and everyday issues professionals face. Follow the people you admire who have actually done what you want to do (or similar) or who spark inspiration, self-discovery, and empowerment for you.
5. Do at least one thing that makes you afraid or is out of your comfort zone but is a big part of bringing the future new you to life.
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Known as the always responsible marketing manager but want to totally transition out to get into stand-up comedy? Hit up that Open Mike Night Amateur Talent Show, or audition once a week, even if you could face boos or rejection. Get a coach or agent. Join an acting class or improv group. Start doing social media videos or hosting small events of your own.
Need something to help you stand out and boost your confidence when you're trying to land clients? Ditch that long dark center-part lace front, and try a chic auburn bob. Change that makeup routine you've been doing for the past few years and start wearing other brands and colors.
Want to work on boosting your self-confidence while gaining a new skill? Start an outdoor running challenge, learn a new sport by joining a local team, or take lessons on how to play an instrument. The completion of the course or that 10th practice session alone will be exactly what you need to be bolder in other aspects of your career reinvention journey.
Track your progress either via a video diary (that you can keep private), photos, or journaling. This helps you to be able to review what has worked and what hasn't, and it can help you avoid repeating cycles that won't allow for reinvention.
If you find yourself super-challenged doing these things consistently, make that virtual (or in-person) appointment with a coach or therapist because there might be a need for self-exploration and mental wellness assistance before fully pursuing the reinvention plan, and that's absolutely okay.
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'Sistas' Star Skyh Black On The Power Of Hypnotherapy & Emotional Vulnerability For Men
In this insightful episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Sistas star Skyh Black, as he opened up about his journey of emotional growth, resilience, and self-discovery. The episode touches on emotional availability, self-worth, masculinity, and the importance of therapy in overcoming personal struggles.
Skyh Black on Emotional Availability & Love
On Emotional Availability & Vulnerability
“My wife and I wouldn't be where we are today if both of us weren't emotionally available,” he shared about his wife and Sistas co-star KJ Smith, highlighting the value of vulnerability and emotional openness in a relationship. His approach to masculinity stands in contrast to the traditional, stoic ideals. Skyh is not afraid to embrace softness as part of his emotional expression.
On Overcoming Self-Doubt & Worthiness Issues
Skyh reflected on the self-doubt and worthiness issues that he struggled with, especially early in his career. He opens up about his time in Los Angeles, living what he calls the “LA struggle story”—in a one-bedroom with three roommates—and being homeless three times over the span of 16 years. “I always had this self-sabotaging thought process,” Skyh said. “For me, I feel therapy is essential, period. I have a regular therapist and I go to a hypnotherapist.”
How Therapy Helped Him Heal From Self-Doubt
On Hypnotherapy & Empowering Self-Acceptance
Skyh’s journey is a testament to the power of tapping into self-development despite life’s struggles and being open to growth. “I had to submit to the fact that God was doing good in my life, and that I'm worthy of it. I had a worthiness issue and I did not realize that. So, that’s what the hypnotherapy did. It brought me back to the core. What is wrong so that I can fix it?”
Watch the full podcast episode below:
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Women Are (Still) Spelling 'Coconut' With Their Hips. And Guys Are Losing Their Damn Minds.
While prepping for a podcast interview a while back, because I received the questions beforehand, I did a bit of research into one of the inquiries: what are men’s current favorite sex positions? I doubt any of you are shocked by the fact that what continued to pop up (like here, here, and here) was doggy style and the cowgirl position (i.e., when a woman is on top).
When it comes to ridin’, specifically, that got me to thinking about something that was all over the internet a few years ago: women who were advising that you spell “coconut” with your hips, during sex, in order for you and your partner to receive maximum pleasure and satisfaction.
When I asked a few women I know if they ever tried that before, I was surprised to discover that not only had they, but many didn’t treat it as some random social media fad — they actually still do it to this day. Partly, because it’s fun to them and partly because their partner(s) seem to go crazy for it.
Listen, any time something sexual works like a charm, I’m going to shout it out — (late) trend or not. And so, if you’ve never heard of the whole coconut thing, you tried it and forgot all about it, or you just want to try something new/different/else tonight — here’s a reminder, in article form, that coconut-ting is still alive and well, y’all. And the men are all about it!
But First, The Grapefruit Technique
Video Credit: Myem/YouTube (Funny part starts at 2:40)
If this woman is not familiar to you on sight, you ain’t a real one. LOL. Although I know that a lot of people think that the concept of grapefruiting came from the movie Girls Trip (you can see the clip from the film here) that absolutely is not the case. Auntie Angel (whose real name is reportedly Denise Walker) is the creator of the Grapefruit Technique and although I thought that this video came out way earlier, apparently it made its way onto the YouTube streets sometime back in 2014.
If for some reason, you’re not familiar with grapefruiting on any level, I will tell you right now that I had to download this video because it is absolutely NSFW — so you should probably watch it on your lunch break (on your phone with the volume as low as possible) or at home…because chile, the sound effects? Whew, the sound effects. LOL. However, when I sat down to pen this piece, I thought it was hilarious that this video is what immediately came to mind because it seems like, when it comes to “blow his mind sex hacks,” fruit is constantly on the menu.
When it comes to oral sex, it’s grapefruit.
When it comes to ride ‘em cowgirl, it’s a coconut.
What Is the “Coconut” Sex Trend?
@windy_moraba #duet with @mysteri0us.gir1 spell coconut with your waist 😂😂😂
Okay, so what in the world does a coconut have to do with intercourse? Well, for starters, if you and your partner are looking for an all-natural lubricant, coconut oil works well. HOWEVER, do keep in mind that the disclaimer on this is you shouldn’t use it if condoms are in the mix because they can actually cause rubbers to be less effective (silicone lube is a solid bet for condoms, by the way).
There is another way that coconuts are kinda-sorta incorporated when it comes to making sex more pleasurable — and it actually became pretty popular right after COVID lockdown (2021): spelling C-O-C-O-N-U-T with your hips while you’re on top of your partner.
It’s wild how I forgot all about this until a client of mine was telling me how much her husband liked her on top while it wasn’t her favorite thing to do because it felt awkward to her. When I said, “Have you ever heard of spelling ‘coconut’ with your hips before?” — at first, she looked at me like I was crazy and then she busted out laughing: “Girl, no” was her reply.
Hmph. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it because, as wild as it might sound on the surface, the word isn’t the point so much as the movements that come with spelling it out are.
When you’re moving your pelvis around to make a “c,” “o” or U-turn, not only does it intensify the level of sensation that both you and your partner feel during intercourse, it can also increase the level of blood circulation to both of your genitalia which can make your orgasms more satisfying too.
At the end of the day, spelling “coconut” is simply reminding you that there are more options to riding than simply sitting there while your partner pumps for all he’s worth or you humping up and down like you’re on a pogo stick.
Spelling “coconut” is an easy hack to bring some variety into cowgirling. However…
Honestly, the “Fruit” Isn’t the Point. THIS IS.
From grapefruiting and spelling “coconut” to reading articles that I’ve penned for the platform like “How To Improve The Taste Of Sperm” — fruit and sex are always going to be a winning combination, one way or another. However, the main point of this article isn’t about making sure that you are a master speller so much as providing you with tips that will make the cowgirl position something that you are confident about and you find a ton of fulfillment in doing.
You can make both of these things happen by incorporating the following things:
Stretch beforehand. A charley horse during sex is the worst thing ever — and chile, don’t let it be right before you’re about to climax. SMDH. Yeah, if you want to feel more comfortable when you’re on top, make sure that you stretch beforehand and that you are well-hydrated. That will reduce the chances of experiencing a totally-out-of-nowhere muscle spasm — whether you decide to “spell” during sex or…not.
Bring pillows into the mix. Sometimes riding is a challenge because your partner feels farther away from your body than you would like. Putting a pillow underneath him can help to elevate his pelvis, so that you don’t feel like you’re stretching and straining. Speaking of pillows, a longer one can really come in handy because it can give your knees some additional support as well.
Also, ask him to put his knees up. Speaking of making the “grind” easier for you, ask your partner to put his knees up. That way, your back can recline on his legs as you’re moving your hips around. You’d be amazed how much this one hack can do for you. Straight up.
Add lube. When you get a chance, check out “The Wetter, The Better: 10 Creative Ways To Use Lubricant” and you will automatically see why bringing lubrication into a cowgirl session is an absolute must. It reduces friction. It makes your movements glide with ease. And it’s just more fun. Promise you that.
Lean in. If your partner happens to be on the larger side of life, one way that you can control his depth is by leaning forward into him. That way, your hips can better control how much or little he is inside of you, so that you can get into a position that gives you the sensation that you are looking for.
Get him to multitask. Again, whether you are spelling “coconut” or not and whether you are riding cowgirl or reverse cowgirl — something that is awesome about being on top is it frees your partner’s hands to do, umm, other things. And since it is so much easier to have an orgasm while your clitoris is being stimulated, get your partner to put some of the lube that we discussed earlier on his fingertips, so that he can gently rub on your clitoris while you are riding him. It doesn’t get much better than that!
Don’t wanna spell? Hula Hoop then. What if you try the whole coconut thing and it’s not a favorite for you (or him)? No problem — when’s the last time that you hula hooped? Pretend that you have one of those around your hips and move around that way. I’d be shocked if you ended up feeling “meh” about that option.
5 Guys Tell Me What They Love When Their Partner Is on Top
A part of the reason why I am “team cowgirl” is because it provides a lot of benefits to the woman: she has more control, it tends to be more comfortable for her, it’s a great position for a quickie and the orgasms tend to be that much more — wonderful. However, as I was thinking about spelling coconut, in general, I couldn’t help but wonder what guys thought about it and the cowgirl position overall.
If you’re curious, here’s what five of ‘em said.
1. Braxford. Engaged. 35. “Y’all be spelling up there? Who knew? My favorite thing about when my fiancée is on top is what I think every man likes: the view. It’s a chance to see her entire body and experience it at the same time. Not even doggy style accomplishes that. Damn, where’s my lady at?”
2. Denez. Single. 42. “Do you know how many ‘spots’ you have access to when y’all are on top? Breasts are in my mouth. Hickeys are on her neck. Prop my head up on a pillow and her tummy is getting licked. When a woman is riding you, it’s sensory overload! It’s crazy how each one looks amazing in that position too.”
3. Omar. In a Serious Relationship. 29. “[He said her name yet I’m not going to share it] isn’t a very vocal lover. Her body and technique are insane, so even though I love dirty talk, I’ve learned to compromise — except when she’s on top. She’s not saying much but those moans? And yeah, we tried the coconut thing. ‘Cs’ and ‘Os,’ hell yeah. ‘Ns’ and “Ts’? Nah.”
4. Nolen. Single. 45. “45 isn’t old but it’s old enough for your back to show out on you when you least expect it. My experience has been that women don’t want a lot of thrusting when they are on top, so it’s like having some of the best sex without having to do much at all. Well, aside from trying not to bust too quickly. I take that back: riding is easy on the body; it’s work on the brain.”
5. Ivan. Married. 37. “I like the spelling sh-t because it switches things up. We make a game out of it by her picking a word and spelling out while I try and guess what it is. We also try to see how many words that we can get to before one of us cums. 12 words is pushing it unless it’s like ‘dog’ or ‘cat’ or something. I’ve guessed ‘coconut’ a few times and I get what the excitement is all about. Spelling bee sex: try it.”
Yep. I concur.
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