I am not a fan of avocados. To be frank, all things even remotely guacamole-related make me sick to my stomach. But the gag is, I don't have to eat them. As I've blossomed into a grown-ass woman, I've come learn that people are a lot like avocados. While some may find them palatable and delicious, everyone has different preferences that determine what is and is not a good fit when it comes to their appetite, Tracee Ellis Ross wants you to know that being an acquired taste is not a curse.
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In a recent interview with Tyler The Creator forInterview Magazine, our good sis reminded us that you won't be everyone's cup of tea… And that's OK. Tracee explained:
"I always felt like there was something wrong with me, why I thought the way I thought, felt the way I felt, the big feelings I had. And then I realized, 'I can't be anybody else. I might not be everybody's cup of tea, but I've tried to be other people and it doesn't work. I'm really best at being me.' It takes a lot of courage to be yourself."
Overcoming self-doubt is a superpower, especially when you're locked in your house with nothing but snacks, wine, and your own thoughts, but Tracee says that allowing yourself grace is the secret to getting out of self-quarantine with your sanity in-tact.
"Right now, my fuse is a little shorter. Things that rolled off my back before are a little hotter and a little stickier. So it's all about giving myself that permission to be easy and gentle in the way I meet myself and others, and in how I approach my day."
Tracee said that although she is a sister in the self-isolation sadness struggle, she's managed to keep her spirits high by incorporating mantras into her daily routine. She continued:
"I have a lot of mantras, like may I know that all is well, or may I know that like a flower, I am worthy of love without effort. Most of my mantras, honestly, come out of my biggest fears. I like to name what that is so I have clarity."
"Right now, my mantra is may I be easy, gentle, and joyful. Usually, I have so much to get done, and time seems to be in such limited supply. I tell myself to work smart, work hard, and push and push—like, I know I could get more out of me."
It's this daily practice, Tracee says, that has allowed her to eliminate negative self-talk and make the best of her newfound time alone.
"As soon as the stay-at-home situation started, it was like slowing down a speeding train. I had to pause a very active mind and allow myself to not pick up a narrative that frightened me. Easy, gentle, and joyful settled me down."
To read Tracee's full interview, click here!
Featured image by Kathy Hutchins / Shutterstock.com
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To help you better understand why this was such a mental awakening for me, I first need to give a bit of my backstory. I’m in my late thirties. I’m an attorneyand a journalist. I own a home and have traveled the world extensively. Essentially, I’ve done everything in life I set out to do. However, when it comes to dating, I struggle. Not because there is anything wrong with me per se, but because my career and “lifestyle” often create problems in my romantic relationships.
View from my hotel room
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I’ve been told everything from, ‘I can’t continue to date you because you seem to choose your career over wanting to settle down and have kids’ by a man after only the second date to ‘Maybe if you just sat down somewhere for a while, I’d actually wife you’ by someone who has honestly never proven themselves to be the settle down type. And these are only a handful of the things I’ve been told over the years.
It’s been frustrating, to say the least, and there have even been seasons where I purposely dimmed my light in hopes that my career wouldn’t push away potential suitors. I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, why would you even consider that? If they’re for you, it won’t matter what you do.” Hey, don’t judge me, but also, I one hundred percent agree.
My hotel bathroom
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That’s why this recent moment in Switzerland was right on time. When I first walked into the hotel to check in, I was blown away by the surrounding beauty. It was a five-star property with one of the world’s most famous thermal bathhouses. Yet, it was something about seeing that 90% of the hotel’s guests were couples, that forced me to sit back for a bit of introspection—while soaking in the thermal spa, of course.
As I went through the mental conversation, there was a battle of sorts. On one hand, I knew that being able to partake in experiences like the one I was having at that moment was important to me. I knew that, at times I actually love being able to dabble in the finer things—after all, I’ve worked hard to be able to afford them. On the other hand, and sadly, I knew that sometimes being a single Black woman that publicly showcases her “luxurious” habits can intimidate men and even scare them off from pursuing you under the guise of them feeling like they “can’t do anything for you, because you have everything.”
My hotel room
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So, what is a girl to do?
Do I minimize/hide the life and experiences that I have? Do I play down the hard work I’ve put in to get where I am professionally? Or, do I risk being single in exchange for being able to have said life, without backlash?
Luckily, the joy that I felt while being at this property won. There was something about taking a full day to simply pamper myself at the bathhouse and in my in-room steam shower and soaker tub, indulging in cuisine from a 2-star Michelin restaurant and doing all of this while surrounded by an amazing group of Black women that reminded me—this is certainly the life I was meant to live and that I deserve. Even if it means that right now, I’ll just have to provide it for myself until the right partner comes along. And honestly, I’m okay with that.
Restaurant at 7132 hotel
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