Tracee Ellis Ross has the power and she isn't letting it go. The 45-year-old phenomenon has graced our screens telling the untold stories of three-dimensional black women for decades, and said that her characters have helped her discover a more introspective version of herself. After spending the majority of her last season on Black-ish "pregnant," she discovered some illusive truths about her own womanhood. She told Vanity Fair:
"Last year, I was [fictionally] pregnant all season. That brought on a lot of comments and questions and pontifications from people with no invitation. I literally have said to people, for real, no joke, 'Why don't you just get out of my womb? Like, get out of my uterus? What are you doing in there? And why are you asking those questions? And what makes you think you can ask that?' Part of what patriarchy has created for women is this siloed-off experience, with one answer for what a good life looks like."
Although her ideas may not be traditional, Tracee is focused on developing her own traditions.
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The actress has been adamant about sharing her beliefs as they relate to love and success, and has made it clear that she doesn't subscribe to anyone's deadlines. In her interview with Vanity Fair, she explained that being the daughter of a star helped mold her ambitions and develop her own perception of power. Tracee mentioned that she is working hard to define and affirm her own legacy, while maintaining a legacy as her mother's daughter, but it hasn't always been easy. She said:
"My mother is a woman who completely possessed her own agency and embodied a sense of her own power, unapologetically. I think that lends itself to directing. I don't have a fear in making a choice or expressing my opinion even if no one else likes it—or not even expressing it, but owning it for myself."
This newfound but inevitably innate ownership allowed Tracee to make her directing debut on episode 20 of last season. In "53 Percent" we see a normally jovial Bow and Dre (played by Anthony Anderson) hit a rough patch in their marriage that leads to couples therapy. The show, which usually carries an overall comedic tone, documents what it looks like when love and doing it for the kids is no longer enough.
In the past, Black-ish has covered other tough topics that are normally taboo in the black community including but not limited to miscarriage and postpartum depression, but this episode is the first time we get to see this particular dynamic among a black family on primetime television and serves as a perfect display of powerful black girl story telling at work.
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Though she takes ownership of her own greatness, writer, director, and actress Tracee Ellis Ross is well aware of her underdog status. She said that after spending 8 years on the wildly successful Girlfriends, she felt she had the key and was prepared for doors to open. Soon after the show ended, she realized that she would have to kick them down.
"When I was on 'Girlfriends,' I thought I would be able to get on David Letterman or Jay Leno or some talk show, and I never—it never happened. After being the lead on a show for eight years that did incredibly well, I thought perhaps the seas might part and I would have my choice and my pick of the litter—no, that didn't happen."
She credits innovators like Issa Rae who are among the leaders of the new school striving to guide society into an age of inclusion. The talented actress said that she's inspired by the tenacity of young industry professionals because when she starred on girlfriends, accessibility to media for young people of color was limited.
"We're in a very different time now, where you can produce and create—and ['Insecure' creator-star] Issa Rae is such a great example—but that didn't exist when I was on 'Girlfriends'. You couldn't create a show for YouTube and then get it to go on HBO."
At the end of the interview Tracee referenced a quote from A Wrinkle in Time that affirms the power that she's spent her entire career affirming to other women of color and discovering within herself.
"That last moment when the apparent love interest says—I actually wrote it down, hang on—he says, 'You did it.' And she responds, 'I did.' I thought that was monumental. For a young girl—a young black girl—on-screen to hold her own power and not share it and give it away sends a really interesting message that we don't often see."
To read the full interview, click here.
Featured image by Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images for Accessories Council
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Gee, I wish more folks did all of this when it comes to if a man needs to have a large penis to sexually satisfy a woman (he does not) and if a woman who has had multiple sex partners will ultimately end up with a vagina that is too large for smaller penises to please her (a lie).
Science totally has my back on debunking both of those things (more on that in a bit). Know what else does? A particular type of sex method that is becoming more popular by the day. One that just might convince you to, as they used to say back in the day, focus less on the “size of the wave” and ride out the “motion of the ocean” instead.
It’s called shallowing. Here’s what it’s all about.
What Is Shallowing?
GiphyIf there’s one thing that I wish folks would say more thoroughly when it comes to women and orgasms, it’s that when it comes to75 percent of women not being able to orgasm from only intercourse, the accurate statement is they struggle with achieving a vaginal orgasm without the assistance of some type of clitoral stimulation. Yeah, we’ve really got to remember that very few things in this life are a complete monolith — orgasms included (check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”).
In fact, it was while I was reading up on pairing — a word that is used for when clitoral stimulation transpires during penetration — that I decided to do some deep-diving into shallowing (because it was mentioned inone of the articles that I read).And what is it? Shallowing is when a penis, finger, tongue, or sex toy of some sort is used in order to ever so slightly penetrate the vaginal opening of a woman.
And why is shallowing not just a current sex trend but something that every woman on this planet should try? It’s because of what I’ve said, more than once, on this platform: it focuses on the most sensitive part of a woman’s vagina, which isthe first two inches of her vaginal opening.
When the emphasis is placed there, not only does it increase your chances of experiencing “the big O,” but it can also build up anticipation, which can intensify your orgasms too — yes, shallowing can also be seen as a form of edging.
Another thing that’s cool about shallowing is — and it really and truly can’t be said enough — something that makes vaginal and blended orgasms easier to achieve for some women really has little to do with the size of a man’s package or even his technique; it’s straight up anatomy. Yep, the closer that a woman’s clitoris is to her vaginal opening, the easier it is for a penis to stimulate both. So, science makes it possible for vaginal orgasms to be easier for some women than others.
At the same time, shallowing can make it possible for more women who want to see what a vaginal orgasm actually feels like (because it’s easier for the head of the penis to stimulate the opening of the vagina while the shaft can rub up against your clitoris; based on the position that you are in, of course — the missionary with some pillows propped under the lower part of your back is ideal for this).
Now that you see what shallowing actually is, do you get why I said that penis size doesn’t matter when it comes to doing it — and getting the kind of orgasms that you want? Contrary to popular belief, your vagina is only around four inches. In fact, some health experts say that it ranges between 2-4”. Anything larger, your body literally has to stretch out to accommodate; this includes penises and babies. So, if your vagina is “making room” for more than four inches, why in the world do you think you need a 10-inch man? Yeah…exactly. It really is time to get over the silliness. The average penis continues to be 5.5”. Makes sense when you take it all in (no pun intended).
Aight, so now that you know what shallowing is all about, let me try and hard sell you on why it’s a sex technique that you should try as soon as tonight (if you possibly can).
1. It takes the pressure off of you and your partner.
I’ve been working with couples for almost 20 years at this point. This means that the topic of sex comes up quite a bit. And if there’s one thing that continues to be an issue is inconsistent orgasms (check out “Why Do Orgasms So Often Seem Like A ‘Hit-Or-Miss’ Experience For Women?”).
Listen, no matter how many articles you read or sex positions you try, if you’re anxious, stressed out, or overthinking, it’s gonna get in the way of you experiencing high peaks of pleasure on a consistent basis. Since shallowing is something that can easily be done even in foreplay (via fingering and/ororal sex) if you get that first “release” off, that makes it easier to just sit back and enjoy the ones that (hopefully) are to follow.
2. It teaches you more about your vagina.
A part of the reason why I keep repeating certain facts about vaginas in these articles is that it’s amazing how little certain things are discussed en masse — like the size of the vaginal tube. And since shallowing helps you to stimulate the nerve endings at the entrance of your va-jay-jay along with your G-spot (which is housed a little ways from your opening), shallowing is a great way to explore that area of your body as you figure out what truly works for you and…what doesn’t.
3. It’s the perfect merging of foreplay and intercourse.
When you really stop to think about it, shallowing is like the bridge between foreplay and intercourse because you can use so many different things to do it. So, if you want to experiment with a new sex toy or you want a bit more time to “warm up the engine” before full-on penetration begins, shallowing is one of the most sexually arousing compromises there is.
4. It can help to increase your partner’s stamina.
A few years back, I penned an article for the site entitled, “We’ve Got Some All-Natural Ways To Increase Stamina & Sensitivity.” Listen, even though I onceread a GQ article that said that over 60 percent of the people they polled were fine with intercourse lasting no longer than 5-10 minutes — that poll doesn’t speak for all of us, chile.
So, if you would like your man to build up to going longer, shallowing can help to make that happen. Since he’s barely putting beyond the tip in, he can learn how to be in you for longer periods of time without being, well, in you.
5. It helps you to appreciate whatever “package” he has.
Again — and it really can’t be said enough — if shallowing is all about exploring the mere entrance of your vagina, you don’t need a man with BDE (check out “BDE: Please Let The 'It Needs To Be Huge' Myth Go”) or honestly, even anything close to it.
I mean, even though, reportedly, the size that the average woman says gives her the most orgasms is eight inches — I bet those women have never really tried shallowing before. 10”, 8”, or the average 5.5” can certainly get the job done. And well.
6. It feels A-MAZ-ING.
Okay,so now that you know about shallowing, I promise that if you put the word into your favorite search engine, you’re either gonna see articles on golfing (LOL) or sex, especially as of late. That’s because more couples are trying it out and getting mind-blowing results from it. So, if you’re looking for something new to try, give shallowing a shot.
Hey, anything that’s designed to stimulate your most intense vaginal nerve endings has got to be something for the record books. I mean, how could it not be? Lawd.
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