

It's kinda crazy how, every year, many of us will tell ourselves that we won't overspend on the holidays the next year—only to turn around and rinse and repeat. Well, after a year like 2020 (whew chile), if there was ever a time when counting our pennies and making them stretch mattered, this would have to be it.
I know we're down to the wire when it comes to just how close we are to Christmas. Still, believe it or not, you can save a good little chunk of change leading into it. All you've got to do is apply at least 3-5 of the money-saving hacks that I'm about to share and you could find yourself easily pocketing $500 by December 25th. No joke.
1. Get a Side Gig
Back before Upwork decided to up and charge folks (aside from the huge percentage that they already take out of the gigs that you get on their site), I made some pretty good extra money on their site. It was cool to know that if I had a bill coming up, I could pitch my portfolio to a client who was in need of some last-minute work and get paid by the end of the week. While more times than not, the money wasn't super mind-blowing, it was steady and I could easily make $750-1000 a month. So yeah, out of all of the tips that I'm about to share on how to accumulate $500 over the next few weeks, probably the most obvious one is to consider getting a part-time job or getting in some contract work between now and ho-ho-ho day. If you need a little bit of inspiration, Millennial Money Man has 40 side hustle ideas. You can check out the list here.
2. Budget
I remember once reading an article that stated fewer people are budgeting, even though they know that they should. And boy oh boy, should they. When it comes to this year specifically, if you take the pandemic, job losses, evictions, food shortages and the mass amount of folks who don't have any type of health insurance, those are reasons enough to be intentional about counting every coin—about making sure that you hold every penny accountable.
Back when I didn't budget at all, man, it really was a trip, just how much money I wasted. It was nothing to go into a store, thinking that I was going to spend ten bucks, only to end up spending 75 of 'em. That's because, when you're not paying attention to how you're using your money, you really can throw a lot of it down the drain on things that are, at the end of the day, pretty inconsequential. So yeah, if you want to keep a little more money in your pocket this Christmas, the first thing you should do is put a budget together. And listen, don't think that you've got to spend every coin once you've decided where it should go either. At least until the new year rolls around, consider only getting the things that you absolutely need while putting the rest into a savings account. Trust me, the "wants" will still be there in 2021. Get them when you can better afford them. Oh, and if you'd like to check out a few budgeting apps, you can do so right here.
3. Use Your Debit Card
This money-saving hack is one that I used to really underestimate yet trust me, when you apply it, it really does work. Instead of pulling cash out from an ATM, commit to using your debit card (not your credit card; if you wanna save money, you might wanna scale back using it too) instead. The reason why I say this is because, if you pull out $20, it's a lot easier to spend all of it rather than if you use your card, so that it only takes out the exact cost of the purchase. If you apply this tip to the budget point that I just made, you can end up saving, at least a $100-200 easily each month.
4. Get Generic Brands
Did you know that you can easily save 20-30 percent of the money that you currently spend by opting to purchase generic brands of items? What are some examples? Canned foods. Cleaning products. Vitamins. Pet food. Shampoo, soap, and lotion. Baby formula (lawd, baby formula is high!). Bottled water. Baking supplies. Cereal. Gas.
For instance, say that you spend $150 every week at the grocery store. If you go the generic route on everything that I just mentioned, you could easily pocket $45. 45 times 4 weeks is 180 and 180 times 2 months is 360. $360 saved. See how easy that was?
5. Nix the Netflix
Netflix is like entertainment crack for a lot of folks. And just like a crack dealer, once it had subscribers good and hooked, they decided to increase the price. From what I've read, the standard plan is now $14 a month while the premium tiers are now $18. Cutting Netflix out altogether (at least for a little while) could give you $28-36 back. Hey, it might not seem like much but that will be an extra $50-60 dollars that you'll have to play with by the end of December.
While we're on this topic, if you've got a cable plan, temporarily disconnecting it could probably get you super close to $500 in two months too. My cable/internet package is $150 before taxes; taxes puts it at around $170. $170 times 2 is $340. Trust me, I have this conversation with myself, at least once a month (le sigh).
6. Skip the Nail Salon
I know a lot of folks are out here acting like we're not still in a pandemic (we are by the way) and so they're out here wilin' on the going out tip. That said, I personally don't think that there's anything wrong with getting your hair or nails done, so long as the salon that you go to follows proper COVID-19 protocol (appointment-setting to cut down on traffic, mask-wearing, etc.). What I will personally say is used to be an avid nail salon person. I would get powder put on my natural nails and then, there's no telling what kind of design I would get, every other week. That bill would easily be somewhere between $50-80 a pop. Then, if you added my pedicure into the mix, that was another $40 (before a tip). Now, since I'm not out in these streets, I've kept my nails alone and I only get a pedicure once a month. That's $100-160 back into my pocket. You might not wanna apply this personal saving hack, but it's just something to think about (check out "Uh, About That Salon Manicure. How To Treat Your Nails While You're Stuck At Home.").
7. Use Coupons
It's when I actually use coupons that I find myself mad-and-some-more-mad that I don't use them more often. Coupons at the grocery store have easily saved me $25 or so every visit and promo codes (like the ones on RetailMeNot's website)? Whew, don't even get me started on those. I actually read that, by using coupons regularly, we save ourselves $30-50 each week. 50 times 4 is 200. 200 times 2 is 400. $400. Just sayin'.
8. Don’t Eat Out (or Order Takeout)
I don't know about y'all, but I've had my fair share of takeout during this year. Something that comes into my mind, at least every fifth order, is an article I read about the fact that the average American spends a whopping $3,000 each year on going to restaurants or ordering food delivery. Three thousand bucks, y'all.
So, you already know what I'm gonna say. If you order takeout pretty frequently, you can easily save—looka here—$250 a month but opting to cook for yourself instead. It might be less convenient, but it can sho 'nuf put some real dollars into your pocket if you do it.
9. Fast from Alcohol
I think all of us enjoy a tall glass of something, every once in a while. At the same time, trips to the liquor store ain't all that cheap either. Why the site The Thrillist decided to go with Smirnoff and Grey Goose as the bottles they wanted to share the prices for across the country is beyond me, I'll just say that in my state, a bottle of Smirnoff is reportedly $11.09 per bottle while a bottle of Grey Goose is $25.39. As you can see, drinking can pull up quite a tab. So, if you're just at the point of clearing $400-450 or so, not purchasing alcohol until New Year's Eve is another way to reach your $500 goal.
10. Don’t Forget About the Sex Jar
A couple of years ago, I wrote the article, "5 Reasons Why Every Married Couple Needs A Sex Jar" and I still firmly stand by it. If you're skimming this article and don't have time to click on links, the gist is, that every time you have sex with your partner, you put money into a jar. Then, at the end of every 3, 6, 9, or 12 months (the longer you wait, the better), you count up your collection and spend it on something that you both will enjoy. The real catch about this extremely fun money-saving approach is, the amount of coins that you collect is totally up to 1) how much sex you have and 2) how much money you put in. Yet just think—if you had sex, every day, from 11/15 until 12/20 and you each put two dollars into the jar, that's $100 right there. A series of orgasmsand some extra money to spend on Christmas! Just something to think about, sis. #wink
Featured image by Shutterstock
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
After Decades-Long Career, Terri J. Vaughn Is Finally The Main Character: Exclusive
Terri J. Vaughn first captured our attention in the late ‘90s as Lovita Alizay Jenkins on The Steve Harvey Show. Decades later, she is starring in her very own series, She The People, which is now available to stream on Netflix.
The political sitcom, which she co-created with Niya Palmer and later teamed up with Tyler Perry Studios, is about a Black woman named Antoinette Dunkerson who runs for lieutenant governor of Mississippi. She wins and becomes the state’s first Black lieutenant governor. Now, she’s forced to balance working with a racist and sexist governor while also trying to keep her family from running amok.
According to the beloved actress, this project was a long time coming. “I’ve been trying to get my own television series for like 20 years, pounding the pavement, meeting with people, getting clothes, being lied to, just a whole bunch of stuff,” she says in an exclusive interview with xoNecole.
“But just keep going, because this is what I do. This is what I love, and I know how important it is for us to continue to show up and make sure that we are seen, make sure that our voices are heard. For several reasons. I just never give up. So here I am, 20 years later, finally sold my show.”
She The People is inspired by the true story of London Breed, who became the first Black female mayor of San Francisco, Terri’s hometown. And to help make the show more authentic, the Cherish the Day actress tapped former Atlanta mayor, Keisha Lance Bottoms to come on as a producer.'“I’ve been trying to get my own television series for like 20 years, pounding the pavement, meeting with people, getting clothes, being lied to, just a whole bunch of stuff."
After bringing the former mayor aboard, it was time to pitch again. And this time, the companies were pitching them. Ultimately, Terri decided to work with Tyler Perry on the series.
“We decided to do it with Tyler for several reasons. I love that. Well, most of the companies we met with were Black-owned companies, but he was the only studio,” she explains. “Tyler is like Walt Disney. That's literally what he is. He has the studio, he has the content. He operates just like Walt Disney.”
And thanks to the cast, the show is nothing short of laughs. The series also stars social media creator Jade Novah as Antoinette’s crazy cousin/ assistant, Shamika, Family Mattersstar Jo Marie Payton as Anotinette’s mom, Cleo, and Terri’s husband, Karon Riley, who plays Michael, her driver and love interest.
While we’ve watched Terri’s career blossom in various ways. From directing to producing, and playing diverse characters, the mom of two says her The Steve Harvey Show character will always be her favorite.
“Well, Lovita was definitely my favorite, especially for my time, the age and everything that I was. Now as a grown ass woman over 50, Antoinette Dunkerson is everything that I've wanted to play. She's everything. She's a mother of two teenagers. She's divorced, so she's co-parenting with her ex-husband. She has to wrangle in a very eclectic family,” she says.
“So I like playing characters that are really flawed and trying to figure it out and doing their best to try to figure it. And she's very flawed and she is trying to figure it out, and she fucks up sometimes. But her heart and what she's trying to do and what her vision is and purpose, it's all for the people. I mean, she the people. She’s for the people, she is the people.”
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'Prioridating' Is A Dating Trend That Also Needs To Apply To The Bedroom
You know how they say that the only things that are sure are death and taxes. Yeah, I’d like to add one more thing to that list: a new set of annual dating trends. We’re not even six months into 2025, and I’ve already talked about things like throning and nanoships — and today, another dating trend that is known as “prioridating.”
I’ve got to admit that before I actually researched the term, I thought, “Good Lord. As if we need something else to encourage entitlement, selfishness, and unrealistic expectations.” Oh, but after I dived in, I realized that not only is prioridating something that I can get behind, it’s something that I think works for what happens outside of the house — and inside of the bedroom as well.
If you’re curious about what I mean, take a few moments out of your day to see why prioridating is something that you should consider doing if you’re looking for a genuine romantic connection with someone else (again, both in and out of the bedroom).
What Does It Mean to Prioritize Something or Someone?
I’m pretty sure it’s fairly easy to see that the root of the made-up word “prioridating” is prioritize — and in a moment, I’ll get into why it’s an essential thing to consider when it comes to romantic relationships. First, though, let’s talk about what it truly means to prioritize something or someone in your life.
Personally, whenever I think about the word “prioritize,” the first thing that comes to my mind is a quote that I used to have featured in one of my email accounts: “Boundaries are what you say 'no' to. Priorities are what you say 'yes' to.” An author by the name of Nick Chellsen once said that and it’s fitting here because, at the end of the day, a priority is simply something that is very important to you to the point where it tends to take precedence over something else; it’s something that you will agree to doing because it means just that much.
Unfortunately, a lot of people actually suck at prioritizing because they don’t really put much thought into what is more essential than other things on a day-to-day basis. For instance, if you want to better prioritize your time, each evening, you should think about the things that need to be done the following day. Then, after doing that, be honest with yourself about what needs your immediate attention vs. what can wait until after those tasks are done. Like, if you’ve got a deadline at work, I’m pretty sure that scrolling through Instagram can wait.
Or how about your budget? It really does seem like right after we pay one month’s mortgage or rent, here comes another. Meanwhile, those shoes that you really want? I mean, is it more important to keep a roof over your head or to adorn your feet with a new pair of pumps? Don’t go by how you feel; go by the actual facts.
And to me, that’s why I think that the word “sacrifice” fits in really well with the word “prioritize.” I say that because, one of the best definitions that I’ve ever heard when it comes to making sacrifices is that it’s all about “giving up something good for something greater.” You see, when it comes to prioritizing things, when it comes to determining what you should say “yes” or “no” to, sometimes it will require you to assess what is better than what is just merely good.
And boy, is that not quite the layup (if I do say so myself — LOL) for what prioridating is truly all about.
What Is Prioridating, Exactly?
Why Prioridating Is Something to Literally Prioritize in Your Romantic Relationships
Okay, so keeping in line with the whole quote-thing, when I think about prioritizing as it relates to dating, there is a Maya Angelou quote that fits in oh so very well: “Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.” In other words, don’t allow someone to take precedence when it comes to your schedule, heart, or energy when they aren’t even considering doing the same thing when it comes to you. And how do you know for sure when you aren’t someone’s priority?
Well, an author by the name of Irini Zoica once said, “Being someone’s ‘sometimes’ is not enough” — and when you are only an option (which is basically being one person on a list of several other choices) in another person’s eyes, that’s typically how it plays out; you are their “sometimes”…maybe.
Now, to be fair, when a relationship is just starting out, everyone really does need to relax — and by “relax,” I mean be hella realistic. And what I mean by that is, just because someone may find you attractive or appealing after an initial meeting and a few conversations, that doesn’t automatically mean that you should expect or even require immediate or automatic exclusivity (which, in dating, I prefer over the word “monogamy” — check out “Why I Use The Word 'Monogamous' In Marriage And 'Exclusive' In Dating”) or that you even should take up most of their day with lots of calls and texts.
Yeah, one day I’m gonna write about how so many women claim to want a “high value man” without really thinking about how many priorities those guys have throughout the day in order to be one (check out “Okay, So Here's What You Need To Know About the '6-6-6' Man”). At the same time, though, when you’re wanting to see if someone’s words can be trusted, look at their actions because, if they are telling you that they want to get to know you better, that they are interested in seeing where things will go and that they really want to spend more time with you — they will most definitely, without question, prioritize it. Because it is important to them to do so.
Okay, but is that what prioridating means? Eh, not quite. The backstory of the term is that a relationship coach (who also contributes to the dating app eHarmony) by the name of Laurel House came up with something that reminds people of the benefits that come from dating with a purpose in mind (as opposed to casual dating, which is the literal opposite approach).
Come to think of it, according to her, it even goes beyond that; prioridating is about assessing what your most important need is in a relationship and then choosing to date someone who checks that particular box.
When I checked out Lauren’s PrioriDating site, there is something else that she said (beyond some of the interviews that I also read) about what prioridating is: It’s “about you — your life, your experience of life, based on your perspective, created by your past experiences, that shaped who you are and what you need moving forward...Once you define and align with your priority, you have a better chance at discovering and fulfilling your needs—first (and most importantly) within yourself and then within a partner. Win-win-win.”
Now let’s piece all of this together. If you’re someone who is truly interested in prioridating, you first need to reflect and ponder over who you are, currently, as an individual. Then you need to figure out what YOU need (I’d personally say what your top three needs are) when it comes to dating and then commit to yourself that you aren’t going to waver from those needs — that you are going to prioritize those above all else because they are what’s most important to you…they are what takes precedence above everything else when it comes to making you feel relationally satisfied, safe and heard.
What all of this (hopefully) does when it comes to dating is help you to be more intentional about who you choose to spend time with. Not only that but, since you are clear about what your essential needs are, the moment that you articulate them, give the person time to process them and then see those going unmet, you can have a better understanding about how to move forward — if you are to move forward with that particular individual at all.
And if you are to move without them, you can feel good about your decision because, by prioritizing your own needs, you prioritize yourself and, in doing that, you tend to be more focused than ever on finding someone who will do the same thing for you…as you do for them. And where reciprocity is, fulfillment follows.
How Prioridating Can Seriously Improve Your Sex Life As Well
As I thought about prioridating and what it requires in romantic connections, it caused me to think about how that mindset can — and should — transfer into the bedroom. And that brings me to one more quote on priorities; one that, interestingly enough, comes from a religious leader by the name of Dallin H. Oaks once said, “Desires dictate our priorities, priorities shape our choices, and choices determine our actions.”
Desire. We all have sexual desires. Thing is, when it comes to what desire means, it’s not black and white. A desire can be something that you want. A desire can be something that you crave. A desire can be something that you request. Some synonyms for desire include lust, passion, and, yes, need. For the sake of the (main) point that I want to make here, let’s go with “request” and “need.”
Okay, so Mr. Oaks said that desires dictate our priorities, and we already discussed that a priority is something that is important, essential…something that we need. If you connect this to the rest of the quote, what we need determines our choices, and our choices then determine our actions.
Since “need” also means desire, when it comes to sex, what do you need? Here, please don’t confuse this with what you want because, although that too is relevant, the reality is that wants can change at the drop of a dime; however, core needs? They oftentimes are rooted in who we are as individuals — and to be honest, I have worked with enough couples for a long enough amount of time to come to the conclusion that, the reason why a lot of people’s sex lives go left is because folks are too caught up in wants instead of needs.
Here's what I mean by that — say that you need to be held after sex because it makes you feel comforted and adored, while you want spontaneity. No one is saying that you should have to give up one for the other YET if you really need to be held close and that doesn’t happen, can you see how, after a while, all of the random sex in the world will still cause you to feel resentful because your true needs aren’t being met? I’ll give you another example: something that husbands say to me often is that they need their wives to initiate more; it actually makes them feel wanted and like they aren’t having to beg for intimacy. Some may want longer fellatio or a dirtier talker; however, if they can get that need met, the wants semi pale in comparison.
It makes sense too, because needs are a lot like the meal, while wants are the dessert. Dessert is delicious, yet when we’re already filled up from dinner, sometimes we can take or leave dessert. On the other hand, when all we had was dessert, it usually feels like something is…missing. And it is because you didn’t get what you actually needed.
Thing is, when it comes to sex, people rarely think about what they actually need — and that’s why I thought that the whole prioridating thing was a great tie-in because, just like you should think about what you need and hold yourself to that standard while you are dating, you should also strongly consider what your true sexual needs are (also a top three thing), MAKE YOUR REQUESTS KNOWN, and not waver on those either.
Because when a partner truly cares about you and your pleasure, your needs are going to matter. Yes, your wants will too, yet those needs? Those will be prioritized every time coitus transpires — and when someone feels like their sexual needs are super important to someone else? How can that not lead to true sexual satisfaction and fulfillment (especially when reciprocity is taking place)…because as the quote goes: priorities/needs determine choices and choices determine actions.
Have a need, choose to prioritize the need, and then…act upon it. Prioridate as you mate.
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Dating trends. Lord knows there are tons of them — some good, some ho-hum. Prioridating is something that I can get behind, though. Because anything that encourages you to act with purpose and intention and to make needs essential — good comes from that. Outside of the bedroom and in.
Prioridate, mutually, as you mate. It truly can’t be said enough, y’all.
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