It's kinda crazy how, every year, many of us will tell ourselves that we won't overspend on the holidays the next year—only to turn around and rinse and repeat. Well, after a year like 2020 (whew chile), if there was ever a time when counting our pennies and making them stretch mattered, this would have to be it.
I know we're down to the wire when it comes to just how close we are to Christmas. Still, believe it or not, you can save a good little chunk of change leading into it. All you've got to do is apply at least 3-5 of the money-saving hacks that I'm about to share and you could find yourself easily pocketing $500 by December 25th. No joke.
1. Get a Side Gig
Back before Upwork decided to up and charge folks (aside from the huge percentage that they already take out of the gigs that you get on their site), I made some pretty good extra money on their site. It was cool to know that if I had a bill coming up, I could pitch my portfolio to a client who was in need of some last-minute work and get paid by the end of the week. While more times than not, the money wasn't super mind-blowing, it was steady and I could easily make $750-1000 a month. So yeah, out of all of the tips that I'm about to share on how to accumulate $500 over the next few weeks, probably the most obvious one is to consider getting a part-time job or getting in some contract work between now and ho-ho-ho day. If you need a little bit of inspiration, Millennial Money Man has 40 side hustle ideas. You can check out the list here.
2. Budget
I remember once reading an article that stated fewer people are budgeting, even though they know that they should. And boy oh boy, should they. When it comes to this year specifically, if you take the pandemic, job losses, evictions, food shortages and the mass amount of folks who don't have any type of health insurance, those are reasons enough to be intentional about counting every coin—about making sure that you hold every penny accountable.
Back when I didn't budget at all, man, it really was a trip, just how much money I wasted. It was nothing to go into a store, thinking that I was going to spend ten bucks, only to end up spending 75 of 'em. That's because, when you're not paying attention to how you're using your money, you really can throw a lot of it down the drain on things that are, at the end of the day, pretty inconsequential. So yeah, if you want to keep a little more money in your pocket this Christmas, the first thing you should do is put a budget together. And listen, don't think that you've got to spend every coin once you've decided where it should go either. At least until the new year rolls around, consider only getting the things that you absolutely need while putting the rest into a savings account. Trust me, the "wants" will still be there in 2021. Get them when you can better afford them. Oh, and if you'd like to check out a few budgeting apps, you can do so right here.
3. Use Your Debit Card
This money-saving hack is one that I used to really underestimate yet trust me, when you apply it, it really does work. Instead of pulling cash out from an ATM, commit to using your debit card (not your credit card; if you wanna save money, you might wanna scale back using it too) instead. The reason why I say this is because, if you pull out $20, it's a lot easier to spend all of it rather than if you use your card, so that it only takes out the exact cost of the purchase. If you apply this tip to the budget point that I just made, you can end up saving, at least a $100-200 easily each month.
4. Get Generic Brands
Did you know that you can easily save 20-30 percent of the money that you currently spend by opting to purchase generic brands of items? What are some examples? Canned foods. Cleaning products. Vitamins. Pet food. Shampoo, soap, and lotion. Baby formula (lawd, baby formula is high!). Bottled water. Baking supplies. Cereal. Gas.
For instance, say that you spend $150 every week at the grocery store. If you go the generic route on everything that I just mentioned, you could easily pocket $45. 45 times 4 weeks is 180 and 180 times 2 months is 360. $360 saved. See how easy that was?
5. Nix the Netflix
Netflix is like entertainment crack for a lot of folks. And just like a crack dealer, once it had subscribers good and hooked, they decided to increase the price. From what I've read, the standard plan is now $14 a month while the premium tiers are now $18. Cutting Netflix out altogether (at least for a little while) could give you $28-36 back. Hey, it might not seem like much but that will be an extra $50-60 dollars that you'll have to play with by the end of December.
While we're on this topic, if you've got a cable plan, temporarily disconnecting it could probably get you super close to $500 in two months too. My cable/internet package is $150 before taxes; taxes puts it at around $170. $170 times 2 is $340. Trust me, I have this conversation with myself, at least once a month (le sigh).
6. Skip the Nail Salon
I know a lot of folks are out here acting like we're not still in a pandemic (we are by the way) and so they're out here wilin' on the going out tip. That said, I personally don't think that there's anything wrong with getting your hair or nails done, so long as the salon that you go to follows proper COVID-19 protocol (appointment-setting to cut down on traffic, mask-wearing, etc.). What I will personally say is used to be an avid nail salon person. I would get powder put on my natural nails and then, there's no telling what kind of design I would get, every other week. That bill would easily be somewhere between $50-80 a pop. Then, if you added my pedicure into the mix, that was another $40 (before a tip). Now, since I'm not out in these streets, I've kept my nails alone and I only get a pedicure once a month. That's $100-160 back into my pocket. You might not wanna apply this personal saving hack, but it's just something to think about (check out "Uh, About That Salon Manicure. How To Treat Your Nails While You're Stuck At Home.").
7. Use Coupons
It's when I actually use coupons that I find myself mad-and-some-more-mad that I don't use them more often. Coupons at the grocery store have easily saved me $25 or so every visit and promo codes (like the ones on RetailMeNot's website)? Whew, don't even get me started on those. I actually read that, by using coupons regularly, we save ourselves $30-50 each week. 50 times 4 is 200. 200 times 2 is 400. $400. Just sayin'.
8. Don’t Eat Out (or Order Takeout)
I don't know about y'all, but I've had my fair share of takeout during this year. Something that comes into my mind, at least every fifth order, is an article I read about the fact that the average American spends a whopping $3,000 each year on going to restaurants or ordering food delivery. Three thousand bucks, y'all.
So, you already know what I'm gonna say. If you order takeout pretty frequently, you can easily save—looka here—$250 a month but opting to cook for yourself instead. It might be less convenient, but it can sho 'nuf put some real dollars into your pocket if you do it.
9. Fast from Alcohol
I think all of us enjoy a tall glass of something, every once in a while. At the same time, trips to the liquor store ain't all that cheap either. Why the site The Thrillist decided to go with Smirnoff and Grey Goose as the bottles they wanted to share the prices for across the country is beyond me, I'll just say that in my state, a bottle of Smirnoff is reportedly $11.09 per bottle while a bottle of Grey Goose is $25.39. As you can see, drinking can pull up quite a tab. So, if you're just at the point of clearing $400-450 or so, not purchasing alcohol until New Year's Eve is another way to reach your $500 goal.
10. Don’t Forget About the Sex Jar
A couple of years ago, I wrote the article, "5 Reasons Why Every Married Couple Needs A Sex Jar" and I still firmly stand by it. If you're skimming this article and don't have time to click on links, the gist is, that every time you have sex with your partner, you put money into a jar. Then, at the end of every 3, 6, 9, or 12 months (the longer you wait, the better), you count up your collection and spend it on something that you both will enjoy. The real catch about this extremely fun money-saving approach is, the amount of coins that you collect is totally up to 1) how much sex you have and 2) how much money you put in. Yet just think—if you had sex, every day, from 11/15 until 12/20 and you each put two dollars into the jar, that's $100 right there. A series of orgasmsand some extra money to spend on Christmas! Just something to think about, sis. #wink
Featured image by Shutterstock
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Exclusive: Melanie Fiona On Making High-Vibrational Music & Saying Yes To Partnership
Melanie Fiona is back! After taking a little more than a decade-long hiatus, she has officially made her return to music and blessed us with two singles, “Say Yes” and “I Choose You.” While both singles are very different from each other, they both reflect who she is today and the type of music she wants to make. In our conversation, the mom of two expressed what she learned during her time away.
“It's interesting, even when I said it is like coming back, I don't ever feel like I really left because I was always still performing. I've still been public. It's not like I went into being this recluse person or version of myself, but the thing that I really learned in this process is that I think things take time,” Melanie says in a xoNecole exclusive.
“I think often we're so caught up in it, being on the timing of demand or popularity, or, like, striking while the iron is hot and the thing that I've learned is that everything is on God's time. That's it. Every time I thought I would have been ready, or, like, things were taking too long, I had to reship some things, personally, professionally, in my life. I also gave myself permission to make a living, not just make a living, but make a life for myself.”
Making a life for herself included getting married to Grammy-nominated songwriter Jared Cotter, starting a family, and embracing new landscapes, such as podcasting as a co-host of The Mama’s Den podcast. She also began doing more spiritual work and self-care practices like meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture, and boundary setting, which allowed her to get in touch with her inner voice.
“I wasn't putting out music, and I wasn't experiencing a number one record, but I was being a number one mom,” she says.
“I was experiencing things that were allowing me to heal and get in touch with myself so that I could make new music from a space of joy and freedom, and excitement again because I definitely feel like I did lose some excitement because of just politics and industry and what it can do to your mental health and even your physical health. So giving myself the space to really just say, ‘Hey, it's okay. Everything's right on time.’”
The joy and excitement are felt in one of two new singles, “I Choose You,” which is more of a lovers rock vibe, a tribute to Melanie’s Caribbean roots. While the Grammy award-winner is known for ballads like “It Kills Me” and “Fool For You,” she is becoming more intentional about the music she makes, calling it high-vibrational music. She says her music is a “reflection of my life,” as it captures every facet, from hanging out with friends to riding around in her car.
“Say Yes” has the classic R&B vibe Melanie is known for. However, both songs are inspired by her relationship. Melanie and Jared got married in December 2020, and the Toronto-bred artist dished on their relationship. Fun fact: he is featured in the “Say Yes” music video.
“When we first started dating, I had come into that relationship post a lot of self-work. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship, I had a year and a half to date and be by myself and do a lot of work on myself alone. And when we met, I remember feeling like this has to be my person because I feel it,” she says.
“And so when we went into that relationship, and we started dating, I was very clear. I was like, I know what I want. I'm very clear on what I need, and I'm not going to withhold my truth about myself in this process because of pride or fear of rejection. I know you love me, but I'm coming with my heart in my hand to let you know that if we're gonna get there, we have to put fear aside and say yes. So that was kind of like my open letter to him, which is why the video is us having a conversation.”
Melanie also shares that saying yes to her partner has empowered her in many ways, including motherhood and showing up for herself. Her new EP, also titled Say Yes, will be available at the top of 2025.
Check out the full interview below.
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Feature image by Franco Zulueta
Waiting To See If They Are ‘The One?’ These Dating Tests Will Prove If Bae Is A Keeper Or A Counterfeit.
We’ve all been there: you meet the special person who sweeps you off your favorite stilettos. The rose-colored glasses are glued on tightly, and the butterflies in your stomach are fluttering and leave you woozy in infatuation and hope.
You can’t wait to dive into the group chat and gush to your girlfriends that you’ve finally met someone worthy of the goodness of you. And then the caveat hits. “I dunno, girl, I hope they are the one. We’ll see.”
While some women resort to the auspices of time sorting their nebulous love life out, the rest of us with little-to-no patience for wasting precious time, scram to our arsenal of weeding out mechanisms, aka relationshiptests.
Deploying CIA operative-level strategic tests just to prove whether bae is a keeper or a counterfeit may conjure a hard eye roll, deep sigh, or exhaustion–because who really wants to add one more task to an already booked and busy agenda? No one wants to play mental gymnastics when love should ideally come effortlessly. But the more intentional and prudent you are in the initial stages of dating–the more time, energy, and resources you save in the long run. (Not to mention, save on any potential heartbreak).
Here are four tried-and-true relationship tests:
The Soup Test
If your momma, auntie, or granny ever warned you, “Never buy a man a pair of shoes, because they’ll be the same shoes he’ll walk out of life with,” and yet, you proceeded without caution because you were so desperately in love that you bought him Jordans for his birthday on credit anyway, then you already know that gifting bae accouterments–anything from a homecooked meal to material goods–is a defining factor to test whether he’s a seat filler or the main attraction.
One judicious woman on Threads has coined her relationship test as “the soup test.” She suggests, “If you wanna know if someone actually likes you or views you as a convenience/space filler, try the soup test (as long as you’re open to getting dumped lol).”
She hypothesizes, “If you make your situationship something nice to eat as a gift (soup, a nice dinner, banana bread, etc.), they will likely break up with you within the week.”
Meanwhile, the person who does value you and desires a long-term relationship will appreciate you and your thoughtful efforts.
Both men and women are confirming that the Soup Test has merit. One woman shared, “I was seeing a guy for a couple months and made him cupcakes for his birthday. I never got the cupcake holder back…”
One bold man admitted, “Broke up with my last girlfriend after she tried to cook a meal for me in my flat after looking after my pet while I was away. She thought it would be a sweet thing for when I got home, I felt like it was part of a pattern of her trying to make my space ‘our’ space and over-inserting herself into my life. So I guess this is anecdotal evidence from the other side that ‘the soup test’ works 🤦🏼♂️. Still feel like an arsehole.”
The Sick Test
Taking wedding vows, promising to love your spouse “in sickness and in health,” isn’t just for married folks; it’s a great temperature test to unequivocally determine if the person you’re dating cares for you and has imprinted you as a meaningful part of their future.
I’ve been using the “sick test,” for nearly a decade, when I noticed how the vast majority of the men I was casually dating (and had high hopes that it would evolve into more) would disappear during my quarantine and resurface once I was back to good health. Only in rare instances, did a couple of long-term partners show up in my time of need, or display deep empathy.
Like my platonic male friend who I had zero attraction for. He’d send both me and our mutual girlfriends care packages whenever we were under the weather. Naturally, upon reflecting on the countless ways he showed up for me, like none of his predecessors, I fell in love with him. His generosity ignited a relationship that lasted four years.
The sick test taught me that if you tell the person you’re dating about your infirmities and they say, “Aww, feel better,” girl, run! Delete, block, and move on because if he or she doesn’t care about you at your lowest, there will likely be more areas of your life that they will be absent or unsupportive in.
Conversely, when you’re the one with a robust roster, the sick test can immediately give you clarity on who to kick to the curb. In the initial stages of meeting two guys–one was a talent manager, the other was an entrepreneur–I’d gone on lovely dinner dates with both guys when the talent manager abruptly became sick and had to cancel our second date. I gave him a long list of healthy natural remedies to quell his flu and wished him well.
Around the same time, the entrepreneur with who I had undeniable chemistry and visions of birthing his children, had also come down with a cold, and though I had a jam-packed work schedule and lived 35 miles away from him, I eagerly offered to buy the same healthy natural remedies I did for the other guy and trek out to his house to make sure he got them.
And then it hit me – I had to snip the talent manager from the short-listed roster. Once I came down with a nasty cold months later, and the entrepreneur was by my side to take care of me, it confirmed that the sick test facilitated the best man winning me over.
The Provision Test
If you are seeking a provider, discerning whether they have a provider spirit before you co-sign the lease, start a family, or say “I do,” will save you tremendous time and effort. Many women often ask, “How do I know if he’s a provider?”
Internet dating guru, Leticia Padua, aka SheraSeven advocates to test to see if a man is a provider by asking him to fulfill a financial need.
“If he offers to do something for you financially; If you come up with a fake problem that costs money to solve, and he solves it.”
A girlfriend of mine was dating a successful Black engineer for a few months, and she had a real problem to solve. Her engineer beau boasted that he was great at building things, and if she ever needed anything to let him know. As such, when she ordered a brand-new orthopedic bed that required assembly, she decided to see if he was a man who was committed to his word and would fulfill her need.
When he asked her what her weekend plans were, she lamented that she needed to spend considerable time assembling her oversized bed. He brushed off her laborious task and said they’d connect the following weekend. It wasn’t until she subsequently broke the courtship off and voiced her concern over his lack of help that he said he would have assisted her if she had asked.
Though she failed to directly ask for his help, a true provider would’ve heard her problem and provided a solution. He would’ve paid for a service like Task Rabbit or rolled up his sleeves since he flaunted that he was “a great builder.” Men who are bonafide providers are generous givers who love to solve a problem. While men who prioritize themselves, are takers who will do the bare minimum or not even lift a finger when you need their help.
The Removal Prayer
Social media is abuzz with endless anecdotes and comedic skits sharing the consensus of the infamous prayer that will expeditiously usher in newfound clarity to the situationship or relationship you’re in.
Coined as “the removal prayer” it’s a simple request, petitioning God to reveal if the person you’re dating is The One. When you can’t see the forest from the trees, the removal prayer mashes the gas pedal on sifting through the frogs and your prince.
But as with any test, you must brace yourself for what happens next. If you don’t have the strength to cut the wrong one off, don’t worry, God will discard them before you can say “amen.” I can’t tell you how many dates I wasted hoping, waiting, and wishing it would work out. After trying every draconian measure in the playbook, including abstinence, I was still coming up immeasurably short. One day, I threw up my hands and relinquished my miserable dating life to God.
Upon exchanging numbers with any new suitor, I began to always ask God to reveal their true character and intentions, and to remove them if they are not “The One.” Ever since then, I’ve witnessed countless counterfeits masquerading as husband material, surreptitiously vanish.
Sometimes, it stings when the one you had lofty hopes for evaporates into the air–especially if you’ve invested several months or years. But it’s better to cut your losses sooner than later and create a healthy space for the right one to find you.
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