These 2023 Dating Trends Are Asking You To Set The Standard In Your Love Life
I saw a tweet the other day that said, “The dating pool has piss in it.” This message came from a woman talking about an unfavorable courting experience she recently had online. Now, I’ve seen this phrase numerous times online and I’ve also heard multiple people say it when discussing their frustrations with dating in this day and age. The amount of times I've heard this line of thinking has me thinking that there may be some truth to this phrase. According to Olivia, an author/blogger on the website, The Right Kind of Black Girl, folks are tired. And I can see why.
In a recent post, she shared her thoughts on whether or not there's really pee in the dating pool, stating:
“Men are tired of being used as EBT cards. Women are tired of being asked what they bring to a table with no legs. I’m personally tired of the inability to hold a conversation and plan a date.”
If you ask me, she has a point! When it comes to dating, people are tired of being treated as objects rather than human beings. We have so many expectations around what men and women “should” be doing when they are dating because so many of us are afraid of someone seeing our insecurities, but when we set up all of these rules and expectations for dating, we rob people of the authenticity they need to express to cultivate relationships with people who are in alignment with their values.
Whether you want to admit it or not, we all have some red flags about us because we are human. The dating pool may have 'piss' in it but it’s all about your perception and what you’re calling in. Your perception of your dating experiences will come from the lens you are viewing them through.
Are you viewing your dating life through a lens of abundance and wholeness or through a lens of lack and insecurity? What are you learning from these experiences? How are you showing up differently in the types of people you are choosing? I believe now more than ever, people are becoming more aware and unapologetic about what they want out of their dating experiences and setting the standard to achieve those things.
As we continue to navigate through the “pissy pool” of dating (your words, not mine), the following are some dating trends to expect to see in 2023.
Emotional Availability Only
We are starting to see more women stand in their power of getting their emotional needs met in relationships. For many years, toxic masculinity has encouraged men to strictly be providers and achieve social/career status but now that women are more educated and financially independent, women no longer desperately need men for day-to-day survival (taking care of the bills, etc). Now more than ever, women are expecting more depth and emotional maturity in their relationships. This requires men to show up in areas they have been conditioned to disconnect from, which has lasting impacts on their emotional intelligence, emotional awareness, and emotional regulation skills.
Many women are no longer tolerating toxic masculinity or avoiding vulnerability. Many men have been getting more in tune with their vulnerabilities and having more conversations around mental/emotional health and dismantling misogynistic ideas/beliefs. Trust me, they are out there. The question is…are you checking for them?
Are you putting yourself in spaces with people who resonate with those ideas/values? Or are you listening to people with a microphone and a podcast spewing hate and their own insecurities onto other people? Put yourself in spaces with people who are like-minded and don’t entertain anything less than that.
Inner Work = Less Time for B.S.
During the pandemic, people all over the world were ushered into doing some inner work. The pandemic took everyone out of the security of autopilot and showed people how they really felt about themselves and their lives. Whether it was the loss of a loved one or the ending of a relationship, many people experienced loss and grief during the pandemic that completely altered their reality and forced them to confront things they may have been avoiding. Many people realized that life is too short and in order to stop having the same dating experiences, it’s going to require a different version of themselves.
For the past three years, people have become more interested in doing their inner work through therapy and various other forms of self-help. People have been reflecting on close relationships in their lives and most importantly their relationship with themselves. With doing inner work comes an awareness of not only your own insecurities, but you also start to become more confident about what it is that you are seeking and what your expectations are for yourself.
Now people are more in tune with their needs and their boundaries so this means fewer people seeking situationships/trauma bonds (unconsciously) and more people wanting healthy connections.
Side-Stepping Comfort Zones
Now with more people working remotely, people are becoming more interested in expanding their dating options. People who are dating are becoming more interested in the idea of long-distance relationships or even long-distance dating experiences because they have more time on their hands to explore and spend time with potential partners. Thanks to the new age of social media and a more flexible work life, finding someone in a different city or state has become more accessible without the hassle of work responsibilities.
In 2023, you can also expect to see people dating outside of their “type” as more people are learning that maybe their “type” isn’t actually their type and it’s simply just an initial attraction/pull towards someone due to familiar dynamics/characteristics in childhood. With this awareness, people are becoming more open to dating different people and giving themselves opportunities to have different experiences.
Self-Care Over Everything
This dating trend is like a part two for a couple of the previous dating trends mentioned. With more people starting their own businesses, working from home, etc., people are more interested in actually living a life that is fulfilling rather than simply surviving. In 2023, people are yearning for more of a work/life balance with self-care being a priority.
Also with self-care being prioritized, more people are willing to walk away from relationships that do not serve them or aid in their lives in positive ways. Have we become super rigid with this? Maybe to a certain extent, but in the case of abusive relationships, for good reason.
I think so many of us have lived through and witnessed the negative impact that staying in unhealthy relationships dynamics can cause and because we do not want to repeat those same experiences, we are quick to say no to physical/mental/emotional abuse and manipulation, making phrases like "choose yourself" a reality.
More Talk, Less Shame
With the rise of various social media outlets, people are becoming more vocal about various topics that were once taboo. People are more open to talking about sex and finances without carrying shame or guilt around it. People are starting to see that these topics are unavoidable and essential to have a healthy relationship.
We are also starting to see a rise in more research-based dating advice as people are becoming more open about talking about relational trauma, trauma bonds, attachment styles, childhood trauma, and how they have a lasting impact on their dating experiences.
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Featured image by andreswd/Getty Images
'Love Island USA' Star JaNa Craig On The Reality Of Black Women On Dating Shows
Love Island USA just wrapped up its sixth season, and it has been the talk of the town. According to Nielsen, it's the No. 1 show on streaming, proving it's just as entertaining as the UK version. One of the reasons this season has been successful is due to the authentic relationships formed between the islanders in the villa.
You have the sisterhood between Serena Page, JaNa Craig, and Leah Kateb, aka PPG, and the real relationship moments between couples like Serena Page and Kordell Beckham, who were named the winners of this season. The other finalists include Leah Kateb and Miguel Harichi, Nicole Jacky and Kendall Washington, and JaNa Craig and Kenny Rodriguez.
While JaNa made it to the finale with her boo Kenny, her journey in the villa was far from perfect. Viewers saw the Las Vegas native get her heart stomped on a few times after many of her connections didn't work out.
At one point, it even looked like she was getting kicked off the island. While she had a lot of support from people watching the show, it was clear that she was in a position that many Black women on reality dating shows find themselves in: not being desired.
It has been an ongoing conversation among Black women watching reality dating shows as we see time and time again that non-Black women or racially ambiguous-looking women are often chosen over Black women, especially dark-skinned women. In a discussion with Shadow and Act, JaNa opened up about the support she received from viewers.
@cineaxries i love them 🤧 #janacraig #janaandkenny #loveislandusa #foryou #peacock #loveisland #janaloveisland #xybca #kennyloveisland #janaedit #loveislandedit #janaedits #loveislandusaedit #viral #loveislandusaseason6 #foryoupage #peacocktv
"You know what’s so crazy? I’m so grateful, because when I got my phone, the way they’re making us The Princess and The Frog…I felt honored. I will be that beautiful chocolate queen if I need to be. And the comments like 'beautiful chocolate girl,' I’m like, all Black women are beautiful. There’s the whole light skin versus dark skin, which breaks my heart. I just really don’t understand that, but I will take pride and represent us well," she said.
She also candidly discussed her experience as a dark-skinned Black woman on the show. JaNa and Serena had been in the villa since the first episode, and they were the only dark-skinned Black women there. As new men aka bombshells came into the villa, they found themselves not being wanted by many of them.
"Me and Serena literally had a heart-to-heart before Kenny came in and she’s like, I just don’t think it’s fair that the Black girls don’t get enough fair chance.' Every islander that came in, we were not their top pick. And we just [thought], maybe because we’re Black girls, and the dark-skinned Black girls. It sucked," she said.
"I’m like, 'Serena, we know what we bring to the table. We’re great personalities. A guy’s going to come in for us.' That’s when we manifested what we wanted, and that’s when I manifested Kenny."
@ashleyvera__ We love to see it 🥰 #loveislandusa #loveisland #loveisland2024 #janaandkenny #loveislandseason6 #peacock #realitytv #fypage
After many failed connections, Kenny came in and immediately turned JaNa's experience around. America watched the model get the care and attention that she deserved.
"I’m not going to hold you. When I was in the bottom for a quick second, I’m like, ‘There’s no way America doesn’t [ride for us]. I know Black America had to ride for me, but maybe because I’m a dark-skinned … hmm … maybe … you feel me? And you saw the Casa Amor lineup. Beautiful, beautiful light-skinned [women]," she said.
"We looked at each other like, 'Damn, Love Island did their big one with this. And every single Casa Amor girl was like, 'You girls are gorgeous, you guys are stunning.' They expressed love. You guys are beautiful and it felt good."
Although she and Kenny came in third place, JaNa is happy that she got her man in the end. "I think the thing I’m most grateful about is the fact that this is a beautiful love story like you guys complement each other and there’s no hate toward the skin color. It’s all love and support. I love that more than anything," she said.
"That’s why I was like, 'I won,' even though I didn’t win. And the fact that Serena won, we were like, 'Yeah, run that.' Either way, we won. And I love the support from all communities."
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This Private Chef Is Giving Us The Secret To Curating The Perfect Summer Supper Moment
During the summertime, nothing brings friends, family, and community together like a well-cooked meal. Today, more than ever, gathering around intimate dining experiences and curated suppers has become a way to form new connections and spread love through the quickest way to our hearts—our stomachs. One chef is using her cultural background and vibrant culinary style to show us how to host our next summer gathering.
Chef Daya's culinary journey is a vibrant tapestry of cultural influences and passionate pursuits. The Haiti-born, Miami-raised, “New York-seasoned,” and now Atlanta-based chef was brought up in a Caribbean culture that celebrated food and togetherness.
Her decorated culinary path has since led her to work in Michelin restaurants, catering high-profile events like Victoria's Secret Fashion Show and Grammy after-parties, and playing a vital hand in the curation of innovative dishes that blended Jamaican, Haitian, and African influences for Atlanta’s top restaurants.
Now, as a private chef, Daya thrives on elevating culinary experiences through her supper club, Dine with Day, while continuing to make waves in the food industry with her unique and flavorful creations. For xoNecole, she’s dishing her tips on how to spice up your summer cuisine and add some flavor to your next summer gathering.
On the inspiration behind starting her culinary catering experience, Dine with Day:
“It started back in 2017, I was living in Brooklyn, and I would cook for all my friends on Sundays. That’s when I could test all my recipes. I just loved to host, so I wanted to bring that speakeasy dining to the forefront. It's great to be able to give people an experience that they otherwise don't think they have access to, or maybe they just want to value otherwise. You're getting seven courses, art, music, a beautiful, well-decorated space, and a moment to be amongst the community and let your hair down.”
“I’m able to curate a space based on a theme and bring the theme to life with the food, the sights, the smells, and bring that all together. It's my happy place, my creative space where I may or may not make money from it, but it’s my form of self-expression — almost like writing a short story in the form of a dinner party.”
On the three things you need to make your next dinner party special:
The Setting and Atmosphere:
“Making sure that the setting is warm and comfortable and people's needs and expectations are accounted for is a part of service that I really enjoy. Setting that intentional space, whether it be a beautiful flower arrangement or decorations so that people feel like you're in an elevated space.”
Music:
“Music plays a big part at a lot of my dinner parties. I usually have one or two songs that were inspired by the menu, so I'll curate a playlist around that. I also bring in local artists, whether it's a poet, a saxophone player, or a harpist, to allow another artist to showcase of their talents.”
Keep Community In Mind:
“People now, more than ever, are looking for community. Whether it's in the run clubs we're all seeing, or a hiking and pottery club, community is so important. There's so much going on around us that we can't directly control, but the way that we open ourselves up to community is going to do a lot for our well-being and keep us on track, even though things are very chaotic. People may come alone, but they’ll leave with a few new friends."
On the inspiration behind her signature dish with Topo Chico, grilled lobster with Scotch Bonnet honey glaze:
“I've had that recipe for a while and the sauce is featured in a lot of other dishes — it's one of those staples that goes good on everything. When Topo Chico approached me and told me about the flavor profiles of their drinks and the feeling of summer that they wanted to put out, immediately I was like I'm putting lobster on the grill — that's a no-brainer.”
It has all my favorite things on: the scotch bonnet pepper, which is a staple in most Caribbean households, delicious raw honey, and succulent lobster. It was really fun being able to show people you can have sparkling water pair well with something decadent.”
On how to stay creative in the kitchen and elevate your summertime recipes:
“Sauces! Make your own sauces. Find that small batch of sauce at your local store, stock up on that, and put it on everything to elevate your cuisine. Cooking isn't as hard as you might think it is, and playing around with some of the trends can make cooking a little bit more accessible.”
“Stay curious, pick up a cookbook you probably wouldn't just to try new recipes in there, and watch a new cooking show. Social media also has so many great creators and different chefs on there to educate you on new things. Fail twice and get it right the third time — go after the new. Everybody has the ability to cook if they trust their instincts, so experiment and step outside of the box.”
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Featured image by Chef Day/Instagram