I have a confession to make: I have a deep fear of being happy.
Obtaining happiness is something that I have been dreaming of all of my life, but do not know how to keep it once I receive it.
Throughout my life, I have suffered through major hardships. When I was nine, my brother was murdered and within a year later, my father passed away due to kidney failure and other health issues. After those two ordeals alone, I was struggling with severe depression in my pre-teens and teenage years. It was extremely difficult for me to find happiness due to me not seeking therapy for the losses I had in my childhood. What put the icing on the cake was losing one of my best friends due to police brutality when I was 16. My friend's death brought in a new perspective to my prolonged sadness—I need to appreciate life.
Life is such a precious gift and I should cherish every moment of my life by living the way I want and having peace, love and happiness. This led me to go on a happiness journey at 18. I was determined to let go of my depression and to find true happiness and fulfillment in life. I broke up with my high school sweetheart because we grew apart and the person I fell in love with was no longer the guy I was dating.
[Tweet "I knew I deserved something more than mediocre love. "]
I went to a university in a small town and I strived to follow my dreams regardless of my family's lack of support. Fast forward to five years later, I am a college graduate, working from home as a freelance fashion and beauty writer, have an amazing boyfriend, and have my family and friends' support. My life has not been this awesome in a long time, yet I still search for problems in my life. I look for issues because I never had long-term happiness, and I'm scared to lose this blissful joy.
I find myself investigating my intimate relationship with my boyfriend as well as friendships in my life from time to time due to my fear of being happy. I would snoop through my boyfriend's phone to read his text messages and to check his call log to find a small reason to pick a fight. When my boyfriend would not answer my call or text, I would over analyze things and imagine the worst. He never gave me a reason not to trust him, yet I questioned things in our relationship quite often.
With my friends, I did not call or text them unless they hit me up first. I avoided the feeling of rejection from my friends by not communication first and it took a toll on my previous friendships. Also, as soon as a friend hurt my feelings once, I withdraw from the relationship slowly without trying to work it out. In the past, I boasted on having a rather strong cut off game when it came to friendships and I am ashamed of that now. I knew that doing these things were wrong, but I continued to act on them. There’s a little voice in my head that tells me that I won’t have this blissful feeling forever, and sometimes I let it overtake me. My fear of being happy has taught me that my struggle with depression may be a life-long battle, but I cannot let it control my life. I am always searching for a solution for this horrid pattern.
I found guidance in a quote that I found while browsing Pinterest on a random day.
[Tweet "There's got to be rain in your life, to appreciate the sunshine"]
This quote defines my current view on happiness. I understand that I will not be happy everyday and that it is normal to not always have a good day. However, I cannot let my sadness last forever due to insecurity and negative thoughts. I am taking my changing perspective on happiness day-by-day. I am proud of myself for admitting my issue and seeking guidance to pursue a better, healthier lifestyle.
I do not know what the future holds for me, but I pray and strive for happiness everyday. My happiness comes before everything and yours should too.
What are you doing to maintain your happiness?
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While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
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The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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