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What Does It Mean To Be ‘Boy Crazy’ And Is It Really So Bad?
If you’ve been anywhere on the internet as of late, you may have noticed the rift between men and women in modern culture. From online debates about splitting bills to the decline in the art of game — most recently coined as “rizz” — you might find it hard to recall a time when having boy problems was (dare I say…) fun.
Blame it on our raging hormones or the blissful cluelessness of what the patriarchy was, but having a crush that was worthy of your daydreams and exercising your romantic delusions was once a joy of girlhood. Fantasizing about the next time you’d run into “you know who” or gushing over his encrypted Instagram messages had a way of keeping the butterflies fluttering for the dream boy you created in your head.
Only now, finding a crush, let alone keeping one, seems like more of a chore than a willful decision. Still, for some women, the intense and sometimes obsessive interest in men has never wavered — making them perpetually boy-crazy.
The term "boy crazy" is a term used to describe a woman with a strong infatuation or fascination for men, particularly in a romantic or sexual context.
In most cases, this could be the homegirl who has a way of bringing your everyday conversations back to the topic of boys. It’s what she thinks about, talks about, dresses for, and pursues when going out. In other words, her world unapologetically revolves around men and her proximity to them.
People who are considered "boy crazy" often prioritize their romantic interests above other aspects of their life. This infatuation or “obsession” with men can often lead to a preoccupation with finding a romantic partner, seeking validation and attention from them, and can shift their mood if their efforts don’t match their predetermined expectations. This can have an effect on their emotions, which can run high with hope and optimism or take a drastic turn depending on the male attention or affection they did or didn’t receive.
While this may sound like an emotional rollercoaster for some, other women enjoy the rush. They find a sense of bliss and freedom from their option to choose what men they’d like to keep in their rotation and which ones get put back on the bench.
While some may judge the “boy crazy” gals in their life, one can’t help but be even a little intrigued by the stick-to-it-iveness on their journey for love, companionship, and romance. Their elastic heart and ability to bounce back from “boy hurt” is a place that us guarded girls can only imagine getting to one day.
Which begs the question: is it really so bad to be a little boy-crazy?
Dating coach and matchmaker Shaneeka McCray says to answer this question, you must first ask yourself what this need for male validation is rooted in.
“Figure out yourself first because all the relationships you're attracting are a reflection of you,” she tells xoNecole. “They're a reflection of who you are and what you believe you deserve.”
McCray often tells her clients that the men they meet and engage with are “you pushed out,” meaning what’s inside of you will typically attract what’s outside of you. Whether your boy-craze is coming from a place of insecurity and a need for validation or a place of confidence and self-assurance, getting a handle on your self-concept is the key to understanding the root of your romantic needs and how they show up.
“So if you're not really appreciating the experiences you're having, then one, you might need to fix your self-concept in terms of, ‘how do I think people see me? And how do I see myself?’” she adds. “Have those positive conversations with yourself because people will always show up the way that you think, and we want to think that we're the sh*t first.”
According to McCray, one of the things that our boy-crazy ladies do get right is their approach to dating with a roster. Having a slew of men on-call can actually serve as a tool for self-discovery in understanding your preferences, boundaries, and, ultimately, yourself in romantic relationships. It makes for “good practice.”
“Most of the time, that's where we can learn a lot of tools,” she says, “A lot of times, we think we're going to just instantly meet that [special] person right away. But be more present in the process, ask questions, and fill your time with things and men that actually make you feel good instead of making you feel worse. There will be people that come along to help you get to the best version of yourself.”
Whether you lean more on the side of dating one guy at a time or don’t mind picking up a new potential boo out at the club or grocery store, there’s something we can learn from the boy-crazed and the boy-detached. Ultimately, we’re all trying to get to the same end goal, which is our forever love, just with different methods.
Oh, the joys of being a woman.
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Feature image by Klaus Vedfelt/ Getty Images
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Aley Arion is a writer and digital storyteller from the South, currently living in sunny Los Angeles. Her site, yagirlaley.com, serves as a digital diary to document personal essays, cultural commentary, and her insights into the Black Millennial experience. Follow her at @yagirlaley on all platforms!
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Blair Underwood Initially Turned Down 'Sex And The City' Because 'It Was About How Samantha Was Fascinated By Dating A Black Man’
Actor and heartthrob Blair Underwood is opening up about why he turned down Sex and the City the first time he was offered a role. Many fans of the HBO series may recall Blair's time on the show in which his character was dating Miranda (Cynthia Nixon). However, he was previously offered another role where his character would date Samantha (Kim Cattrall).
During his interview with AV Club, the Set It Off star revealed that he was uncomfortable with the initial offer due to the character's fascination with him being a Black man.
“I actually did say ‘no’ the first time,” he said. “The first time they had offered the role, to be honest with you, it was about how Samantha was fascinated by dating a Black man and wanted to know if, uh, all of the rumors were true about our anatomy! And I said, ‘Listen, I’m honored, thank you, but I just don’t want to play a character based on race, on curiosity about a Black man.'”
But that didn't stop them from reaching out again. This time he was offered to play Dr. Robert Leeds, the love interest to Miranda and he decided to go for it. "So they were nice enough to call about a year later, and I said, 'Well, is it gonna be about race?' And they said, 'No, no, no, we’re not even gonna mention race!' And I think it really did only come up maybe once," he recalled.
"It did five episodes, and I think Samantha mentioned it once, saying something about 'a Black doctor' that Miranda was dating. And that’s really been a consistent thing in my career: not wanting to be boxed as 'the Black guy.'
"I’ve had that conversation with many producers along the way, and they were so great. They said, 'No, he’s just a doctor who Miranda meets in the elevator, and they have a nice little fling.' And it was amazing."
Blair has had a wide-ranging career playing everything from a lawyer on L.A. Law to playing Madame CJ Walker's husband on Self Made: Inspired by the Life of Madame CJ Walker. And during his interview, he revealed another role that he initially turned down, Set It Off. The movie, which is considered a classic in Black culture, stars Queen Latifah, Jada Pinkett Smith, Vivica A. Fox, and Kimberly Elise. Blair's character, Keith, played a banker and love interest to Jada's character, Stony.
He explained why he said no at first and eventually accepted the offer. "I had initially said “no” to that. Because I was playing this historic, iconic African-American historical figure in Jackie Robinson, and the time, y’know, there was Boyz N The Hood, and Menace II Society was out there, and I’d finished playing this noble Negro… [Laughs]," he said.
"And I’m reading the script, and there’s a scene where Jada Pinkett’s character—Jada Pinkett-Smith now—was going to sell her body so she could make some money to send her brother to college. And I remember, honestly, I threw the script across the room. I was, like, “I don’t want to do this. I want to do something uplifting for the Black culture and Black characters, and I don’t know if I want to see this.”
After a conversation with the movie's director F. Gary Gray and the actor's manager encouraging him to finish reading the script, Blair had a change of heart. What he first thought about the movie turned out to be totally different.
"So I finished the script, and I saw that the character they were asking me to play was really the love story in the midst of all of this turmoil of all of these characters, the four ladies: Queen Latifah, Vivica Fox, Kimberly Elise, and Jada," he explained.
"It was so well-written, it was such a great platform for them. And to be able to play the love story and the storyline that gave Jada’s character a leg up and a way out of this world, something to hope for, to wish for, someone to love her… I said, 'You know what? I’d like to be a part of that.'
"And I’m so glad I did, because that film resonates to this day. People all the time come up to me and say that they love that movie. So I’m glad that I did it."