Well, it's pretty understood that this year has altered the idea of everything we thought we knew about being prepared. Between a global shutdown, to the White House's occupants believing that them not bumping into walls is a means for celebration, 2020 has straight up laughed in our faces, and continually proved that each month will progressively get even more ridiculous than the one before.
Add a layer of melanin on the year, and the essence of wanting more for ourselves as women who are minding our business and living in our blackness in peace, whilst expecting the same in return from society, leaves us exhausted and plain ole sick and tired.
I recently read a story via USA Today, featuring the amazing Lakeisha Ford, who'd chosen to relocate to Ghana to run her communication firm in Accra. She spoke so assuredly about her decision to move, so fearlessly.
What drew me to her, was that her decision to move wasn't solely based on the berating racism in America, it was just a mere contribution. She was mostly intrigued by Ghananian culture.
"Here I don't have to think of myself as a Black woman and everything that comes with that. Here, I am just a woman."
This made me wonder, how many of us have considered leaving America behind? Is moving to another country the answer?
Well, for some, the answer is absolutely.
We found a group fabulous ladies to tell us their stories about their why; why they chose to leave America in their rear view. Here's what they told us:
Phelicia Deorrah | Relocated to Montego Bay, Jamaica:
Photo Courtesy of Phelicia Deorrah
Originally From: Atlanta, GA
Instagram:@n8kedtruthart
In June of 2017, I affirmed in my journal that in 12 months, I would finalize my move to Jamaica. At that point, I figured I would stay at least one year and then return to the United States if things didn't go as planned. During my preparation phase (2017-2018), I held a couple of full-time jobs to save money for my relocation. There was actually one job that I'd landed in early 2018, that actually made me consider postponing my plans to move to Jamaica, because I'd found a "good job". The benefits were good, the salary was adequate – but after working there for a few months, typical corporate America "issues" happened and I decided to quit abruptly and move forward with my plan.
Less than a month later, I was on a plane to Jamaica.
My younger sister, Crystal, was actually the first person I told about my plan to move to the island. I was sitting in Atlanta traffic after a long workday – tired, hot, and uninspired. My plans to barter art in Jamaica had failed and I had been trying to figure out a way to travel back to the island consistently. I called her up and said, "Crystal, why don't I just move to Jamaica?!"
And her response was, "Do it!"
From here, my affirmations were solidified. I knew that building my business in Jamaica is what I would be set on doing.
In the beginning, the unspoken cultural differences (the things a book or the internet can't teach you) and constant patois were overwhelming. It was a culture shock not being able to speak the language (yes, Jamaicans speak the Queen's English – but patois can be very hard to understand when Jamaicans speak to each other), so when people all around me were communicating, it was very overwhelming. I was on high alert all the time, because I never knew when people were talking to me; everything always sounded like shouting. Now that I understand most of what people are saying around me, AND I even know how to respond – it makes it way less intimidating.
It was also extremely overwhelming adapting to the fact that in Jamaica, as an American, I am automatically considered to be privileged– which is truly an out-of-body feeling, because I have never felt that way in America. So, I've learned to live more moderately and be extra careful of what I do, with what I have.
Other than that, I just try to take in all aspects of my new reality. I remember the first time I went to the local beach (no tourists) and I realized that it was my first time ever seeing all Black people at a beach. It's one of those things you never knew that you've never seen until you see it.
As far as the current events in the U.S., although I had moved prior to chaos, it all still affects me. I seem to be watching America from another world. I am happy to be in Jamaica, BUT I am still affected and traumatized by what's going on in the States.
People may think that I am lucky and I can "turn it off" or avoid reality because I am in Jamaica – but the truth is, when you are Black, you do not have the privilege to avoid your Black reality. Period.
Through it all, I've learned that I had to stop expecting American service and behavior and understand that I am the foreigner/outsider now. I've learned to adapt and embrace the differences. I am an empath, so seeing a lot of poverty and people working for next to nothing (the minimum wage of $7,000 JMD per week is equivalent to about $56 USD per week) affects me more than I anticipated. But, I started a charity called The Traveler's Contribution that helps me feel like I'm contributing more than just coming here and taking. I've learned to continue helping where I can, with what I can.
And lastly, I've been reaffirmed that what you put into the universe, you will get back. I followed my heart to relocate, and God has provided for me. I believe if you're stagnant, sometimes God will push you into a circumstance that requires action. Sometimes we have the faith, but we don't want to act – we have to follow through with our dreams and act.
Demetria Brown | Relocated to Puerta Vallerta, Mexico
Photo Courtesy of Demetria Brown
From: Long Beach, CA
Instagram: @meechieistoocute
I decided to move abroad in January 2020.
At the time, I was somewhere between being fully aware that no country was exempt from racism or prejudice, and standing in my personal determination of finding true racial and gender freedom. I wanted to show my people that we can thrive abroad and that we don't have to follow the social standards that others think we should stick to in order to do so.
Honestly, it had always been a desire to live outside the U.S., not because I hate America, but because I wanted peace from constant chaos of the society and the rat race that we are accustomed to.
But most of all, I wanted my daughter to see real life courage; to have the ability to excel in a way others believe we were never supposed to.
The path to arrive in Mexico has taken me 42 years. And believe me, it was muddy, rocky and grim the whole way. But now my route is laid before me. God and the universe has the stars aligned like a seasoned GPS system, creating the best navigation possible without any permanent road blocks--just for me.
Now, I feel as if I'm in a perfect place. For once I am not looked at as weird for hugging and showing affection towards others. I'm not looked at as strange for saying, "Hola" or smiling at people who may not know me. My kindness for humans is reciprocated. I am not judged by my occupation, complexion, shade, or gender. I am loved and accepted just because I am Meechie--and that is absolutely incredible to me.
The best thing I have discovered, honestly, is owning my time and creating new experiences that are beyond explainable with my new Mexican family and friends is what makes me happy. And not everything has been great, believe me.
Have I been overwhelmed? Oh my goodness, yes! For the longest, I wasn't sure of myself while here. I was second-guessing if this decision was a smart one. I didn't have proper resources available to assist me due to the pandemic and obviously relocating during it had its own challenges. Also, leaving my home, my family, my friends, my career...everything I built for so many years behind (I have an adult son who doesn't agree with the move and a teenage daughter who loves it and will soon join me), man, it was rough!
But I now know a bigger love. Home isn't your address. Home is a state of mind where you're comfortable and your skin shade is unapologetically safe. Home is where you are loved. Home is the epicenter of the heart.
And mine resides here in Mexico!
Before you make the decision, understand that moving away, whether across the street or to another country, doesn't solve internal problems--it just exposes what's broken in you. So, before you think you're escaping the pain of your current situation, be sure you're healed and ready to tackle the battle that lies before you.
Shar Wynter | Relocated to Lisbon, Portugal
Photo Courtesy of Shar Wynter
From: Detroit, MI
Instagram:@FeetMeetsLand
Initially, my desire to live abroad was out of pure curiosity.
At age 29, I made my first move overseas to live in London through a temporary job relocation assignment. And my time in London was AMAZING. It enlightened me in so many ways, including broadening my perspective on race relations whilst comparing being Black in London, to being Black in America.
When I compared the two experiences, on average, I was treated better and with more respect in London on a social and professional level. As a result, once I returned back to the U.S., the constant microaggressions and ill-treatment that I had previously normalized--and been desensitized to--became unbearable. This sentiment coupled with a series of traumatizing events (some which were racially rooted) motivated me to quit my job of ten years and leave the U.S for good (in 2019).
My goal was to travel, do some soul-searching, and find a new country to live in.
A few months into my search, the pandemic hit so I decided to stay in London for a few months, and then eventually landed in Portugal. Throughout this time, whenever a new Black Lives Matter hashtag emerged in response to the unjust killing of yet another Black person, my decision to leave the U.S. was further cemented. And guys, my life and health became significantly better. Also, there really isn't a price that you can put on the peace of mind that I get from being able to exist in peace without the heavy cloak of racism on my back.
And yes, I'm fully aware that every country has race issues (both the UK and Portugal have their fair share) but the difference is that the probability of me, or a loved one, losing their life because of it, is lessened. When I think about all the times when my life has been in danger, they all occurred in the States.
In London, the cops seemed less militarized. Most do not even have guns. I remember seeing the police dancing with the crowd at Notting Hill Carnival. I can also vividly recall the cops peacefully guiding protesters during a Black Lives Matter march. It was shocking to me to see the cordial relationship that cops had with citizens.
With respect to Lisbon, one major cultural difference is that the people in Lisbon seem to have a stronger level of respect for others by adhering to the rules and safety measures put in place as a result of the pandemic. For example, most people in Lisbon are wearing their masks without issue, they use sanitation stations, and do whatever's necessary to help protect the well-being of others. It's not a major point of contention.
Sometimes, my relocation does get the best of me, though. Yes, I'm a huge advocate for living abroad, but being away from family and friends, and learning how to navigate your way through foreign spaces, is not for the faint of heart. For example, it took me an entire week to learn how to use a microwave/oven because the manual was in Portuguese. Also in Lisbon, I have to go to multiple stores sometimes to get everything I need when grocery shopping so it's an entire three hour ordeal. The grocery stores don't carry everything all in one place like they do in America.
Ultimately, you really have to be open-minded and flexible because it's easy to get overwhelmed and frustrated, especially in the beginning, but the experience overall is totally worth it.
I say all of this to say that choosing a better life for yourself is possible. I was very surprised to find that there was a relatively large community of Black people living abroad and our footprint was worldwide. Connecting with this community transformed my overseas experience and made my life abroad so much more enjoyable. This inspired me to create an effort called XpatChats to spread awareness about the Black expat community. Highlighting experiences and stories of Black people living abroad, given the current social climate, and sharing the stories of us living freely all over the world, has empowered me because living freely, is a form of resistance against oppression.
You can do this, ladies. Just map it out and go for it.
Nicole Files-Thompson, Ph.D | Relocated to Hanover, Jamaica
From: Baltimore, MD
Instagram:@_goalslayer
I have always loved Jamaica, and Jamaican tourism. I remember the first time I visited, it felt like home. It was so refreshing to be in a Black country, seeing people who looked like me--on Billboards, on TV, as news anchors, in advertisements.Over the years, I fell in love with the culture and have brought many of my students, friends, and family around the country to fall in love with it like I have.
Currently, I am a professor at Lincoln University, PA and I moved here on a Fulbright grant through the U.S. Department of State. Though my stay here is not yet permanent, it is indefinite, dependent upon grants, my ability to teach online etc. I am working on making it permanent within the next 5-7 years.
My spirit is settled here. My favorite thing to do is take a drive and stop at small beaches. There are so many beautiful beaches in Jamaica that you can have all to yourself.
Everything moves at a much slower pace; patience was a huge learning curve. There is a lot of "paper" and face-to-face required to handle business affairs. The attitude of just letting things go fills the air. Culturally, there is an understanding that many things are out of your control, why worry about what you can't control.
Jamaica, no problem.
There's also an incredible sense of community, everyone knows everyone where you live. There are no strangers. I have six mango trees in my yard, and people coming and collecting them in the mornings. Something that might make people call the police in the U.S., but it's normal here. The trees bear more mangoes than I could eat in a year. So they are for everyone to enjoy.
Basically, adaptation requires patience and going with the flow. I've had to change my consumption habits: electricity is expensive, so even though it is hot, I can't run the AC all day. My diet has been altered; I instead eat fresh or farmed foods instead of packaged.
Given the recent events, I feel much safer in Jamaica, in comparison to the political, public health, and racial climate in the U.S. The decisiveness of the government to protect the health of its citizens alone, stands apart from what I've heard about the issues in America.
Moreover, though Jamaican citizens are not all in agreement about the measures that the government takes, they adhere to those measures.
I've gained a new perspective I have gained about "Americanness" by being on the outside looking in. I'm even embarrassed by the way our government and many citizens have behaved during this pandemic. In terms of BLM movement, it has been difficult to watch from afar, as race is shaped much differently in Jamaica. However, the movement has sparked support from even the Jamaican Prime Minister who addressed police brutality in the U.S., and George Floyd specifically.
And although, I haven't necessarily felt overwhelmed, I've admittedly felt unprepared or lonely. This was such a strange time to be living in another country. But I have learned that I am strong and I can adapt to any situation. I've learned that I can be flexible, I can figure things out, and family isn't only blood.
My Jamaican family looked out and cared for me too.
Feature image by Shutterstock
Originally published on July 21, 2020
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Charmin Michelle is a southern native and creative spirit who works as a content marketer and events manager in Chicago. She enjoys traveling, #SummertimeChi, and the journey of mastering womanhood. Connect with her on Instagram @charminmichelle.
For Us, By Us: How HBCU Alumni Are Building Legacies Through Entrepreneurship
Homecoming season is here, and alumni are returning to the yard to celebrate with their friends and family at the historically Black colleges and universities (HBCUs) that have changed their lives forever.
No matter where their life journeys have taken them, for HBCU students from near and far, returning to where it all started can invoke feelings of nostalgia, appreciation for the past, and inspiration for the future.
The seeds for these entrepreneurs were planted during their time as students at schools like Spelman, North Carolina A&T, and more, which is why xoNecole caught up with Look Good Live Well’s Ariane Turner, HBCU Buzz’s Luke Lawal and Morehouse Senior Director of Marketing and Comms and Press Secretary Jasmine Gurley to highlight the role their HBCU roots play in their work as entrepreneurs, the legacy they aim to leave behind through the work that they do, and more as a part of Hyundai’s Best In Class initiative.
On Honoring HBCU Roots To Create Something That Is For Us, By Us
Ariane Turner
Courtesy
When Ariane Turner launched Look Good, Live Well, she created it with Black and brown people in mind, especially those with sensitive skin more prone to dryness and skin conditions like acne and eczema.
The Florida A&M University graduate launched her business to create something that addressed topical skin care needs and was intentional about its approach without negative terminology.
Turner shared that it is important to steer clear of language often adopted by more prominent brands, such as “banishing breakouts” or “correcting the skin,” because, in reality, Turner says there is nothing wrong with the way that our skin and bodies react to various life changes.
“I think what I have taken with me regarding my HBCU experience and translated to my entrepreneurial experience is the importance of not just networking,” Turner, the founder and CEO of Look Good, Live Well, tellls xoNecole.
“We hear that in business all the time, your network is your net worth, but family, there’s a thing at FAMU that we call FAMU-lee instead of family, and it’s very much a thing. What that taught me is the importance of not just making relationships and not just making that connection, but truly working on deepening them, and so being intentional about connecting with people initially, but staying connected and building and deepening those relationships, and that has served me tremendously in business, whether it’s being able to reach back to other classmates who I went to school with, or just networking in general.”
She adds, “I don’t come from a business background. As soon as I finished school, I continued with my entrepreneurial journey, and so there’s a lot of that traditional business act and the networking, those soft skills that I just don’t have, but I will say that just understanding how to leverage and network community and to build intentional relationships is something that has taken me far and I definitely got those roots while attending FAMU.”
On Solving A Very Specific Need For The Community
Luke Lawal Jr.
Courtesy
When Luke Lawal Jr. launched HBCU Buzz, his main focus was to represent his community, using the platform to lift as they climbed by creating an outlet dedicated to celebrating the achievements and positive news affecting the 107 historically HBCUs nationwide.
By spotlighting the wonderful things that come from the HBCU community and coupling it with what he learned during his time at Bowie State University, Lawal used that knowledge to propel himself as an entrepreneur while also providing his people with accurate representation across the internet.
“The specific problem in 2011 when I started HBCU Buzz was more so around the fact that mainstream media always depict HBCUs as negative,” Lawal says. “You would only see HBCUs in the mainstream media when someone died, or the university president or someone was stepping down. It was always bad news, but they never shed light on all the wonderful things from our community."
So, I started HBCU Buzz to ensure the world saw the good things that come from our space. And they knew that HBCUs grew some of the brightest people in the world, and just trying to figure out ways to make sure our platform was a pedestal for all the students that come through our institutions.”
“The biggest goal is to continue to solve problems, continue to create brands that solve the problems of our communities, and make sure that our products, our brands, our companies, and institutions are of value and they’re helping our community,” he continues. “That they’re solving problems that propel our space forward.”
On How Being An HBCU Alum Impacts The Way One Shows Up In The World
Jasmine Gurley
Courtesy
Jasmine Gurley is a proud North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University alum. She is even more delighted with her current role, which enables her to give back to current HBCU students as the Senior Director of Brand Marketing and Communications and official press secretary at Morehouse College.
“It was a formative experience where I really was able to come into my own and say yes to all the opportunities that were presented to me, and because of that, it’s been able to open the doors later in life too,” says Gurley of her experience at North Carolina A&T. “One thing I love about many HBCUs is that we are required to learn way more about African American history than you do in your typical K through 12 or even at the higher ed level."
She adds, “It allowed us to have a better understanding of where we came from, and so for me, because I’m a storyteller, I’m a history person, I’m very sensitive to life in general, being able to listen to the stories and the trials that our ancestors overcame, put the battery pack in my back to say, ‘Oh nothing can stop me. Absolutely nothing can stop me. I know where I came from, so I can overcome something and try anything. And I have an obligation to be my ancestors’ wildest dreams. Simultaneously, I also have a responsibility to help others realize that greatness.
Gurley does not take her position at an HBCU, now as a leader, lightly.
“People think I’m joking when I say I’m living the dream, but I really am,” she notes. “So I wake up every day and know that the work that I do matters, no matter how hard it might be, how frustrating it may be, and challenging it. I know the ripple effect of my work, my team, and what this institution does also matter. The trajectory of Black male experiences, community, history, and then just American advancement just in general.”
On the other hand, through her business, Sankofa Public Relations, Gurley is also on a mission to uplift brands in their quest to help their respective communities. Since its inception in 2017, Sankofa PR has been on a mission to “reach back and reclaim local, national, and global communities by helping those actively working to move” various areas of the world, focusing on pushing things forward for the better.
“Through Sankofa, we’ve worked with all different types of organizational brands and individuals in several different industries, but I would think of them as mission-based,” says Gurley.
“So with that, it’s an opportunity to help people who are trying to do good in the world, and they are passionate about what they’re doing. They just need help with marketing issues, storytelling, and branding, and that’s when my expertise can come into play. Help them get to that moment where they can tell their story through me or another platform, and that’s been super fulfilling.”
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Feature image courtesy
There is definitely a particular client who inspired this piece. I’ve been working with her for a while now, and so I’m used to her basically complaining about how she isn’t experiencing the kind of sex that she longs for. Thing is, I pretty much always ask her some variation of the same question: “How can a man give you what you want if you don’t know exactly what that is?” to which she pretty much always sighs and then deflects.
Y’all, soap operas, rom-coms, romance novels, social media, and porn have done an excellent (or horrific, depending on how you look at it) job of causing people to think that a great lover should be a mind reader or that they should be willing to do more work to please their partner than their partner is willing to do to learn what actually does please themselves. And to that, I say, goodness, how do you expect a man to “know your body” when you barely even do? And no, I’m not talking about masturbation. There are many other ways to bond with yourself than that.
Today, I’m going to share eight ways to do it. Because, if you want to sexually connect with your partner in a truly pleasurable and fulfilling way, it’s always a good idea to become a student of your own self first — so that you can be the best kind of teacher (if you know what I mean).
1. Meditate
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There are literally countless reasons why you should implement meditating into your self-care routine. When it comes to sex, specifically, because it helps to reduce stress, relieve anxiety, keep you in the moment, and make you more self-aware — this is why meditation tops the list for today, especially since deep and controlled breathing is a big part of what meditating is all about.
And since taking more oxygen into your system helps to make climaxing easier, increase blood circulation (which can intensify orgasms), and relax your pelvic floor muscles (so that sex is ultimately more pleasurable) —yeah, if you want to have better sex, you’ve got to consider meditating more often.
2. Figure Out Your Favorite Erogenous Zone. Then Find a New One.
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I’m pretty sure you know what an erogenous zone is; however, just to be sure, it’s the parts of your body that are the most easily aroused as far as sexual stimulation goes. Although it’s assumed that places like our breasts and genitalia are the peak ones, the reason why I once wrote “So, What If 'Typical Erogenous Zones' Annoy TF Outta You?” for the site is because it can’t be assumed that “predictable spots” will work for everyone. In fact, some health experts believe that there are at least 30 different potential erogenous zones on our bodies, including our scalp, ears, palms, the lower part of our back, the back of our knees, and others.
That said, next time you are in the bathtub, use your fingertips to gently touch various parts of your body. Pay close attention to which ones feel the most pleasurable or even potentially turn you on; then take note so that you can share it with your partner the next time the two of you are together. Because listen, even when it comes to masturbation, if all you focus on is “her,” you are seriously limiting how truly gratifying sex can be by now…branching out to other parts of your body.
3. Dance. Naked.
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Even if you don’t like to dance in public, do you at least dance alone sometimes? If not, you definitely should because not only is dancing good for your heart and bones, but it’s also a fun way to burn a few calories, plus it can do wonders for your sex life. Why do I say that? It’s because dancing has also been proven to decrease stress (remember, the less stressed you are, the easier it will be for you to get aroused), build up your core (so that you can increase your stamina), make you more flexible and help you to feel more connected whenever you are around other people.
And if you dance naked, that can help to increase your sexual self-confidence (check out “10 Sensuous Ways To Boost Your Sexual Self-Esteem”) because the more comfortable you are with your body, the more comfortable you will be to share it with your partner.
4. Massage Yourself. Also Naked.
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Speaking of getting more comfortable with your body, when was the last time you indulged in a sensual self-massage? No, I’m not using that as another term for masturbation; I mean a literal body massage that you give yourself.
If you never have before, the next time you get out of the shower or bath, wrap yourself up in a towel, warm up a carrier oil (check out “So, Here Are The Carrier Oils That Will Take Your Sex Life To A Whole 'Nother Level”) with an aphrodisiac essential oil (check out “Ultimate Climax Hack? 10 Scents That Make It So Much Easier To Orgasm”) and then use your fingers or a set of massaging tools to massage your body, starting with your scalp and going all the way down to your feet.
Not only will this help to relax you, improve blood circulation, and bring more flexibility to your joints, self-massages are an effective way to give parts of your body that may not get a lot of TLC, the type of attention that they deserve — so that you can guide your own partner’s hands, lips, etc. to those very same spots…later on.
5. Make Sexy Sounds to Discover (More of) Your Sensuality
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If you’ve heard somewhere that most people hate to hear the sound of their own voice, there is actually some truth to that (by the way, if you turn your palms backward, push them behind your ears to move your ears forward and then say something, that is how others hear you on the phone, etc.). The science behind it is your voice travels through the air, which is known as air conduction. However, the way you hear the results vs. how others do can be very different — annoying even because it tends to translate as thinner and higher to your system.
This is a part of the reason why some people can be self-conscious about the sounds that they make during sex. Here’s the thing, though: Did you know that sounds like moaning can actually help to enhance your sexual experience, and panting can convey desire for your partner (check out “Ever Wonder What The Sounds You Make During Sex Mean?”)? There’s nothing wrong with making sex-related sounds by yourself so that you can get more comfortable with the sound of your own voice.
Let me tell it, a part of the reason why it may be awkward during sex is your “sex sounds” are unfamiliar to even you…because you’re not used to making (and hearing) them (enough).
6. Get into Some Naval Play
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Belly buttons are sexy — hell, at least, to me, they are. That’s why, when I did some reading up on navel play, it made all of the sense in the world that it should be added to this article. For starters, there are a lot of nerve endings around that part of your body; so much, in fact, that some women even say that their clitoris is stimulated whenever their belly button/navel is touched, sometimes to the point where they are even able to have an orgasm.
So, even if it’s common for you to have your stomach touched or even kissed during foreplay with your partner, spend some time, alone, playing with your belly button too. Use fingers, feathers, ice, hot wax, sex toys — anything that feels pleasurable in that area to see what feels the most amazing to/for you. You never know — the orgasm that you’ve been waiting for all of this time may just be where your belly piercing is (because yes, there is such a thing as a belly button orgasm). Straight up.
7. Experiment with Tastes and Textures
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What do you feel sexier in: silk, satin, or lace? What’s your favorite “sex condiment”: honey, fudge, or whipped cream? When a silicone sex toy touches you, how does it make you feel? When it comes to foods that are considered to be aphrodisiacs, do you prefer red wine or coconut water? Have you ever slept alone on a bed that is filled with rose petals? If so, did it turn you on? What’s your favorite sex cocktail or mocktail? Have you ever even tried one before (check out “Sexy Sips: 8 Fall-Themed Mocktails That Are Aphrodisiacs Too”)?
Before you decide to really get to know someone sexually, it’s important that you know yourself, so set up a solo sex date where you experiment with some of the things that I just mentioned. In the article, “How To Incorporate All Five Senses To Have The Best Sex Ever,” I address different things to try as far as taste and touch because what might turn someone else on could be entirely different for you. The more you know about what arouses your senses, the better you’ll be at creating an atmosphere that is truly satisfying.
8. Put Yourself into Some Sex Positions (Alone)
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If you’ve ever wondered how many sex positions there are in the world, according to some Kama Sutra writers, there are well over 200. And even if you don’t believe that to be true, there are plenty of articles out in cyberspace (like these here, here, and here) that profess more than 50 exist. You know, I once checked out a sex survey that said that somewhere around 30 percent of people prefer the missionary position while another 30 percent prefer to go the cowgirl (you know, the woman on top) route and that couples tend to do that same position 60 percent of the time that they had sex.
Listen, although there is something to be said for, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” if you are bored in the bedroom, always applying that sex mantra could be why.
So, as I close this out, click on the link to one of those articles and practice getting into some of the sex positions that you’ve never tried before (also naked and, yes, alone). It’s another way to increase your flexibility and make you feel more at ease in your own skin — plus, it can make you confident enough to suggest something new next time. Something that you don’t have to stumble and fumble around doing because you’ve already practiced it. Your partner will be no less than impressed. #wink
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