Thankfully, I don't have an issue with aging. With all that goes on in the course of one year, I personally find it a true blessing to be able to make it to another birthday in my right mind, in good health and with my needs met. That doesn't mean that I don't trip by how fast birthdays seem to roll around the older that I get, though. Shoot, back when I was an adolescent, it seemed like becoming a year older took FOR-E-VER. Now? Lawd. It's more like after three months tops, I'm trying to get used to saying that I'm a whole 'nother age. Yet, like they say, "If you're not living, you're dying" and you know what—if you're not aging, the same sentiment basically applies.
That said, although there are so many things that make us one of us different people, there are several things that we each have in common too. One of them is we each have a birthday. One that rolls around every 12 months. Whether you're someone who is totally stoked about your big day, no matter how many candles are on your cake, or you're someone who close to hyperventilates at the mere thought of getting older, here are seven questions that would be a good idea to ask yourself (and journal the answers to), every year, just so you can gain even more clarity about how special birthdays actually are—and why it's such a good thing that you've reached a brand spanking new year.
1. What Did the Past 12 Months Teach You?
If I've got a personal motto about birthdays, it's if you've been making the absolute most of the time between your last birthday and the one that is coming up, by the time your official day arrives, you should be more than happy to move on to another year. Yep, I definitely believe that a part of the reason why so many folks struggle with their birthdays is because they don't value their time as much as they should have. Take this year, for me, for example. I spent quite a bit of time learning how to embrace my femininity more, how to make peace with my decision to not conceive children and how to make plans that will prepare me for the next 10 years or so. Adding that to getting some of my financial areas in order and doing some inventory in a few of my relationships, chile, this year was well spent. So much so that by the time June 17 (my birthday) comes around, I'll be more than ready to be on some new ish. This year taught me a lot and I've grown. It's time for a shift.
So yeah, let's start there. Whether your birthday is next week or six months from now, a few days prior to its arrival, pull out a journal and do some writing about what the past 12 months have taught you and, in some ways, even prepared you for. Once you're done, you too might realize that turning a new age is very similar to turning over a new leaf so that you can fully embrace what is to come.
2. If Getting Older Bothers You, Why Is That?
Not sharing your age—your real age—is most certainly your business and your right. What I will say is the women I know who have an issue with it also seem to carry a certain burden of low self-esteem because they seem to be consumed with still looking—and sometimes even acting—like they are 15-20 years younger than they actually are. Listen, as a Black woman with the gift of melanin that you have, you already know that you are on your way to literally aging like fine wine, so if getting older really bothers you…why is that? Is it because your mama (and grandmas and aunties) didn't set a good example? Is it because you don't have some older women in your life who you look up to? Is it because you're not simply entertained by the media (including social media), you are consumed by it, so you think you've gotta keep up with celebrities, IG models and picture filters? What really is the deal?
When it comes to aging, there's a Scripture in the Bible that says, "Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained by living a godly life." (Proverbs 16:31—NLT) Did you catch the part that comes before the semicolon? Gray hair is a crown. Not just a crown but a crown of glory! A crown is a symbol of sovereignty and glory is all about bestowing great praise, honor and distinction to someone. Gray hair does this. Gray hair does this.
I know that society oftentimes seems obsessed with staying young forever. That's not only pretty ridiculous, it's also super unrealistic. And so, if aging bothers you, ask yourself why? I promise you that it's not "just because" and the sooner you get to the root of it all, the easier it will be to make peace with shifting…upwards.
3. In What Ways, Have You Personally Evolved and Matured?
Oprah Winfrey once said, "We can't become what we need to be by remaining what we are." Ain't that the truth. Honestly, if you're someone who is all about personal evolution rather than just simply getting older (because there is indeed a huge difference between maturing and simply aging), each day should be about becoming a smarter, wiser and better version of yourself, right? Well, if you're super intentional about holistically advancing in this way, 365 days should add up to a lot of internal—and quite possibly external—change in your life.
And what are some telling signs that you have definitely evolved and matured as an individual? You're clearer than you were last year about who you are, what you want, what it will take to get it, along with who and what you need to release in order to make "it" happen. You've also gotten better when it comes to how to take care of yourself during the "meantime" moments. Personally, when I think about personal evolution, the stages that a caterpillar goes through to become a butterfly come to mind. It ain't easy for the caterpillar to transform and yet man—after all of that waiting, wiggling and struggling, not one butterfly wants to go back to who they used to be. It's time to see and do some new things. Same thing applies to us as we continue to…evolve.
4. What Toxic Habits/Patterns Have You Broken?
On the heels of what I just said, if there's one reason why I get that you wouldn't be looking forward to your birthday, it's if you are still caught up in the same cyclic patterns that you've been in for, shoot, who knows how long? I remember when I turned 45 and I wrote the article on this site about it (check out "What My 45-Year-Old Self Would Tell My 25-Year-Old Self"). When I did some podcast interviews about how I felt about turning the "Big 45", I honestly was pretty excited about it because I had gotten rid of some draining relationships, had created some healthier work patterns for myself and had learned to be more fearless when it came to certain people in my life who I, quite frankly, used to be kind of scared of (adulthood is surviving childhood; that can't be said enough). And because so much of that happened over the course of 44, I was ecstatic to be able to say that I was in a new year where, in many ways, I was a new person.
Remember that your birthday isn't "just a day". It's a totally new year. It's a time to wipe your slate clean and live your life in a way that you may have never done before. If by the time your next birthday rolls around, you've gotten rid of some toxic habits and patterns, awesome. If you haven't, look at your upcoming birthday as an opportunity to use your new year to break some. Once and for all.
5. How Much Closer Are You to Achieving Your Goals?
Motivational author Les Brown once said, "Your goals are the road maps that guide you and show you what is possible in your life." That said, something that I think super ambitious people have in common is time literally flies in their world because they know how to make the absolute most of each and every moment. So much, in fact, that there is no time to sulk over getting older because each birthday reminds them that there are more short- and long-term goals that need to be reached. As a result, they are more about using their birthday as milestones rather than as reminders that they are one year older than they were last year.
Keeping all of this in mind, as it relates to your next birthday if:
- You're single and want to be married. What are you doing to get closer to your goal?
- You hate your job and want to switch gigs. What are you doing to get closer to your goal?
- You feel like your clock is ticking and you want some babies. What are you doing to get closer to your goal?
- You're ready to own a home, buy a car and/or travel the world. What are you doing to get closer to your goals?
- You want to change your life completely. What are you doing to get closer to your goal?
If no matter what you've read thus far, you still just can't get yourself to feel hype about reaching another year, perhaps look at your birthday as an "official goal marker" more than anything else. Each birthday represents 12 months of goals reached and 12 months' worth of goals to set. Goals are a huge part of what drives us. How can you not get hyped about that?
6. Do Your Personal Relationships Currently Complement You?
A couple of years ago, I wrote an article for the site entitled, "10 Questions To Ask Your Close Friends Before The New Year Begins". One of the things that I recommended is that you take, what I call, "friendship inventory". Personally, I think it's a little crazy that we'll take out to the time to clean out our closets or upgrade our bedroom every year, and yet we don't think it's necessary to reflect on our relationships to see if we're getting what we need and if we're providing what others need from us. When it comes to both romantic and platonic relationships, a word that I'm super fond of is "complement". Something or someone that complements us completes us to some degree. Some synonyms for complement include balance, enhance and add.
As we grow and mature every year, it's not a given that the people who complemented us in the past will also complement us in our present. Making the time to think about what you need—and what you have the ability to offer—in your relationships and then to have that conversation with the people you care about most can help everyone to see if they are on the same page.
I'm telling you from personal experience, sometimes the baggage that comes directly from counterproductive relationships can hold us down. Taking inventory on your connections with others is another way to go into a new year right.
7. How Are You Choosing to Celebrate?
I've got some people in my world who make fun of me because I'm so big on celebrating my birthday. They say it's a "Gemini thing". Whatever. I don't observe holidays, so the way I see it, the folks in my life are getting off pretty easy since I'm only semi-high-maintenance once a year. And yes, with all that I've been through—and sometimes even sent myself through—you can best believe that I'm gonna celebrate making it to another year. Since I'm an ambivert, for me, that's not by throwing some big party. I actually have themes each year of different things that I collect. That's how I do my birthday.
We're each unique, so no one is saying that you have to buy a birthday cake, blow up balloons and go the traditional route. Maybe celebrating your birthday consists of taking a day off and binge-watching shows all day. Perhaps it's having a spa day. Maybe it's going out of town for the weekend prior to or the weekend following your day. Perhaps it's spending an insane amount of money on random stuff based on what you've saved in order to do just that. The way YOU celebrate YOUR day is totally up to you. All I'm saying is, because you've made it to another year, please avoid the blasé attitude of "it's just a day". No it's freakin' not. It's the day that you officially made your entrance into this world and since you bring things to this space in a way that no one else ever has or ever will—how is that not something to celebrate? Every year of your entire life!
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
Everything Jodie Turner-Smith Has Said About Life & Love After Divorce
Jodie Turner-Smith is very much everything. And we don’t say that lightly.
Her beauty, resilience, and talent are otherworldly. From her iconic role in Queen & Slim to her red carpet slays, she’s our queen. Being a celebrity is not for the faint of heart. Even if you try to keep your personal life on the down-low, the spotlight can be blinding. And even more so when it comes to love.
In 2018, Dawson Creek alum Joshua Jackson entered Jodie’s life. Rumors circulated that they first crossed paths at Usher's 40th birthday celebration, and subsequent sightings of them together at various events fueled speculation. Their relationship took a public turn in November 2018 when they attended the U.S. premiere of Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri as a couple. As time progressed, their bond became increasingly apparent through their appearances at award shows and other social gatherings.
In August 2019, the couple sparked wedding speculation when they were spotted acquiring a marriage license in Beverly Hills. Later, reports confirmed that they had tied the knot on August 18, 2019.
In 2020, they welcomed their daughter Juno into the world. In March 2023, Turner-Smith candidly shared with PEOPLE that she believes fulfillment comes from becoming the best version of herself for her child's sake. She wrote, "And I try to involve her in my life, not let work be this thing that exists outside of her, but that she also gets to be a part of. And so that she sees me being a working mother and being fulfilled and wanting to mother at the same time."
The world was astounded when Turner-Smith unexpectedly filed for divorce in September of last year, citing irreconcilable differences. Three months later, photographs surfaced showing Jackson holding hands with actress Lupita Nyong'o, raising questions about the timeline of events and the reasons behind the sudden split.
When speaking withGlamour, Jodie said, “Sometimes things we really want to work just don’t end up working and that’s okay. The most important thing is that you choose what’s healthiest for you and your family and definitely your children. There are so many different moments in our life where we look at ourselves and say, ‘Who am I and am I being true to that?”
Jodie is focusing on a new chapter in her life. Ahead, find everything Jodie has said about life and love after divorce.
Jodie on Moving Forward
Excited for the future, Turner-Smith and Jackson prioritize setting a positive example for their daughter, acknowledging when situations aren't functioning as intended.
During an interview with The Times, she shared, “The big takeaway is that this is about just as much love and joy as it has always been. This is only about taking a step forward into a better life for everybody involved.”
Jodie on Co-Parenting
Turner-Smith has said that she and Jackson are going through an "adjustment period" in terms of co-parenting, but that she's trying to get to the level of friendly exes. While the uncoupled pair is still working to smooth things out, she told Glamour, “It’s an adjustment period for anyone when they split up with someone, because you’re used to being with your child all the time.”
Jodie went on to say, “But nobody hands you a manual. Everyone’s trying to figure it out. Each parent has a different life, and especially if the reason why you’re splitting up is because you have different lives, it’s only further complicated by how you’re going to co-parent.”
Jodie on Focusing on Herself
Shortly after the announcement of her divorce, the actress took to Instagram sharing a quote, "Everything heals and grows when it is loved well. People, too."
Turner-Smith previously used quotes to convey her emotions during her divorce journey. Earlier in the month, the actress took to Instagram to share her perspective on love languages. "People don't always say, 'I love you.' Sometimes it sounds like: Be safe. Did you eat? Call me when you get home. I made you this."
Jodie on Battling the Innanets
The mommy mogul doesn’t bother responding to every single thing people say or think because it's a waste of time. Jodie told The Times, “At the end of the day I am not the only person in the world going through a divorce. There are millions of people in the world who are going through what I’m going through and that’s something that’s amazing about the internet, that sometimes it can offer you community.” And like Bishop GloRilla said, “At the end of the day, the day gotta end.”
Jodie on Dating
Like many of us, Jodie is over men. While she confessed to Glamour that she’s crushing on actor Steve Sanghyun Noh, the lead’s gorgeous husband in the Apple TV+ series Pachinko, she’s not currently dating. “Honestly, I think I love him,” she says, before quickly correcting herself, “I’m actually not dating, I’m over men.” In the meantime, she is searching for a cardboard cutout of Steve.
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Featured image by Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images for Victoria's Secret