According To Experts, We Only Have A Few Friends — Here's Why
So today, I'm gonna intro this by taking some of y'all all the way back into the mainstream gospel music archives. How many of you remember the back-in-the-day collab between The Winans and Aaron Hall (shout out to Teddy Riley for producing it too) called "A Friend"? Y'all, if I had social media, I would most definitely say, "Don't @ me" about the fact that Marvin Winans is one of the best vocalists…ever. But that's so besides the point.
I'm referencing this song because, at the very beginning of it, The Winans bring up this verse in Scripture—"A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." (Proverbs 18:24—NKJV) That Scripture will preach because, in spite of what I'm going to share with you, there's no way to have, even one friend, if we're not a good friend to othersand a good friend to ourselves (not necessarily in that order either). Real talk, some people don't have any real friends because this is a point that they continue to overlook.
But for the rest of us who, it seems that with every passing birthday, we wonder why we either have or desire to have less friends, let's look into why we're not crazy to think so. According to experts on this very topic, there's some real truth behind why adults have so few friends—and also tend to have a particular "type" of friends.
How Many Friends Do Most Grown Folks Have, Anyway?
Is it just me or does it seem like back in high school, one of our greatest aspirations was to have a ton of friends? Now that I'm in my 40s, if I were to really sit and think about how many friends—based on my definition of the word—that I have, eh, it's probably somewhere between 10-12.
I've got a lot of cool and semi-close acquaintances in my life, but to call-them-in the-midnight-hour-always-have-my-back kind of friend? Yeah, they're hard to come by. Wisdom has taught me that it also requires a lot to be that kind of friend in return as well. Maybe that's why a lot of us had 30-plus friends back in the day. Our definition and expectations were way different than they are now. At least, that's my theory.
As far as actual data goes, according to a study that consisted of 2,000 Americans, the average American has somewhere around 16 friends. This number includes three life-long friends, five people they like a lot and don't mind spending one-on-one time with, and eight individuals who they like but don't really want to hang out alone with (umm, is that actually a friend then? Y'all tell me). The people surveyed also said that 50 percent of their friend circle came from folks who they met in high school; 31 percent are still friends with people they met in college. Something else that the study revealed is the average American hasn't made a new friend in the past five years. One of the reasons why is because there are two friendship traits that are pretty hard to come by—honesty and trust. I wholeheartedly agree on that last point.
So, take a moment and count up your friends. How many do you have? Then reflect on the last time you made a new friend. Do you fall into the survey's findings or not?
Don’t Have a Ton of Friends? Here’s Why That Just Might Be the Case.
Now, there's another study that brings in a twist to all of this. I say that because it claims that the majority of Americans (62 percent) have between 2-5 friends (that sounds more like it) and yet, even with the friends that we do have, most of us still feel lonely (the ones who feel this the most are young, single, male and typically a lower income). Some of this is because, these days, a lot of us work from home and since 42 percent of people make friends while at their place of employment, for entrepreneurs and telecommuters, that can be pretty difficult to do.
But out of all of the stuff that I read in this particular study, I think the fact that it pushed back on the whole "opposites attract" theory is what stood out to me the most. 62 percent of us have friends of the same faith. 74 percent of us have friends of the same ethnicity. 63 percent of us have friends who are on the same education level. 62 percent of us have friends who share our political views. 70 percent of us have friends with a similar social status and 69 percent of us have friends who are in the same life stage as us. It should also go on record that when it comes to evangelicals, 91 percent of their friends share their same faith, 86 percent share their same political views and 88 percent were their same ethnicity (I am tempted to preach a mini-sermon on that but…I digress). Oh, and when it comes to being friends with the opposite sex, 92 percent of Americans believe it's possible but apparently only 25 percent of individuals actually have one.
OK, so what all of this boils down to is most of us have under five friends who are very similar to us. If you're an introvert or ambivert like I am, that probably doesn't bother you in the least; if anything, it confirms why you are the way that you are. But if you are the kind of individual who wants to make more friends, interestingly enough:
I think this survey's findings offers up insights on how to make that happen. Get out more. Also, don't always gravitate to individuals who look and think the same way as you do (a couple of my closest friends couldn't be more different than me, in every way; they've caused me to grow, immensely, too). Oh, and if you're feeling lonely, tell one of the friends that you already do have; that's what they're there for.
And to those of us with a faithful few friends, let them know how much you appreciate them at some point this week. Life has taught me, sometimes the hard way, that if you've got even one true friend who is totally honest with you and you can trust with your life, you're better off than a lot of these folks out here who think that just because they know a lot of people, they've got a lot of friends. And won't that preach? Amen. Hallelujah, y'all.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
The Self-Care Of Ghosting Toxic Girlfriends
6 Signs A New "Friend" Is Nothing But An Opportunist
Allow These Things To Happen Before Calling Someone "Friend"
Should You Take An Ex-Friend Back?
Feature image by Shutterstock
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Summer Travel Guide: 9 Safest Vacation Spots For Black Women
When it comes to planning and choosing our international travels, there’s one question that is bound to come up: “Is it safe for Black women?”
At times, our travel plans can be halted by whether or not our desired destination is safe not only for solo travel but for overall protection as women of color. We want to have fun, go on excursions, taste the food, and let our hair down, so the last thing we need on our minds is navigating microaggressions and worrying about our safety.
According to a report by The Mandala Research Firm, 17% of Black Americans take one or more international trips and travel locally more than six times per year. Even more exciting, 42% of Black Americans said they would spend more in 2020 on travel than in 2019 (pre-Covid), and 50% of Black adults (16% more than the general population) are more likely to travel to locations associated with their ethnic or cultural heritage. All of this goes to show that we’re not afraid to pack our bags and book flights to our heart's desire.
Our passion for travel and exploration highlights a growing desire to connect with a wide range of cultures while discovering new fresh locales. By choosing destinations with positive reputations for safety and belonging, you can enjoy your next adventure with peace of mind. And to help, we’ve provided a list of the best vacation spots to add to our travel bucket list.
1.Havana, Cuba
Known for its vibrant culture and welcoming locals, Havana offers a unique travel experience for you and your girlfriends. Stroll through the historic streets of Old Havana and immerse yourself in the lively music and dance scenes that make this city unforgettable.
2.Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Famous for its Carnival, stunning beaches, and warm hospitality, Rio de Janeiro is a lively and safe city to explore all year long. Don't miss a visit to the iconic Christ the Redeemer statue and the bustling Copacabana Beach for a true taste of Rio's energetic spirit.
3.Belize
With its beautiful beaches, diverse wildlife, and laid-back Caribbean vibe, Belize is a safe and adventurous destination for travelers. Discover the underwater wonders of the Belize Barrier Reef and explore ancient Lamanai Maya Ruins.
4.Paris, France
Who doesn’t have Paris, the city of lights, on their travel list? Renowned for its art, fashion, and iconic landmarks like the Eiffel Tower, Paris offers a blend of romance and safety for travelers. Wander through the charming neighborhoods of Montmartre and Le Marais, explore the Louvre, and indulge in the city's exquisite culinary delights.
5.Lisbon, Portugal
Portugal's capital city, Lisbon, charms visitors with its historic architecture, delicious cuisine, and welcoming atmosphere. Enjoy breathtaking views from São Jorge Castle and savor traditional pastries at the famous Pastéis de Belém bakery.
6.Bali, Indonesia
We’ve all seen the viral photos off the Bali coast and Gates of Heaven, so why not make it a reality? Famous for its lush landscapes, vibrant culture, and serene temples, Bali offers a safe and enriching travel experience in Southeast Asia.
7.Tokyo, Japan
Recently, the value of the Japanese Yen has seen a significant drop, making it the lowest it has been against the dollar since 1986, which also means that there’s no better time than now to make your travel plans to the renowned cultural hub.
8.Accra, Ghana
There’s no FOMO like the kind felt from seeing all the beautiful faces enjoying their holiday at Ghana’s Afrochella Festival, so let this be your sign to start planning the trip now. Often referred to as a welcoming home for the African diaspora, Ghana offers rich cultural experiences and a sense of belonging. Explore the vibrant markets of Accra and visit the historic Cape Coast Castle to connect with the nation's poignant past.
9.Seoul, South Korea
You may be surprised to find this city on the list, but for Black travelers, Seoul is said to be one of the safest and most exciting cities to travel to. There will be plenty to eat, buy, and experience from this city’s rich history and culture.
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Featured image by Klaus Vedfelt/Getty Images