What To Do When You’re Changing But The People Around You Aren’t
Getty Images

What To Do When You’re Changing But The People Around You Aren’t

Life & Travel

I'm going to make an assumption. If you're checking out xoNecole, you're probably on a journey of personal development and growth. I'm sure you're in the process of creating the life of your dreams. You decided to step out of your comfort zone, take action, and you're gaining momentum and feeling empowered by it.

Things are going well, you're in the flow, and hitting some of your short-term goals. You're receiving some worthwhile opportunities too. It's all falling into place! When all of a sudden, you hear these words: "You've changed, (insert your name)."

That's a good thing, right? Change is what you want. But, the tone of those words wasn't congratulatory, but more judgemental.

Wherever you are on this challenging but rewarding journey to success, you may find yourself feeling isolated or unsupported. Of course, your friends and family love and care for you, but as you begin to transform your life, whether it's getting healthy or launching a business, some of the people closest to you may not understand and may try to stop you.

Change isn't always comfortable for us or our loved ones. Here are a few tips to consider when you're changing and your loved ones aren't with it.

Find Outside Support

Getty Images

It will be easier to deal with resistant family and friends if you find balance from outside, supportive communities. And, let's be honest the support may not be nearby. If you're feeling alone, try online networking groups or forums to garner support. You'd be surprised how many people are having similar experiences. Luckily, with the help of social media, you can find private Facebook groups and in-person retreats to meet and network with other people with similar goals.

Another option is to consider group coaching. In group coaching, you not only connect with a life coach but also the coachees.

This kind of support will keep you empowered, connected, and reaching your goals, all while learning a great deal of information in the process.

If you don't need that level of support, but would really like to let your hair down with new people, consider joining a local meetup group. Whatever you're looking for you can find in a meetup group: all women groups, special interest groups, entrepreneurial-focused activities, and even fun workout partners. The great thing about it is that everyone who participates is looking to meet new, like-minded people. You are bound to make some cool new friends.

Depending upon how severe the resistance is you're experiencing, you may want to talk things out with a therapist. You have the option to meet with them in-person or online. Therapists can help you navigate tough relationship dynamics. They can also help you stay focused on your goals. Whatever route you choose for support, be sure to do some research and step out of your comfort zone and give it a try.

Get A Sense Of Tunnel Vision

Getty Images

Naysayers can be a distraction and, at times, make you second-guess yourself. It is important on the days when you had a challenging interaction with a loved one that you remember why you started. Ground yourself in affirmations and go back to that vision board you have. Your family and friends who are telling you not to lose 'too much weight' or that you need to stop working so hard, really believe they are helping you. They are trying to protect you from what they believe is the unknown and what you know is your purpose.

Visualization is not only a great tool for manifesting, but also an ideal way to get excited about your dreams and stay focused. Imagine yourself when you reach that goal. How will you feel? How will you celebrate? What will you do? See it in detail and feel it is real! This activity will lift your spirits on tough days.

Take Time Out For Self-Care

Getty Images

Don Miguel Ruiz, in his celebrated book, The Four Agreements said, "Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves." Remember those words if a friend shuns you for your decision to stay in on a Friday night to work on your book. Their problem really has nothing to do with you. As humans, we cling to familiarity, which is why so many of us resist change and encourage others to do the same. Change is scary and when it happens to others, it often requires us to reflect on our own lives and possibly change too.

Keep this in mind when you are overwhelmed, take time out to pause, and take care of yourself. You may want to journal, take a walk, or long bath. Or, you might find yourself needing to read something inspirational. Our Editor In Chief Necole Kane wrote a few weeks ago, not only a great inspirational story of her own, but also recommended the book The Last Arrow. Both have helped me when I was feeling a bit overwhelmed.

Lastly, it's okay to feel sad about the lack of support you're receiving. Oftentimes, you hear people tell you to just "Ignore the haters," or "Don't cry, get even." That doctrine is unrealistic and has the potential to be toxic. Feel and rest. It's a part of the human experience. You will need it, and don't feel bad about it for one minute.

Feel the pain, give voice to it, and when you're up to it, keep going.

Ultimately, people will adjust to your changes and more often than not, will still love and care for you. What we don't often realize, that we may spark change in the people around us. It may not be overnight, but you changing your life can create a domino effect with the people around you.

And if it doesn't, limit your time with these people and find your tribe. Get connected to people who will inspire and support you.

Featured image by Getty Images

What 14 People Say 'Great Sex' Means To Them

What is the difference between bad, average, and great sex? If I ask thirty people this question, I would get thirty different answers. As someone who's had their fair share of both good and not-so-good sex, I understand that there is no one size fits all answer to this question. "Great sex" can mean different things to different people. Case in point, I once had an amazing sexual experience with a guy that a mutual “friend” had a horrible experience with. Great sex is subjective AF! According to the mutual friend his sex was subpar at best. One person’s trash is another one’s treasure. Great sex boils down to what is good for you and your partner at the moment. No two people are the same so no two sexual experiences will be the same either.

Keep reading...Show less
The daily empowerment fix you need.
Make things inbox official.
Halle Bailey On The Revolutionary Act Of Wearing Her Locs As Ariel

When the trailer for The Little Mermaid dropped, everyone finally got to see Halle Bailey as Ariel. Black women and girls raved over the singer/ actress’s beauty as the beloved character while she belted out the Disney classic song “Part of Your World.” And one of the most noticeable things that many fans pointed out was that the character’s red hair was made of locs.

Keep reading...Show less
5 Times Megan Thee Stallion & Pardison Fontaine Showed Their Love On The 'Gram

Another day, another photo of Megan Thee Stallion that went viral. But this time she had a little help from her boyfriend Pardison “Pardi” Fontaine. The “Pressurelicious” artist’s fans were in for a surprise a few days ago after Megan posted a photo of herself lying on the floor with her legs up and wrapped around Pardi’s waist. Pardi appeared to be focused on playing his video game while Meg’s derriere was tooted in the air but he managed to wrap his arms around it as he held the controller.

Keep reading...Show less
The Mamie 'Till' Movie Wants To Empower Us

Sitting in the theater getting ready to watch Nopefor the third time, I was excited, like a good film nerd, to see my friend's first-time reactions to the fun UFO horror-comedy. My heart sank immediately when a trailer for the film Till, which follows the life and legacy of Emmett Till's mother, Mamie, started playing first.

My knee-jerk reaction, of course, comes from years of watching film and TV that have exploited Black trauma onscreen and were created with little (if any) consideration for what could emotionally trigger the Black audience. The 1955 murder of Emmett Till is so heartbreaking and inherently violent; would this film make us live through that violence on screen?

Fortunately, no!

This week, before watching Gina Prince-Bythewood's incredible The Woman King, a featurette for Till played in place of a trailer and it soothed my fears.

"There will be no physical violence against Black people on screen," the film's award-winning director and co-writer Chinonye Chukwu says in the featurette. "I'm not interested in relishing in that kind of physical trauma. We're going to begin and end in a place of joy," she says.

Starring Danielle Deadwyler (whose heartfelt performance on HBO's Station Eleven stole the show) as Mamie, Till is a celebration of Mamie's tireless activism which sparked the civil rights movement that continues today and ultimately culminated in President Biden signing the Emmett Till Anti-Lynching Act into law just a few months ago in March 2022. "Mamie Till Mobley is a hero," says Alana Mayo, president of Orion Pictures, the production company behind the film. "I'm really, really committed to making movies not just by us, but for us," Mayo says in the featurette.

After a private screening of Till, this week, Trayvon Martin's mother, Sybrina Fulton, tweeted that the film was "#Powerful" and "a must see."

Mamie's story of courage in the face of unspeakable tragedy deserves to be told--especially as we continue the fight for civil rights today. Knowing that the Black filmmakers behind the film are centering Black joy and aiming for our empowerment through the film makes a world of difference.

TILLis in theaters October 14.

Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.


Exclusive Interviews
Latest Posts