It is a challenge to have a “no” opinion on politics these days, especially when you’re talking about the overall health and well-being of women.
With so many viral moments and controversial events that took place both during and post the 2024 presidential election, many women online have spoken out about cutting ties with friends and loved ones alike, raising questions on personal relationships vs. political convictions. Believe it or not though, not everyone can afford to simply cut people out of their lives so abruptly. So, what then?
As a woman, it may be uncomfortable trying to coexist in a shared space (i.e., work, school, church, family gatherings, etc.) with someone when it feels like they might have voted to support policies that harm women. However, “People are not just their political choice,” according to dating and relationship expert Alex L. Merritt.
She adds, “Ambitious women have a notion where to prove to me you care, you must do these things, and that (simply) doesn’t work. It’s a setup for consistent disappointment. People are voting because of ‘their’ interests. No one is doing things with you at the center of their mind.”
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She believes that women, especially Black women, often want to feel special and chosen because that’s how we usually show up for others. She encourages women to think differently, and sometimes, that might even mean redefining what it means to “protect your peace.”
Oftentimes, people associate cutting ties with someone as an effort to “protect their peace.” While space should surely be held for that, it’s also important to know that experiences in life will require you to work through your discomfort, not abandon it.
“We live in a world where you can opt-out and not do the work, or you’re going to agree to do life solo for the rest of your life,” Alex says. “That’s a small world to live in. [It] gives you a reason to not engage. It’s coming from a good spot of not wanting to be hurt, disappointed, or played. You will have more of what you don’t want to experience if you focus on what you don’t want.”
Accepting people for who they are might also help you better coexist with them. “Accepting doesn’t mean agreement, “ Alex says. “The path to peace is accepting the things I can change, and that’s not other people. Observe and see who people are, understand the conditions of that person, and show up to make sure you’re covered.”
If it’s worth it, try to find other ways that you can relate to someone who thinks differently than you. Sometimes, all we want is for people to see us as individuals.
Communicating with someone with opposing viewpoints allows you to see each other as humans “first.” According to Alex, “The aim should be walking in love and building relationships. We are created to be in community. In order for us to thrive and be well, we need community. Period.”
Another important tip on how to navigate difficult relationships is to not employ yourself to make every encounter with someone, a teachable moment. Everyone doesn’t “need” to know your viewpoints on controversial topics and vice versa. Don’t exhaust yourself with thinking you have to save people from their thoughts. We all have access to the same social media and the same internet.
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If people think differently than you, then that’s based on other lived experiences that you may not have; respect that. Just because someone disagrees with you, it is not an invitation to start a confrontation. Disagreements usually leave room for everyone to gain a better understanding as well. Try to make more efforts to be curious rather than defensive during these conversations to avoid feeling attacked.
Ultimately, there is nothing to feel guilty about when making a decision that will make you feel safe. It is, in fact considered a form of self-care. But if you don’t have that option, before you attempt to walk away, make sure you’re always leaving space to see the human in people.
To learn more about Alex and her “Dessert and Discussions,” you can follow her on her INSTAGRAM at Alexthelovengineer.
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Feature image by Delmaine Donson
