What Do Your "Weird" Sex Dreams Mean?
I remember the first time I had sex. It was in high school, with my boyfriend, and it was unfortunately the least climactic experience ever. No candles lit or rose petals on the floor, it was nowhere near romantic.
It was painful, unexpected, and ironically "Birthday Sex" started playing in the background (yes, it happened to be his birthday). After my first time having sex, I had my share of sexual partners and things got better, thank goodness. As I continued to explore my sexual identity, I would say I started to think about different scenarios of my sexual experience and they would end up in my dreams. I'm sure I am not the only one. Most of you who are reading this, have been curious about how your sex life has evolved over time. So much so that you started to dream about them too. Some of these dreams may have even scared you and made you question things about yourself.
Well, this article is here to answer some of those questions. Dreams are tricky messages that our subconscious likes to send to us when we least expect it. So when we wake up, we start to wonder if a dream is a literal sign that we need to pay attention to or something to brush. Even if your dream gets a little weird and sex is involved, the meaning behind your sex dreams could actually have nothing to do with the sex at all and everything to do with you.
Here are 9 common sex dreams and the meanings behind them.
What Does It Mean To Dream Of Your Partner Cheating?
Let's start with the worst one, shall we? Dreaming about your partner cheating can create huge tension in waking life. You start to become suspicious and, understandably, are in search of some answers. This type of dream is a telling sign that you may be feeling insecure in your relationship. This dream is a reaction to you feeling left out lately and there could be a lack of trust between you two.
For example, you might have noticed that your partner has been getting too close with someone and you are not happy about it. Or, it honestly doesn't have to be a person at all. There could have been a shift and your partner is becoming too involved in work or a new hobby they picked up, leaving you feeling replaced and left out of their world. Either way, you can use this dream as a way to finally be honest about how you feel. You and your partner can have an open dialogue about your concerns and try to get a clear understanding on where you both stand. Communication is key.
What Dreams About Sex With Your Ex Means
It has been said that one of the most common sex dreams to have is the one with your ex. But not just any ex. This is the ex that you will never forget. Maybe it was the ex that was your first love or the ex that really made a big impact on your life. If you have had a dream about this ex, this does not mean it's time to get back together. You two are exes for a reason. What this dream does mean is that you are not missing the actual person, instead you are missing the excitement you two once shared.
Maybe the chemistry between you two was passionate and there could be less of that in your day to day life currently. If you have gotten comfortable in a routine for some time now, it is time to switch things up! Try to do something spontaneous or try a new hobby that can help bring back that spark into your life. There is no need to feel you have to move backwards in order to spice things up a bit.
What Sex Dreams With Someone You Hate Means
You remember that person that you said you hated and never wanted to see ever again but then you have a dream about having passionate sex with them months later? Definitely a WTF moment. While it may seem like a nightmare, the meaning behind this one is a good one, I promise. If you have had this dream before, turns out, it has little to do with you wanting to smash and more to do with the fact that you are holding on to something from this person that you have to let go of.
Forgiveness is so important and it helps us lessen the baggage we are already carrying from our past. This is a dream to pay attention to and free yourself of a grudge you have had all this time. You can even take it a step further and try to make amends with this person. Whatever you decide to do, this will be more beneficial for you than it is for them. Free yourself and wipe your hands of it. Once you do, they will not show up in your dreams again (hopefully).
What Does It Mean To Dream About Being Dominated Or Dominating Someone?
It's time to take charge! Seriously. If you have had this sex dream before, it means that there is an area in your life that you feel you no longer have control of. Maybe you have been feeling like people have been taking advantage of you. Or you have this big idea that you haven't spoken up about and you are scared people might tear it down. Well, use this dream as an affirmation that you got this! This dream of dominance is an opportunity to tap into your assertive side. Remember that you are confident and it is time that other people know it too. You have the capability to show others who's boss and not the other way around. You know you have it in you, your dream told you so.
What Does It Mean To Dream About Having Group Sex?
For my freaky ones reading this, a menage a trois or orgy may be something that has been showing up in your dreams lately. I have personally been curious about getting invited to one of those sex parties at those secret locations (still waiting). But having a dream about sex in a group is more of a metaphor than your "voyeur" flag showing. While this dream comes off as something fun and cool, it tells you that you may have some distress in your life. If you are one of those people that like to stay busy all the time, you can use this dream as a sign to tell you to slow down.
You may have been trying to master juggling, with so many things going on, and it is hard to keep up. This sexy dream is a sign to prioritize what is really important to you. I am sure you can do it all, but you do not necessarily have to. Give yourself some grace because you are only one human. Try and see which projects you can put on hold for now to help you make things a little easier for you in life.
What Do Lesbian Sex Dreams Mean If You're Straight?
I love women. We are so dope, resilient, and make shit happen. But if you are a heterosexual woman like myself and find yourself dreaming about a passionate encounter with a another woman, do not be alarmed. Typically, it does not correlate with your sexual orientation (you usually have had signs of that earlier on in your life, not just in a dream). So if this dream about a woman has occurred recently, it could be more about the woman in your dream as a person instead of a possible sexual attraction or desire for her.
Who is this woman to you? Are there qualities about her that you admire? Is she a close friend or someone you can confide in? This dream can help answer those questions for you. Use this dream to help you identify important people in your life that you should continue to keep around.
What Dreams About Sex In A Public Place Means
Having sex in a public place is a thrill in itself. There is excitement in being in different places with the risk of getting caught. I believe that is a part of everyone's fantasy, if it is not already a reality. When you have a sex dream in a public place, the meaning behind it is that you are feeling vulnerable and exposed. Maybe you have a secret and you have been hiding it from a certain someone. Maybe you are embarrassed about a part of yourself and you are afraid that other people might find out.
This sex dream can also tell you something through identifying the actual location of the public place. Is it at a park, at work, or at a restaurant? The place you're dreaming about having sex at could also mean that one part of your life is consuming you more than the other parts. This dream is to acknowledge the anxiety you may be feeling about parts of who you are and you are trying to find the balance in all of it.
What Does A Dream About Having Sex With Your Platonic Friend?
Starts singing, "Oh baby you! You got what I need! But you say I'm just a friend." On a less joking matter, have you had a sex dream about a friend, a coworker, or an acquaintance and you have zero interest in them sexually? I know I have and I will not say who because we don't want to make things awkward here, but trust me, I completely understand the confusion. You wake up from seeing this person naked and you start to question if there's something more to it.
Similarly to the same-sex dream I mentioned above, it is more about the person in the dream and how they are contributing to your life. It is less about curiosity at this point. Although, if there is some curiosity there, this is your brain processing these thoughts in a more discrete way than you acting on impulse. Take note from these types of dreams and do some emotional digging on what you really want from this person.
What Do Dreams Of Having Sex With A Faceless Stranger Mean?
The stranger dream. Yes, dreaming about a mystery lover is definitely a fantasy that is the most common type of dream to have, next to dreaming about your ex. Who is this mystery man and why can't I see his face? Well, what if I told you that with this dream, there is no mystery man at all? The faceless man could be representing you; or at least, a part of you. Let me explain.
When you dream of a faceless stranger, it could mean that you have yet to explore a part of you that is ready to come out. This "stranger" is a sign to get to know yourself a little bit more. You are in a time of transition and you should be utilizing different aspects of yourself and applying them to your life. Take this as a time to embrace all of who you are and to become more aware of your truth. Exploring ourselves and accepting everything that makes us unique is all a part of the beautiful ongoing process towards personal growth.
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'K' is a multi-hyphenated free spirit from Chicago. She is a lover of stories and the people who tell them. As a writer, 9-5er, and Safe Space Curator, she values creating the life she wants and enjoying the journey along the way. You can follow her on Instagram @theletter__k_.
This Black Woman-Owned Creative Agency Shows Us The Art Of Rebranding
Rebranding is an intricate process and very important to the success of businesses that want to change. However, before a business owner makes this decision, they should determine whether it's a rebrand or an evolution.
That's where people like Lola Adewuya come in. Lola is the founder and CEO of The Brand Doula, a brand development studio with a multidisciplinary approach to branding, social media, marketing, and design.
While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
Feature image courtesy
The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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‘It Was Her’: Blair Underwood Opens Up About Marrying His Longtime Friend Josie Hart After Divorce
At 60 years old, Blair Underwood has never lost "it." It was a thought that came to me frequently as I indulged in the 1-hour listen that was his recent interview with the fellas of Nice & Neat The Podcast. I must admit, for the entire duration, the veteran actor had me utterly entranced.
In episode 124, aptly titled "BLAIR UNDERWOOD," the Three Women star detailed his more-than-30-year career journey, the male heroes who have helped shape who he is in his masculinity, being the "good guy" versus the "bad guy" on screen, and walking into the most recent chapters of his life with an unapologetic demeanor that comes with wisdom and age.
Blair also played coy when asked to rank himself among the quintessential fine 90's Black men like Morris Chestnut and Shemar Moore. "I can't quite answer that. That's not really for me to answer," he said in the podcast. Sure Blair, sure.
The actor has had more than 30 years in the game with his fair share of leading man roles alongside actresses like Jada Pinkett Smith and Julia Roberts has also showcased versatility in villainous turns in his portrayals in films like Madea's Family Reunion and the thriller Just Cause. The duality of the types of complex roles Blair has taken on as an actor can sometimes be so far removed from who he is as a man and how he defines his masculinity.
Blair credited the "male heroes" in his life, like his father, Sidney Poitier, and his pastor for helping him understand what masculinity looked like to him and in turn what he brings to his characters on-screen. "It's not just being strong physically," he said when talking about masculinity. "It's not just being...even 'strong' in a relationship, it's about being able to listen and hear. Hear your partner, hear your family, hear your kids."
Blair also touched on some rumors that started to swirl since his private life had become the talk of public fodder. For much of his time in the public eye, he was married to Desiree DaCosta from 1994 to 2021 when news of their divorce was made public. The couple shared three kids (two sons and a daughter).
A divorce after 30 years can be shocking, but what made the split controversial was Blair's second marriage to his long-time friend Josie Hart that quickly followed. Blair and Josie married on June 24, 2023. When asked how he navigated the divorce from his first wife, Blair revealed, "You know, I've found in life, in this industry, in this business, but especially in marriage that you have to be so often intentional. Be specific, particular, and intentional about what you want to accomplish."
"My ex-wife, at the time of the divorce, what we wanted to accomplish was for us to be in a healthy place, coming through a divorce, and most importantly, our kids would be in a healthy place," he continued.
"So, what was intentional was how we speak to them. Once we had decided that it was time, that our marriage had kind of come to a natural conclusion, and we both agreed that, you know, after 27 -- 30 years together, 27 years of marriage -- it was time."
Blair Underwood and Desiree DaCosta
Paras Griffin/Getty Images for Tyler Perry Studios
Blair shared that he felt the pandemic further punctuated the fact that their marriage had come to an end. He would later detail in the same interview that he felt he and his ex-wife stopped growing together in their marriage in 2012 when he went to New York to do Broadway in A Streetcar Named Desire. The bottom line was, who they were in the present no longer aligned. They were different people.
They decided on the divorce together and then decided how they would tell their kids. Their solution was to write "almost like a script" where each of them handled different aspects of breaking the news of their decision to their kids.
He called it one of the most difficult conversations he has ever had in his life. "These are my children. These are my hearts," he explained. "These are my hearts beating outside of me." He recalled their kids needing time to process before coming back to the table and having another heart-to-heart where they answered questions openly and honestly. Blair said he didn't care about the "tabloid of it all" as much as he cared about his "three human beings" and "the integrity to my ex-wife."
"There was no screwing around, no behind-the-scenes stuff, so I could hold my head high because I honored that relationship and I honored my three kids," he shared.
Blair lightly addressed some of the rumors swirling out there about him and his current wife's relationship, saying, "What everyone else might speculate or think, because my wife now, we've known each other for 43 years. We've been great friends. But you can be great friends... You can be friends without having to cross that line."
Even though Blair admitted that he and his ex-wife were on the same page about getting a divorce, they didn't take the decision lightly. The former couple sought counseling and prayer. "The therapy was about, let's see where God leads us. If there was another answer to stay together, I wanted that answer. If the answer was, it's not meant to stay together, I wanted- that was the answer I got. But we both came to that answer."
Fast-forward to today, Blair was aware of the narrative of him supposedly leaving his ex-wife to get with his best friend but allowed it to just fall off his shoulders. As far as he was concerned, he knew the truth. His kids also knew the truth. His ex-wife knew the truth. And for him, the truth was what mattered most. Not the tabloid rumors.
He also knew the collective disappointment the public might have in him for having a marriage that lasted so long and a marriage that might have been upheld to a certain degree as "goals." But he had to live his life for him, not for the public. "I'm not playing a role. This is my real life," he said.
Blair revealed he had no idea that another marriage would be on the horizon for him, let alone a marriage to his great friend Josie. He was open. "It was her," he stated simply of his revelation. At that point, he had been dating for six months and Josie had been divorced for seven years.
"Four decades of friendship, of family, of understanding each other, you know? We're- she's godmother of my son. I'm the godfather of her daughter. My brother's the godfather of some of her kids. You know, we have nine kids between us so there's history in the friendship. I see her ex with all her kids and the grandkids. You know, we're cool.
"It's taken time and process. But the reason that can be now is because there was such a history before. But most importantly -- and what I do want to say for people to understand this -- most importantly... it was important that I honor everybody in the process. I honor my ex-wife in the marriage and in the divorce. I honor my children. So you can hold your head high when you've done those things."
He repeated his reasoning for getting married so quickly after a divorce, "It was her." He listed more things that revealed her to him as his second wife. She knew him before he was Blair Underwood when the actor was 16 and had no fame. "She knew me and has known me. And I consider our relationship- I categorize it as a 43-year unfinished conversation."
Watch the full episode of the podcast below:
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