

How This CEO Went Beyond Her Comfort Zone To Turn Her Dreams Into Reality
Adulting can be frustrating and challenging, and we all know that life gets super-hectic. Before you know it, you're too busy juggling bills, taking care of family obligations, managing everyday responsibilities, and putting out workplace fires to even think about anything close to career dreams. That's something you did as a kid, with nothing but homework, school crushes, and puberty to fret about.
Well, we beg to differ. Taking the time to not only acknowledge your wildest dreams of success, prosperity, and happiness but work toward making those dreams reality is important now more than ever. "I'm a true believer that we are human beings who are meant to grow and expand, evolve and meet new versions of ourselves over and over and over again," says Teneshia Jackson Warner, CEO of EGAMI Group and founder of The Dream Project.
Courtesy of EGAMI Group
Jackson Warner wrote The Big Stretch: 90 Days to Expand Your Dreams, Crush Your Goals, and Create Your Own Success, a book that was sparked by her own story of unapologetically dreaming big and working toward bringing career dreams to life. "I am the definition of a dreamer. I came to New York City with two bags, a Bible, and a big dream, not knowing a soul."
Early in her career, she worked as a project manager at IBM Global Services before moving on to become a general manager at Rush Communications. She then stepped out on faith to launch her own company, offering dynamic marketing strategies for major brands including Hennessy and Procter & Gamble.
"Fast-forward 17 years later: I'm in my own New York office with my own team and partners. That was a dream for me," she adds. "I wanted to be able to share any insights I've learned along the way to equip other dreamers to live the life that they dream about. I had to personally stretch outside of my comfort zone and take a leap of faith and it panned out."
Through The Dream Project, she has curated and interviewed more than 200 business, entertainment, and community leaders, from tycoon Magic Johnson to Rent the Runway founder Jennifer Fleiss. "In interviewing them or having them participate on our panels, I found that there were some universal truths across all of their journeys. My goal was to take some of those universal principles and make them digestible and simple for any dreamer to apply on their journey."
So, what can you actually do to get dreams out of your head and into real life? We know, it's great to be motivated by inspirational quotes or inspired by success stories, but what's the plan, sis? We've got you covered.
Read below to find out more about Jackson Warner's 5 types of "Career Dreamers" and how you can begin to tap into your own journey of advancement:
What are the 'Dreamer' types, and how do we know which one we might be?
Teneshia Jackson Warner: There's the 'Careerpreneur Dreamer' and this is someone who finds it important to align their passion with their day-to-day job. They don't necessarily have the same risk tolerance as an entrepreneurial person who will risk it all in the name of a dream. They are able to thrive in corporate structures or environments where there's an infrastructure and process. The 'Make It Happen Dreamer' thrives in risky environments. These people are visionaries, and they like to work for themselves. They're willing to take the risk that comes with that.
A 'Hobby Dreamer' is a professional or entrepreneur who is working in their business area, and, while they have other passions, they do not want to put the burden on their passions to take care of their families. They want to nurture their passions, but they're not going to make them the main income stream.
The 'Activist Dreamer' is a person who has the ability to see a problem in the world—a community challenge, societal issue, or social injustice—and they are compelled to do something. They will start a nonprofit or movement and dedicate their lives to [addressing] issues that impact our world.
The 'CEO Dreamer' is someone who has worked a significant amount of time in the corporate structure and they've always known that they want to be their own boss. They've made the transition from that corporate environment or that traditional work setting into a more entrepreneurial model, taking what they've learned to thrive in venturing out on their own.
You detail how a 'career stretch' is necessary in order to turn a dream into reality. What does this entail?
The career stretch is the distance between your comfort zone and your dream. Once you begin to stretch, you're expanding outside of that comfort zone. It's the expansion that is necessary for you to meet another version of yourself. I'm a big believer that you must make sure you're constantly evolving in all areas of your career.
What specifically can we do to initiate the 'stretch' and turn career dreams into reality?
My book is broken into phases. For a 'Careerpreneur Dreamer,' for example, we start by focusing on the "Dream" phase where you reflect and do some soul-searching about where you are and what's next. You really challenge yourself to do some thinking. Is the dream really yours or are you living out a dream that has expired but is safe? I encourage you to write it down and make it plain.
Second, give yourself the space to dream again. In that phase, you identify your ideal dream environment and get intentional about immersing yourself in those environments. There are other activities in that phase as well such as detoxing poor habits and taking a look at your 'Family Dreamers Ancestry' to determine what you were taught about dreaming. Were there any areas where you have limiting beliefs that might be holding you back?
Think about the end of 2022 and ask yourself, 'What are some things that I wish to accomplish but then that will move you forward to reach that dream in your career?' The "Design" phase is about taking the big-idea dream and quantifying it in a plan that can be measured. Think about that goal you want to accomplish, and think of things you need to do in the next 90 days.
It could be, 'I'm going to hire a recruiter,' or 'I'm going to commit to sending my resume to a minimum of 10 companies a week.' You map measurable goals over that time period. Be sure your goals are attainable, relevant, time-based, and specific and that the plan is as well.
Then it's the "Dare" phase in which you get comfortable with making daring moves. Let's say you think, 'I don't do well pitching,' or 'I don't do well asking for support.' This is where you have to work on getting comfortable with being uncomfortable in making daring moves in the name of the dream, and you strengthen your boldness with exercises.
The last is the "Do" phase. If you're really serious about making the 'Career Stretch' a lifestyle, you really need to be willing to stick with your dream plan for the long-term—even after the first time you lack funding, hear a no, or face an unexpected blow like the pandemic. You have to have the toughness, tenacity, and mental exercises in order to combat those obstacles when they come.
You're willing to become a 'Dream Warrior' to fight the challenges that stand between you and your dream.
How can young professionals today execute these phases, especially those who have not had the traditional in-person workplace or professional experience due to the pandemic?
Part of your job as the leader and champion of your career is to be intentional on how you build your network and be resourceful regardless of the times. If you're still in a completely remote environment, invite people to a 10-minute coffee conversation over Zoom. Send them a digital card for Starbucks. Challenge yourself to do those virtual meet-ups. I even take lunch with a person over Zoom. I call them 'Chew and Chats,' and again, lunch is on me. Create those connections, even virtually.
Also, the world is now open again in a hybrid model, and while I do think we will embrace and define new ways of working, human connection and collaboration will always be important. Keeping safety first, of course, I challenge everyone to get back out there. I took six weeks to do what I call a 'purposeful connection tour,' where I intentionally went back to building a human connection with partners, team members, and clients. And before talking business, it was about re-sparking that human connection.
It not only warmed my heart, it warmed theirs. Step away from Zoom. People do business with people, not Zoom boxes. Get outside!
Find out more about Teneshia Jackson Warner on IG @TeneshiaJWarner or via her website.
Featured image courtesy of Egami Group
Exclusive: KJ Smith Talks Viral Wedding With Skyh Black: ‘We Did What We Wanted To Do’
Whether it was your group chat, social media feed, or your favorite media outlet covering the spectacle, I’m pretty sure you’ve come across the viral Black wedding between actress KJ Smith (Sistas, Raising Kanan) and actor Skyh Black (All the Queen’s Men, Sistas). From their grand entrance to Jay-Z, Kayne West, and Beyoncé’s song “Lift Off” to KJ’s standout dance routine and the endless celebrity appearances, it’s an addictive TikTok scroll you can’t help but delve into.
But what many people would be surprised to know is that the couple’s original wedding plan was nothing like what it grew to be. What started as her simply scrolling through posts to get ideas eventually transformed into what the internet knows now as #TheBlackExperience. In an exclusive conversation with xoNecole, KJ walked us through her planning process, the morning of her wedding, and what she thinks of the online response.
Some women have their whole wedding planned out, from the bridal gown and venue to the bridal party and playlist. However, KJ was not one of those people. “I didn’t foresee a wedding in my future,” she reveals. “I was just gonna be the boss chick, rich auntie. I didn’t force love in my life until recently. I never had an idea of what a dream wedding would look like, it was easier for me to elope.”
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
And to many people’s surprise, that was their original plan – until Skyh brought up a valid concern. He was raised by his grandmother and thought she should be at the wedding, and naturally, that led to KJ wanting her grandmother to be there as well – then her mom – and later her sister – and, you’ve gotta invite the besties too, right? From there, the guest list continued to blossom. Much like the updo and pop of color bold red lip, she wore on her special day, which was initially on her Pinterest board as a soft glam look with her hair hanging on her shoulders, KJ is okay with changing her plan if it brings her and her loved ones happiness.
So let’s get into the wedding, which took place in Malibu, CA. The first thing you should know about the celebrity couple is that they’re non-traditional. They know, and they don’t care. So, in true unconventional fashion, they shared the morning of the wedding together.
“I woke up with Skyh, we walked our dog, had black coffee, and said good morning to the people who stayed at the venue with us,” she says.
Now, it was time for hair and makeup. While she was getting glammed up, she had Black-owned McBride Sisters wine and champagne (which ties into The Black Experience theme) on deck with her mom and friends, had her besties help rework her vows, retried on every outfit (sis is very Type-A), took photos, and ended the early-celebration with prayer and meditation. It seems very non-Bridezilla, I said.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company,” she explains. “The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
Things moved quickly, and before she knew it, it was time to line up to walk down the aisle.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company. The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
KJ Smith and her bridal party
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
Since everything started with their grandmothers, the couple wanted to ensure they honored them and planned to keep an element of their wedding traditional. Although we’ve all seen the reception videos and photos online, you may have noticed visuals from the wedding itself are harder to find.
“We planned for it to be traditional, but we’re not like that, so we tried to create those moments. We jumped the broom and had a salt ceremony (where the bride and groom individually pour salt into a glass container, symbolizing their lives becoming one.) But honestly, still, nothing was traditional about it.”
She goes on to explain that her mom caught the holy ghost coming down the aisle, her glam team was on deck, and she became so nervous with excitement that she had an anxiety attack – something she struggled with for years, she explains tearfully. Her friends had to literally cheer her down the aisle because of how overwhelmed she felt until she eventually calmed down.
“Skyh was standing there with his hand on his heart; we have our own little language, and I could feel the support,” she shares.
It was surprising to hear all these emotional moments happened before the party we saw online. That is until she once again got into the backstory.
“As a Black woman actress, for so long, it was popular to be mysterious and secretive, but that’s not who I am or what I like. Plus, we both wanted to create an experience for everyone there. We are the people who always host family and friends,” she says. “Like for me, the first order of business was getting sandals for the women so they can dance all night long. We had oxtail, D'ussé, and a coffee and sativa lounge – which is part of Skyh and I’s lifestyle and routine. We wanted to bring them into our world.”
Skyh Black (L) and KJ Smith (R)
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
She went on to discuss the dance routine she did for her husband at the reception, which has taken over the internet. Apparently, that’s another thing that didn’t go according to plan. According to KJ, she had promised a performance at their joint bachelor/ bachelorette party, but her outfit got stolen from her car. So, Skyh ended up performing for her – complete with a strip tease. Still, she never forgot her promise to dance for him.
So, she hired her friend as a choreographer, learned the routine, made friends and family watch it endless times, and attended Beyoncé’s Renaissance show a few days before for a confidence boost. It ended up being a show to remember. But that wasn’t all the night offered. Lil Mo performed, and the guests received special goody bags featuring their favorite Black-owned products like journals, hair care, and more.
“We made sure everyone was taken care of all night. That kind of stuff makes us happy. I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives,” she says.
But naturally, the internet is going to internet, and while there were countless people praising the event and applauding the newlyweds, some thought it was too over the top. I was curious to know her thoughts on some of the criticism.
“It’s cool. We did what we wanted to do. I’ve decided to share my world with people. Just how I went on social media platforms and found inspiration, I want people to do the same,” she explains. “I don’t think it's fair to my supporters not to give that out. There’s so much I wanna share with brides, specifically Black brides. I love that people are adding it to their Pinterest boards."
"I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives."
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
“I’m happy with it because we did what we wanted to do. They can do what they wanna do. Don’t be cruel, though, because you will get blocked,” she said, laughing.
The more I spoke with her, the more her sense of freedom shined through. People are always going to have their opinions, but at the end of the day, it’s you who has to live your life, and it seems like the couple realizes that and embraces that power. She also stressed the importance of not living for others and the lessons life has taught her.
“I’ve been to countless weddings, and I’ve been in countless weddings. I’m a generally older bride. So when women in my demographic get married, and you and your husband are busy working people like us, you deserve to have the one you want to have,” she shares.
“This is what we wanted to do. Our loved ones love and support us. We did so much to honor them, but we also wanted to start our own tradition, legacy, and creation. I'm not going to be pulled back into ideas of the past when I’m trying to create a future with my partner. “
If you’d like to see more of the couple, you probably won’t have to wait long. Although no content is planned yet, she admits to being an oversharer. “Me being open and transparent about my experiences lets people know it’s okay to have flaws; it makes you human, and for many years, I didn’t believe that was okay. I had pressure to be perfect, and I’d crumble every time,” she explains to xoNecole.
Now, she owns her flaws and uses them as a superpower to connect with her community and feel and express her love.
“Some people give us [Skyh and KJ] a hard time because they say we just seem too perfect. I’m like, why is that a bad thing? I love the people I love. From my man to my mama, to my friends - unabashedly. We move through time and space how we want to move. If we did it another way, we’d let ourselves and our union down.”
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Feature image by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
Ready To Try Queening? Everything To Know About The Sex Position That Centers Your Pleasure
In my opinion, oral sex is the best type of sex. In the words of my favorite female R&B group, “You gotta go downtown, that’s the way to my love...” But if you want to enhance your oral sex experience, you gotta try face-sitting.
Face-sitting has been making its rounds again on the interwebs, however, it’s been around since the 1800s. During that time, it became increasingly popular for “upper-class women” to enjoy sexual gratification from men and avoid pregnancy all at the same damn time.
What Is Queening or Face-Sitting?
Face-sitting is just what it says, sitting on your partner’s face. We're talking genital-to-face contact here. We're talking delightfully, smothering intimate oral sex. Face-sitting can be a deeply fulfilling experience for both partners since it allows them to develop incredible intimacy and closeness. Because of its throne metaphor, face-sitting is sometimes called queening. In comparison to traditional penetrative intercourse, face sitting can lead to orgasms that are much more frequent for cisgender women. This makes total sense since it’s been scientifically proven that direct clitoral stimulation boosts intense orgasms.
The only couple I trust when it comes to learning how to “face-sit” correctly are sex experts Dee H. Black and Laydee Vee of DVPassion. When I found out they actually teach a “face-sitting” class at Exxxotica a while back, I had to interview them.
Laydee Vee believes sitting makes people of all sizes feel comfortable praising their partner. Through breath play and smothering, participants learn how to enhance communication. The top person gives instructions to their partner below, which can make them feel dominant, powerful, and in control, whereas bottom partners may feel empowered and submissive.
Queening 101: The Most Ideal Sex Positions For Face-Sitting
Women sometimes hesitate to try face-sitting for fear of hurting their partner or being too heavy. Personally, I subscribe to the philosophy, "If they die, they die!" If they gotta go, why not go in between my legs? However, to build confidence, Laydee Vee suggests looking within. “Confidence starts with you. If you’re nervous, your partner may sense it, causing harm. Once you feel comfortable, you can experiment with different positions to find the one that works best for you.”
Once you become more comfortable, face-sitting can be even more enjoyable for you and your partner. A good position to try and build your confidence is the classic reverse cowgirl position, with your partner lying on their back and you straddling their face while facing their feet. By adding a pillow, the bottom partner can lean back more and add pressure to the vulva to intensify the face-sitting experience.
In addition to using a pillow while in the facesitting position, the bottom partner can also use other sex toys. For example, he or she can use a butt plug or a dildo to feel enjoyable. You can also engage in face sitting while you're on your knees or in a squat with a pillow for support if you want to take things to the next level. You'll experience more sensations and pressure as a result of this.
A personal favorite from Laydee Vee and Dee Black’s workshop is “The Queening Position,” where the person on top sits on the bottom’s face like a chair. For those of you that love anal play, this can be a really intense way to get it. You can also get up close to the anus and stimulate it with your mouth and tongue. If you are feeling adventurous, you can also try stroking the anus with your fingers.
Another advantage of face-sitting over other positions is that it can be used for threesomes and group sex. The top can, for instance, use their hands or a sex toy to satisfy others while simultaneously getting pleasured through genital stimulation from the bottom. The bottom, on the other hand, can also experience genital pleasure from others or even penetration while engaging in oral sex with the top.
Face-Sitting: How To Enjoy The Queening Position Comfortably & Safely
Although a number of people can enjoy the act of face-sitting, it is a very risky and potentially dangerous practice. It is possible to hurt your partner if you aren’t careful, hence why communication is key. As with any sexual act, it's important to talk with your partner ahead of time about their comfort level with face-sitting, as well as any potential boundaries or concerns they may have. In many cases, it may be helpful to start with a more gentle, exploratory approach, such as placing your partner's face between your thighs without bearing down too heavily.
Many things can be done to make face-sitting more comfortable for those who are hesitant about it. The first thing that you should do is get a good understanding of anatomy and the position. You might also want to discuss what kind of stimulation you're looking for in a face-sitting session with your partner.
A queening chair, a chair with a hole in the seat big enough for a mouth and part of the face to fit through, is another option I suggested. After lying on their back, the person on the bottom slides under the chair, allowing them to perform oral sex on the person sitting on top. Lastly, it's a good idea to have a signal with your partner for when they need a break. This can be as simple as tapping on their thigh or butt, but it's a great way to avoid having the session become too intense for them.
With a little bit of communication, experimentation, and attention to safety and pleasure, face-sitting can be a wonderfully intimate and satisfying addition to your sexual repertoire. So go forth with confidence and enjoy all the exciting new sensations this position can offer!
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Featured image by LightFieldStudios/Getty Images