If You’re Single & Not Exploring Virtual Dating, It’s OK
I recently had a socially distanced hang out with a single friend and we shared our frustration with everyone wanting to know more if we were we virtual dating than they asked how we were faring with this time inside altogether. In the past few months, I've seen an overwhelming amount of "virtual dating" content for singles and quite frankly, I'm over it. Even in the midst of a global pandemic, the world and dating apps have made it clear that as a single person during this quarantine, your job is to date––not spend time with yourself, save money, learn how to bake an olive oil cake (that's next for me), but to find someone to spend your life with.
Still, I get it. Quarantine season hasn't decreased how much people longing for a romantic partner might want to have one. In fact, this time has invited feelings of loneliness and depression into some people's lives as they find themselves starving for human connection, especially those living alone. But, that's not everyone's reality. So while I understand the need for companies to speak to singles and let them know there is still a way to communicate with people while you're social distancing, if you choose to not participate in virtual dating, you should know that choice is just as acceptable.
If you're spending virtual time with a new bae or quarantined with someone special, that's great––but if you aren't, here are other things you can explore to expand your single life in quarantine.
Are you in touch with how you really feel?
Assessing how you're feeling should be a priority period, but we often overlook that for single women. We spend so much time learning how to be better partners, parents, and people that we often don't look out for what needs we could be neglecting to feel within ourselves. While I'll admit that too much alone time inside has been triggering, I can't ever say that sitting with my thoughts hasn't given me clarity on what I need and how moving forward, I can move through my feelings.
Do you want to be in a relationship at all?
I've realized that as much as I say I want to be in a relationship, this time alone has allowed me to be laser-focused on my goals in ways that I never had when I wasn't single, so I often wonder were my cries for companionship even necessary? I want love, and a family but I truly believe that there are instances in life where it needs to be about you, and only you - and that's where I am right now. Additionally, you should also ask yourself what type of relationship you desire to be in, what you desire from your partner, and what type of person you want to be to them, and for them.
Do you want marriage and/or kids?
As I've matured, so has my friend circle and I've come across many women who have never had the white dress Cinderella fantasies that many people (including myself) have had about marriage and being a mother. There are many women who feel full and lead full lives without ever wanting to add a partner or children to the equation. If you're single and feel mentally, emotionally, and financially prepared for children, perhaps it's time to ask yourself if that's something you desire at all.
What do you want your potential partner to know and love about you?
As a Black woman who is unlearning and embracing my duality, it's important to me that my partner loves every part of who I am. In past relationships, I walked away feeling like I often didn't let men see who I really was. There are men that I've dated that don't know I'm funny, or that I can sing but because I'm really shy I only do it around people that I feel safe with. For some time it bothered me to know that I've never felt like I could be my full self, and I never want to feel like that again.
Are you avoiding anything by not dating?
While there are moments in life that are meant for solitude, there is a point where avoiding enters the chat and you need to ask yourself are you single because you haven't found someone, or are you self-sabotaging due to trauma from past relationships, avoiding vulnerability, and replaying moments of pain that occurred during your childhood? Asking yourself those open-ended questions and allowing space and truth to answer them could be what's missing in your journey to meeting the person for you.
Join our xoTribe, an exclusive community dedicated to YOU and your stories and all things xoNecole. Be a part of a growing community of women from all over the world who come together to uplift, inspire, and inform each other on all things related to the glow up.
Featured image by Shutterstock.
- 7 Signs You're Not Ready For A Serious Relationship - xoNecole ... ›
- Sammie On Abstinence, Soul Ties & Courtship - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- 10 Reasons To Love Being Single In Your 30s - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- Tisha Campbell Dating Fear Happily Single - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- Kofi Siriboe On Why He's Not Accepting Bae Applications ... ›
- Stop Asking Men & Women Why They're Single - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- 7 Signs You're Not Ready For A Serious Relationship - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Introducing The Single Girl's Guide To Digital Dating - xoNecole: Lifestyle, Culture, Love, Wellness ›
Dubbed one of the "21 Black Women Wellness Influencers You Should Follow" by Black + Well, Yasmine Jameelah continues to leave her digital footprint across platforms ranging from Forever 21 Plus, Vaseline, and R29 Unbothered discussing all things healing and body positivity. As a journalist, her writing can be found on sites such as Blavity, Blacklove.com, and xoNecole. Jameelah is also known for her work shattering unconventional stigmas surrounding wellness through her various mediums, including her company Transparent Black Girl. Find Yasmine @YasmineJameelah across all platforms.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Tracey Edmonds Dropped Her 'Anti-Aging' Self-Care Routine & We're Taking Notes
Aging is a beautiful process.
While society tends to pressure women to spend hundreds on nips, tucks, and miracle creams in search of the fountain of youth, adopting simple habits into our everyday lives can be the hidden key to aging gracefully.
From exercise, regular sleep, and a consistent skincare routine, these pillars of a healthy lifestyle can help us ease into every stage of life that lies ahead. And when we see women like Emmy award-winning producer, Tracey Edmonds glowing and growing through her phases of life, we can’t help but to take notes. That’s why we’re breaking down the 57-year-old’s top anti-aging tips on how to live a vibrant and healthy life.
Tracey Edmonds: 'My Anti-Aging Self-Care Routine'
Stay Hydrated with Lemon and Coconut Water:
“Water not only keeps you energized, but it also cleanses you out — so you need to be drinking at least eight cups of water a day,” Tracey says in her video. “The other thing that you can add to water, which is actually amazing for you, is adding a squeeze of lemon or even a bit more to your water every single day.
“Lemon water is great for removing toxins, and it also tastes really good. It's very refreshing, and it gives you that extra little burst of energy… it'll kind of almost wake you up a little bit,” she shares. “Coconut water has all the benefits of regular water and additional ones. It helps with high blood pressure, and it's great for digestion.”
Exercise 3-5 Times a Week:
“We have to get our exercise in at least three to five times a week,” she advises. “Cardio is so important and it's great for heart health. When you get your body going and your energy flowing, you work better, you think better, you're more focused. So getting cardio is super important.”
Get Your Stretch On:
“I do a lot of stretching at least three times a week,” she says. “It's great for slowing down the aging process and keeping your body really agile with movement. And again, stretching is good for energy flow as well; it clears your chakra so that everything flows better in your body.”
Regular Cardio:
“Anything that actually gets your heart going is great for you. My cardio routine is running or walking on a treadmill at least three times a week. I run a mile each time I'm on the treadmill, so if you can do a mile each time you're on the treadmill, you are looking good, and your energy’s flowing, and keeping your body super healthy.”
Getting a Full Night’s Rest:
“I get at least eight hours of sleep. And yeah, it's hard sometimes, especially when you're working, and you have things on your mind, or you're going through things with your personal life,” she says. “Sometimes when I have problems sleeping, I turn on my sound machine and listen to the sound of a river going by or something that helps relax my mind and removes all the other noise going on in my mind — like all the worries and anxieties and the work issues.”
Self-Care for Your Soul
“I do a lot of meditating and praying,” Tracey shares. “I meditate before I go into prayer and what that is for me is my time to spend with myself and with God. During my meditation/prayer sessions, I block out everything else. I find a really quiet spot, I close my eyes, and I just get in tune with God and where I need to go with my life. I solve problems a lot of times while I'm meditating and praying on them, and come out of meditation and prayer feeling clearer and more focused.”
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Momodu Mansaray/Getty Images