

We're supposed to have it all in our 30s, aren't we?
And by "it all," we mean the fantastic career, the financial stability, the kids, the dog, and of course, the husband to keep us warm at night. Everyday, more and more women challenge what a successful life looks like and that goes double for the love lives we choose to lead.
Just in case you're feeling a little left behind as a single woman approaching 30 or in her 30s, below are 10 reasons that being single and ready to mingle in your 30s isn't the romantic kiss of death we once feared it was:
1. You Trust Logic Above All Else
You get to choose. No really, you get to make a well informed decision on who you partner with. While your heart is still in the game, the intelligence and wisdom you garnered over the years is also in full swing. Although you may have been led solely by your heart or your hmmm - let's say, lady parts - in the past, this time around you have much more control over “Her" and she is probably the last part of you that has a say.
2. You See The Positives In Past Relationships
You realize your past loves completely made you grow. As scumbaggish as they may have seemed at the time, they added some fabric to the woman that you are and you become grateful. You are grateful for the lessons that you learned and at the same time, grateful that you were spared from a lifetime with him.
3. You Are Real About What You Want
The 30+ dating scene is absolutely awesome! It is like a game of chess, or checkers, or spades, or whatever you like to play. And guess what? Everyone in the game knows that they are in it and what they are in it for! Communication between potential partners become very clear, intentions are set almost immediately, and there are no guessing games! If you like each other, you decide together on your next move. If you don't well, boy bye (in the friendliest, it was great meeting you, type of way possible).
4. You Don't Fall For Your Old Type
Relative to number 3, you know who is for you! You know what you are looking for, you have a gauge on what your type is, and you have an understanding on the type that you should absolutely stay away from. You are consciously aware of who to share your precious time with, because let's face it, in all this making of you, you ain't got time for that (yes, I said ain't).
5. You Start To Chill All The Way Out
You stop being in a dating rat race, you stop recanting the broken hearts, you stop being anxious about whether or not he calls, you just stop and decide that if he is for you, he will be for YOU and the rest becomes history.
6. You Build On Your Twenties Foundation
You come to the realization that your twenties were all about laying down your foundation; realizing that you have to continue to build or that what you have built is pretty solid, you are no longer willing to settle for someone bringing nothing to the table. Your eye is on the prize for a GOOD MAN and you know just what a good man is! Now, where the picking at this point is pretty slim – due to the women who were patient enough to see their men through success and maturity into his 30s – you also realize, that you've got some competition, but you also now have patience and time, which inevitably means, you become #FIERCE. Bomb.com!
You become THAT woman for THAT man, yes him, he who you want, even if not visible, you get ready. You hit the church, mosque, synagogue, temple, the therapist, the salon, the mall, the gym, the library, the internet, your mama, great grandma, your exes, and wherever else you may be able to go, in order to collect the tools needed to work on and develop YOU. You become the greatest version of yourself, so that your man will present himself to you, as the greatest version of himself.
7. You're Okay With Being Single
Regarding competition, after being tired of hearing people ask why you don't have a man all throughout your twenties, getting depressed about it, crying yourself to sleep about it, and getting in terrible relationships because of it, you start to think about just how great your man will be. I mean why go through all of that to wind up with someone less than what you want? You start looking at who has been taken and who is left and suddenly decide that your him will be the King of all Kings and that your love will be the love of all love, if not for you, for the world and the furthering of mankind (ok, maybe this is going too far, but this is how my brain works).
8. You No Longer Fear Rejection
Rejection becomes laughable, no literally, laughable. You call your homegirls and have conversations like this, “Girrrl he was sooo mad, I mean it was really just one date," or “Girl he said he didn't like my ankles, guess I'll get me some new ones". It just becomes fun and not stab in the heart, send me back to my bed, under my covers weeping in pain and devastation, every single time it happens like (yep, nope, I'll plead the fifth on this one).
9. You Rise Above All Of The Advice Catered to Single Women
Blog posts telling women how to get a man no longer infuriate you, they too become laughable. It's like really dude, you Sir or Madam, may have a few things to work on yourself… insert side eye, emoticon… (I will save my professional opinion on “relationship experts" for the sake of entertaining reading, but let's just say, Freud said that… oh, never mind).
10. You Flourish In Love
Relationships become universal and you start loving everyone deeply. Your lovely is no longer garnered towards the search for just one person, instead it spreads universally. You fall in love with the universe, just as deeply as you fall in love with yourself. You love your pets, the mailman, bus driver, trees, flowers, the world with the same openness and joy you readily give to someone romantically. You finally realize that you have the ability to love your future someone just as deeply. You are ready for his love.
What are lessons in love that have guided you in dating in your 30s? Let us know in the comments below!
Niama T. Malachi, PsyD, 32, Author of "A Hip Hop State of Mind" holds a Doctorate in Applied Clinical Psychology. Her research and writing is based on Social Psychology, practices and principles. She is a current member of the American Psychological Association's Society for the Psychology of Women.
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Eva Marcille On Starring In 'Jason’s Lyric Live' & Being An Audacious Black Woman
Eva Marcille has taken her talents to the stage. The model-turned-actress is starring in her first play, Jason’s Lyric Live alongside Allen Payne, K. Michelle, Treach, and others.
The play, produced by Je’Caryous Johnson, is an adaptation of the film, which starred Allen Payne as Jason and Jada Pinkett Smith as Lyric. Allen reprised his role as Jason for the play and Eva plays Lyric.
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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We don’t get to choose the order we’re born into, but it’s wild how much it can shape who we become. Though birth order may seem like an inconsequential family fun fact, it can influence how we move, love, lead, and even how we see ourselves. Whether you're the dependable oldest, the often-overlooked middle child, the free-spirited baby in the family, or the only child who grew up as their own best friend, there's a chance a few of your core personality traits are tied to the role you played growing up.
Eldest Daughter Syndrome had its viral moment online last year, and for good reason. The term gave language to the silent pressures so many eldest daughters tend to carry as a result of their birth order. Beyond that very needed conversation, birth order as a whole can offer insight into not only our traits and tendencies, but also how we show up in life, love, and even our work.
Below, we’re breaking down the traits most commonly associated with each birth order. Keep reading to learn what your birth order might say about you.
If you are the oldest...
Let's be real, being the firstborn often comes with a lot of responsibility. And it's usually not by choice. From early on, they’re the ones who set the tone, carry the weight, and take on the title of "the responsible one." Because of that, they often grow into reliable, high-achieving adults. But the pressure of being "the blueprint" and the one to "lead by example" can also be a heavy burden to bear.
Oldest child traits may look like:
- Natural leaders that take charge even when they didn’t mean to (read: she's bossy, but keeping it cute)
- High standards (for yourself and everyone else)
- Motivated, goal-oriented, and always chasing that next accomplishment
- Reliable and conscientious
- Perfectionist tendencies that can lead to burnout
- Struggles with being controlling or micromanaging
- Often cautious, craving stability over spontaneity
- Finds it hard to rest or ask for help
If you are the middle child...
In the grand scheme of the birth order lineup, the middle child can be the quiet MVPs. As the child who falls in the order "in-between," they’re used to being the one who keeps the peace while also fighting to stand out. But being the “in-between” can also mean feeling overlooked or forgotten. In some families, especially ones with toxic dynamics, the middle child may even take on the role of the "black sheep," while their siblings are seen as the golden children. Still, despite (or maybe because of) that, middle children tend to thrive socially and can read a room like the back of their hand.
Middle child traits may include:
- Top-tier peacemakers who can smooth over almost any situation
- Adaptable and easygoing (even when they’re lowkey screaming inside)
- Often feel overlooked or like they have to do the most to be seen
- People-pleasers who put everyone else first
- Social butterflies and community-minded, with strong friendships outside the family
- Can be rebellious when they feel boxed in
- Thrive when they’re allowed to define success on their own terms
- The ultimate go-between, translating vibes between generations, personalities, and moods
If you are the youngest...
The baby of the family walks through life knowing how to charm, persuade, and perform. They often grow up with more freedom and fewer expectations, which fuels their adventurous and carefree side. But that same freedom can sometimes lead to entitlement, or a tendency to seek validation by being the "fun one."
Youngest child traits might include:
- Social butterflies who light up a room and don’t mind the spotlight
- Natural charmers, funny, flirtatious, and usually down for anything
- Can be a little self-centered or attention-seeking (but you still love them for it)
- Tend to keep things uncomplicated… unless they’re not getting their way
- Known to be manipulative when trying to get what they want
- Free-spirited and bold in their choices
- Often underestimated, but capable of big things when they focus
- Thrive in spaces that let them express, explore, and be a little extra
If you are the only child...
Only children can be the ultimate "one woman show" as they are often a mix of all the birth orders rolled into one. Without siblings, they learn to entertain themselves, advocate for their needs, and navigate adult conversations early. That independence can make them magnetic, mature, and deeply introspective, but it also comes with a deep craving for validation and control.
Only child traits can include:
- Mature and wise beyond their years, often viewed as old souls
- Conscientious and responsible, usually the go-to person in their circle
- Seek approval and validation more than they let on
- Natural leaders with big ideas and even bigger plans
- Can be sensitive and deeply affected by criticism
- Prefer structure, routines, and control (sometimes to a fault)
- Like things done their way (and don’t love compromising)
- Thrive in solitude but still want to feel seen and celebrated
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