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Nia Long On Her Final Decision To Leave Ime Udoka: 'Loving Myself Was Bigger And More Important Than Saving Anybody'
Jeezy has been pulling out all the stops for the promo of his new album I Might Forgive…But I Don’t Forget. The iconic rapper tapped legendary actress Nia Long for an intimate conversation about love, trauma, and the Black family. The discussion provided insight into the “All There” rapper’s childhood, strained relationship with his mother, who has since passed, and his career mishaps. He also briefly spoke on his decision to file for divorce from Jeannie Mai, saying that he feels “saddened,” “disappointed,” and “uneasy” about it. However, he believes that God is leading him on a different path.
Throughout the conversation, Nia also opened up about her life experiences, including her relationship with her father, her sons, and her ex-fiancé Houston Rockets coach Ime Udoka.
“You know I had a really public breakup recently. It was a wake-up call for me in the sense that, like ok, you’re gonna do this on your own, and you’re gonna be fine, and you’re not gonna worry about what anyone thinks and has to say ‘cause the relationship was rocky for a very long time,” she said. “I don’t believe that another person can break anyone up like, I just don’t buy that.
When Ime was the Boston Celtics head coach, he was caught having an affair with a staffer and was suspended for the 2022-2023 season. This suspension ultimately led to his firing. However, the cheating scandal led to the public rallying behind The Best Man actress, which the mother of two revealed she was “shocked” by.
“I had to realize for myself that anything that happened in the…last year and a half of my life, that shit didn’t have nothing to do with me,” she expressed. “It didn’t have nothing to do with me. I was not embarrassed. The way that Black people stood up for me and the way that Black women were like, ‘Oh no, you don’t do that to her,’ I was shocked because I didn’t realize that what I had done or what I’ve done in my career had so much impact.”
While she did admit that things between her and Ime had been “rocky” for a long time, she was trying her best to make things work. But she soon learned that choosing herself was the best option. “I think my older son saw me trying to keep the family together, but I had to come to a place where loving myself was bigger and more important than saving anybody.”
While time has passed and both parties have seemed to move on with their lives, we all have our down days. Jeezy checked in with Nia to see how she’s truly feeling since the breakup and the scandal that followed. “I think I’m exactly where I need to be, which is some days I’m like totally good, and other days I’m like, oh God, this feels like so much work. And other days, it feels like women shouldn’t have to be this strong,” she said, tearing up. “I don’t want to be this strong sometimes.”
The former couple were together for 13 years and share a 12-year-old son together. Nia also has a 22-year-old son from a previous relationship.
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London Alexaundria is the contributing editor for xoNecole. She is an alum of Clark Atlanta University, where she majored in Mass Media Arts and has worked in journalism for over ten years. You can follow her on Instagram and TikTok @theselfcarewriter
These Newlyweds Found Love Thanks To A Friend Playing Matchmaker
How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
Jason and Elise Robinson’s union is a reminder that kind people still get their happily ever after. The pair had their first date in October of 2021 and tied the knot on June 15, 2024. Both of them have dedicated their lives to celebrating and supporting Black culture so it was only fitting they get married in what's considered the Black Hollywood of America during the Juneteenth celebration weekend. From the florists to Elise and Jason's gown and suit designers to the table signage and so much more, everything was Black-owned. It's no wonder their love for Black culture was the jumping-off point for their love story.
When they met, Jason had just moved to Atlanta for a new job opportunity, and Elise was living happily in her career and had put dating on the backburner. But luckily, a mutual connection saw something in both of them and thanks to a yoga-themed baby shower and a chance text message, they found their forever. Check out their beautiful How We Met story below.
I’ll start with the easiest question. Can you both tell me a little bit about yourself and your background?
Elise: Sure, my name is Elise. I’m actually from Atlanta, GA – not a transplant. I grew up here and left right after college to pursue my career. Now I’ve been back going on eight years, and I’m in my early 40s.
Jason: And I’m Jason. I’m originally from Racine, Wisconsin. I went to school at Florida A&M University, so I am a rattler. I went back to the Midwest for a period of time, in Indianapolis. Now, I’ve been in the Atlanta area for a little over two and a half years.
Jason and Elise Robinson
Photo by FotosbyFola
Wow, that’s nice because Atlanta gets a bad rap when it comes to relationships. So you have to give us the deets. How did you two find each other?
Elise: So I work in TV and I was on-air for a number of years and then transitioned into being a producer and then a manager. As a producer, I’d always have guests on. And there was a woman who came on frequently named Rosalynn (@Rosalynndaniels, often referred to as The Black Martha Stewart), and we connected instantly. Anyway, she got pregnant right before COVID and invited me to a “modern-day yoga baby shower.” I came to support, but was also just curious about that theme.
I had an amazing time. And when it was over a few of us stuck around and convos got personal. She ended up asking me the infamous ‘Are you dating’ question. When I told her no, she decided to set me up. So I should tell you, in both of my only two serious relationships, I was set up – so I was like no.
But she pointed at her husband, who was folding up chairs, and said that another friend set her up with him. Sometimes, it takes people outside of us to see what we need. A few months later, she reached out and said she had family relocating and thought I’d really like him. So she gave him my number, and I reached out with a text. He responded with a call, and that night, we talked for about 2-3 hours. So that’s how we met. I was a little nervous because me and Rosalynn were starting a friendship, and here I was, talking to her family!
Jason: It was new for me too. Remember, I was new to the area, and I had heard so many “stories” about how people have been done wrong in the dating world. Whether it’s by theft or scamming (laughs). Plus, I had just got a new job and wanted to focus on that. But I did want to be able to date someone in a more personal way and see where it led. I felt like who better than someone who I trust to connect me. Rosalynn knows I’m private, about business life, and my personal life is important to me.
So let’s get into your courtship. What was your first date like?
Elise: We had our first convo on a Monday, and he asked me out the next day. I didn’t have any plans, but I still said no. I was just playing hard to get (laughs). But we were talking every day, and he told me he wanted to take me somewhere I’ve never been. And I’m like, you’re in my city! But he sends me three options, and sure enough, two of the places I hadn’t gone to. So, our first date was October 1, 2021, and somebody was 45 minutes late.
Now Jason, why were you 45 minutes late?
Elise: It was me – in my own city. I just got turned around, and the traffic was horrible. I kept calling him and giving him permission to leave. Full transparency: I probably wouldn’t have waited if the shoe was on the other foot. But this was my first sign of what I now know and love the most about him. It’s his patience. When I got there, I was frazzled and everything, but he was just super calm. It ended up being a great first date.
Jason: I remember just waiting and being concerned for her well-being. Because I know how traffic can be, especially when someone is rushing. I was just scrolling through my phone and looking through the menu. It was cool.
Elise and Jason Robinson
Courtesy
That’s beautiful. Now let’s talk about the “what are we” convo? Did you have one of those and if so, who initiated it and how was it?
Elise: I initiated it. Jason was dating me – and still does. But by this time, we had been on a number of dates. We were on our way to a winery, and we had a bit of a drive. So I decided to state my intention. We were just a few weeks in, but we were spending a lot of time together and we are people of a particular age. So I told him, I know Atlanta can be a Black man’s playground. There’s so many beautiful professional women here. But I’m dating with intention. I don’t want to kick it or hang with a good guy even though he’s not my person. I was done with all of that. So I’m “laying down the law” in my eyes, and he didn’t flinch. He let me finish and basically let me know we were on the same page. He was not trying to sow his royal oats.
Jason: Yeah, I was not trying to be Prince Akeem. But also, it was more so about setting a tone and goal for myself. My mama always told me to set my goals. And having a family was always one of mine. I think the biggest thing of it all, was I felt blessed – in terms of moving for work and meeting Elise, now being married. There’s victories being placed in my life.
I love that you both shared that because sometimes I get feedback on these stories and it seems like sometimes we’re afraid to really voice what we desire, no matter what that looks like.
Elise: Yeah, I think sometimes women feel like they don’t want to put pressure on their partner. But it’s not pressure. Look, Jason and I are based in faith, and what is for us is for us. Being upfront and honest is best – and early makes sense. You don’t have to convince someone to be your person.
Jason: I think her sharing those values resonated with me, and hearing her “lay down the law” was fine because I was there, too. I would say to millennial women, don’t be afraid to tell a mate what you want. You never know what that would lead to. Time is a precious commodity. Elise saying that early on showed me that she values both of our time. It showed her heart, character, and integrity, and I was drawn to that and the mature conversation. In the social media world, we don’t have those pointed conversations face-to-face. I would challenge readers to have those conversations in person, and you would get more from that convo than any post or reel. Because you see body language reactions and have deeper communication.
Yeah, I think sometimes women feel like they don’t want to put pressure on their partner. But it’s not pressure. Look, Jason and I are based in faith, and what is for us is for us. Being upfront and honest is best – and early makes sense. You don’t have to convince someone to be your person.
You both have mentioned time, family, and integrity. I’m curious what other core values do you both share?
Elise: Early on, our faith. Not just do you believe in God. It had to be deeper in that. I needed someone who would lead me, our home, and our family. I didn’t want to be in a push-and-pull relationship about prayer, church, or have conversations about being better people. Also, we discussed finances. That doesn’t just mean going to work. We chatted about ownership and what it looks like for us. How do we support each other individually and together? I know I like having my hands in a few different pots, and I needed someone who was supportive of that and likewise.
Jason: My background is that I was raised in the church. My father is a deacon and my mom is a deaconess. They've been married for 55 years. Faith was very important to me and it was crucial that my wife have that relationship as well.
Elise and Jason Robinson
Photo by FotosbyFola
Can we talk about challenges? Big or small, what are some things you had to grow through together?
Elise: I have never lived with anyone – not a roommate, a sister, friend, boyfriend or anything. Now, I’m in my 40s and I'm living with someone. When you’ve been by yourself for so long that was a challenge for both of us. We weren’t pulling each other's hair out but I’m a bit extreme. Things are color-coded in my closet. For me, working in news is chaotic so I want my home to be peaceful and organized.
Jason: I’m a man, and she’s a woman. That dynamic alone adds a flair to it. She wants things a certain way. She’s a Capricorn. But just in terms of how she wants to keep a home was a big adjustment for me. It took time.
On a smaller level, what are some of the things you disagree about day-to-day?
Elise: Cleanliness and systems. Like, he recycles and I do not. But sometimes I just have to decide if it really needs to be a thing or if I can just take care of it.
Jason: This is where my organization takes over (laughs).
What are your love languages? Do you know?
Elise: Jason’s is an act of service which works because I love cooking for him. It doesn’t feel like a chore to me. I love when I’m out, picking up his favorite juice. The other day I saw he needed t-shirts while folding clothes. So I just like doing small things for him that he doesn’t expect. He’s very much that guy that will ask to help so it doesn’t bother me.
Jason: I’d say Elise is all of them, but physical touch would probably be the biggest one. I had to get used to that. She’s taught me it in a number of ways. I remember we actually talked about love languages, and I sent her this song called “More Than Words” by Extreme. That explained to her how I felt.
Finally, can we end with the proposal? Tell us everything!
Jason: It was at a restaurant. And again, I was trying to find somewhere she hadn’t been. Also, I didn’t want to do it on our anniversary because that would have been too obvious. I contacted one of the restaurant’s staff and decided to change up the dessert menu. Each item was something special to us.
Elise: We go on so many date nights, so I just thought it was a regular night. We had finished eating, and I had to go to the bathroom. They had a nice mirror, girl. So I’m in there taking videos and stuff.
Jason: While she’s in the restroom, I’m getting everything in place with the waitress.
Elise: So as I’m reading the menu, I realize it’s telling our story and he eventually proposed. It was so special; I actually had the menu framed! It was so beautiful and thoughtful.
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As someone who has been a naturalista for many, many years now (minus when I took a break to rock a modified mohawk and so I relaxed it), I would argue with just about anyone who didn’t think that very few things in this life will teach you more about yourself, your level of self-discipline and patience and how to figure out what works best, no matter what everyone else is doing, than our hair.
However, sometimes, when our tresses are not cooperating in the way that we think they should, while it can be easy to simply chalk it up to having a “bad hair day,” the reality is there could be some underlying health issues going on. Yep, even though it’s not discussed a ton, your hair can actually reveal a lot to you as far as your health is concerned.
Let’s tackle that today. Below are seven things that, if you’re noticing about your own locks, you might want to tend to more than just what’s growing out of the top of your head.
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1. If You’ve Got a Lot of Graying Going on…
You might’ve thought that stress causing hair to turn gray was just a myth; it’s not.What science has discovered is not only does stress have a tendency to compromise your immunity, but it also elevates a neurotransmitter known as noradrenaline, which can lead to melanocyte stem cell loss (those stems play a role in the melanin that is produced inside of our hair follicles) which can ultimately cause gray hair.
Althoughsome studies also reveal that it’s pretty normal for people of African descent to start going gray in their 40s, if you’re younger than that or you’re seeing more silver strands popping up than usual as of late, pondering if you’re allowing yourself to get stressed out (which would also include not getting enough rest) is definitely something that you should put some real thought into.
2. If Your Hair Is Shedding More than Usual…
If you’re losing somewhere between50-125 strands of hair a day, that’s perfectly fine.Hair runs on life cycles (each strand has its own), so shedding is a part of the process. On the other hand, if you’re seeing a lot more than that in your comb, pardon the pun, but you shouldn’t simply “brush that off.” Gaining over 20 pounds, hormonal fluctuations, stress, and recently giving birth to a child can all be the underlying cause for why you’re losing more of your hair. Also, a reason that shouldn’t be overlooked or underestimated is being anemic (or borderline anemic).
The reality is that when there isn’t enough blood in your system, your hair follicles are not able to receive the nutrients and oxygen that they need in order for your hair to thrive. So, if lately, you’ve been feeling extra tired or weak, you’re dizzy or lightheaded, you’ve got headaches out of nowhere, and/or you’re experiencing a shortness of breath and you’re losing hair strands, make an appointment to see your doctor ASAP.
If you’re anemic, that’s nothing to play with (Black people are over three times more likely to have anemia than white people, by the way).
3. If Your Tresses Are Dry and Brittle…
Not drinking enough water, not deep conditioning your hair (along with using a leave-in conditioner on wash days), using hair productsthat contain harsh chemicals, and not applying hair productsthat contain sunscreen — all of these things can ultimately cause hair that is both dry and brittle.So, can scalp infections, hormone imbalances, hair shaft disorders (likeMenkes disease), anda side effect of prescribed medication.
Speaking of prescriptions, if you’re on the pill, it’s worth noting that going on or off of it can cause dry hairand/or scalp (due tohormone fluctuations). So, if your hair seems to be extremely dry, no matter what you do, and you do happen to be on an oral form of birth control, speak with your doctor; they might be able to switch up your prescription for something that will be “kinder” to your tresses in the long run.
4. If Your Locks Seem to Be Thinning Out…
Many things areconnected to hair thinning: stress, poor diet, hairstyles that pull at your hair follicles, and permanent hair dyes and relaxers. However, it should also go on record that a hormone disorder calledpolycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) could be the culprit, too. Long story short, PCOS is what happens when your body overproduces certain types of hormones to the point where it can lead to cysts on your ovaries,irregular periods, abdomen weight gain, really oily skin, and excessive body hair — only not on your head (wild, right?).
The way that hair thinning reveals itself when it comes to PCOS is your hair parts may be inexplicably wider or you could have a bald spot on the top of your head. Anyway, if more than one of these symptoms is popping up, see your doctor. PCOS isn’t something that only Google can fix.
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5. If Your Hair Is Dull and/or Limp…
Does it seem that no matter what kind of product you put on your hair, it’s not able to hold any shine or keep a style for longer than a couple of hours? It could bedue to a nutrition deficiency. Yeah, if you’ve been sitting in drive-thrus more than cooking over your stove, the reality is that your hair may be suffering because of it. That’s because when you’re not getting enough protein, iron, zinc, or fatty acids into your system, it can either cause your hair to not look healthy or it can ultimately result in hair loss.
Your strands are made up of mostly protein, so definitelyget some meats, lentils, yogurt, eggs, and almonds into your body. Also, don’t forget about dark leafy greens and quinoa (iron), dark chocolate and whole grains (zinc), and salmon and walnuts (fatty acids).
6. If Your Hair Is Breaking Off Rather Easily…
I promise that if you go to YouTube and put “long hair” and “4 type” in the search field, you’ll see all types of Black women with long ass locks (like these womenhere,here, andhere). In fact, a part of the reason why I penned, “Looking For Hair Growth? It Might Be Time To Bring 'Blue Magic' Back” a few years back was to showcase that no matter what hair type you have, if your hair is growing out of your scalp, you can have long full, super healthy tresses.
The reason why a lot of us struggle with length retention is because due to our hair being naturally drier than some other ethnicities (because our curly texture prevents natural sebum from getting to the tips of our hair shaft), along with how some of us are too harsh with styling — so, our hair ends up breaking off about as fast as it grows.
While deep conditioning and handling your hair like it is silk will probably remedy this issue, if you’re already doing that and your locks still seem to be snapping off like twigs, you might want to see your doctor. Believe it or not, hypothyroidism is another underlying cause of hair breakage and hair loss.
7. If Your Scalp Is Irritated…
Your scalp is the foundation of your hair; so, of course, making sure that it’s healthy at all times is paramount. Although an itchy and irritated scalp could be connected to a dry scalp or dandruff (check out “Stop Scratching: The Differences Between Dandruff And Dry Scalp”), it could be pointing tomore complex health issues including eczema, psoriasis, folliculitis (inflammation of your hair follicles), seborrheic dermatitis and the autoimmune disease lichen planus. Most of these things require an official diagnosis from your healthcare provider or a dermatologist; however, a healthy diet and a low-stress lifestyle can definitely help to bring some much-needed scalp relief.
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If there’s one thing that all of us desire, it’s healthy hair. So, if no matter how hard you try, you’re struggling with reaching your goal, before spending more money on hair products, speak with your physician. Ruling out any underlying health issues will get you just that much closer to the hair results that you seek.
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