The first thing that draws me in about 35-year-old model and content creator extraordinaire Nikia Phoenix is the striking way freckles paint her face.
Her unconventional beauty, no doubt, is the thing that grabs you first, but it's the quirks and fearlessness of her bold personality that echo enough within to make you stay. I could be biased though. I have been an avid reader of her blog, Model Liberation, for years. She talks style, beauty, hair, advice, and of course model life, and in a way that was very much “no bullshit". She gives it to you straight, no chaser, and it makes her beauty resonate with me more. It's so much more than what you see on the surface, it's skin deep.
“Being a freckled face, natural haired girl isn't easy. I've always felt different," she's said of herself, “Because of faith, I've been able to embrace who I am and prosper."
Phoenix had humble beginnings as a graduate of University of South Carolina, whose first job post-grad was that of a television news producer. She's always valued education and learning as a life long process. Somehow a chance meeting with Greg Alterman of Alternative Apparel led her to venturing off into modeling, which led to commercials, campaigns, and billboards. This, of course, brought about the fruition of her blog Model Liberation, which no doubt gave her the motivation to take her content creation to a new level with her work as Managing Editor for the women's lifestyle brand, Simone Digital and the revamp of her official site, Nikia Phoenix.
On one fine day, she was able to give it to me straight. We talked the modeling industry, self confidence, and what motivates her as a young creative.
On her first taste of modeling:
In the 90s, there were always these model searches held at malls that me and my friends would go to and try out for because we lived in a small town and had nothing else to do. Strangely enough, I always got picked for those. My mom was always like, “no, no, no, not gonna happen." Finally, one time she said it was okay because it was for a modeling school. Because it was just for a modeling school, it seemed so superficial to me, so I decided to go for the acting portion. I knew I wanted to pursue journalism in school and needed some time in front of the camera speaking, so what better way to get the best of both worlds? I did that. I had agencies in Atlanta interested in repping me and the plan was to do that part time while taking classes at Georgia State. I think that scared my mother because it ultimately ended up being a “no" so I had to walk away from it. At that point, I was like, okay well that's not supposed to happen.
On the jumpstart of her career as a working model:
I took the traditional route, went to college, got out of college, and got a job. That didn't really work out, so I went to L.A. While in L.A., I was in a coffee shop and got discovered by the owner of Alternative Apparel. It was funny because we were having this long conversation about community fashion and design. At the time I had reenrolled in school for fashion design. And you know how it is when you go to get coffee in the morning – if you have a scarf on your head you don't care. I had a hat pulled halfway down my face, but from that, he was like, “I want you to be in my campaign." (laughs) I was like, alright! When I went to see it was a legit set, it was a legit shoot. From then on, I took it seriously. This is what I'm supposed to do because modeling was something that kept coming up in my life, so this was what I'm supposed to be doing.
On the conflicts of being dubbed the “edgy girl" in her industry:
Even after having a major campaign running and other campaigns going, I still couldn't get representation. It was very difficult because they kept saying that I was this “edgy" girl – they kept giving me excuses for why I couldn't [model]. I felt like, 'Don't you see that I'm still here because I can?' Even now, I can walk into an agency and probably hear similar things. I've been doing this for 11 years, I'm obviously still good for it. When this dream of mine started in the 90s, that's when models were allowed to be “different". That is when unique beauty was embraced. Stacey McKenzie was the first black model that I really saw landing major campaigns. I was like, oh snap! If she can do it, I'm good, I'm good! (laughs). Then the industry started to change where they wanted more cookie cutter models that looked all the same. I was dubbed the not-so-PC term “exotic". There's nothing exotic about me, I don't know what you're talking about. I'd hear exotic or “edgy". I know I can give a mean side-eye, but I'm approachable (laughs).
On using the modeling industry's obsession with youth to her advantage:
I'm actually glad that my big break was when I was 25. That's the age most models retire, but that was when I got my first foot in the door professionally. I couldn't walk into agencies and be honest about my age. They'd assume that I was washed up if I told them my real age. What I'd like to say is first of all, black don't crack (laughs). I'm glad that I did start when I was 25 because by then, I was coming into my own as a woman and knew what I would and would not do. I knew that I wouldn't stand for a “no". If I was 16 and someone told me “no", I'd probably cry in a corner and be miserable for the rest of my life. When you're 25 and someone tells you “no," you're like really? Watch. So imagine now being 35 when people tell me “no" (laughs).
On her journey to self acceptance through self love:
There are moments when I don't feel beautiful – there are moments when we all don't feel beautiful. We're so critical of ourselves and we nitpick everything. We stand in front of the mirror and find the tiniest little blemish and fixate on it. And I have a lot of them (laughs). I was in a coffee shop the other day and this lady comes up, she's standing beside me, and she has her baby with her. This little boy was staring at me – not looking at all – just staring, like, what in the world? I am assuming he never sees black people with freckles (laughs). When that used to happen, I used to get offended. In the same moment that there was a kid staring at me like I'm from another planet, this woman comes up to me asking if she can take my picture and information because she has a friend that might be interested in using me for a campaign. There's God saying stop looking at things negatively, let me throw you a bone really quick.
On what turns her on:
Photos by: Alexia Lewis
Oh my goodness, am I going to kiss-and-tell? I love a man who anticipates my needs and makes me feel like we are the only two people who exist in that moment. He is my king and I am his queen and with every touch he reaffirms that union. There's no room for selfishness in our universe. I am not attracted to cockiness and I certainly don't want a man who is timid either. If I'm not afraid to let go, he shouldn't be either. Put in work and we'll get each other high.
On when she feels sexiest:
I am loved, confident, and I know who I am. It's not about comparing myself to anyone else or trying to play someone else's game. The ball is in my court. Feeling sexy has so much to do with being appreciated and knowing your value. I've come to realize that I don't necessarily have to seek that approval from the opposite sex. It's within me, I only have to believe it.
On her love of social media:
I love social media and the fact that it allows us to see that yes we're very different but we have so many similarities. Outside of my own family, it took a very long time for me to find other black people who had freckles. When you talk to other black people who have freckles, they say the same thing, “People picked on me", “People said black people don't have freckles", this that and the other. There's strength in knowing that we've all been through it and that we're all still here. I look just like my mom and when my mom and I talked about accepting who we are, she says that I helped her accept who she is because she would see the same struggles that she had with acceptance coming up in me and my sister. In order to be able to tell us how to deal with it, she had to be able to deal with her own issues.
On what she doesn't like about social media:
I read through comments on Instagram and sometimes those comments are not very nice. People love the internet because they can be somewhat anonymous. They aren't going to get approached on the street for the bullshit that they put online. I let it roll off of my back, but I might also say to that person that I am a human being, not an inanimate object. You might not think I'm beautiful, that's your opinion, but I think that I am beautiful. But like my grandmother says, “If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."
On L.A living:
L.A. has its moments. I love this place, but I also don't love this place. I feel like there's not room for growth. You hit a glass ceiling and I am sure everyone feels like that in the places they live. In L.A., you either have it or you don't – there's not much room for in between. Sometimes I feel like I'm sitting on top of the world, but when you go for months without booking jobs or you still live in an apartment where you have a roommate, you're kind of like, okay, I'm not where I want to be yet. So then I think, relocating could be the answer. It's a gamble. It's definitely a gamble. It's not like those 90s sitcoms you watched (laughs). There's not a whole lot of people of color here. That's a smidge of my reality.
On her creative entrepreneurial endeavors:
Last year, I started writing down all of the things I wanted to do and I called it my "Oprah Plan." I asked myself, why isn't there a black equivalent of Jessica Alba with her Honest company? Why isn't there a black equivalent of Martha Stewart? I said, let me just do it. When you think about the apps that are doing well or the businesses that are doing well, they don't own a storefront. They don't keep products in house, they source you out to over sites that do. You go to them for everything. Why can't I own a marketplace for black businesses to do the same thing? I am working on that with my business partner. Also, being so involved with the beauty business, I am tired of hearing black women go through so many difficulties with finding products that work for them. I am working on a beauty shopping experience where I bring the products to them called Black Girl Beautiful, starting in L.A. with plans to bridge the gap in Atlanta later. In Atlanta, I hope to pull our resources together and understand that there is power in the village and create a networking event called Crème de le Crème where black creatives can come together and create for ourselves by ourselves. I also have a secret dinner club series in the works called Nikia Phoenix presents: Supper. That's just a little taste.
On doing things that ignite her soul:
This is a really exciting time not only for me, but all of us. I am becoming who I am meant to be. Modeling and blogging - It's all evolved into this... what I'm working on now. Are you living your dream or someone else's? That's real talk. I want women to know the power we control and the clout we possess. I want other creatives to understand that every no is an opportunity for a bigger yes. Through various passion projects, I am creating content dedicated to helping you believe in yourself. It's more than group therapy, it's legit motivation. If you're going to talk it, be about it... so let's go for it.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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And that is why I decided to put emphasis on the word “late” for today’s topic. Because if you and someone break up and they approach you, well after the fact, with an “I’m sorry,” if you struggle with whether or not to accept it due to the timing of it all, you should definitely ponder that a bit.
And as you’re doing so, it might help to read a bit deeper into what an apology should look and live like, even from an ex, regardless of when it shows up.
Your “late.” Or his right on time.
Three Things That a True Apology Consists Of
GiphyIt’s kind of wild that when you work as a therapist/counselor/coach, a lot of people never really see you as human — and this can include your close relationships. What I mean by that is, it’s almost like they expect you to be free on-call therapy to the point where they “forget” to actually check on you sometimes.
Such is the case with one of my longest-running friendships. Even during the weeks between losing my mother and losing $4K (SMDH), she would just keep calling me to vent about her marriage. I finally got so fed up that I brought it to her attention that for the past couple of years, that is exactly what our friendship has been like: her venting, me listening without her being very invested in my life at all. In response, she texted me an apology — and boy, was it beautiful.
I’m not going to share the details of what she said; however, I am going to tell you three things that it consisted of because it’s what I believe ALL APOLOGIES should entail.
1. She took full ownership for what she believed that she did. I framed this point in this way because, something that everyone needs to forever keep in mind is the fact that two people start and, to a large extent, end relationships — and what I mean by that is, it’s never like one person was perfect and the other was the villain. That said, though, when someone is making an apology to another individual, they are going to own their part and articulate what that part is. It’s not gonna be a simple “My bad.”
It’s going to be “I am really sorry that I wasn’t there for you when you needed me” or “I apologize for taking you for granted” — something that sounds like they get the “offense” that transpired. By doing this, they recognize their missteps — and that is what puts people on the road to not repeating them.
2. She did not deflect or gaslight me. You know what one of the worst apologies are: It’s when someone says they are sorry and then follows it up with, “But you do it too” or “If you hadn’t done ‘A’, I wouldn’t have done ‘B.'” Justifying your actions is a surefire way to make someone believe that you don’t really think that you did something wrong (or that bad) in the first place. And really, how can they trust you (again) if that is how you feel? Oh, and don’t get me on gaslighting.
Ugh, ain’t nothing like someone claiming that they want to set things right with you, only to act like they don’t really get where you are coming from with the issues y’all were having in the first place. A good gaslight line in an apology: “If that is what you think happened, I apologize.” Yeah, you can keep that, jack. Never accept this kind of apology — because it isn’t one.
3. She addressed why she needed to make the apology in the first place. Wanna know one of the main reasons why I don’t trust people who don’t believe in having regrets (check out “Why Regret Might Not Always Be A Bad Thing”)? Did you know that apology means “a written or spoken expression of one's regret, remorse, or sorrow for having insulted, failed, injured, or wronged another.” How, as a human, do you think that you are out here not making any mistakes or poor decisions that you sometimes need to APOLOGIZE for? That is just…insane.
And one of the reasons why apologies are important is because if you feel bad about “failing” someone, it’s usually because you value them enough to want to keep them around. And yes, in my friend’s apology, she also explained why she didn’t want me to feel hurt in the way that she had hurt my feelings and what she would do to prevent that from happening in the first place.
So y’all, with all of this out of the way, before getting deeper into this topic? If an ex is hitting you up to apologize to you for something, please make sure that he hits all three marks of a true apology.
Now let’s keep going.
A Genuine Apology Should Also Include an Amends
GiphyA few years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Heads Up: It's NOT An Apology If An Amends Isn't Made.” You know how I mentioned a second ago that a solid apology has no gaslighting in it? Hmph. Ain’t it wild how someone can do something that hurts or harms you and yet, they want you to just “hurry up and get over it”? GASLIGHTING.
Someone in my family, after unpacking years of abuse that I experienced at their hand, they had the nerve to say, “I’m not going to keep apologizing to you for this.” Hmm…Okay. So, how about you let me give you a consistent three months’ worth of the years of mistreatment that I experienced from you and then flippantly throw an apology your way. Let’s see how you feel about it. How much you believe that I am being genuine and sincere.
Listen — and please hear me GOOD on this: when someone really gets the magnitude of the pain or discomfort and inconvenience that they caused, they aren’t going to be fine with just saying that they are sorry for it; they are going to ask you what they can do to set things right.
It’s actually a part of the reason why I named the four children who I aborted (check out “Why I Named The Children I Aborted”) because I do have some real remorse for those decisions. Each of their names have an intentional meaning and I strive to leave out their purpose, through those names, on a daily basis. It’s a small way of making amends.
You know, back when my first book came out, my first love reached out, via email, to send me an apology. The apology hit most of the points that I mentioned earlier. Looking back, there wasn’t an offer to make an amends, though, and trust me, there was A LOT to make up for.
At the end of the day, amends means “reparation or compensation for a loss, damage, or injury of any kind; recompense” and while none of us should use bitterness, resentment or emotional stagnation as the “bar” for which we should expect amends to be made, if you’re trying to figure out just how sincere an ex is with their apology, if they want to do something to make things better, that’s a good sign.
There is a caveat, though.
Discern the Motives. Always.
GiphyEarlier this summer, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “What's Your Motive For Sex? (It Reveals A Lot. Trust Me.)” Then, a few weeks ago, I wrote another article entitled, “As Cuffing Season Steadily Approaches, What The Heck Is 'Winter Coating'?” and boy, when I tell you that both of these complement this point really well? Goodness.
If you’ve never heard of the dating trend known as winter coating before, it’s basically when an ex creeps back up around cuffing season — and if you know what cuffing season is all about, you can absolutely connect the very probable motives behind those dots.
Now can there be exceptions? There are ALWAYS exceptions. Still, if you haven’t heard from your ex in years and here he comes a couple of weeks before Christmas, unless the two of you got together or broke up around the holidays, stay on potential “winter coating alert,” because it might not be about “building bridges” so much as getting into your bedroom.
That said, if it’s been a minute (six months or more) since you’ve heard from an ex and he suddenly reaches out to apologize, absolutely take out a moment to discern the motive — and shoot, feel fine with even asking what is causing him to make the move…now. If it’s in the spirit of the holidays and wanting to go into a new year with a clean slate, got it. If it’s because he’s been in therapy and realizes that he didn’t end certain things in his past very well, understood. If it’s because he didn’t like how the two of you broke up and he wants to try and make peace, that’s fair.
On the other hand, if you sense that he wants to rekindle something (check out “Nelly And Ashanti Are Giving It Another Shot? Here's What You Should Know About 'Ex Reconciliation'” and “I'm Thrilled That Ryan Destiny & Keith Powers Are Back Together. 5 Things Before Reuniting With Your Ex, Tho.” and “What Happens When 'The One Who Got Away'...Comes Back?”) — although that’s kind of another article for another time, do check that motive.
When someone apologizes, you should really be the only focus for them; not what they can get out of it on the back end. Listen, even if he hopes to get back with you (or back in bed with you), that shouldn’t be something that is discussed during the apology. If it is said or even implied, something about HIS MOTIVE is disingenuous. And if that is indeed the case, to a valid extent, so is he.
We All Should Give the Grace and Mercy That We Desire
GiphySooner than later, I’m going to write an article about forgiveness (beyond what I already have here). For now I’ll just say that if you are someone who thinks that other people don’t deserve forgiveness? That is either your pain or your ego talking and, either way, you can’t trust “their” judgment.
All of us mess up sometimes and if you are a karma (or you reap what you sow) believer, then you absolutely should want to extend others grace and mercy so that you can receive it in your own time of need (and you are absolutely delusional if you think a time won’t come, sooner than you probably think, that you will need it).
Besides, do you know all of the self-inflicted drama and trauma that comes from NOT forgiving others: higher blood pressure, insomnia, stress, anxiety, the higher risk of a heart attack, a weakened immunity, a greater risk for depression and anxiety — whatever he did, is it really worth all of this? Yeah, while a lot of people think that weaponizing forgiveness is empowering, really all it’s doing is putting themselves in harm’s way. Physically. Emotionally. SPIRITUALLY: “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." (Matthew 6:14-15 — NKJV)
By the way, no one is saying that forgiving that man means that you have to allow him back into your life. After all, access is a privilege. Yet if he comes to you and acknowledges that he feels sorry for some things, for the sake of your own sanity, why not let him express it? Don’t wanna meet up or talk on the phone? Understood. Email and/or text are there for the taking. Don’t want to go back and forth? Who said that it needs to be a discussion or a debate?
All I know is, the more time you spend on this planet, the more you want to put out the energy that you want to come back. Forgiving others tends to make life easier. Not forgiving? Oh, the way that it boomerangs, sometimes in ways you never saw coming, chile. Dodge that kind of experience (and typically hard life lesson) if you can.
Yes, Better Late than Never
GiphyToo late to apologize. Yeah, I don’t really know if there is such a thing (because forgiving and reconciling are not one in the same and some of y’all will catch that later). I’ll wrap this up with a story to prove my point.
Once upon a time, I knew a woman who was in a serious relationship and yet, whenever her boyfriend would bring up the possibility of marriage, she would stall him out. When I finally asked her what her deal was, she explained that she still harbored so much pain from the man before him that she didn’t fully trust that he was the real deal. About five months later, here came her ex with a thorough explanation for why he made some of the decisions that he did while they were together. Now that she had the full story, she was able to heal. She got married to her boyfriend that following year.
You see where I am going with this? Although your ex’s apology might be “late” as far as y’all’s relationship timeline, the timing may be BRILLIANT when it comes to true when and why you actually need it. Yeah, a Scripture that I adore is “Timing is the Father’s business” (Acts 1:7 — Message) and sometimes those apologies, in the grand scheme of things, are more on time than you could ever imagine; they’re when God deems you need them not when you want to have them.
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It is Oprah Winfrey who once said, “True forgiveness is when you can say, "Thank you for that experience” and sis, if you remove the bitterness and anger and look deeper, there were valuable lessons, even in and from the most challenging relationships. And that is worth appreciating through forgiveness and, if need be, full and complete release.
Bottom line, should you accept an ex’s late apology? Absolutely.
What better way to illuminate your present on a whole ‘nother level.
Just as forgiveness always does.
TRUST ME.
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