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Lizzo Schools Us On How Identify A F*ckboy At First Sight

Lizzo

Webster's Dictionary lacks a definition for the type of man that we as women, as well as our mothers and grandmothers, have encountered for years.


This is the type of man who will waste your time with no remorse, attempt to swindle you out of your house and home, and make his epic getaway in YOUR car. Unfortunately, we have all met this kind of man at least once in our lives and some of us may even know him well. The guy that I'm referencing is who we know as the grade-A, certified f*ckboy, and according to Lizzo, with summer baecation rapidly approaching, it's important that you know the characteristics of this species of man before you get got.

Recently, the body-positive singer went on The Breakfast Cluband spilled the tea on how to avoid this sleazebag archetype of a man and taught us a few things about the power of self-love in the process. Songs like "Cuz I Love You" and "Truth Hurts" prove that Lizzo has had her fair share of experiences with men who didn't deserve her time, and she says that she quickly identified a few qualities about herself that make her a bonafide f*ckboy magnet.

"F*ckboys like me. I'm thick, I travel a lot and I got money."

But, ladies, let's be clear. The problem with dealing with a f*ckboy isn't the man himself, but the damage that you allow that man to do to your self-esteem. The "Juice" singer may be confident, fearless, and f*ckboy-free today but in the past, things haven't always been this way. She told Teen Vogue:

"When I was in high school, I was a big girl with a cute face. So dudes liked me secretly, but they didn't like me publicly. I never had a boyfriend because they didn't want to claim me. So now in this industry, I'm a big girl with a cute face and some cute music and I'm still being liked secretly and not claimed publicly."

She revealed that many years and about 80 pounds ago, she had an encounter with an ex-boyfriend that was the true definition of f*ckboy-ism and showed her exactly what she didn't want in a man:

"I didn't have any money and I wasn't eating, and I was also trying to be thin. I was working out a lot. And I remember I was with this guy, and we were laying down, and he was like, 'I'm just so relaxed when I'm with you.' And then he's like, 'So I showed your picture to my friends, and they said that your face is great but your body needs work.' I was like, 'WHAT!' Who says that to somebody? And I was the smallest I had ever been in my entire life."

Lizzo explained that she was only able to rid herself of the bad energy brought into her life by a number of undeserving suitors once she got honest about her negative self-image.

Although trusting others and committing to self-love is still a battle that the singer fights every day, Lizzo says that If a man doesn't love the way you love yourself or better, it's time to kick him to the curb, sis; and after you tell that man to call Tyrone, she has the perfect playlist to help you heal from that heartbreak. Her new album Cuz I Love You is sure to revive your confidence and allow you to relish in your juice like the sexy MF that you are. She explained:

"You know how many people say, I wish I was going through a breakup so I could listen to this album? And I'm like, guys, no. But yeah you know it's empowering, self-empowering album. And I think that's when people need to empower themselves the most, or when we think we should, is when we're breaking up with somebody. We want to be like, how do I get myself back on top? How do I get myself back to who I was? And then you listen to my songs and you're like, 'I'm 100% that bitch' and you get yourself back."

According to Lizzo, she's able to so perfectly create the soundtracks for our lives because she's lived it. She told Rolling Stone:

"I'm jumping straight into a scenario [now] on certain songs where I'm literally sitting in a car with someone crying and I'm like, 'Pull this car over, I need to get this off my chest. Or when I'm literally sending a text to a fuckboy [saying] 'Take yo' ass home. Stop texting me.' There's literal specifics here. You're in the scene of a movie: my movie, my life."

Take it from Lizzo, the key to a having fabulously fuckboy-free season in your life is choosing self-love, sis.

Watch Lizzo's full interview with The Breakfast Club below!:

Lizzo Shares Her F-ckboy Stories, Talks Self-Love, Confidence, New Music + Morewww.youtube.com

Featured image by Erika Goldring/WireImage

You may not know her by Elisabeth Ovesen – writer and host of the love, sex and relationships advice podcast Asking for a Friend. But you definitely know her other alter ego, Karrine Steffans, the New York Times best-selling author who lit up the literary and entertainment world when she released what she called a “tell some” memoir, Confessions of a Video Vixen.

Her 2005 barn-burning book gave an inside look at the seemingly glamorous world of being a video vixen in the ‘90s and early 2000s, and exposed the industry’s culture of abuse, intimidation, and misogyny years before the Me Too Movement hit the mainstream. Her follow-up books, The Vixen Diaries (2007) and The Vixen Manual: How To Find, Seduce And Keep The Man You Want (2009) all topped the New York Times best-seller list. After a long social media break, she's back. xoNecole caught up with Ovesen about the impact of her groundbreaking book, what life is like for her now, and why she was never “before her time”– everyone else was just late to the revolution.

xoNecole: Tell me about your new podcast Asking for a Friend with Elisabeth Ovesen and how that came about.

Elisabeth Ovesen: I have a friend who is over [at Blavity] and he just asked me if I wanted to do something with him. And that's just kinda how it happened. It wasn't like some big master plan. Somebody over there was like, “Hey, we need content. We want to do this podcast. Can you do it?” And I was like, “Sure.” And that's that. That was around the holidays and so we started working on it.

xoNecole: Your life and work seem incredibly different from when you first broke out on the scene. Can you talk a bit about the change in your career and how your life is now?

EO: Not that different. I mean my life is very different, of course, but my work isn't really that different. My life is different, of course, because I'm 43. My career started when I was in my 20s, so we're looking at almost 20 years since the beginning of my career. So, naturally life has changed a lot since then.

I don’t think my career has changed a whole lot – not as far as my writing is concerned, and my stream of consciousness with my writing, and my concerns and the subject matter hasn’t changed much. I've always written about interpersonal relationships, sexual shame, male ego fragility, respectability politics – things like that. I always put myself in the center of that to make those points, which I think were greatly missed when I first started writing. I think that society has changed quite a bit. People are more aware. People tell me a lot that I have always been “before my time.” I was writing about things before other people were talking about that; I was concerned about things before my generation seemed to be concerned about things. I wasn't “before my time.” I think it just seems that way to people who are late to the revolution, you know what I mean?

I retired from publishing in 2015, which was always the plan to do 10 years and retire. I was retired from my pen name and just from the business in general in 2015, I could focus on my business, my education and other things, my family. I came back to writing in 2020 over at Medium. The same friend that got me into the podcast, actually as the vice president of content over at Medium and was like, “Hey, we need some content.” I guess I’m his go-to content creator.

xoNecole: Can you expound on why you went back to your birth name versus your stage name?

EO: No, it was nothing to expound upon. I mean, writers have pen names. That’s like asking Diddy, why did he go by Sean? I didn't go back. I've always used that. Nobody was paying attention. I've never not been myself. Karrine Steffans wrote a certain kind of book for a certain kind of audience. She was invented for the urban audience, particularly. She was never meant to live more than 10 years. I have other pen names as well. I write under several names. So, the other ones are just nobody's business right now. Different pen names write different things. And Elisabeth isn’t my real name either. So you'll never know who I really am and you’ll never know what my real name is, because part of being a writer is, for me at least, keeping some sort of anonymity. Anything I do in entertainment is going to amass quite a bit because who I am as a person in my private life isn't the same a lot of times as who I am publicly.

xoNecole: I want to go back to when you published Confessions of a Video Vixen. We are now in this time where people are reevaluating how the media mistreated women in the spotlight in the 2000s, namely women like Britney Spears. So I’d be interested to hear how you feel about that period of your life and how you were treated by the media?

EO: What I said earlier. I think that much of society has evolved quite a bit. When you look back at that time, it was actually shocking how old-fashioned the thinking still was. How women were still treated and how they're still treated now. I mean, it hasn't changed completely. I think that especially for the audience, I think it was shocking for them to see a woman – a woman of color – not be sexually ashamed.

I hate being like other people. I don't want to do what anyone else is doing. I can't conform. I will not conform. I think in 2005 when Confessions was published, that attitude, especially about sex, was very upsetting. Number one, it was upsetting to the men, especially within urban and hip-hop culture, which is built on misogyny and thrives off of it to this day. And the women who protect these men, I think, you know, addressing a demographic that is rooted in trauma that is rooted in sexual shame, trauma, slavery of all kinds, including slavery of the mind – I think it triggered a lot of people to see a Black woman be free in this way.

I think it said a lot about the people who were upset by it. And then there were some in “crossover media,” a lot of white folks were upset too, not gonna lie. But to see it from Black women – Tyra Banks was really upset [when she interviewed me about Confessions in 2005]. Oprah wasn't mad [when she interviewed me]. As long as Oprah wasn’t mad, I was good. I didn't care what anybody else had to say. Oprah was amazing. So, watching Black women defend men, and Black women who had a platform, defend the sexual blackmailing of men: “If you don't do this with me, you won't get this job”; “If you don't do this in my trailer, you're going to have to leave the set”– these are things that I dealt with.

I just happened to be the kind of woman who, because I was a single mother raising my child all by myself and never got any help at all – which I still don't. Like, I'm 24 in college – not a cheap college either – one of the best colleges in the country, and I'm still taking care of him all by myself as a 21-year-old, 20-year-old, young, single mother with no family and no support – I wasn’t about to say no to something that could help me feed my son for a month or two or three.

xoNecole: We are in this post-Me Too climate where women in Hollywood have come forward to talk about the powerful men who have abused them. In the music industry in particular, it seems nearly impossible for any substantive change or movement to take place within music. It's only now after three decades of allegations that R. Kelly has finally been convicted and other men like Russell Simmons continue to roam free despite the multiple allegations against him. Why do you think it's hard for the music industry to face its reckoning?

EO: That's not the music industry, that's urban music. That’s just Black folks who make music and nobody cares about that. That's the thing; nobody cares...Nobody cares. It's not the music industry. It's just an "urban" thing. And when I say "urban," I say that in quotations. Literally, it’s a Black thing, where nobody gives a shit what Black people do to Black people. And Russell didn't go on unchecked, he just had enough money to keep it quiet. But you know, anytime you're dealing with Black women being disrespected, especially by Black men, nobody gives a shit.

And Black people don't police themselves so it doesn't matter. Why should anybody care? And Black women don't care. They'll buy an R. Kelly album right now. They’ll stream that shit right now. They don’t care. So, nobody cares. Nobody cares. And if you're not going to police yourself, then nobody's ever going to care.

xoNecole: Do you have any regrets about anything you wrote or perhaps something you may have omitted?

EO: Absolutely not. No. There's nothing that I wish I would've gone back and said to myself, no. I don’t think at 20-something years old, I'm supposed to understand every little thing. I don't think the 20-something-year-old woman is supposed to understand the world and know exactly what she's doing. I think that one of my biggest regrets, which isn't my regret, but a regret, is that I didn't have better parents. Because a 20-something only knows what she knows based on what she’s seen and what she’s been taught and what she’s told. I had shitty parents and a horrible family. Just terrible. These people had no business having children. None of them. And a lot of our families are like that. And we may pass down those familial curses.

*This interview has been edited and condensed

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Feature image courtesy of Elisabeth Ovesen

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