If there is one thing that being a marriage life coach has taught me, it's how much forgiveness plays a direct role in the longevity of any real relationship. Because we're all flawed human beings, there are going to be times when we will need to ask for and extend forgiveness. That's just the way it is. However, I think the reason why a lot of us struggle so much with forgiving others is because, well, a lot of people totally suck at apologizing. That's what we're going to dive into today.
When it comes to offering a full and sincere apology, there is one thing that absolutely must happen that doesn't transpire often enough — there has to be some sort of amends that is made. While I will get deeper into this in a sec, what that basically means is someone must first acknowledge what they did (apology) and then put forth an action to set things right (amends). Otherwise, the apology is pretty much just lip service — and that doesn't mean a whole heck of a lot at the end of the day (many of us can certainly vouch for that).
Before getting into all of this, let me just put on record that I'm not talking about something minor like a person showing up late for a luncheon or a surface-level issue like that. What we're about to tackle is what an apology should look like when someone has hit deep — the role they should play in the healing process, along with the actions that you should take too. So, take a deep breath. Let's help with some of the healing process that comes with the issue of forgiving, shall we?
1. An Apology That Comes with Excuses, Deflecting or Placing Blame Isn’t a Real One
Something that I grew up seeing a lot of is people who absolutely sucked at apologizing. If they did it at all, they found some way to place the blame on other people or circumstances (including Satan; so Christians absolutely live to make Satan the scapegoat of their own choices). Or, if they did do it, what was the point? They would turn around and do the same act, if not months later, days later. Before long, apologizing seemed like an endless version of The Boy Who Cried Wolf and I simply became numb to it (ugh).
There is a silver lining to all of that toxicity, though. Since I watched so many individuals apologize the absolute wrong way and it triggered me on the regular, it taught me to be far more intentional about my own apologies. For starters, I personally do it when I know I mean it rather than as a way to flippantly gloss over things. Two, I do it when I can take full accountability for my actions instead of offering up that piss poor "I'm sorry but if you hadn't have…" crap that a lot of people do. And three, I do it when I am prepared to make an amends for my actions (more on that in a bit).
What I don't do is find a way to excuse, deflect or blame someone or something else for my actions. People who do that? They are skirting responsibility — which is a surefire way for them to repeat the "offense" again. Which is why, at the end of the day, they actually can totally keep their apology to themselves.
2. Anyone Who Says, “I’m Not Apologizing Anymore” Is Kinda Full of It
Let me tell you a clear sign that you are putting yourself in harm's way to be hurt or harmed by someone who has already hurt or harmed you. If in their so-called apology, they say something along the lines of, "Look, I've already apologized for that" or "I'm not gonna keep apologizing. You need to get over it" — that is a red flag like nobody's business. When you really stop to process the fact that someone who offended you is trying to convey that you are inconveniencing them for the fallout that transpired as a direct result? What in the world is going on?
Now, in no way am I saying that someone should make another person feel like they need to grovel in order for an apology to be accepted. Indeed, there is a responsibility for the person on the receiving end to extend some mercy and grace (especially since all of us fail from time to time and need to be forgiven our damn selves). What I am saying is that when someone has hurt or harmed someone and they nonchalantly — or arrogantly, depending on the delivery — try and come on some, "You just need to move on" energy…nothing about that is cloaked in humility, kindness or sincerity. Someone who is truly sorry for something they've said or done is going to convey it in their words, energy and tone. And they are going to do their best to make sure that the apology is both heard and felt.
3. The Apology Needs to Address the “Crime”
I come from a music industry household. When I was a preteen/teenager, my mother was on the road, quite a bit, because she was in artist management. Anyway, indirectly, her profession caused me to not have a 16th or 18th birthday party. Well, kinda. It wasn't because my parties weren't planned. It was because she canceled them, literally at the last minute, because she didn't come back in town in time. Although she provided no real explanation at the time, years up the road, she told me that she had missed her flights on purpose because she was overwhelmed and wanted some time to herself to regroup. OK, while now, as a woman in my 40s, I can somewhat understand that, there is a part of me that is still tender when it comes to that topic because 1) you canceled two parties, again, at the last minute which means your first apology for canceling the first one really didn't mean much and 2) you didn't really do anything to right the wrong. At all. Ever.
And y'all, I believe that this is a part of the reason why a lot of us are either rolling our eyes when someone apologizes to us or we can't fully move forward after they do. It's because, oftentimes, the person who wronged us seems to think that so long as they throw an "I'm apologize", "I'm sorry" or "My bad" our way, that should be enough. It isn't. When someone wrongs us, if they truly get the magnitude of what transpired, they should also find a way to make things right, as best as they can. If you screwed over two of my milestone birthdays, how about throwing another one to make up for it? Doesn't that show that you get the weight of what you did? Twice?
And here's the thing. When an amends isn't made, there tends to be a wound that never fully heals because while the person who offended us says two words and goes on, we are still holding onto some of the pain because they didn't put much effort in to make sure that we're good.
That's why I'm huge on conveying the point that if someone really wants us to know that they get what they did wrong, they will also want to do whatever they can (within reason, of course) to set things right. After all, an amends is defined as being "reparation or compensation for a loss, damage, or injury of any kind; recompense". Another definition of the word is to "improve" something. If someone can put in the energy to cause harm, they can use that same energy to heal the trauma that they left behind. People who get this are individuals who really understand what an apology entails. It's recognizing what happened and then doing what they can to help with the healing process.
An apology is not an apology without an amends. It really isn't.
4. An Apology Means “I’m Going to Be Intentional About Not Doing ‘It’ Again"
One day, while in my prayer time, as I was ranting to God about someone who just kept on hurting me while I kept on taking it, the story in the Bible about Christ telling us to forgive "seventy times seven" (Matthew 18:21-35) came to mind. Hmph. Isn't it interesting that oftentimes, when it comes to forgiveness, far more of a burden is placed on the victim than the actual victimizer? Yeah, folks will be quick to run this Scripture up when it comes to holding the one who was hurt spiritually accountable while expecting very little from the one who caused the damage in the first place. Some might call that spiritual manipulation. (Hmm.)
Yet what was revealed to me about these verses had a twist to it. "Shellie, if you've got to forgive someone 490 times for the same thing, somebody isn't learning the lesson." That's what I heard in my spirit and instantly, I got it. Some folks will manipulate forgiveness and say that if you truly forgive someone, you will continue to allow them to dwell in your life like nothing every happened. Nooooo. Sometimes, what needs to happen is you forgive and then you set boundaries — not walls, boundaries. Meanwhile, the one who caused the pain needs to go out of their way to not repeat the offense. If they do continue to cause harm in the same area(s), then there should be more boundaries set because what they are basically conveying is they aren't strong in that area; that they need more accountability.
You know, a lot of us who've been hurt/harmed, we weaponize forgiveness, not because of what someone did one time; it's because of what they keep doing. This is why I'm a huge believer that those who are really repentant, they will 1) give a clear apology that includes stating what they did wrong (to prove that they understand what they are apologizing for) and 2) make sure that it's conveyed that they have no intention on repeating the same offense. And then they will seek within to figure out, just how to make that happen.
5. The Offender Doesn’t Decide When You’re Healed. YOU DO.
I'm not sure what's much worse than an arrogant apologizer. Lawd. Like how did you come into my life, blow my entire world up (or break my heart) and then have the unmitigated gall to tell me when the wound — the one that you caused, by the way — should go from a scab to a scar. No sir.
This is another example of when spiritual manipulation can come into play. The offender might say something to you like, "Well, if you truly forgave me, you would act like it never happened." Nooooo. If I truly forgave you, I wouldn't keep repeating the offense, I wouldn't hold it over your head and I would be open to us working together to heal. However, whatever time I need in order to heal, as the offender, you should be more than willing to grant me that.
There is someone in my family who has wreaked so much havoc that you don't have the time and I don't have the energy to share it all. Whenever they get confronted on their dysfunctional BS, one of the first things they will call up is their childhood trauma. Oh, but when someone calls them to the carpet on the trauma they've caused, they wanna talk about how the person should have healed from that by now.
Woundedness doesn't have a timetable. That's why we have to be oh so very careful about the things that we say and do to other people. That said, someone who is truly sorry for their actions ("sorry" is not a bad or low-self esteem-based word, by the way; it simply means "feeling regret, compunction, sympathy, pity, etc."), they are going to get that while their actions may have happened in an instant, the pain that it caused could take quite some time to heal. And because they understand that, they will not pressure, guilt, gaslight, manipulate or scare someone into acting like they are healed — when they aren't. Yet.
6. If You Want to Heal, You’ve Gotta Quit Rehearsing the Past
OK, now that we've addressed the offender at length, it really does have to go on record that the one who was offended also has some self-worth to do. For one thing, it's important to always keep in mind that forgiving others is a good idea because none of us are perfect and one day, we too will need to be forgiven; probably sooner than later. Next point, refusing to forgive others very rarely does the amount of damage to the other person that it does to us. Mostly because our lack of forgiving typically causes our hearts to harden on some level which can ultimately cause us to take our disappointment/resentment/fear/bitterness out on other people — people who have absolutely nothing to do with what someone did to us.
And three, when we don't forgive, oftentimes we continue to replay what happened to us, over and over, even if it's only in our minds, and that can keep us mentally/emotionally/spiritually/relationally stagnant on some level. So yeah, when it comes to trying to decide whether to forgive or not forgive, forgiveness is always the route to take.
At the same time, what happens past saying, "I forgive you for what you've done and I choose to no longer hold it over you or allow it to consume me" — well, that has layers to it as well. The reason why I say that is because while forgiveness can hopefully bring forth some level of peace, in order for a harmed or broken relationship to be restored, there has to be effort put in on both parts. I've already explained a lot of what the offender's responsibility is. As far as the "offendee", you've first got to decide if you want to maintain a relationship with the person who hurt you. If so, why? If not, why not? Then, you've got to get clear on if "stepping out on faith" in order to bring trust back into the dynamic is ultimately worth it in the long run.
The reason why I say that is because, sometimes people hurt us because they are humans and humans make mistakes. Simple as that. Then there are those who hurt us because they've basically been toxic all along. And third, you've got to be honest with yourself about if you have the emotional maturity to move forward. Because if you claim that you do what to reconcile, then you've got to give someone the space to be able to bring some wholeness back to the relationship. You've got to offer them what you would want someone to offer you if you were on the apologizing side of things (and again, sooner or later, you will be).
I won't lie to you. Healing from the damage that's left, apology or not, can take some real effort and it kinda sucks that the one who was hurt has to do so much self-work. Yet the reality is that no matter how much someone apologizes and strives to make an amends, they can't undo what's already been done and there is a part of you who will have to want to heal in order for things to be set right. Do you want to heal from what happened? Only you can answer that.
7. Give Things Time
There really are some things that ONLY TIME can do. As someone who has had to learn how to do a lot of forgiving and repenting, I can tell you that some wounds have turned into scars that I can barely even see anymore. Then there are wounds that are still a little tender to the touch. What I have learned to do is "love on" all of it. I don't dismiss my wounds. I don't invalidate their needs. I don't put them in further harm's way. And when they tell me, "I need some time and space," I give it to them — and if that's in connection with a person, place, thing or idea, I honor that.
I also don't FORCE things that happen or PUT UP WALLS to prevent things from transpiring either (check out "Why I Don't 'Cut People Off' Anymore, I Release Them Instead"). I get that even with all that has been said or done, time has to be given its say — and I let time take all of the time that it needs. I don't rush time. I don't let who offended me rush it. And, when I've offended someone, I don't put pressure on them to rush time either. It'll happen when it should. I've just got to remain open to time not being when I say so…when it says so. And I'll know because I'll feel peace. Not pressure.
Forgiving someone is not easy. However, I can personally and very much so vouch for the fact that when an amends comes with the apology, it hits different. Some respect is gained. Some trust is restored. And some healing can begin. Just what a full apology is supposed to do.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
You Like Having Sex With Him. Your Vagina Doesn't. What Should You Do?
I already know. Some of y’all read the title of this and was like, “How does that even make sense?” Oh, believe you me, there can be someone who you are definitely attracted to, who you connect with on a billion levels, where the sexual chemistry is totally off the charts — and yet, when it comes to intercourse, your vagina is on some "Do we really have to?"
It can be for a few different reasons. His penis size might take some adjusting to. His sperm/semen may throw your pH balance off. You might end up with a yeast infection or UTI (urinary tract infection) on a semi-consistent basis. Uh-huh, now do you see how you can enjoy coitus and still experience — let’s call them “technical difficulties” as far as your vagina goes at the same time?
If this has been your plight and you’ve been scouring the internet in order to get some much-needed (literal) relief, here are 12 things that may be able to get you, your partner, and your vagina on the same page, as far as experiencing consistently pleasurable copulation is concerned.
1. Bring in Some Lubrication
GiphyLet’s begin with something that can kill two birds with one stone — umm, so to speak. Whether your issue is that your man’s size is a lot to handle or either the friction of the sex or the inability to get as wet as you would like is resulting in you ending up with a UTI, invest in some lubrication. The wetter you are, the better sex will feel, and the less irritated your vagina will be.
The real hack is to get the kind that is as close to the pH level of your vagina (which should be somewhere around 4.5) as possible. Word on the street is that silicone-based ones can help you out in this department. By the way, saliva can also throw your pH balance off, which is why some people use things like dental damns. Just something to keep in mind as far as oral activity goes.
2. Use Condoms
GiphyIf it’s been a minute since you’ve had sex (check out “What Actually Happens To Your Vagina During Seasons Of Abstinence?”) or you’re about to change (or add) sex partners, there are many reasons why you should use a condom — one of them being that bacteria or sperm/semen definitely has the potential to throw your vagina’s pH level off as well which can lead to a yeast infection.
Not to mention the fact that men can get yeast infections and sometimes they are asymptomatic. This means that if you don’t want to be passing one of those bad boys back and forth to each other, a rubber can serve as a barrier for that.
3. Consume More Probiotics. Eat Less Sugar.
GiphySpeaking of bacteria, another thing that you can do to decrease the chances of bad bacteria overtaking the good kind that’s in your va-jay-jay, be intentional about taking a probiotic and consuming foods that are filled with probiotics. Also, try to eat less sugar. Probiotic-enriched foods like yogurt, cottage cheese, cheddar cheese, fish sauce, and fermented veggies will give you more good bacteria. The reason why sugar is an enemy of your vagina is because that is what feeds bad bacteria and yeast.
4. Have Your Partner Give You a Perineal Massage (with a Twist)
GiphyAs a doula, I know quite a bit about perineal massages. Basically, it’s all about having your partner put some oil or lubricant on one or two of their fingers before using them to gently massage your perineum (the skin that is in between your vaginal opening and your anus) in order to decrease your chances of tearing while giving birth. Well, if you want to prepare yourself for sex after going without for a long period of time or before engaging with a larger partner, this type of massage could help you out, too.
The reason why I didn’t just call this good old-fashioned fingering is because if a part of what you want to partake in is anal sex, it can be wise to not just stretch your vagina but that piece of skin as well. Just make sure that if you plan on using a condom, you go with a water or silicone-based lubricant only. Oils will dissolve the potency of latex.
5. Invest in a Vaginal Dilator
GiphyI’m actually kind of surprised that vaginal dilators don’t come up more in sex-related articles. If you’ve never heard of them before, they are tube-like devices that are made out of plastic or medical-grade silicone that can help to stretch out your vagina, make it more flexible, and reduce discomfort during intercourse (especially if yours is related to having some sort of issues with your pelvic floor).
In fact, if you’re in the latter stages of perimenopause or you’re post-menopausal and sex has not been as pleasurable for you because of symptoms that are directly associated with that, a vaginal dilator might be able to offer up some relief.
For the record, you can typically purchase them at local drugstores (and online); however, you might want to run this decision by your doctor first, just so they can discuss any potential challenges/issues that you should know about (since they have your medical history).
6. Take Some Ibuprofen Before Sex
GiphyThis tip right here is a bit of a double-edged sword because whiletaking an over-the-counter pain reliever like ibuprofen an hour or so before having sex can help to reduce pain and inflammation to your vagina (if that has been an issue in the past),some studies say that men who take these same meds can potentially increase their chances of experiencing some level of erectile dysfunction.
That said, since the article today is focusing on our body parts, yes, this is somewhat of an effective hack, especially if you also soak in a warm bath prior to getting some.
7. Urinate Right After Sex
GiphyIf you’ve always wondered if you really should make it a point and practice to pee after having sex, the short answer is yes. Although nothing is going to blow up if you don’t, the reason why it’s a good idea is it can help to flush bacteria out of your urethra which can, in turn, lower your chances of experiencing a UTI.
8. Extend the Foreplay
GiphyI don’t think one woman on this planet is shocked thatmost ladies would prefer more foreplay before sex. As far as how long that should be, some studies state thatsomewhere around 20 minutes is good. That said, all of us are different, and, keeping in line with being wetter making sex better theme, if you need more time with “the appetizer” before the “main course” —tell your partner that. When it comes to less friction, more comfort, and ultimately more satisfying sex, longer foreplay might just be all that you need.
9. Stay on Top
GiphyYou probably already know this; still, I’m adding it in for safe measure. If you want to be able to better control the speed, motion, and depth of your partner when it comes to intercourse, opt for being on top. It will feel more comfortable to you, and I don’t know any man who doesn’t like to get a full view of what his partner has to offer when she’s on top of him. It’s a win for everyone involved.
10. Sign Up for Some Pelvic Floor Therapy
GiphyIf no matter what you do, you seem to experience some level of discomfort during sex, you might want to look into getting some pelvic floor therapy. It is a literal form of physical therapy that can help to strengthen the muscles in your pelvic region. If you’re interested in learning more about this, you can search for pelvic floor therapists who are in your area here.
11. Have Some Diflucan on Tap (Just in Case)
GiphyAlthough a lot of these tips are all about taking preventative measures, what should you do if you already have a yeast infection that’s tied to sex (and you know that for sure)? If you don’t want to go through the (sometimes) drama of scheduling a doctor’s appointment, there are sites now that will prescribe antifungal meds like Diflucan online.
Wisp is one that I definitely know does, along with medication for bacterial vaginosis (BV), UTIs, and genital herpes, too. Just fill out a form, and a doctor will follow up online. If they feel that you are a good candidate, they will send a prescription to a pharmacy in your area (of your choosing), and you can go pick up and pay there — sometimes all within the same day.
12. Get Tested for a Potential Sperm/Semen Allergy
GiphyAlthough actually being allergic to sperm/semen is not hella common (reportedly around 40,000 women in this country are), it is a real thing. So, if after having unprotected sex, you experience incessant burning and/or itching, hives, lip and/or tongue swelling, nausea, or diarrhea, it’s important that you see your physician. Although this kind of allergy is not particularly “dangerous,” it can be super uncomfortable.
Plus, it can make it harder for you to conceive a child (if that is something that you and your partner are trying to do). As far as treatment goes, to a certain extent, it varies. However, a prescription-strength antihistamine may be what your healthcare provider recommends for you.
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Gee, I certainly hope that these tips help. Because while having sex with someone who you dig is wonderful, it is so much better when your vagina “gets along” with him too. Feel me? Exactly.
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