Listen, I don’t know if this is a vent, a creative intro, or what, but when I tell you that before I got my holistic life coaching certification, there were some other students up in there who were trying me…BIG TIME? Chile…CHILE.
It has always been my personal belief that there is an epidemic of individuals (including quite a few folks who check off the traits of narcissism in some pretty stellar ways) who work in mental health, who actually need to receive therapy before they actually start giving it. Shoot, I won’t name no names (there are too many of ‘em at this point, to be honest), yet a lot of them are yapping away on TikTok as we speak. Indeed, some people would rather take the ego boost from helping other people than do the — and please trust me when I say this — sometimes excruciating self-work that is required to fix their own issues.
What Does It Mean To Hold Yourself Accountable?
Case in point. There is a particular student who wanted me to coach them. I even offered to do it for free. Not only did they blow off two sessions; one time, they only acknowledged it because they ran into me in class; the other time, they said absolutely nothing. Not only does this translate into them being someone who doesn’t value other people’s time, not only does it come off that their word is on the flaky side — as they’re in the process of wanting to coach other folks on how to get their own ish together, what it really says is they’re not very good at holding their own selves accountable.
I guess the silver lining in them being inconsiderate of my schedule/time and then not acknowledging it (chile) is they served as a teachable moment and the inspiration for this particular piece — ‘cause y’all, when I say that one of the most underrated causes of stagnation, evolution, and relational longevity are people who suck at holding their own selves accountable for their own words and actions? Because, at the end of the day, self-accountability is all about taking full responsibility for what you say and do without trying to put the blame on other people.
Yeah, let me get off of the vent and dive right on in…
How To Practice Holding Yourself Accountable
Accountability Is a Sign of Self-Awareness
Giphy“To know yourself, you must sacrifice the illusion that you already do.” (Vironika Tugaleva)
Since accountability is one of those words that so many people regularly use, all the while assuming that everyone knows what it means, I figured the best way to approach this topic is to break down some of the traits of a truly accountable individual — and since there is no way to be accountable without being self-aware, let’s start there.
To be honest with you, self-awareness manifests itself in a myriad of ways:
- Self-aware people know their strengths and weaknesses
- Self-aware people are cognizant of how their energy and presence affect those around them
- Self-aware people are able to express their emotions in a clear, concise, and mature way
- Self-aware people are able to hear other folks out when it comes to their views and perspectives
- Self-aware people have good boundariesand respect the boundaries of others
- Self-aware people own their mistakes without making excuses, justifying, or deflecting
- Self-aware people make apologies and accept them (because they know they need the same mercy that they bestow)
- Self-aware people are mindful and remain in the present (because that’s all they can “control”)
- Self-aware people know how to fight fair
- Self-aware people respond rather than react (they process things and determine the most beneficial way to address matters before they speak)
Look here — I’m willing to bet some pretty good money that the number of folks who would immediately become more accountable would easily be in the thousands if they simply focused on what it means to be self-aware…first. That said, how self-aware are you? Be honest.
Accountability Is a Sign of Maturity
Giphy"Maturity is achieved when a person postpones immediate pleasures for long-term values." (Joshua L. Liebman)
If you’ve been rocking with me, content-wise, for a while now, then you already know that one of my absolute favorite quotes is “Adulthood is surviving childhood.” And since there are plenty of studies to support that the age where a child is traumatized is oftentimes the emotional stage that they remain until they get some professional help, it actually makes a lot of sense why some adults act like big kids. That’s why, if there’s one thing that I enjoy about the truly great Black family channelBeleaf in Fatherhood, it’s that the parents show what it means to handle accountability in a mature way in spite of their kids sometimes handling matters immaturely — because they are well…kids.
That’s why it tickles me when the whole “What do you bring to the table?” conversation comes up, and folks will respond with, “I’ve got a place, a car, and I pay my own bills.” Umm, you mean you’re an adult? Not sure how many brownie points you should actually get for that once you reach adult age. And honestly, maturity should come with adulting as well. In fact, as you get older, maturity should be evolving in your life — that includes when it comes to personal accountability.
So, what does it mean to be a mature person? For starters, mature people can control their emotions; are not impulsive; do not need immediate gratification; are not self-centered; do not blame others for their own stuff; do not resort to pettiness, and do not make irresponsible decisions. When you process all of this, it’s easy to see why children need to be taught how to hold themselves accountable — it’s because they tend to not be very good at any of this. We, as grown-ass people, though? We absolutely should be.
Accountability Is a Sign of Humility
Giphy"True humility is being able to accept criticisms as graciously as we accept compliments." (Sabrina Newby)
This culture is hella backward. Although humility is actually a virtuous trait to have, society spends a lot of time trying to present it as some sort of weakness. And here’s the (main) problem with that: when you’re arrogant; overbearing; unteachable (can’t be told or corrected about anything); presumptuous; aggressive; smug, and self-centered — does that seem like someone who would do a good job at holding themselves accountable?
An extreme example of this would probably be the orange man, Donald Trump. His narcissism is so off-the-charts that, no matter how much evidence of his ridiculousness he’s presented with, he finds some way to skirt around it and not own it. That’s what egomania does: it makes you think that you’re too good to make mistakes and/or take on the consequences whenever you do — and that’s a very dangerous way to live your life.
Synonyms for humility include words like meek, unpretentious, and unassuming. When I think of those words, things like being flexible and correctable come to mind. And the beautiful thing about all of this, as it directly relates to personal accountability is, there’s no way that you can hold yourself responsible unless these qualities are not alive, well, and very active in you. Are they?
Accountability Is a Sign of Personal Responsibility
Giphy“The final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.” (Anne Frank)
There is someone in my family who, without even really asking me, had me pack up their things in storage and pay the bill for years. I mean, several years. Every time they would come to visit (they moved far away), I would say, “When are you going to send for your things?” and they would basically give me the Elmo shrug. That is, until the storage unit got robbed, I was out of literally thousands of dollars, and they had the nerve to get mad at me about it. Umm, if you had come to get your stuff, this wouldn’t have happened. Take some personal responsibility. Geeze.
Back when they could emotionally bully me, they could get away with that type of craziness. Not now, though. They aren’t good at personal responsibility, never really have been, and so some firm boundaries have been put into place — because individuals who don’t hold themselves responsible are gonna be a liability in your life, one way or another.
Just for the record, here are some signs of how responsible people get down: they respect other people’s time and resources; they organize their life in a way where it won’t “fall into” unnecessary drama and chaos; they plan ahead; they tell the truth; they keep their commitments and follow through on their obligations; they don’t just own mistakes, they seek to correct them; they’re not driven by emotion(s), and they stick to their values and standards, no matter what.
Yeah, a responsible person is a trustworthy individual. And that brings me to the next point.
Accountability Is a Sign of Being Trustworthy
Giphy“Being consistent in your behavior is a great way to build trust.” (Germany Kent)
The older (and prayerfully wiser) I become, the more consistency matters to me. Honestly, on a few levels, that’s always been the case because I grew up in a home that, in many ways, was pretty consistent about being inconsistent — and you can’t really trust people who move like that because you never really know what to expect at any given moment and time (which sucks for a child’s overall health and well-being if you happen to be a parent, by the way).
And here’s the thing about consistency — it’s not about being perfect or getting everything right all of the time. Consistency is about not being erratic in your behavior, meaning what you say, and living in a way that isn’t constantly in conflict. For instance, my friends know that I’m consistent about “Don’t ask me a question if you don’t want a pretty direct answer,” “Don’t expect me to be super available on the biblical Sabbath” and “I couldn’t care less about holidays yet my birthday? Yeah…show up.” This stuff never — and I mean, NEVER — changes, so they trust me to be this way when it comes to those specific topics.
On a grander scale, how does trustworthiness show up?
- Trustworthy people are safe (including emotionally safe) to be around
- Trustworthy people do not violate articulated boundaries
- Trustworthy people don’t say one thing and do something else
- Trustworthy people are honest with themselves and others
- Trustworthy people are genuine; they don’t put on facades
- Trustworthy people hold information in great confidence
- Trustworthy people are considerate of other people’s feelings and needs
Trustworthy people are the ones you can call with a secret, in an emergency, or if you are in need because they have already displayed the kind of character that reveals how reliable they are — and there is no way that you can be a reliable person if you’re not someone who holds yourself accountable.
Accountability Is a Sign of Being Solutions-Oriented
Giphy“A problem is a chance for you to do your best.” (Duke Ellington)
One more. Personally, something that drives me up the wall about people who don’t take accountability for the things that they say and/or do is they’re exhausting to be around. One of the reasons why is that when you don’t take accountability for mistakes, offenses, or inadvertent missteps, that can cause a domino effect of other issues or problems — and that’s a complete waste of time and energy.
This includes individuals who don’t apologize. When you know that you messed up, why not just own your ish so that the healing process can begin and everyone can move smoothly within the relationship? That’s how someone who doesn’t like a lot of stress and drama would operate. Yeah, and if your immediate response to that is, “I don’t really care how they feel about it” — well, it’s kind of another article for another time, yet not only is your pride a sign of emotional immaturity, but if you feel that apathetic towards other individuals, you’re not the safest individual to be around either (#sorrynotsorry).
Definitely, one of the best things about personal accountability is you like a drama-free existence which means that you’re as solutions-oriented as possible. And if that means choosing peace over being right all of the time (especially when you know that you’re not), focusing more on the future than the past, strengthening your areas of weakness so that you can break certain patterns and habits…so be it.
You’ll take the “hit” because the sooner you’re accountable, the sooner a solution is found, and life is all good. And that’s just what makes holding yourself accountable so great — it keeps you in a more consistent state of harmony and clarity. And that’s beyond bomb. Trust me.
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- What Is The 'Johari Window' And Why It's Bomb When It Comes To Increasing Self-Awareness ›
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- 7 Questions You Should Definitely Ask Yourself At The End Of Each Week ›
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
For Us, By Us: How HBCU Alumni Are Building Legacies Through Entrepreneurship
Homecoming season is here, and alumni are returning to the yard to celebrate with their friends and family at the historically Black colleges and universities (HBCUs) that have changed their lives forever.
No matter where their life journeys have taken them, for HBCU students from near and far, returning to where it all started can invoke feelings of nostalgia, appreciation for the past, and inspiration for the future.
The seeds for these entrepreneurs were planted during their time as students at schools like Spelman, North Carolina A&T, and more, which is why xoNecole caught up with Look Good Live Well’s Ariane Turner, HBCU Buzz’s Luke Lawal and Morehouse Senior Director of Marketing and Comms and Press Secretary Jasmine Gurley to highlight the role their HBCU roots play in their work as entrepreneurs, the legacy they aim to leave behind through the work that they do, and more as a part of Hyundai’s Best In Class initiative.
On Honoring HBCU Roots To Create Something That Is For Us, By Us
Ariane Turner
Courtesy
When Ariane Turner launched Look Good, Live Well, she created it with Black and brown people in mind, especially those with sensitive skin more prone to dryness and skin conditions like acne and eczema.
The Florida A&M University graduate launched her business to create something that addressed topical skin care needs and was intentional about its approach without negative terminology.
Turner shared that it is important to steer clear of language often adopted by more prominent brands, such as “banishing breakouts” or “correcting the skin,” because, in reality, Turner says there is nothing wrong with the way that our skin and bodies react to various life changes.
“I think what I have taken with me regarding my HBCU experience and translated to my entrepreneurial experience is the importance of not just networking,” Turner, the founder and CEO of Look Good, Live Well, tellls xoNecole.
“We hear that in business all the time, your network is your net worth, but family, there’s a thing at FAMU that we call FAMU-lee instead of family, and it’s very much a thing. What that taught me is the importance of not just making relationships and not just making that connection, but truly working on deepening them, and so being intentional about connecting with people initially, but staying connected and building and deepening those relationships, and that has served me tremendously in business, whether it’s being able to reach back to other classmates who I went to school with, or just networking in general.”
She added, “I don’t come from a business background. As soon as I finished school, I continued with my entrepreneurial journey, and so there’s a lot of that traditional business act and the networking, those soft skills that I just don’t have, but I will say that just understanding how to leverage and network community and to build intentional relationships is something that has taken me far and I definitely got those roots while attending FAMU.”
On Solving A Very Specific Need For The Community
Luke Lawal Jr.
Courtesy
When Luke Lawal Jr. launched HBCU Buzz, his main focus was to represent his community, using the platform to lift as they climbed by creating an outlet dedicated to celebrating the achievements and positive news affecting the 107 historically HBCUs nationwide.
By spotlighting the wonderful things that come from the HBCU community and coupling it with what he learned during his time at Bowie State University, Lawal used that knowledge to propel himself as an entrepreneur while also providing his people with accurate representation across the internet.
“The specific problem in 2011 when I started HBCU Buzz was more so around the fact that mainstream media always depict HBCUs as negative,” Lawal says. “You would only see HBCUs in the mainstream media when someone died, or the university president or someone was stepping down. It was always bad news, but they never shed light on all the wonderful things from our community."
So, I started HBCU Buzz to ensure the world saw the good things that come from our space. And they knew that HBCUs grew some of the brightest people in the world, and just trying to figure out ways to make sure our platform was a pedestal for all the students that come through our institutions.”
“The biggest goal is to continue to solve problems, continue to create brands that solve the problems of our communities, and make sure that our products, our brands, our companies, and institutions are of value and they’re helping our community,” he continues. “That they’re solving problems that propel our space forward.”
On How Being An HBCU Alum Impacts The Way One Shows Up In The World
Jasmine Gurley
Courtesy
Jasmine Gurley is a proud North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University alum. She is even more delighted with her current role, which enables her to give back to current HBCU students as the Senior Director of Brand Marketing and Communications and official press secretary at Morehouse College.
“It was a formative experience where I really was able to come into my own and say yes to all the opportunities that were presented to me, and because of that, it’s been able to open the doors later in life too,” says Gurley of her experience at North Carolina A&T. “One thing I love about many HBCUs is that we are required to learn way more about African American history than you do in your typical K through 12 or even at the higher ed level."
She adds, “It allowed us to have a better understanding of where we came from, and so for me, because I’m a storyteller, I’m a history person, I’m very sensitive to life in general, being able to listen to the stories and the trials that our ancestors overcame, put the battery pack in my back to say, ‘Oh nothing can stop me. Absolutely nothing can stop me. I know where I came from, so I can overcome something and try anything. And I have an obligation to be my ancestors’ wildest dreams. Simultaneously, I also have a responsibility to help others realize that greatness.
Gurley does not take her position at an HBCU, now as a leader, lightly.
“People think I’m joking when I say I’m living the dream, but I really am,” she notes. “So I wake up every day and know that the work that I do matters, no matter how hard it might be, how frustrating it may be, and challenging it. I know the ripple effect of my work, my team, and what this institution does also matter. The trajectory of Black male experiences, community, history, and then just American advancement just in general.”
On the other hand, through her business, Sankofa Public Relations, Gurley is also on a mission to uplift brands in their quest to help their respective communities. Since its inception in 2017, Sankofa PR has been on a mission to “reach back and reclaim local, national, and global communities by helping those actively working to move” various areas of the world, focusing on pushing things forward for the better.
“Through Sankofa, we’ve worked with all different types of organizational brands and individuals in several different industries, but I would think of them as mission-based,” says Gurley.
“So with that, it’s an opportunity to help people who are trying to do good in the world, and they are passionate about what they’re doing. They just need help with marketing issues, storytelling, and branding, and that’s when my expertise can come into play. Help them get to that moment where they can tell their story through me or another platform, and that’s been super fulfilling.”
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
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