It's no secret quarantine has done a number on our mental health, but what about our skin's health? Summer may be in full effect, but we might not have the same glow we're used to having by this time of year since we've been indoors waiting out COVID-19. Women of color should also be giving their skin some extra TLC this season regardless or not of the pandemic since our skin suffers more from hyperpigmentation, scarring, and more. So, what do we do about it?
Here at xoNecole, we take glowing skin and anything that tries to get in the way of it seriously. We chatted with Dove Dermatologist and leading skincare expert Dr. Mona Gohara on her advice and favorite products for prepping Black and Brown skin to emerge from quarantine like a goddess.
Keep reading if "glass skin" was on your 2020 vision board.
The effects of quarantine on skin, Black and Brown skin especially:
"Not so much quarantine itself but the whole pandemic does create unique concerns for brown skin. Mask-wearing can lead to acne, referred to as 'maskne'. This is much more likely to lead to hyperpigmentation in brown skin. Actually, one component of quarantine that is unique to darker skin is the hyperpigmentation that can come from Zoom-ing all the time. Blue light from our devices create hyperpigmentation, melasma and skin damage. This is much more likely in Black/Brown skin. I recommend a gentle cleanser and of course a lot of SPF. Nothing overly aggressive or harsh."
What we should have done all quarantine-long to prep our skin for "the outside" and can still do:
"Wear sunscreen! Especially if you spend your days sitting by a window or in a room with lots of sunlight as UV light penetrates right through window glass, so sunscreen is useful even if you're inside. Many people of color tend to believe they're invincible when it comes to the sun and needing sun protection, but you should wear sunscreen every day! Your skin is the largest human organ, and it is the most visible. No matter what season we're in, know that the skin constantly absorbs ultraviolet aging rays like a sponge, which then damage your DNA, collagen and cause pigment abnormalities later in life.
"As you start transitioning back to normalcy and going outside, use makeup with SPF in it as well as a separate sunscreen. You can never have enough. Also note that sunscreen is the last product you put on your face after your moisturizer, right before your makeup."
Ways can we refresh skincare routines for the summer on a budget:
"Just as we transition our wardrobes to hotter weather, the shift in seasons necessitates a refresh in our skincare routine. I recommend using a gentle, moisturizing, all-in-one cleanser like the Dove Beauty Bar ($6) . With its signature cleansing ingredients and 1/4 moisturizing cream, it effectively cleanses the skin without leaving behind that dry, tight sensation. It's also gentle enough to use on your face and can be used for handwashing as it removes dirt and germs while nourishing the skin, making it the ultimate all-in-one cleanser.
"For all skin types, a broad-spectrum SPF of 30 or higher (Black Girl Sunscreen, $16) which is essential for those with melasma or skin discoloration. Remember even light bulbs worsen melasma, so SPF 30 is essential. If you do experience sun damage [add on] a Vitamin C antioxidant like La Roche-Posay Vitamin C Face Serum ($40). For those with dry skin, use a gentle hydrating cleanser (Aveeno Ultra-Calming Hydrating Gel Facial Cleanser) and follow it with a petroleum-based ointment (Aquaphor Advanced Therapy Healing Ointment, $10) on top."
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MUST-have ingredient(s) in skincare products this season for WOC:
"In terms of ingredients, a good rule of thumb is to stay away from products that have the word "fragrance" on their ingredient label and look for "fragrance-free" alternatives, products that contain a lot of "alcohols" can also be irritating on the skin. Look for ingredients like glycerin, ceramide, etc. Also avoid long hot showers, as they strip away your skin's natural moisture barriers, instead opt for shorter, warm showers."
Advice for treating skin irritated from wearing masks in combination with the heat:
"Gently cleanse, if you over-irritate the skin with a lot of scrubbing or exfoliation, it will just stoke any inflammation. If the skin is irritated in the form of eczema, a little over-the-counter cortisone cream may help. If it is breaking out in the form of acne, I like to put Benzoyl peroxide spot treatment right over the affected area."
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Ding. Ding. DING.
A life coach by the name of Thomas Leonard once said that “Clarity affords focus” and, believe you me, when it comes to dealing with other human beings, if you don’t get clear on where you stand when it comes to your interactions with them, you can very easily find yourself “focusing too much” on those who don’t deserve it and too little on those who absolutely do. And y’all, this lil’ PSA couldn’t be more relevant than when it comes to what I call “casual friendships.”
Let’s dig — and for some of us, dig our way out of — what it means to have a casual friend, so that you can get clear on if you really need those in your life…and if so…why?
Article continues after the video.
It Can’t Be Said Enough: Always Remember What “Casual” Means
GiphyThere’s a reason why I decided to share two videos by mental health coach Isaiah Frizzle at the top and bottom of this article. It’s because a lot of what he shares in both of them complements a piece that I wrote for the platform last year entitled, “This Is Just What Purposeful Relationships Look Like.”
It’s the author M. Scott Peck who once said, “Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it” and please believe that the older (and hopefully more mature) you get, the more you tend to see just how valuable — and fleeting — time is; and that is what plays a huge role in motivating you want to only involve yourself with people, places, things and ideas that will honor your time — and when something is casual? In my opinion, it’s highly debatable that it’s worth much of your months, days, hours, or even too many of your minutes.
The main reason why is addressed in an article that I wrote back in the day entitled, “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex.'” The gist? When it comes to relationships, “casual” is certainly not a favorite word of mine because I know what it means. Have mercy — why would you want to invest your time, energy, and emotions into something that is, by definition, apathetic, indifferent, careless, lacking emotional intimacy, and/or is without purpose?
I don’t know about y’all but that sounds like a complete and total crap shoot to me — especially if you are going to go so far as to consider this type of dynamic a true friendship (check out “Ever Wonder If A Friend Is Just...Not That Into You?,” “6 Signs You're About To Make A Huge Mistake In Making Them A Close Friend,” “5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship That Is Secretly Poisoning Your Life,” “12 Friend Facts That Might Cause You To Rethink (Some Of) Your Own,” and “Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?” ).
To me, when you decide to call someone “friend,” it means that they are loyal, reliable, consistent, trustworthy and willing to be there to support you to the very best of their ability — even if it’s inconvenient to do so sometimes (check out “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient'”). How in the world can you expect that from something that has the word “casual” in it?
And you know what? That actually segues into my next point about casual friendships pretty darn well.
Ponder the Purpose “Casual Friends” Serve in Your Life
GiphyA couple of years ago, Verywell Mind published an article entitled, “How the 4 Types of Friendship Fit Into Your Life.” The four that it listed were acquaintances (which I actually don’t consider to be friends; check out “6 Differences Between A Close Acquaintance And An Actual Friend”), casual friends, close friends, and lifelong friends. After reading the piece, I think they consider casual friends to be the “pleasure” friends that I mentioned in the article, “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends.”
And although I certainly get that, I think my “cause for pause” is calling those people “friends” when they probably should be called something like an associate or possibly even a buddy instead. Why do I feel this way? Well, I’ve shared in other articles that I think social media has jacked up vocabulary words and their true meaning on a billion different levels.
Take “friend,” for example. Facebook had us out here calling everyone we connected to on their platform “friends” when some of them, we’ve never even spoken to before — and I personally think that influenced, affected and perhaps even infected our psyche to the point where we will call folks, both online and off, “friend” even when they haven’t earned it and/or who possibly don’t deserve it.
That said, do I think that we all could use lighthearted interactions that don’t go very deep and are filled with not much more than fun? Sure. However, if we were to move this over into a sexual thing — those types of people would probably be called a sneaky link, and there is nothing significant or substantial about ‘em. In fact, if anything pretty much automatically comes with an expiration date, sneaky links would have to be it.
And that’s kind of the point that I’m trying to make about a casual friend — so long as you know that the word “casual” is being used to describe them, while you may enjoy the people who fit that bill, they aren’t really anything that you can or even should fully rely on. Instead, take them for what they are and don’t really expect much more than that. Otherwise, you could be in for some profound levels of disappointment. And who wants that?
Final point.
How a Casual Friend Can Become a Huge Red Flag
GiphyI’m telling you, y’all gonna quit clowning Tubi. LOL. To me, the best way to describe it is it’s the Cricket of current streaming apps. What I mean by that is, back when Cricket (the cell phone service) first came out, people, like me, who used it service got incessantly clowned because it was seen as a bootleg provider. Now it’s owned by AT&T, and as someone who has rocked with them since I was in my 20s, I don’t have one regret for doing so. Cricket has always been good to me, chile.
And Tubi? Well, when you get a chance, check out CNBC’s article, “CEO at 33, Tubi’s Anjali Sud on success hacks she learned at Amazon, IAC on way to top of Fox streaming” — take note of the moves the streaming app is making and the quality of programming that is transpiring in real time.
Anyway, I find myself bringing up Tubi more and more in my content because it helps to amplify some of the points that I like to make. This time, it’s a movie that’s (currently) on there calledRight Man, Wrong Woman. If you haven’t seen it before, I don’t want to give too much of the film away. What I will say is that the main female character, she had a casual friend and then she had a close friend.
That casual friend—the one who liked to kick it all of the time—was a lot of fun; however, dealing with her came with a ton of semi-unforeseen consequences. Meanwhile, the close friend? She’s what the Aristotle article (that I mentioned earlier) would call the “good friend” because she tried her best to hold her friend accountable.
And really, it shouldn’t be a shock that the casual friend turned out to be a plum trip because if someone is loads of entertainment and pleasure and yet they are indifferent towards you, they make careless decisions around you and/or they don’t really make known the purpose for you being in their life other than to pass some time — where really do you and that person have to go past drinks after work or dinner on a rooftop restaurant from time to time? And if that is all that the two of you are doing, again, why are they deserving of the word “friend”?
Hmph and don’t get me started on the lack of reciprocity that typically transpires when it comes to dealing with people like this because, while they won’t mind you spending your coins on them, taking their calls in the middle of the night or listening to all of their issues — when it comes time for them to show up for you, they very well may gaslight you into thinking that you are being dramatic, clingy or “doing the most.” Why? Well, it’s mostly because the two of you never really established what the hell the both of you are to one another.
And so, while you’re somewhere taking them seriously, they are out here seeing you casually, and as much as it might hurt to hear, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. You shouldn’t expect much where no clarity is involved. After all, casual is just that: CASUAL.
____
I’m hoping that you can now see why I entitled this piece in the way that I did. It’s because a red flag is pretty much a warning, and to me, a casual friend is about as big of an oxymoron (again, to me) as casual sex is. Friends and sex are both too intimate to be seen or treated casually. Oh, but if you step out and take that risk, you could find yourself getting far more involved than the other individual ever wanted to go, because casual is how things have always been. “Friend” was simply to get you more mentally and emotionally invested. SMDH.
American columnist Walter Winchell once said, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” A wise person once said, “One good friendship will outlive forty average loves." Former President Ulysses S. Grant once said, “The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.” Does any of this sound casual to you? Yeah, me neither.
Again, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have people in your life who aren’t on deep levels. I’m just saying that you might want to consider putting them into another category than friend, because what friends do for people? There ain’t nothin’ even remotely casual about it, sis. Not even a lil’ bit.
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