What you might not know is the influence your sense of smell has on who you find attractive. Sexual chemistry is more than a person’s appearance, their style of dress, or the way that they talk. In fact, it is often an unspoken subtlety of the scent the person leaves behind that triggers something in your brain that you’re into them, that you’re feeling them, that you want them. Accessing the olfactory glands can be a very powerful thing, especially with its ties to our emotions and memories as humans. The smell of spice on a man makes me weak, or his after shave, the way his cologne might linger on a sweatshirt that I choose to slink into at the end of a long day. Great-smelling aromas stimulate parts of the brain that directly connect to sexual desire.
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I asked five women what scents on the opposite sex made them weak in the knees. Below are five timeless fragrances that women love to smell on one another. These are scents that will undoubtedly draw your mate closer.
Prada Amber Pour Homme
Prada Amber Pour Homme“I remember searching through a Men’s Health magazine years and years ago and smelling the insert samples for this fragrance. I had to get it for my husband as a Father’s Day present. I was so drawn to it and still am. It’s such a light, powdery fragrance, but so manly at the same time. My favorite thing to do is get a whiff of it when he kisses me before leaving the house to head to work in the mornings.” – Lisa, 38
Described as, “a rich blend of fresh mandarin, bergamot, and cardamom that melds into the sensual mid notes of patchouli, tonka bean, and vanilla; and finishes with the clean, leathery notes of vetiver, neroli, orange blossom, saffron, and suede, Amber Pour Homme is a fragrance for the self-assured man.”
Prada’s Amber Pour Homme, $66; sephora.com
Tom Ford Tobacco Vanille
Tom Ford Tobacco Vanille“I’m a fragrance connoisseur so I don’t mind making a hefty investment to add an additional layer to my image or impression. I love Tom Ford fragrances. Well, I love Tom Ford everything, but Tobacco Vanille in particular sticks out to me because it was a sign of a change of taste. It’s a gorgeous fragrance, the perfect blend of vanilla and tobacco which makes it the perfect unisex fragrance. My husband and I actually share a bottle.” – Lori, 54
Described as, “a modern take on an old-world men’s club. A smooth oriental, Tobacco Vanille opens immediately with opulent essences of tobacco leaf and aromatic spice notes.”
Tom Ford’s Black Orchid, $225.00; Nordstrom.com
Avon Black Suede
Avon Black Suede “I really love the smell of spice and leather on a man or leather and tobacco. Leather is something I have always associated with masculinity because of work boots and my father. Spice because of the Old Spice he wore and cigarettes because, well, you get it. So I think of men when I smell those smells.” – Patrice, 45
Described as, “rich, smooth scent with sweet mossy tones; spicy accents against a background of amber, woods & musk.”
Avon’s Black Suede, $18; avon.com
Kenneth Cole Black for Men
Kenneth Cole Black for Men“It’s sexy, strong, and masculine without being the cliché scent of a man scent of Old Spice. But it definitely is strong and spicy. I instantly feel a romantic vibe whenever my hubby wears it and it might be because he saves it for our weekend outings. It’s like whenever he wears it, Marvin Gaye starts to play in my head (laughs).” – Cynthia, 33
Described as, “A burst of ginger, Mandarin orange and water mint welcomes you at the top, while notes of incense, nutmeg and cedar linger at the heart of this invigorating fragrance.”
Kenneth Cole’s Black for Men, $35.49; overstock.com
Calvin Klein Obsession for Men
Calvin Klein Obsession for Men
“I was convinced I was in love with my boss for a full year because of his cologne. I’d need him to sign off on some documents or inquire about a paycheck and enter his office and just be immersed with this incredible smell. It didn’t hurt that he was easy on the eyes too (laughs). Before I left the firm, I asked him what it was called. He told me Obsession. I thought, 'ironic'.” – Claire, 24
Described as, “a provocative and compelling blend of botanics and rare woods. Topnotes – mandarin, bergamot Midnotes – lavender, myrrh, spices Basenotes – musk, sandalwood, patchouli.”
Calvin Klein’s Obsession for Men, $74; amazon.com
What’s your favorite fragrance to smell on a man and what’s the memory you affiliate it with? Share below.
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If you've had some doubts or don't know where to start, here's a quick guide for prepping to make your homeownership dreams a reality:
1. Get your mind right.
A 2022 Bank of America survey found that while 48% of Black women "feel confident about their finances," only 28% actually "feel empowered to take action" fueled by this confidence.
This first step is often overlooked, but oftentimes, when we're starting any new journey, especially one that involves a big change both physically (i.e. moving to a whole new environment) and financially, you'll need to set your mind on positive thoughts, confidence, and boldness. You have to know that you can indeed be a homeowner, that you deserve the desires of your heart, and that you are more than capable of navigating the process.
With high rates of student loan debt, rental income disparities, and a lot of the home responsibilities falling on us, among other challenges, it can indeed seem like a tough feat to go the homeownership route, but it is certainly doable with the right mindset, strategy, and support.
Lean into affirmations, prayer, therapy, coaching, and real-life inspiration to clear your mind of doubts and fears and use that energy to progress toward your dream home purchase. Open your mind to all the options, resources, and programs that are afforded to you and the alternative ways to reach your goals.
2. Get real about your finances.
Many experts agree on this second step, as you'll need to know where you are financially in order to be sure of what type of house you want, where you want to live, and whether you can afford the mortgage. Usually, this includes having (or creating) a budget and getting to know your expenses versus your take-home pay. If you don't already have a budget, create one and start to really get focused on knowing exactly what money's coming in and what's going out.
Also, getting into a savings routine and looking into investing, even if it's as simple as signing up for your 401K with your job, opening a retirement account on your own via companies like Fidelity or JP Morgan, or starting brokerage accounts with platforms like Charles Schwab or Robinhood. This will allow you to get into the habit of building wealth and having multiple sources to tap into in terms of financial assets.
3. Stop counting yourself out due to reasons like "bad credit" or low income.
If you need assistance with budgeting or learning more about money management, there are free resources out there (try here or here). You can also tap into local resources like nonprofits, financial advisers, or the professionals you bank with, especially if it's a credit union.
There are also resources for strategizing how to improve your credit, boost your income, and develop better financial fitness habits, so tap into those as well. You can do this! Sit down, write out your goals, work with a coach, and start one small step at a time.
Bad credit and other financial challenges don't necessarily bar you from achieving your dreams of owning a home. Look into rent-to-own options or financiers who offer home loans to people with credit under 620. There are also federal lenders that are ideal for those with low or no credit.
Go into your current bank and get to know your options so that you'll know what's actually available to you and what's possible beyond the fears or negative self-talk. Take a free class via the National Urban League or other local resources through a quick Google search. You'd be surprised what options are out there when you simply make a few appointments, do a bit of research, network, and ask.
4. Figure out your plan for your first payment and the right mortgage fit.
A down payment is often required (or at least encouraged) when you're buying a home, so once you've gotten clear on your financial status, what type of house you want, where, and how much you can afford based on your income, think about how you'll save up (or pay) the first payment for the investment.
Twenty percent of the total cost of the home has often been mentioned as a place to start, but experts say you don't necessarily have to have that much. However, be aware that when you put down less than that, you'll have to get mortgage insurance, and it will likely add to your monthly mortgage payment, so keep that in mind. There are assistance programs on the state and federal levels that can help you navigate this and even assist with the cost, especially if you're a first-time homebuyer. (Start here for more great information on this.)
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When it comes to your dream home and consideration of a mortgage, think outside the box. Your dream home might be a $500,000 ranch-style home in a major metro area but if that's going to have you living above your means or struggling to pay the down payment and monthly mortgage in tough times, considering an adjacent city or county in the same state or the same type of house in an area that's more up-and-coming.
There are also different types of mortgages that might be a good fit for you based on various factors. For example, conventional loans offer low minimum down payments but have more stringent qualifications, while FHA loans are mortgages backed by the Federal Housing Administration and are generally easier to qualify for but have stricter requirements related to mortgage insurance. (You can research more information on types of loans and how to qualify here and here.)
5. Start the pre-approval process and ask lots of questions before agreeing to a loan.
You'll also need to get pre-approved, so once you've found the right type of loan, do your research on who to partner with on your mortgage. Be sure, for example, that if you're going for an FHA loan, the loan provider is FHA-approved. According to NerdWallet, prospective home buyers should consider how a lender’s sample rates compare with today's mortgage rates, determine the closing costs, and "compare mortgage origination fees.” Become super-aware of the terms and timing for the loans and how these might change over time or in the future. Ask lots of questions or get help via a reputable consultant or coach.
Preapproval is necessary for getting the "real numbers," because lenders have access to detailed information about your finances. The process will include a hard credit inquiry, which shows up on your credit report, however, when you apply with multiple lenders around the same time, according to Bankrate, it only counts as one hard pull. This is because credit scoring models "take mortgage rate-shopping into account" and "group multiple inquiries together" if the credit checks all happen within a 45-day period. You'll need documents including W2s, pay stubs, and others (listed here.)
You can use the pre-approved lender at the end of the process, once you're ready to buy, or you can use a new one if, by the end of the process, you've found a better deal.
6. Research and vet your real estate agent before contracting with them.
Experts recommend interviewing multiple buyer's agents to be sure you're getting someone with your best interests at heart. Ask family, friends, and coworkers for referrals, look at the agent's online reviews, and be sure they're licensed in your state. Check out their Zillow or other professional profiles online and look at their track record. Ask them questions like "How long have you been in business," "How well do you know the area," and "How will you be corresponding with me, and how often?" (Here's a full list of interview questions for getting started.)
There’s a difference between a buyer’s agent, who represents a homebuyer in a real estate transaction, and a seller’s or listing agent, who is responsible for looking out for the seller, including pricing and marketing the home. Many agents do both, but some specialize in one or the other. Some states don’t allow dual agency, and it can there are some risks associated with that. There are referral agents who provide leads to other agents for a fee.
7. When shopping around, take your time and don't make hasty decisions.
Work with your real estate agent to view properties and think along the lines of making a long-term investment. You'll more than likely be living in the house for quite some time (even if you plan to sell and move on later) so you'll want to have some forethought on your why and how you'd like to live in the long term. Think about the community, how you'll live in the home, and what will best suit your long-term needs.
Real estate agents also recommend looking for red flags when viewing a home like poor tiling, evidence of leaks, or covering of flaws (such as "strong perfumes" or gaps in tile, for example). Be aware of potential issues like bodies of water nearby (possibility of flooding) or paint bubbling around windows (possible problems with ventilation). They also recommend looking past the aesthetics, lifting carpets, or asking about recent property maintenance.
While this guide is simply a snapshot to get you started, allow it to encourage you to go boldly for your dreams of homeownership with confidence and a plan. Be sure to utilize all resources afforded to you, do your research, and walk proudly into your next elevation to owning the home of your dreams.
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