Women, specifically women of color, are making their dreams come true and impacting their communities and the culture and we're killin' it. The number of businesses owned by Black women in the United States in 2018? 2.4 million! We've been building an impressive army of entrepreneurship, generational wealth, and influence while seemingly no one was paying attention. It can be asserted that Black women have been moving in silence, building lives and generations long before the idea snuck into song lyrics and subsequently cemented itself in popular culture as a life and business principle.
So what is it that sistas are doing and how are we doing it so well?
Sometimes we do more looking up to the smaller percentage of people who've become household names than we spend connecting with and learning from the wealth and experiences of those whose stars are steadily rising. So, I tapped 8 incredible Black women – I mean truly amazing, everyday women who walk, talk, live, and create in impactful ways. Women who see through the veneer of accolades straight to impact in its truest sense and form. Keep reading to find out why there is success in learning to move in silence.
Deanna M. Griffin, Co-Founder of Crownhunt
What does moving in silence mean to you? Is it easy? Why or why not?
Moving in silence looks like doing the work instead of just talking about it. We live in an age where it's easy to position or brand yourself a certain way without having the sweat and receipts behind it. I like to focus on the results – brainstorming launches, developing timelines and budgets, identifying partners and collaborators, writing/editing/scheduling/promoting... whatever has to be done to get my ideas off the ground before I start bragging about the work. The celebration can come later.
What is one tip you would offer Black women entrepreneurs/influencers as they figure out their work rhythm in a world that seems to value the LOOK of getting things done more than the discipline of actually doing?
Be transparent. If you are figuring it out, while making mistakes, share that. It's easy to think that "the hustle" means looking like you're killing it all the time. People are quickly turned off by that and it's devastating to come off as a fraud when you were just trying to "fake it 'til you make it". This is why we created the Crownhunt newsletter, which surprisingly doesn't focus on hair but on our journey to tell our inner Impostor Syndrome to STFU. We're hoping that our decision to be transparent will pay off.
Follow her on Instagram: @crownhunt
Princess “Coach P” Owens, Wellness Expert/Holistic Health Coach
What does moving in silence mean to you? Is it easy? Why or why not?
Moving in silence for me is actively practicing wisdom and patience while I work the plan. You move with care and understand that it's not a secretive thing but a sacred experience. You don't just guard your visions/goals but it's an out guarding the process. Trust no one with your dreams but self and the creator. It's hard not to share the good parts. "Everyone else is flourishing and being magical, I want in".... but never share the story until they can feel/see the glory. You share after manifestation has taken place, on your own time in your own way.
What is one tip you would offer Black women entrepreneurs/influencers as they figure out their work rhythm in a world that seems to value the LOOK of getting things done more than the discipline of actually doing?
Social media is a space where your influence, value, and even likability is often attached to "wins". We often use these platforms to prove that we belong by being pretentious in our sharing. You can't fake energy. You may fake a lifestyle for a bit (even that will get exposed) but you can never fake magic. Trust that you will always belong – even as you are. Do the work in authenticity. Take care of YOU, so that you'll never lose YOU in the process. Be you.
Follow her on Twitter and Instagram: @coachpsays"Never share the story until they can feel/see the glory. You share after manifestation has taken place, on your own time in your own way."
Yetti Ajayi-Obe, Owner of YettiSays & Founder of Certified 10
What does moving in silence mean to you? Is it easy? Why or why not?
I actually have a love/hate relationship with this idea of "move in silence." I don't necessarily believe one should be shouting their every move from the rooftops, but I don't subscribe to the thoughts of every power move should be done in silence – unless you're Beyoncé, of course. I think us WOC, especially those of us that are wellness advocates, need to be more open and honest about the process of producing and creating, because truthfully, it takes a lot [out] of a person. I tend to "move in silence" naturally, but that's only because outside pressures and opinions do something ridiculous to my anxiety. I have an internal team I work with because they provide me the balance I need. But I think talking about the process can aid in making sure there are more of us Black and brown women sitting at the table.
What is one tip you would offer Black women entrepreneurs/influencers as they figure out their work rhythm in a world that seems to value the LOOK of getting things done more than the discipline of actually doing?
"Only you can do what you do. Only you can reach certain people. Only you can speak to your story. And by not doing what you're meant to do on this Earth, you're robbing this world of a service only you can provide." – I'm not sure if this is something my therapist coined, or if it's an official quote, but this is what I refer back to when pressure, anxiety, and whatever else interferes with my work. It's not about the numbers, the money, or the cool opportunities. It's about the reach, whether it be two people or two thousand. It has nothing to do with what the next person is doing. It's about your why, and what you're doing to fulfill it. Honest and authentic work will always trump whatever is being done for the looks of it.
Follow her on Twitter: @phenomenalyetti, Instagram: @yettisays
Jasmine Katrina Smith, Founder of Pure Communications & Co, Faith & Lifestyle blogger
What does moving in silence mean to you? Is it easy? Why or why not?
"Moving in silence" to me means staying focused on my work and the quality of it. It looks like supporting a fellow influencer and/or entrepreneur while keeping my goals aligned to what God has instructed me to do. It's not always easy because comparison can come to defeat my progress, but I find solace in knowing I'm focused on exactly what God's last instructions were until we're ready to move forward to the next thing.
What is one tip you would offer Black women entrepreneurs/influencers as they figure out their work rhythm in a world that seems to value the LOOK of getting things done more than the discipline of actually doing?
If I could offer one tip, it would be to remember that we don't work to please man, we work to glorify God, and by doing so, that means we're called to produce fruit (ie: we should have results). Looking the part can only carry you for so long, character is developed in the discipline and your calling is fully manifested by your character.
Follow her on Twitter & Instagram: @jkatrinasmith
"Looking the part can only carry you for so long, character is developed in the discipline and your calling is fully manifested by your character."
Shayla Racquel, Writer, Director, Filmmaker
What does moving in silence mean to you? Is it easy? Why or why not?
For me, "moving in silence" doesn't necessarily mean to be secretive about my trajectory through the film industry. I think it means to have discretion and discernment about when, where, and how I announce my moves, and to allow my work and my work ethic to speak for itself. At times, it is difficult to move in silence. We feel like we have to make those grand announcements not for self-gratification, but to receive validation from others. I remember watching a Film Independent keynote address by Ava DuVernay, in which she talked about "desperation vs. doing." She said that we should never "ooze desperation," instead, we should make a way out of no way, and just do. "The only thing that moves you forward is your work," were her words, and as an independent filmmaker who is in the beginning stages of my career, those words were cemented in my spirit, and since hearing that, that is how I've decided to move.
What is one tip you would offer Black women entrepreneurs/influencers as they figure out their work rhythm in a world that seems to value the LOOK of getting things done more than the discipline of actually doing?
Think of finding your work rhythm as building your foundation. You need a strong foundation to have something solid to stand upon – something you can always go back to, even if you want to start over with what you're building. When people concern themselves more so with how people "perceive" their work/work ethic rather than concerning themselves with their actual work, something is going to fall through the cracks. It gets harder and harder to keep up the facade when you actually aren't doing anything, and the truth will always be revealed in the end. Focus on your work, build your foundation, and don't concern yourself with what everyone else is doing – focus on you.
Follow her on Twitter & Instagram: @ShaylaRacquel
Shefon Nachelle, Artist, Founder of Etcetera Creative
What does moving in silence mean to you? Is it easy? Why or why not?
I instinctively interpret it as "do more, say less". I realized that a part of my desire to make others aware of what was happening in my life, was about validation. That I, or my work, did not have meaning without the approval of others. That dangerous slope became a thief of my freedom, my creativity, and personal sense of value. "Moving in silence" is not just a sentiment that reflects when we should practice discretion, but is also a display of internal confirmation. It re-routes you from a place of needing the recognition of others to one of focus on execution and finishing.
Of course it is not easy, but when I think about my personal icons, they are in deep trust of themselves and their work. So, I often consider what tasks I am taking up for myself and if they are driven by my desire for approval. Those that are not, allow for a personal peace that facilitates moving in silence.
What is one tip you would offer Black women entrepreneurs/influencers as they figure out their work rhythm in a world that seems to value the LOOK of getting things done more than the discipline of actually doing?
I believe there are moments we grossly underestimate the time, work, and study required prior to regarding ourselves as an authority in any given field of work or subject matter. Sometimes even those labels, of entrepreneur and influencer, transport us to a place that often relies on deceptive exteriors and are disingenuous. The truth about learning craft is that we fail constantly, it takes a long time, and it is hardly ever as beautiful as our pre-planned photo shoots at our favorite coffee shops.
Even though I have spent almost ten years in design and most of my life as an artist, there is so much that I have yet to learn, to experience. My good internet friend, Ann Daramola, offers an urgent affirmation to "Face Your Work." That is the tip I would have wanted someone to give me. Just do the work. The hard work. The invisible work. The uninspiring work. The work is enough. In the words of astrologer, Chani Nicholas, "The only way to manifest epic projects is to bow deeply to your daily grind."
Follow her on all social media platforms: @shefonnachelle
"'Moving in silence' is not just a sentiment that reflects when we should practice discretion, but is also a display of internal confirmation. It re-routes you from a place of needing the recognition of others to one of focus on execution and finishing."
Amber Gabrielle, Founder of Oh She Went Global, CEO of The Lit Lady
What does moving in silence mean to you? Is it easy? Why or why not?
For me, it means that I spend more time putting my head down and doing the work instead of blabbing about it every step of the way. This doesn't mean that I never say anything about my current projects, but boundaries must exist. This concept has been drilled into my head since childhood, and I shall pass it on to my future children. For the most part, it's easy for me to do more than I talk, because I see people on social media who DON'T practice this and frankly, it's nauseating. I don't want to be the nauseating girl. Haha! I've noticed that this concept of "moving in silence" has gotten pushback in recent months, and people will assume that you're elusive, or a failure, if you don't post what you have going on. Well, others may choose to blab their plans from here to Addis Ababa, but I'll continue to keep quiet until I have results worth speaking about. Then, and only then, will I talk about what I've been doing, in hopes of providing wisdom and value to those coming after me.
What is one tip you would offer Black women entrepreneurs/influencers as they figure out their work rhythm in a world that seems to value the LOOK of getting things done more than the discipline of actually doing?
I feel that sometimes, the ambitious community consumes unbelievable amounts of information, but does very little when it comes to applying that information to everyday life. It's one thing to post pretty, inspirational memes on Instagram and tweet quotes from the book You Are a Badass; it's quite another to take all the advice you're constantly being hit with, and intentionally make it useful to you. So, I challenge everyone reading this to think of the last piece of information you consumed that you found valuable…I mean valuable to the point where you highlighted it, posted it with a YAAAAAS caption, sent it to your momma and her prayer group, all that. Take that piece of information, advice, whatever it is, and commit to implementing it in your life for the rest of the year. I would absolutely LOVE to hear what your results are!
Mia Jones-Walker, Digital Media Specialist & Mental Health Advocate
What does moving in silence mean to you? Is it easy? Why or why not?
Moving in silence is a process of waiting patiently for the manifestation to come forth, pursuing purpose with due diligence. It consists of putting in the work and fulfilling my tasks at hand without seeking external validation from my peers or calling attention to me doing the work. It's not easy to move in silence when you consider our natural need for acceptance – we want to be recognized (often prematurely) for each increment in the process but that congrats cannot supplant taming the steps we still must walk out. Premature applause can cause us to become short sighted on the full journey ahead. Moving in silence requires a resilient attitude, enduring without despairing, or envying whoever surpasses you in achieving their goals.
What is one tip you would offer Black women entrepreneurs/influencers as they figure out their work rhythm in a world that seems to value the LOOK of getting things done more than the discipline of actually doing?
Know that discipline is the key to moving forward. Set your pace realistically according to your interest (how often you want to engage your audience balanced with the demands of your life) and give yourself grace to take a breather when you need to!
Featured image by Jasmine Katrina.
Did you know that xoNecole has a podcast? Subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to join us for weekly convos over cocktails (without the early morning hangover.)
Originally published January 14, 2019
- Beyoncé's New Athletic Wear Line "Ivy Park" Is All The Fitspiration ... ›
- Money Moves: Issa Rae Opens A Coffee Shop In Her Inglewood ... ›
- These Are The Moments That Helped Define Our Girl Gabrielle ... ›
- Issa Rae Opens Coffee Shop In Inglewood - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- How An Interplay Session Pushed Me To Trust Myself Again ... ›
RELATED
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock
And so, since this is the time of year when catching a cold (and/or the flu) is common, let’s talk about the impact that sleep (and again, a lack thereof) has on your immune system. That way, you can remain as healthy as possible during the fall and winter seasons.
1. Less Sleep Means More Colds
GiphyLike I stated in the intro, I’m pretty sure you’ve heard somewhere that the fall and winter are the seasons when people are most susceptible to catching a cold or coming down with the flu. And that’s exactly why I thought I would start this all off by sharing the fact that some studies reveal that if you get less than six hours of sleep, on a consistent basis, you end up making yourself more vulnerable to coming down with both. In fact, some research says that only 18 percent of people who get six-plus hours of rest caught a cold while almost 40 percent who got less than that did.
The logic behind it all is sleep gives your body time to build up the proteins and cells (like cytokines and T-cells) that you need to fight off certain viruses. So, if nothing bothers you more than having a stuffy nose or stubborn cough when it’s cold outside, getting more sleep is one way to prevent that from happening to you.
2. Less Sleep Means More Allergy Symptoms
GiphyAt the end of the day, an allergy is basically what transpires whenever your immune system “overreacts” to something that other people’s systems do not. And since sleep is what helps to keep your immune system nice and strong — well, I’m sure you get how less allergy-related symptoms and more sleep go hand in hand. Also, since sleep helps to decrease bodily inflammation (more on that in a bit) and inflammation can also intensify allergy symptoms, that’s just one more reason to get as much shut-eye as possible.
3. Less Sleep Means Potential Diabetes and Heart Disease
GiphyDid you know that in 2024, Black women were diagnosed with diabetes 24 percent more than any other adult demographic. Also, it continues to be a reality that heart disease is the leading cause of death for Black women. These two sobering statistics alone should be enough of an incentive to do whatever you can to keep the risk of diabetes and heart disease way down.
One way to do that is by getting more sleep. Aside from the fact that sleep strengthens your immune system to where it is easier for you to fight off illness and diseases, sleep can keep your blood sugar levels in a healthy space; plus, when it comes to your heart, it gives it, along with your arteries and blood vessels a break.
4. Less Sleep Means Less Time for Your Body to Push “Reset”
GiphyIf you really stopped to consider all that your body goes through during the day (you can read some about that here), you definitely would respect it enough to do your best to thank it by giving it no less than six hours of sleep, each and every night. Sleep is what helps to slow your brain and body down so they are able to “refuel” for the next day. After all, how can your body prevent you from getting sick if your immune system is too worn out to fight ailments off? Exactly.
5. More Sleep Helps You to Fight Off Infections
GiphySpeaking of, in order for your body to fight off infections, there are certain cells and antibodies within you that need to be healthy and strong — one way that they get and stay that way is by you getting a good amount of sleep. For instance, remember when I touched on cytokines earlier? Well, the same way that they help to prevent colds, they also help to prevent infections too. And since sleep lowers your cortisol (stress) levels, rest gives your body the time and space to build up an army that can fight off free radicals and other health-related challenges while you are awake.
6. More Sleep Lowers Bodily Inflammation
GiphyWhenever a health-related issue is mentioned on this platform, inflammation is something that is mentioned quite a bit. Probably the easiest way to explain inflammation is it’s how your body responds/reacts whenever something is happening to your body that shouldn’t be, whether it’s an illness, an injury, a germ or something that you may be allergic to.
If you happen to have chronic inflammation, some symptoms that are associated with that include fatigue, stiff joints, skin rashes, weight gain and moodiness.
The interesting thing about all of this is if you aren’t getting enough rest, you could be triggering inflammation in your body. That’s because studies reveal that a lack of sleep can elevate molecules that are associated with inflammation. So, if you don’t want inflammation to increase within your system, you should definitely catch more zzz’s.
7. More Sleep Regulates Hormones
GiphyWhen it comes to hormones like serotonin, estrogen and cortisol, believe it or not, they play a role in how your immune system acts and overreacts. That’s because, if your hormones are out of balance, that can cause your immune system to work harder than it actually should and that can make you more vulnerable to sickness. One way to keep your hormones leveled out? SLEEP.
That’s because sleep gives your body the opportunity to rest, repair and restore your hormone levels. On the other hand, when you are sleep deprived, that can put/keep your hormones on the ultimate roller coaster ride. #notgood
8. More Sleep Strengthens Vaccines
flu shot GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphyIf you’re someone who is good for getting some sort of vaccine around this time of the year, make sure that you rest up before and after getting your shots. Not only does adequate rest before a vaccination help your immune system to be better receptive to your shots but sleep also helps your body to build up enough antibodies to make your vaccinations effective after getting them. Because if you’re gonna get pricked, shouldn’t it be worth it? My thoughts exactly.
Get some freakin’ sleep! Your immune system depends on it.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock