2020 will high-key be its own history book but it has also provided many opportunities to be more still, intentional and truly value time and healing. I don't know about you but as a Cancer and an empath, self-care manifests as lighting candles. My relationship with myself has never been more important. I owe it to myself to give the same compassionate energy to Joce as I do to my loved ones.
Finding candles that radiate self-love is one way to do that. As the seasons change, we want to be prepared for Seasonal Affective Disorder and general happiness. We have found that creating rituals and including candles makes for positive effects on your mood. Take a look at some uplifting scents that will empower you to devote more time to yourself!
*This list is specially curated by the xoNecole team and some links are affiliate links. If you purchase an item from an affiliate link, xoNecole might earn a small commission.
Ryan Porter Candle - Calm Down
Urban Outfitters
With scents that range from watermelon and champagne, to floral and teak, Ryan Porter offers a collection of pink 100 percent soy wax candles that come in sleek glasses with labels that feature bold lettering where attitude and ambience meet. This one in particular is the "Girl, You Need To Calm The F Down" candle and features Japanese cherry blossom and teak scents. The candle itself is as calming as it is aesthetically pleasing.
P.F. Candle Co. Amber Jar 12 oz Soy Candle - Amber + Moss
P.F. Candle Co.
With calming woodsy musk, sage, lavender, amber, and citrus notes, you are sure to feel elevated and rejuvenated after adding this candle to your self-care ritual. Be it daily or weekly, we believe you'll feel centered after burning this candle and setting your intentions.
ScentualGoddess Handmade Intention Candle - SELF CARE
ScentualGoddess/Etsy
What better way to practice self-care than with a candle that has affirmations plastered on top? It reads:
- I tune into my soul and ask what I need to feel nourished
- I treat myself with love, kindness and compassion
- I set healthy boundaries
- I allow myself to rest and rejuvenate for my well-being
Madewell - Rosewood Cassis Candle
Madewell
Speaking of intentions, lighting up this Madewell best-seller might just be what the universe ordered. The soy candle has the reminiscent indulgence of "a sunny afternoon in a French garden" with notes of rose, pear, green ivy, and cassis lulling you into instant calm. Let the pampering begin!
True North Navigation - RENEW Candle
True North Navigation/Etsy
Remember when Whitley Gilbert taught us how to "relax, relate, release"? Now it's time to Refresh, Renew and Revive. The eucalyptus refreshes your mood, the bamboo renews your mind, and the peppermint revives your body. Best of all, you can save the planet by reusing the tin as a jewelry holder or office supply container. Each candle in the collection costs $9.
Cancelled Plans Candle - Student Loans
Urban Outfitters
Looking to immerse yourself in calm and peaceful vibes? Cop this candle! A soothing blend of apricot wax and coconut wax, this relatable candle by Cancelled Plans is the perfect addition to your self-care day. Bask in the luxurious aroma of vanilla, citrus, coconut, sea salt, cardamom, dark musk, and plum.
Uncommon Goods - Sunday Morning Candle
Uncommon Goods
If you're looking for a lazy Sunday with a wick, prepare to burn some inner zen in your life with the help of this Sunday Morning Candle. The handmade vegetable wax candle consists of floral and fruity notes like pear, amber woods, bergamot, gardenia, and jasmine.
WildflowerByAna Aromatherapy Candle - Tranquility
WildflowerByAna/Etsy
Burn one of these for bath time or meditation or just because you feel like it. Created to invigorate feelings of tranquility with the help of its hypnotic blend of lavender, clary sage, and lemon, this candle is perfect for aromatherapy. WildflowerByAna also offers an array of other candles that meet additional desires like Focus, Motivation, Sensuality, and Happiness.
Crate and Barrel - Empower Scented Candle
Crate and Barrel
With their Empower scented candle, Crate and Barrel has managed to craft a fragrant masterpiece. The candle, made of essential oils and soy wax, has notes of orange, grapefruit, sage, lavender, oak moss, and amber. The fruity, sweet-smelling candle is the perfect way to bring in calming vibes. Plus, for every purchase, Crate and Barrel makes a $10 donation to VOW to End Child Marriage.
The Spa Girl Life - Glow From Within Inspiration Candle with Two Citrine Crystals
The Spa Girl Life
If you haven't noticed yet, candles and crystals go together like peanut butter and jelly. The Spa Girl Life designed the Glow From Within Candle to help you release anger with the soothing scents of ylang-ylang flower and the power of the citrine crystal. The woes of the world may have you down, in order for you to take care of you, you need to release it back into the universe. Try saying this mantra when igniting the flame, "I allow the fire within me to shine brightly, I happily and easily continue on my path."
Join our xoTribe, an exclusive community dedicated to YOU and your stories and all things xoNecole. Be a part of a growing community of women from all over the world who come together to uplift, inspire, and inform each other on all things related to the glow up. We drop xoNecole events and special opportunities into our Tribe first.
Featured image by Shutterstock
RELATED
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Leon Bennett/WireImage
I’m not saying that your vagina doesn’t like it. I’m simply saying that it goes through a lot during those moments of copulation — and sometimes, it’s without the pre- (check out “15 Pre-Sex Rituals That Could Make Sex A LOT More Pleasurable”) and post-care that it not only needs but truly deserves.
So, in honor of all that our vagina’s go through during coitus, I wanted to shout out four things that you should do for “her” before you have sex and four other things that you should do once the get down is over — things that will make her (and ultimately you) feel so much better about what transpires…during.
Before Sex Tip #1: Your Vagina Wishes You Wouldn’t Shave
Unsplash
My waxer and I are going to come to low-key blows in a minute if she doesn’t keep trying to take more and more hair away from my pubic mound. LOL. Me? I’m someone who likes my bikini line to be cleaned up; however, I prefer to not go completely bald. If you’re someone who is on the fence, something that may sway you over to my side of things is the fact that there is plenty of data out here that says pubic hair can help to decrease your chances of contracting an STI/STD.
One reason is that hair (everywhere) helps to protect you. Another is because, if you happen to shave or wax and then have sex 12-24 hours later, and your partner does have an STI/STD, there could be mild abrasions or cuts that could make it easier for what they have to be transmitted to you.
Listen, I’m all about a well-manicured treasure box happening — just make sure that you “handle that” a couple of days before sex…not mere hours before.
Before Sex Tip #2: Your Vagina Wishes You Wouldn’t Avoid Washing Your Hands
Unsplash
It’s kind of hard to have sex without using your hands. That said, if fingers are gonna be all up and around “her,” they need to be as clean as possible, so that bacteria doesn’t end up pissing her off. This means that if your nails are long, you need to use a nail brush to dig up underneath them. This means that if he goes to the bathroom right before coming into the bedroom, he should wash his hands.
This also means that if you like to be on the adventurous side and bring “sex condiments” into the picture during foreplay (check out “12 'Sex Condiments' That Can Make Coitus Even More...Delicious”), and there is stuff all over your fingers, hands should be washed then too. The main reason for the last one is food has a way of throwing off your vagina’s pH balance — and, whenever that happens, it can lead to an infection. And who the hell wants that, chile?
Before Sex Tip #3: Your Vagina Wishes You Wouldn’t Drink Too Much
Unsplash
When you get a chance, do your vagina a favor and check out “Turns Out Sober Sex Might Be The Underrated Secret To Better Orgasms.” When you’ve got too much alcohol in your system, not only could it potentially cloud your judgment, but it can also tank your libido, decrease how much natural lubricant your body produces, and it can make it harder for you to climax as well.
As far as the lube part goes, the issue with that is alcohol dehydrates you, and let me tell you, there are few things worse than trying to have great sex with a dry va-jay-jay. All of that friction damn near feels like broken glass (not exactly but…close). Ugh. So, a glass of wine or a shot of Casamigos? Cool. Throwin’ back an entire bottle? Yeah, let’s not.
Before Sex Tip #4: Your Vagina Wishes You Wouldn’t "Forget" to Use Condoms
Unsplash
If you want to significantly decrease your chances of experiencing an unwanted pregnancy or an STI/STD, you need to use a condom — not sometimes, not partly during sex…each and every time and from start to finish when it comes to copulation. To this day, when used flawlessly, condoms continue to be 98 percent effective (around 87 percent effective otherwise). Not only that but if you are having sex with a new partner for the first time, his sperm/semen has the potential to throw your vagina’s pH off and that could lead to itchiness, irritation and/or some type of infection.
Look, I don’t know one person on this planet who thinks that wearing a condom feels better than “going raw.” Still, unless you want to get pregnant or you want to do a crap shoot with your health (at a time when STIs/STDs are on the rise, by the way), do you and your vagina a favor and bring condoms into the mix. Speaking of condoms (and your vagina), check out “These Are The Kinds Of Condoms Your Vagina Would Actually Prefer,” so that using them can be as pleasant of an experience as possible.
Getty Images
After Sex Tip #1: Your Vagina Wishes You Wouldn’t “Mingle” with Sex Toys
Unsplash
Okay, so when it comes to “after sex,” I think that pretty much all of us can vouch for the fact that sometimes sex doesn’t stop so much as it…pauses. And during that refractory period, it can be common for one or both partners to do things that will help to keep the juices flowing (umm, so to speak). Thing is, if your sex toys have been moving around from place to place, this means that bacteria, fungi, or even viruses can be transmitted.
So, after the first sex romp, please wash your sex toys before inserting them, umm, elsewhere. Then, once you’re completely done, thoroughly clean and dry them and put them away. For tips on how to do this, based on the material that they are made out of, check out Self’s “How to Clean Your Sex Toys So You Can Use Them Safely.”
After Sex Tip #2: Your Vagina Wishes You Wouldn’t Hold Your Pee In
Unsplash
Although I am a childhood sexual abuse survivor, when I stepped onto my college’s campus for the first time, I was pretty green about a lot of things when it came to sex. That’s why it threw me off when my freshman year suite mates were trying to convince me that holding urine in during sex intensifies orgasms. Chile…if y’all are out here doing that, that explains why there seems to be an uptick in squirting (some of y’all will catch that later — LOL).
Anyway, what I do know, as far as pee goes, is you should definitely release it after intercourse. According to science, making sure to use the bathroom after sex can help to push out germs and bacteria that may try to get caught up in your urethra, ones that could ultimately lead to a urinary tract infection (UTI).
After Sex Tip #3: Your Vagina Wishes You Wouldn’t Use Harsh Cleansing Products
Getty Images
It can never be said enough that vaginas are self-cleaning — this means that, even after sex, yours does not need the assistance of douching or you attempting to “clean it out” with some sort of over-the-top body wash or heavily fragranced soap. All that will do is disrupt the pH of your vagina. As far as your vulva — the outer part of your vagina — goes, even that doesn’t need you to go overboard.
Some warm water and a mild, unscented soap are really all that you need, especially since you may have some mild abrasions due to the friction of the sexual experience. Oh, and if you are doing the most, thinking that you can get sperm/semen out of you — that’s not how it works. Once it enters your body, it’s gotta leave in its own time (which tends to be no longer than 5-7 days).
After Sex Tip #4: Your Vagina Wishes You Wouldn’t Put Panties (Back) On
Getty Images
Even though men have told me that they feel more comfortable with putting a pair of drawers on after having sex, that doesn’t mean that you should automatically follow suit. I mean, unless you plan on getting right into the shower (and fully drying off afterwards), there is probably sweat and other fluids that could be a breeding ground for an infection if you decide to immediately put on panties, lingerie, or some other type of tight-fitting clothing on.
So, stay naked — at least from the bottom down. It’ll give your vagina (and vulva) some time to catch its breath and actually breathe. Yes, literally.
___
Without your vagina, sex would suck. LOL. And so, the least you could do is implement these eight tips as a way to show your appreciation. They’re simple things that can make a big difference in how your vagina feels — about sex and you before, during and after it. #wink
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Giphy