What is a carefree black girl?
Well first, I think it's important to start at its root: black girl.
She stares back at me in the mirror, childishness in the past, woman in her presence. She hasn't always been as easy to love. When I was in elementary school - afro-hair twisted into five ponytails, surrounded by white kids who looked and felt more aged than me and somehow prettier, because their shininess reflected that of the soap operas and talk shows and children's shows I watched with my mother at home – no one told me so, but I felt ugly in comparison and wondered why I couldn't look like one classmate in particular: Ashley Stephens.
Her golden Rapunzel hair, blue eyes full of lashes, and freckles dusting the apples of her cheeks. Everybody loved Ashley. She reminded me of a Barbie I had.
I wanted to be noticed and heralded, but of course, it'd take me years to realize that was the strange desire swelling within me.
Back then, my black girl was hard to love because I couldn't see her pretty.
My pretty didn't look like anything outside what was home to me. But as I grew older, my views on my blackness expanded as I was introduced to the plethora and variety of our shapes, the soul in our eyes, the strength in our backs, the frizz of our kinks, the fullness of our lips, the depths of our complexions – we were fine, we were powerful, we glowed. I grew to love the flower that bloomed and billowed from my roots.
The carefree came after, especially with the presence of soulful eclectic creatives like Solange Knowles and before her, the Baduism of the world, that made me embrace my quirks, my style, and hair.
Without even noticing, #carefreeblackgirl became a movement where black girls and black women globally appreciated one another and themselves.
I was inspired by this love and mine to pay homage to our power and our queendom.
We asked carefree black girls what being a carefree black girl meant to them and how they felt they embody its essence. Check out their beautiful liberating responses below:
Khalilah
"A carefree black girl is…Living for me and loving it every step of the way."
My definition of carefree means being your genuine self, not allowing anyone to make you feel uncomfortable in your own skin, loving yourself unconditionally, and following your own rules in this game of life. After ending a 6 year relationship, I completely lost myself but ever since we have gone our separate ways, I have gained so much clarity. I'm doing things I've always wanted to do and always wanted to try: indoor rock climbing, aerial yoga, ice skating, hiking.
My point is, at 26, I am finally living MY LIFE! No more worrying about what I can do to make this man love me more or comparing myself to what society tell us is beautiful. I no longer am anxious or fearful of life, I'm just enjoying every moment that I'm breathing. I'm a carefree girl because I'm finally living for ME, and loving it every step of the way!
Shanel
"A carefree black girl…Loves God, realizes she's not perfect but acknowledges Him for everything."
I am carefree and to me that means you can get my care for free. It doesn't come with a price tag and there are no expectations. I provide empathy with no strings attached and unbiased advice that is holistic to the individual I am conversing with. I have learned to be carefree in a sense that this world may not be as accepting as we'd like, but the person we accept should be the reflection we face each day, made up or made down.
I decided to let other people's opinions of my choices and standards go. There are studies all over that say this about black women, and that about black women. But so what? The way my faith system is set up, there isn't a statistic around that could make me question God's plan for my life. So I live it. It took me 25 years to be happy with me, why would I allow this world to change that? Answer: I'm not.
Brandi
"A carefree black girl is…Someone who has the freedom to care about what is important while having the freedom to not care about what isn't important."
I spent many years being an all-caring, all-worrying girl – and one day, I woke up, really woke up, and realized that I was broken and weighed down. I was carrying a load much too heavy for me. I didn't mind carrying that load, but when I realized what that load consisted of, I found that not much of it actually benefited me. I decided to only carry my “cares". Now I'm free to live my purpose, my dream, my desires and my plans. While that may sound selfish – which I battled with – it's not. I realized that I can't be a benefit to others if I'm broken. Now, restored Brandi has a lot more to offer.
For me, it doesn't mean to be completely free of cares, but it does mean two things: 1) the freedom to care about what is important to me and 2) the freedom to not care about what isn't important to me.
Auria
"A carefree black girl…Doesn't mean being careless, if anything, it means to care without regrets"
Ever since I can remember, I've always been a carefree girl. I have learned to be that way because life is too short to dwell on your mistakes or mishaps. Being carefree doesn't mean being careless, if anything, it means to care without regrets. Being a carefree girl means living through life's obstacles with your head held high and wearing a smile. To be carefree, you have to let go and let God. You have to trust who you are and trust in your growth. Being a carefree girl means treating people with kindness but not letting anyone take advantage of it. Life is full of ups and downs and throughout it all I will remain carefree because I know it'll take me far, opening up doors and blessings for me.
Rebecca
"A carefree black girl…driven by life to enjoy life with love being my motivator"
I would like to think of myself as a carefree girl because I am driven by life to enjoy life with love being my motivator. Love from my daughters gives me the strength on a daily basis to achieve such things, along with the love of God and family which act as icing on my cake. Society can't shape or form what this woman has become. I want to be like no one but me, Carefree Girl of Love.
Markyta
"A carefree black girl is…Following my heart and letting go of my past."
I can be anti-social, emotional, crazy, and random. I love hard. I am loyal and dedicated to changing the world. I am free-spirited, creative, and helpful. I have crying spells, I curse, I threaten to judo-chop people when they annoy me and I occasionally drink. I am complex and I am perfectly imperfect. As I approach 30, I have to learn to unapologetically live for me and chase my dreams. While focusing on my purpose, I've learned to follow my heart and let go of the past. I am ambitious but not thirsty. I am learning to let all things (and people) that reject me to redirect me. I am a carefree girl, just the way God made me.
LaTasha
"A carefree black girl is…Not letting my status of standing on the margins of both race and gender inhibit or disable me from living a life of freedom."
Carefree is not allowing anything or anyone stand in the way of what you believe in and where God has called you to be. You care less about the opinion of others who only judge what they see and never took the time to embrace the inner you. You stress less when you can go to bed at night knowing that your past is behind you and your tomorrow is going to be so much greater. You smile more because you feel condiment in taking yourself out on a date because you deserve every bit of loving yourself.
You give more to those in need because you know for every seed you sew, you will continue to receive your blessings from God. I am a strong believer in myself and everything that I do. I am passionate, ambitious, independent, goal-driven, and ready to take it to the next level in my life. I am a carefree girl.
Maura
"A carefree black girl is…An on-purpose attitude towards what life throws my way, taking it in stride with grace and gratitude for experiences and lessons learned."
I'm 20 years old and a recent graduate of Spelman College. With the new year, I am taking on title of the official correspondent for Bossip's The Bossip Report. I am also building a branding consulting agency for WOC entrepreneurs. I have self-identified as a “carefree black girl" before hashtags and retweets. Being carefree to me means living unapologetically while knowing you can maximize your potential anywhere with your own unique sensibility.
It means not compromising what makes you you for anyone. As a carefree black girl specifically, being carefree means not letting my status of standing on the margins of both race and gender inhibit or disable me from living a life of freedom. I am nobody's mule. I am a carefree wonder of the world.
Brandy
"A carefree black girl is…Knowing that you are your own definition of beautiful."
As a divorced single mom by the age of 30, I have been through a lot in the past two years. I have dealt with the judgment, stereotypes, and stigmas associated with both. Carefree to me means being free from other people's opinions of who I am, who I should be or what I should do. When I actually sat back and thought about it, I couldn't believe how much of my life was spent trying to please other people. True happiness doesn't require other people's approval. Once I learned that, I began to love life more and live life for me, on my terms and no one else's. Carefree, to me, means free from seeking the approval of others. Carefree means living my life the way I want to and changing what I want for my life any time I feel like it. I went from teacher to makeup artist to corporate America and I'm still not done yet. Carefree means creating and doing things that I love. Carefree means being able to share my truth with others courageously and authentically. Carefree is not a nonchalant disposition but an on-purpose attitude towards what life throws my way, taking it in stride with grace and gratitude for experiences and lessons learned.
Carefree is knowing that you are your own definition of beautiful. You may not always see it in the media but that doesn't take away from you. Own your power, define yourself, and your life. That's carefree.
Megan
To know oneself is not an act of narcissism. To know oneself is a service to not only you as an individual but also to those around you. Those who love and care for you. I came to understand that only by truly knowing and loving myself for both my beautiful qualities and my faults; I could then offer a better me to those around me. It didn't all happen like the flip of a light bulb either. In looking back it might have been a number of things which lead to my awakening, to a more carefree me. It might have been the loss of a close relative, someone I looked up to and held in the highest regard in terms of her spirit, her drive, and unending compassion.
It might have been my being diagnosed with Lupus and navigating what that might then mean for my life. It might have been failed relationships both platonic and romantic. Or in contrast it may have been those blessed beautiful moments in life. Like the times you meet those special people who offer and receive your love without judgment or expectation. That support system you've waited so long to find who have your back no matter what. Those people who encourage your wildest dreams and remind you that nothing is impossible. Those are the people who make you feel as though with their support you can fly across vast reaching horizons without fear of falling.
I used to be overridden with anxiety. It got in the way of my relationships with family, friends and boyfriends. I often look back and think to myself “I wish I could tell that young girl to relax, to stress less." But then I decide that I wouldn't go back and change things for one moment. In changing her I'd be changing the woman I am now & that I would never wish to do.
Being carefree means being vulnerable. The woman I am now travels the U.S. and abroad solo on a whim & finds her greatest peace in those cherished adventures when I can be my own best company. The woman I am now says "no" when I want to say "no" and "yes" only when I truly want to say "yes." The woman I am now is social and loves to host a great party but also cherishes my personal time. I enjoy taking myself out for a solo dinner at which I'll indulge in a three course meal accompanied by a couple glasses of nice wine.
This is not all to say that I am completely void of care but I have found a beautiful place of personal balance where I now understand the importance of letting those things that I cannot change go and knowing that everything is going to be just fine because I am a good person and goodness is due to me. My story is already being paved, I simply must walk it with a head held high being confident that I have given the very best of myself to this beautiful thing called life.
I am a carefree girl.
What is a carefree black girl to you and what was your journey towards finding that? Share below.
RELATED
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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While the movies and shows on this list vary in genre and style, they all have toe-curling elements that make them truly mind-blowing.
1. Love & Basketball
Now, Love & Basketballis a universally memorable movie in the Black community in its own right, but that sex scene was almost revolutionary. The raw, realistic portrayal of Monica’s first time as she loses her virginity to her childhood soulmate Quincy was an important moment for young Black women everywhere. For a scene that had no on-screen nudity, the chemistry between the characters was enough to have us all feeling a little hot under the collar!
2. Set It Off
This 1996 sex scene between Blair Underwood and Jada Pinkett-Smith’s characters Keith and Stony had all the elements that take a sex scene from good to great. And let’s not let the fact that Jada used a body double take away from how iconic this scene is. Attractive actors, focused foreplay, close-ups, tension-building music (shout out En Vogue!), and chemistry for days. When I rewatched this movie recently and noticed the way Keith moved his chain out of the way (IYKYK), I yelled! Those little details set this sex scene apart.
3. Out of Time
Denzel Washington has been fine his whole life. He’s intergenerational fine. And when this movie came out he was in his PRIME, okay?! The chemistry between Denzel and Sanaa Lathan in Out of Time is undeniable. So much so that when the movie came out, rumors began to circulate that the actors were romantically involved. And if you’ve seen the movie, I’m sure you’re not surprised.
The icing on the cake for me was that roleplay scene (peep the video above). You know, the one where Matthias pretends to be investigating a crime and Ann talks him through what the “intruder” did to her and he reenacts it? Turns out WE were the ones intruding on a crime - assault with a deadly weapon, if you will.
4. Scandal
Thursdays haven’t been the same since ABC’s TGIT. Shonda Rhimes was in her bag when she gave us back-to-back episodes of Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal, AND How To Get Away With Murder. Lives were changed. Aside from nail-biting drama and salacious storylines, Shonda also consistently gave us an array of dangerously attractive characters and sexual tension so thick you could cut it with a knife.
I’ll forever be team #Olitz. Their steamy sex sessions were made even hotter because their relationship was taboo, scandalous, even.
Adultery aside, Olivia and Fitz’s sexy time scenes never left anything to be desired. Interestingly, my favorite Olitz sex scene is their very first time. After six episodes of build-up, they finally did the deed and alleviated all the sexual tension we’d all been feeling. I think we all developed a new level of respect for Fitz when he ordered Olivia to take her clothes off, and she did not disappoint because she served bawdy in that white lingerie (I see what you did there, Shonda). Olivia served at the pleasure of the President, and so did we. For all 6 seasons.
5. Bridgerton
Dearest Gentle Reader, this couple certainly set the Ton abuzz in Bridgerton season one. For a Duke who was once lost for words, the cat’s certainly no longer in possession of his tongue. And luckily, it seems the Duchess is more physical touch than words of affirmation.
The Hastings basked in newlywed bliss all over their new abode and that library ladder scene - you know the one - took the couple’s sex life to new heights. What made this scene with Simon going down on Daphne while she’s suspended on a ladder so incredibly hot is how it centered *female* pleasure. He a good man, Savannah!
6. Insecure
One thing we could always expect from Issa Rae and Larry Wilmore’s hit series - a jaw-dropping sex scene. What I loved about Insecure’s sex scenes is that they’re not only seriously hot, but alsoVERY relatable. From that incident with Daniel, to Issa and Lawrence’s freshly-broken-up-unfinished-business ex-sex.
The one that tops my list has got to be when Issa and Nathan joined their own version of the Mile High Club on the Ferris wheel at Coachella. Cinematically, the scene was gorgeous but it also felt truly organic, like it was the perfect first time for them. I feel like we all collectively exhaled because she finally chose a man we could actually root for. You know what that is? Growth.
Honorable mention: the we’ve-finally-reunited couch sex Lawrence and Issa have when they finally get back together.
7. Power
From gunplay to foreplay, Power held nothing back. Every sex scene was spicy in its own way from Tate and his staffer, to the pilot episode Ghost and Tasha, to Tommy and Keisha. So many to choose from! The one that stands out in my mind is when Ghost and Angela get it on against the window of his hotel room overlooking the New York cityscape. Their chemistry was undeniable and the yearning was palpable in every single one of their sex scenes. Now, that’s acting!
8. Love Jones
WhenLove Jones premiered in 1997, a Black romance about a couple of creatives living and loving in the city was unprecedented. Between the novelty of the story and the charming dynamic between Darius and Nina, Love Jones quickly became a cultural classic. And even with the plethora of Black stories that have since graced our screens, Love Jones is a movie the conversation always comes back to. I mean, with bars like “I’m the blues in your left thigh trying to become the funk in your right”? Yeah, I would’ve folded.
Nina and Darius having sex on the first date felt bold and spontaneous, but that’s only part of why that scene was so steamy. Music can make or break a moment on-screen - sex or otherwise - and Maxwell’s "Sumthin’ Sumthin’" playing in the background made it feel like they were truly making love. Romance is sexy too, right?
9. Queen & Slim
Finally, on-screen car sex that actually looks enjoyable! It’s a beautifully shot scene with long, slow closeups of the characters making intense eye contact (IYKYK!). And the passion between the two actors is so realistic that some people even questioned if the scene was real! The buildup that led to this spontaneous daylight, on-the-run hookup made it even sexier. 10/10, no notes.
For so long, we’ve been starved of seeing positive Black female sexuality on screen and the She’s Gotta Have It remake helped to change that. DeWanda Wise absolutely killed it in the Spike Lee remake as Nola Darling, a polyamorous pansexual woman living her best sexually liberated life, boldly approaching relationships in a way we usually see as taboo. Men, women…one, two, three on rotation, Nola’s pleasure was Nola’s priority (IKDR!).
While her sexual appetite meant her loving bed saw many visitors, I think her best sex scene came when she finally decided to give monogamy a try with her girlfriend Opal. While the scene was pretty graphic, just like the others, this one was different because it was special. It felt like Nola and Opal were two women passionately in love. And what’s sexier than sex with someone you love?
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Featured image via Netflix