The last thing you would imagine when looking at style blogger Beverly Beal is that she is battling a debilitating disease.
Looks can be pretty deceiving and social media often serves as a filter between what people want you to see, and who they really are. At first glance, when scrolling through Beverly's perfectly coiffed images on Instagram, you see her impeccable style and her confidently unbothered facial expressions - not a hair out of place. You might think for a moment that she doesn't have a care in the world. But like everyone else on social media, there's more to her story than meets the eye.
Far from one-dimensional, Beverly is a fashion influencer, a lawyer, a business owner, and dog-mom to a Shi Tzu named Biggie. But, recently, she very publicly added another line to her bio - as a person living with Crohn's disease. After two years of posting pristine, aesthetically pleasing street style images on her Instagram page and website, Beverly decided to use her well-established platform of 28k followers to announce that she was living with a chronic inflammatory disease:
"I've been going back and forth for so long deciding whether I️ should tell my story and open up about my health. Then I️ came to the decision that as an influencer I️ want to make as much of an impact as I️ can. I️ know social media is a place where people mainly want to share their highs, but I'm here to say I'm not ashamed of my lows."
Crohn's disease is a condition that typically afflicts elderly people, but Beverly was only 27 at the time of her diagnosis. She just graduated from law school and had the world at her feet when she received the news.
For many, Crohn's disease comes with an array of symptoms, treatments, and procedures that can affect - at the very least - lifestyle. Something as simple as sleeping comfortably or dating and having sex can seem out of reach for people with Crohn's. But, perspective took Beverly to a place of acceptance after struggling with the hand she was being dealt. "The first three years of being diagnosed, I was on and off steroids. So it was up and down with my weight," she told xoNecole. "It was no easy process and still isn't. But if I'm here and healthy enough to tell my story then the changes in my body are minuscule compared to that."
"The side effects of steroids are terrible and long-term use effects can be even worse." Beverly admits, "It makes you gain a lot of weight. At one time, I gained around fifteen pounds. It was very difficult for me, being a 'Skinny Minnie' my entire life and out of nowhere - weight gain."
The change in physique forced Beverly to find the silver lining in the ups and downs of Crohn's disease. Her priorities began to shift not around how hot her look was, but how strong her body felt. "I used to want a flatter stomach, I wanted a smaller waist, bigger butt - you know all the things we see on social media. But not one of those things matter to me anymore. My thoughts on body image honestly went out the window."
"I could care less what my body image is as long as I am healthy."
Instead of wallowing in her body's changes, Beverly decided to get back to basics. Her priority now was finding a balance that kept her stress down. She changed her diet and stayed busy with activities that stimulated her mind, body, and soul.
Then, she decided to share her story with her community. "I really didn't know what to expect," Beverly said, "but the timing felt right so I went for it."
For Beverly, this was a chance to share her wellness journey with other people and create a dialogue about healing, which also included being aware of the energy she allowed in her life. She told her blog followers:
"My goal for this post was to show another side to what life is like in my heels. When I was first diagnosed I went to extreme measures trying to heal myself. I thought I needed to remove all dairy or go gluten free, I even tried to become a vegan. I was working out non-stop thinking that it was my body that wasn't in order when it wasn't that at all. It was stressful and a negative lifestyle that I was living . No food, workout, etc could solve the bad energy I had in my life and it needed to removed. People really don't realize how much impact the energy you have around you, affects your life. Although there is no definite known trigger for crohns, studies have shown that stress is the main culprit for a reaction. At that moment, I decided to become extremely selfish, and not in a bad way. But selfish because I decided to take as long as I needed to get myself right."
Despite keeping her condition to herself for so long, she's been amazed to see that talking about Crohn's has opened up an important conversation. She said, "The response has been amazing. My social media family has been so supportive and really appreciated me for being so open."
Social media certainly puts up a pretty face. You'll see flawless beauties by the hundreds, flaunting their best external features. But, as much as Beverly has an appreciation of the aesthetic, she thinks social media needs to take a shift in tone. She made her stance known in her blog post:
"Changing your mind set can actually work wonders on your body. I know that society puts so much pressure on body image. But that is completely wrong to me, the pressure should be on being healthy. "
Beverly is still blogging about style and serving looks on Instagram, but this time she's determined to continue including people in her journey with Crohn's. "I want to continue promoting positivity and wellness," she explains, "I will continue to tell my story and how changing my mentality help me achieve an overall healthier lifestyle."
Hindsight, they say is 20/20. We all wish we could pull our former selves aside and give them the wake up call we didn't know we needed back then. When asked what she would tell her former self, before her diagnosis of Crohn's disease, Beverly simply said:
[Tweet "Slow down. Keep your faith and keep that fire. Everything you're working for is going to happen."]
To read more about Beverly's story, visit her blog Life in Beverly Heels. Keep up with her wellness journey as well as her personal style by following her Instagram.
- Living with Crohn's Disease: What To Expect ›
- Living with Crohn's Disease ›
- Advice for Managing Everyday Challenges of Crohn's ›
- Tips for Living Healthy if You Have Crohn's Disease ¦ Everyday Health ›
- Living with Crohn's Disease: Tips, Facts & Stress Management ›
- Living with Crohn's Disease or Ulcerative Colitis ›
- Living with Crohn's Disease ›
- Tips for Living with Crohn's Disease | CrohnsAndColitis.com ›
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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Using the same material from the interior of the Volvo EX90, Hudson crafted a wool-blend car coat and waistbelt that combine the vehicle’s Scandinavian design with his signature tailoring and intention. The exclusive collection launched on October 20, and each piece is made-to-order by Sergio Hudson Collections.
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In October, I traveled to Charleston with a group of journalists to get a firsthand look at Hudson and Volvo’s location. During a fitting, Hudson said his goal is to make “great work that can stand the test of time.”
“People can look back on and say, ‘I remember when Sergio did that collaboration with Volvo,’” he continued. “Thinking about aligning yourself with classic brands that speak to where you want to go. And I think that's what this collaboration kind of means to me and my business.”
Hudson pinpoints his mom as the biggest influence for his designs. This collaboration was no different.
“This particular coat reminded me of the swing coats that my mom used to wear in the early 90s. You know, diva girls in the early 90s had Sandra suits,” he said, referring to Jackée Harry’s character in 227. “My mom wore those and she would have these matching swing coats to go over them. And that's where the initial idea came. This would be around the same time that we had our Volvo. So she would put on her suit, her swing coat, get in that red Volvo, and go to church.”
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With this capsule and beyond, Hudson wants to see more staples rotating in and out of closets this fall. He advises fashionistas to build her closet out with essentials to mix and match that aren’t just stylish but also sustainable.
“It's just those special pieces,” he said. “You can wear the same shirt and pants every day and nobody will notice. But if you have a special boot, a special coat, a special bill, a special bag, that kind of speaks to everything that your style stands about, that is something you should focus on.”
These are the same kind of staple pieces that return to our Pinterest boards and TikTok feeds season after season. Fast fashion has never been Hudson’s aim. “I'm trying to create a special pieces that can stand the test of time,” he said in his warm, Southern accent. “I'm only creating those kind of pieces from here on out.”
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For Hudson, this collaboration is revolutionary. It’s his first time working with a car company and experimenting outside of his wheelhouse in this way.
“This is a Scandinavian brand, and, you know, it's 70 years old. I'm an African-American boy from South Carolina that has had a brand for 10 years. So I think bridging those two worlds and seeing the similarities was the beauty of this project,” he explained.
Though Hudson and his partner and CEO of Sergio Hudson Collections Inga Beckham have made massive strides in just 10 years, Hudson said the industry is far from where he wants to see it when it comes to Black representation. He pointed to how few Black designers were at this year’s Met Gala despite the theme being Black dandyism.
“The fact that I dressed 18 people speaks to how many of us weren't there,” he said. He implored more of industries, fashion and beyond, to collaborate with Black designers often.
“Allow mentorship. Allow funding. Allow great design to shine through,” he implored. “When it comes to being a designer of African descent, when you can't get the funding that your counterparts have, you can't compete. When you get opportunities like doing a collaboration with Volvo, or you get opportunities to be at the Met Gala, that's putting us on the equal playing field, but really the funding behind it is what we need to take it to that desk level.”
Featured image courtesy