
From webisodes to episodes--the sky is the limit for young director Issa Rae.
After a year of waiting Insecure is back so fans of everyone's favorite Awkward Black Girl, Issa Rae, can finally rejoice! For those that are living under a rock (seriously why haven't you seen Insecure?), the series is loosely based on Issa's own life, where she stars as a young woman on the verge of 30, that deals with the stress of everyday life and being a late 20-something who doesn't quite have it all, but hasn't completely given up on life either.
The satirical comedy also stars the handsome Jay Ellis as "Lawrence," Issa's somewhat emo and unemployed man (or ex man, the way the finale was set up - the verdict is still out on that one) who is also struggling to figure it all out, while Orji plays Molly--her bestie who has scored major success in her career, but has missed the mark in the love department. 30 year old Issa, both stars and executive produces Insecure, with the assist of producers Prentice Penny and Larry Wilmore.
In a short time Insecure has taken off, prompting everyone to add "issa" to everything (issa bae aka it's a bae). My awkward-sister-in-spirit has gone on to do great things and become an overnight success in only half the time (because we all know it takes 10 years to be an “overnight" success, let's be real).
Issa was a woman that got her first taste of viral fame in the digital space, from creating the show The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl back in early 2011. The comedy web series showed exclusively on Youtube and featured Issa as "Jay," a young woman with a mediocre job who falls somewhat victim to the discomfort that comes with often being one of the few Black girls in her work and social settings. The girl who loved bumping trap music on her way to the club, but most likely won't dance once she gets there. And although it was 100% acting, it was more "real" than most reality TV. ABG was so refreshing to me mainly because of its ability to highlight the life of the Black, introverted female who is somewhat socially awkward, but more “popular" in existence than most media portrayals of us would lead you to believe.

So fast forward nearly two years later, Insecure had been promoted from production-purgatory to Sunday night. Granted it didn't come easy, but it came fairly quick! Issa revealed in a recent New York Times article that the delays were very much so creative and conceptual based. They were trying to erase the "Black" in the girl that made the show! In her NYT article, the interviewer reveals:
"Rae recalls a phone conversation with a network executive who wanted to make it into a pan-racial franchise operation, starting with ''Awkward Indian Boy.'' Another suggested Rae recast the lead with a lighter-skinned actress with long, straight hair — in essence, the exact opposite of Rae. She turned down the offers."
She also revealed that back in 2012, just over a year into the rapid fame of becoming a Youtube sensation, she caught the attention of Scandal and Grey's Anatomy producer, Shonda Rhimes, but fell short of bringing the project into fruition due to creative differences.
"I compromised my vision, and it didn't end up the show that I wanted. 'It wasn't funny anymore.''
Issa went on to propose the question in her autobiogrphy:
''How hard is it to portray a three-dimensional woman of color on television or in film? I'm surrounded by them. They're my friends. I talk to them every day. How come Hollywood won't acknowledge us? Are we a joke to them?''
So it's crazy to think that three years later, Issa would be sharing the cover of Essence with Shonda as the youngest of five deemed "The Game Changers" of Hollywood.
And as for Insecure, after all the efforts from one too many hands to reroute and rewrite the script, the HBO show snagged a leading cast of all Black, up-and-coming talent.
To say the least, I was proud of Issa.
I am proud of Issa.
As a girl born in the Bronx and raised in Florida, I remember back in 2011 moving back to New York- Washington Heights to be exact- to follow my own dreams. Back then, I couldn't afford cable, so I would hijack my neighbor's wifi in my apartment building, in order to stream my Netflix and use the internet. It was then that I stumbled upon Issa's Awkward Black Girl series on Youtube. The web-series craze was at an all time high.
[Tweet "What I loved about Issa Rae's show is, it depicted Black 'Middle Class' angst and I could relate."]
Middle class angst is something many of use could relate to, contrary to the ethical and economical biased Black women are often subjected to by way of Hollywood stereotyping. I was drawn in to the show automatically and it was an escape from my own very humble style of living (plus it was $Free.99 to watch)!
I watched Issa's first show gain momentum, go viral, and catch the attention of producer Pharr
I would later go on to watch Issa do her major interviews that come with the fame, press appearances, book deals, etc. Before the premiere of Insecure, I heard about it coming to HBO but very little updates had been released after that. Now I know it's because of her willingness to stand firm in her vision, which I can appreciate.
It wouldn't be until I'd read in Issa's book, The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl, that she too actually moved to New York from California after graduating from Stanford University back in 2007. And like me, Issa once lived in the same neighborhood I did (Washington Heights), where she went through a slight stint of hopelessness. Her small New York apartment had been broken into and Issa had been robbed of the little bit of everything she did have--including her laptops, tapes and video treatment for a “mockumentary" she had been designing to pitch to Viacom. However, she managed to push through the frustration and began documenting her anti-social woes that came with living in a hyper social atmosphere such as New York city and voilà--Awkward Black Girl was born. And then, Insecure.
For Issa Rae, there's been more wins than setbacks, and we've been with her every step of the way. We've watched her take destiny into her own hands with the launch of her YouTube channel, turn down major deals, and fight to make her voice heard in an industry that attempts to silence us. And although it's been a long time coming for the production of her pilot show, the digital pioneer is finally getting her chance to shine. This isn't just a win for her, but a win for us all, because her success will open more doors for the many young black creatives who are producing compelling youtube content in their backyards.
I'm personally rooting for her from the privacy of my bedroom. And I won't need to hijack my neighbor's wifi to watch Issa do her thing, because this time around, the "evolution" is televised.
This Is How To Keep 'Holiday Season Stress' From Infecting Your Relationship
Hmph. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like there is something really weird happening in the fall season air (because winter doesn’t officially begin until December 21) that cuddle season is in full swing while break-up season is as well. In fact, did you know that break-ups are so popular during the holiday season that December 11 is deemed Break-Up Day?
The reasons why relationships shift around this time vary; however, I did both roll my eyes and chuckle when I read that a very popular one is because it’s an easy way to get out of getting one’s significant other a Christmas present. SMDH.
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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Featured image by Shutterstock
This year has provided us all with a new outlook on how we celebrate ourselves, the ones we love, and, of course, special occasions like weddings, birthdays, and baby showers. But even before this global pandemic, the holiday season had started to take on a new definition for me. For the past decade, I've lived over two thousand miles away from my closest friends and family.
Which means I, the person with seemingly more flexibility and no children, have oftentimes been expected to take on the onus of holiday travel.
The hustle and bustle of airports, the long lines for rental cars, and the inflated airline ticket costs are a great way to kill the yuletide cheer before it even begins. Not to mention the convos centered around if and when you're settling down, starting a family or moving back home once you've arrived.
So last year, I decided if I was going to be "home for the holidays," it was going to mean being in my own home, and if I was going to spend my hard-earned cash, it was going to be on myself.
Now I know if you're a woman-identifying person, especially a Black one, you may have cringed at that last statement.
Oftentimes, we're taught to put everyone else before ourselves. To stretch ourselves thin to please others. To give with reckless abandon. So much so, that the thought of making ourselves a priority makes us uncomfortable.
But I wanted to reclaim my holiday season even if it meant not seeing some of the people I've long cherished. I had hard conversations with family and friends who thought it was "sad" that I'd be spending the holidays alone or had just become used to my yearly winter exodus that it never occurred to them that my entire Christmas experience was shaped around their traditions, not my own.
And I realized a few things.
First, I don't like decorating Christmas trees. No, seriously.
I love lights. And wreaths. Personalized stockings are adorable. But Christmas trees? Hard pass. It occurred to me that every year I was doing something that I actually didn't even like doing in the name of holiday cheer. I wondered how many other things in my life I did for any number of seemingly obligatory reasons and then set about tearing down any other monuments to pleasing others that remained.
Christmas carols? Bye. Christmas movie soundtracks? Yes, ma'am. On and on I went until I was left with what I, and only I, found to be most pleasing about this part of the year that can lead to so much unnecessary anxiety, financial strain and overextension.
It was, without a doubt, one of the most fulfilling Christmases I've ever had.
I missed the time shared with my loved ones, of course, but I was so grateful for being able to remember that the greatest gift I can give myself is to honor the things that matter to me. And how can I truly do that if I don't make time to figure out what those things are?
The reason for the season is truly being able to look back on what is, hopefully, a year of growth and prosperity, to truly be able to rest and plan for the year coming and to be present---not just in the physical---with those we love.
I had much more in-depth conversations with the people I hold dearest being away from them than I have wearing ugly sweaters and drinking spiked apple cider in years past. I was in a much happier mood not having to fight through the throes of people in packed airports scrambling to make it to their destinations. The gifts that I bought myself, while not lavish in the least, were things that brought me joy and added to my personal goals.
I have zero regrets about choosing myself last Christmas.
Heading into a holiday season that will force many of us to redefine what this time of year is all about--I'm glad I got a head start on being my own north star. Whether you'll be with family or will be spending this joyful time alone, I want you to set aside a moment to honor your own desires for these final weeks of this year. Give a full body "no" to the things that don't set your soul on fire and a full body yes to those things that do.
Decide how much of your energy and resources will go into others, cut it in half and redirect it into yourself. Trust me, after a year like this one, you need it more than you think. Be open to the possibility of you being the only yuletide cheer you truly need and embracing that wholeheartedly. Create new traditions and let go of old ones that no longer serve the person you are or want to become.
Unwrap the parts of you that don't need to come to the new year and bask in the presence of all that you are.
Everything else can wait.
Featured image by Shutterstock
Originally published on December 19, 2020









