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Do You Go From 0-10 Quickly? Here Are 10 Hacks To Calm TF Down.
We've all got a temper in us somewhere. Anyone who says otherwise is just lying (to themselves). Yet I'm gonna be real with y'all — there are two of my friends (who happen to both be Leos…hmm) who can go from zero to a thousand in under a minute sometimes. When I asked them what gets them so heated, they both said that they tend to suppress for a while and then, once they've had enough, they just…SNAP.
One day, we'll get into how and why internalizing one's emotions isn't really the best thing to do (for a myriad of reasons). For now, I just thought it would be a good idea to offer up some helpful hacks, if you happen to also be someone who can pop off, kinda with the quickness, yet you know you need to find some proven ways to calm yourself down — for the sake of all parties involved.
1. Do Some Square Breathing
I don't care if it's your boss, your spouse, or your child, if someone has you so triggered that you feel like you're absolutely about to lose it, you can never go wrong by utilizing a technique known as square breathing (another name for it is box breathing). Many health professionals consider it to be a very powerful way to release internalized stress so that you can calm down faster. The steps are pretty simple:
- First — while sitting fully upright, slowly exhale through your mouth.
- Next — slowly and deeply inhale through your nose for a count of four, counting also slowly and making sure to fill your lungs with air.
- Third — hold your breath for a count of four.
- Fourth — slowly exhale through your mouth for a count of four.
- Finally — deeply inhale for a count of four. Rinse and repeat. Three times, if possible.
Why is this is such an effective way to calm yourself down? Because this type of breathing exercise helps to lower your blood pressure, soothe your nervous system, and help your mind and body to feel more relaxed overall. Shoot, at the very least, it certainly couldn't hurt to give it a shot. Right?
2. Listen to Some Binaural Beats
Something that I personally find to be pretty cool is binaural beats. It's kind of a long story but the short of it is if you listen to two tones that are each at a different frequency, your brain will create a third one all on its own. And why is that beneficial? Well, word on the street is hearing that third tone can put your brain into the same state as meditation would/does. As a direct result, it can help to reduce anxiety, make you feel more relaxed, and put you into a more positive mental state. If this is something that you would like to test out for yourself, YouTube has a slew of videos that feature them. Just go to the site and put "binaural beats" in the search field.
3. Eat Some Berries or Kiwi
A delicious approach to calming yourself down is to snack on some raspberries, blackberries, and strawberries, and/or some kiwi. As far as berries go, they are packed with Vitamin C which is able to combat stress, along with zinc, which can lower feelings of anxiety and depression. Kiwi is cool because there are studies that cite that eating two of them, on a daily basis, can fight depression-related symptoms and put you into a better mood.
4. Put on Some Patchouli
When I first learned that patchouli essential oil had a calming effect, I was thrilled because I really like the sweet musky scent that it has. Because the properties in it have such a good reputation for providing a relaxing feel, if you do feel like you're about to go ham, try putting some on your thumb and index finger and then pushing slightly (for about 10 seconds or so) on the top of your ears, in between your index finger and thumb on your other hand or right in between your shoulder blades.
All three of these areas are pressure points that help to reduce stress. That way, along with the aromatherapy that patchouli provides, the combo should be able to get you right.
5. Go for a Walk. Outdoors.
There are a billion reasons why consistent exercise is good for you. One of them is the fact that when you get your heart pumping, it helps to release endorphins. This is a great thing because they are natural hormones that are secreted through your brain and nervous system that help to literally reduce stress, calm depression-related symptoms, and even boost your self-esteem. As an added bonus, the sun is full of Vitamin D and since it's a nutrient that also relieves depression and anxiety, you simply can't go wrong with taking a brisk walk or light jog outdoors.
6. Repeat a Favorite Quote (on Being Calm)
There is power in words. There's no debating that. That's why, another cool calm down hack is to verbally recite a quote on being calm, the moment you feel like you are anything but. The reason why you should say "it" out loud is that it can help to "drown out" your emotions so that you feel more empowered in your sense of calm. As a result, it will be easier for you to respond rather than react — if you need to say or do anything at all. One that I really like is, "Being still does not mean 'don't move.' It means 'move in peace.'" An author by the name of E'yen A. Gardner once said that.
7. Hold a Hand. Get a Hug.
While it might be your natural inclination to "pull into yourself" when you are upset or frustrated, that's actually a good time to hold someone else's hand or ask for a hug. Something that hugs are proven to do is lower your cortisol levels which is your natural stress hormone. Also, physical affection can trigger oxytocin in your system which will make you feel more loving and less angry.
Actually, I wanted to advise having a quickie in moments like these as the subject title for this particular tip because it's hard to stay angry while you're having sex; but if you can't make that happen, a hand or a hug will work (almost) just as well.
8. Take a Nap
Listen, something that I will absolutely do with the quickness is take me a nap. If you're able to get in a 20-minute power one, not only can it strengthen your immunity, boost your energy levels and improve your productivity, taking a moment to get "off of the grid" of whatever has you so fired up can result in you waking up to, at least a slightly different perspective, so that you can approach the matter more from logic than emotion — which is always a good thing. (By the way, if you don't have time to nap, meditating for 5-10 minutes is a great alternative. Check out "7 Meditation Hacks (For People Who Can't Seem To Do It)".)
9. Color. Scribble. Write.
If you don't already own an adult coloring book, treat yourself and get one (there's a link to some African ones here. There's an article about another Black female-owned line of some here). While coloring is typically seen as a child's activity, the reality is it has a way of calming your nervous system and even inspiring you to do some problem-solving (much in the way that playing video games do, believe it or not). Scribbling? I mean, have you ever pulled out a tablet and pen and just scribbled with all of the strength that you have? There is something very surprisingly rewarding about it. As far as writing/journaling goes, writing down your feelings is a way of validating your emotions and sometimes bringing clarity to all that's going on. Plus, journaling can help to boost your immune system and brainpower in the process. So, definitely pull out some paper if you're going from 0-10 with the quickness.
10. “Disconnect”
Relax. Relate. Release. One of the best ways to do all of this is to disconnect from the noise and just get quiet for a moment. By "noise," I mean anything that taps you into a lot of chatter, along with the people who are around you (including those who are just a phone call away). Based on where you (physically) are, you might only be able to do this for five minutes or so but if you go somewhere that is dead silent (like your car) or even if you listen to some ASMR videos of rain, waves or the wind (YouTube has a lot of those as well), it can help you to gain your bearings so that you can function from a place of peace rather than intense stress — which is beneficial on every level. Every time.
Featured image by Getty Images
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Love On The Brain: What Science Says Loving Someone Does To You Mentally
I dig science. A big part of the reason why is because I really enjoy researching the “whys” of things. While my father always liked that about me, my mother oftentimes had something slick to say about it (that’s another message for another time, chile). To me, it’s whatever. For better or for worse, I’m simply not someone who accepts that the sky is blue “just because” — put it on my daddy’s DNA, I guess; with no apologies in place, I almost always want to know why something is the way that it is.
And since I spend so much of my time working with couples and writing on relationships, I’m sure no one is shocked that I’ve done my due diligence when it comes to figuring out what is really going on in the minds of humans whenever they are hyped about being in love. While on the surface level, it might seem like I’m being cynical, I’m actually not. It’s more about…well, again, I’ve been working with couples and writing about relationships for so long at this point that I think it’s important for folks to know the difference between an “emotional surge” and a truly wise love decision — and being aware of the role that the brain plays when we think that we’re in love with someone? That can help to bring some perspective and clarity into all of this.
So, whether you’re in something new and you’re currently on cloud nine, you’ve been in something for a while now and you’re wondering if you’ve “lost that loving feeling” or if you’re borderline on the verge of self-sabotage or, you’re like me, and you simply like to know random information just because — I’ve got 10 things that might be of interest to you as far as what science says love can literally do to you on the mental tip.
It’s fascinating stuff, indeed.
1. Dopamine Gets Activated
It’s pretty interesting thatdopamine is a type of neurotransmitter that plays a significant role in things like how you are able to experience pleasure or create memories because both of those are quite relevant when you’re in love with someone. Well, according to science, when you feel like you truly love an individual, dopamine gets activated on a whole ‘nother level to the point where you not only feel euphoric but,it’s at the level of what alcohol or a cocaine high can produce (have mercy!) I’m not exaggerating, either.
In fact, Medical News Today once published an article entitled, “Falling In Love Hits The Brain Like Cocaine Does.” Hmm…makes you wonder if some people run up outta there marriages, not because there’s really anything “wrong”; it’s just that they have crashed from their “cocaine high” and no one prepared them for how to handle it (get into premarital counseling, engaged folks; it makes all the difference in the world!). Also,as far as dopamine goes, when men are “falling” for a woman, it’s dopamine and vasopressin that increase, while, for women, it’s dopamine and oxytocin. During sex, vasopressin drops in men, while oxytocin increases when a woman climaxes. The more you know.2. Euphoria Increases
Let’s go a little bit deeper into the whole euphoria thing. At the end of the day, euphoria is about intensity. I mean, a part of the reason whythe series Euphoria has been so popular (and jarring) is that it showshow drug abuse can put people into a euphoric state — at first in a pleasurable way and eventually on a devastating level. When it comes to love, some experts say that three stages transpire when you feel like you’re in a love-related euphoric state:arousal, attraction, and attachment. And you know what? If you aren’t intentional about doing what Ben Franklin once said (“If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.”), you could find yourself being on a roller coaster of emotions without having a relationship that consists of much stability. Yeah, euphoria increasing can be problematic as hell if you don’t get all of what comes with that.
3. Oxytocin Surges
When it comes to the articles that I’ve written on love, sex, and relationships on this platform, I don’t know if there’sany hormone that I’ve shouted out more than oxytocin. That’s because there are countless amounts of intel supporting the fact thatit bonds people through things like hand-holding, cuddling, kissing, and definitely sex. That’s whysome experts say that oxytocin can cause people to become “single-minded” about a person, it cancultivate feelings of trust, and it can literallycreate physiological changes that cause you to seek out your love interest.
This is a part of the reason why, when people declare that they are “in love” after say, a one-night stand, my mind immediately thinks, “Eh. Sounds more like an oxytocin surge.” You don’t know them well enough to love them; you can “love” how they make you feel, though. It’s essential to know the difference.
4. Fear Decreases
Now, this is an interesting one. Something else that science says happens when people are in love is the neural pathway that is associated with things like fear and judgment. It actually deactivates itself (chile…CHILE). Yep, some studies reveal that the part of your brain that encourages you to make “critical assessments” of individuals. When you feel like you love them, that shuts down. As a direct result, in walks the rose-colored glasses, and out goes the red flags. And that’s why, when I recently read that a particular actor didn’t heed some warnings from her friends regarding her new relationship, I literally shook my damn head.
When you’re all in love, especially in the beginning stages, having folks around who don’t feel the same ways about the person as you do can actually help you out in the long run, so long as they are good friends with a solid track record, they are going to notice some things that your neural pathway is keeping you from paying close attention to. Yeah, y’all be careful out there.
5. Your Prefrontal Cortex Slows Down
Speaking of desensitized senses, something else that transpires when you’re caught up in someone isyour prefrontal cortex becomes sluggish. Why is this problematic? Well, that’s where the logical part of your brain is housed. This means that when you love someone, you may not be the best at making sound and practical decisions. Although I don’t agree with an article that said this means that love is illogical (love is sound, sane, and stable; it’s folks who jack relationships up…not love), I do think all of this is a reminder that you must rely on more than just how someone makes you feel when you’re trying to decide who to build a life with. Moving on.
6. Your Hypothalamus Revs Up Your Sex Hormones
I don’t know about y’all, but I don’t know too many people who aren’t attracted to the object of their love and affection. And so, when you do fall in love, something else that happens isthe part of your brain known as the hypothalamus stimulates your ovaries while it also stimulates your man’s testicles — and that is what makes you feel an overwhelming feeling of desire (i.e., lust) for your partner.
7. Your Brain’s “Reward Circuit” Lights All the Way Up
Speaking of longing for your partner, three parts of your brain — the amygdala, the hippocampus, and the prefrontal cortex — are known as its “reward circuit,” and whenever you even speak about your bae, this is the part of your brain that lights up like a Christmas tree. Something that’s really interesting about this particular point is, that while this is happening, your serotonin levels typically drop.
Why does this matter? Well, serotonin helps to keep your anxiety levels in balance, and it also helps you to regulate your appetite(s). This would automatically cause me to believe that people who struggle with love addiction probably have a low level of serotonin operating in their system.
Oh, speaking of serotonin, although you may never think to get your hormone levels checked strictly to learn more about how you’re acting/reacting in your romantic relationship,I also found it interesting that people who have more dopamine in their system tend to take more risks when it comes to love while those who have more serotonin are usually far more cautious. Meaning, that how you are in your relationship(s) may not be just about your personality; your hormone levels tend to have a say as well.
8. Your Anterior Cingulate Cortex May Make You Obsessive
Your anterior cingulate cortex is the part of your brain that’s associated with things likemotivation and action. Anyway, since overactivity in this part of the brain is oftentimes linked to things like obsessive-compulsive disorder,some researchers believe that the reason why some people seem to think obsessively about their partner, almost to the point of obsession, if they don’t stay on top of it, is because of how their brain reacts to their attachment to their partner.For the record, this is also the part of your brain that literally lights up whenever you see your partner, too.
9. Vagus Nerves “Sync Up”
Your vagus nerves are a part of your nervous system that starts at your brain and runs through your digestive tract. This makes them an integral part of things like your immunity, your speech, your moods, and your heart rate. As far as your brain goes, some studies reveal that after a couple has been together for a longer period of time, it’s not uncommon for their vagus nerves to “sync up” in the sense of having similar facial expressions and hand gestures being and even their hearts starting to beat at the same pace.As a direct result, the syncing makes it easier for both individuals to make sacrifices for one another in order to remain together. Share that with your grandparents the next time you see them. #wink
10. If You’ve Been Together for a While, Your Angular Gyrus Becomes Stronger
Speaking of longevity, another perk that comes with couples who choose to go the distance is the part of their brain known astheir angular gyrus becomes more active. What’s actually sweet about this is that not only is this what makes it easier for you to learn complex languages, but you can also start to anticipate your partner’s actions with it too. As a direct result, science says that many couples can finish each other’s sentences — and it’s all because their angular gyrus has gotten stronger as a result of them staying committed.
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After reading all of this, how could anyone possibly look at being in love casually? There are far too many intricate parts at work — yes, literally. Yeah, when Rihanna sang about having “love on the brain,” she said more than a mouthful…whether she realized it or not.
And if you declare that you are in love, make sure to factor in what your brain is going through. Then choose wisely. Even your brain and mental health depend on it. Also…literally.
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