

Maybe it's because fall is my favorite season of the year. Maybe it's because I'm not nearly as OCD as 60 percent of my social circle. Maybe it's because, for the past few years, I've been learning more and more about how to live like a minimalist. Whatever the underlying reason is, I have to admit I'm not a huge spring cleaner.
I mean, have you ever seen how true spring cleaners get down? The list of duties is absolutely bananas (I've got an example of one right here)! But since the past 12-16 months of my life have been totally devoted to self-work, this year, I decided to do some spring cleaning...with a twist.
I decided to focus on purging and purifying my temple—mind, body and spirit.
And you know what? I must admit that once I put together a list of what that kind of temple spring cleaning actually looks like, I got SUPER EXCITED! I'll be real. The fact that you are reading this in April, that just goes to show that I'm still dragging my feet a bit in the timing department. But since the first day of summer doesn't start until June 21, all of us laggers still have plenty of time to do the kind of holistic spring cleaning I'm referring to.
Simply set aside a weekend between now and the first of June to focus on getting the following 10 things in order. Then watch how much all of the on-time-spring-cleaners in your life will envy you for doing it.
1.(Re)Organize Your Relationships
Something that I like about the old school Jewish temples is there was an outer court, inner court and most holy place. Based on the kind of relationship/position one had with the Most High, that determined what room they could enter into.
I'll tell you what, I'm not God but I am His daughter and it has been a totally life-altering experience to adapt this methodology to my own relationships. The outer court of my life are my acquaintances and work associates. The inner court are my friends. That most holy spot? Right now, it's my confidants (whenever a husband comes along, that space will be all his).
Since I've put various people into their proper place and perspective, there have been a lot less disappointments and drama because, rather than loop everyone in together, I share my heart, time and resources based on "where" someone is in my life.
(By the way, as you evolve, sometimes those relationships may change; hence, the need to reorganize them from time to time).
2.(Re)Prioritize Your Time
Something we can never get back is time. EVER. Since we only get 24 hours in a day and, if we are taking proper care of ourselves, 6-8 of those hours are spent sleeping, it is important to think about what you're doing with the rest of the moments that you have.
Me? Once I got into the swing of organizing my relationships, the natural progression was to re-prioritize my time. How much time did I need to devote to my writing? How much time did I need to spend on emails and phone calls? How much time did I need to put towards processing my writing, emails and phone calls? What could I say truly deserved 20 minutes that I won't ever get back vs. what shouldn't even capture five minutes of time?
None of us are getting any younger and time is one of the most valuable resources that we have.
Spring clean your mind, body and soul by determining who and what are worthy of your time and, who and what simply aren't.
3.Go on a Detox
This one right here kinda runs the gamut. It could be about only eating fresh fruits, veggies and water for a couple of weeks in order to get your system back on track. Maybe it's abstaining from sugar for a month (for the record, it isn't easy, but it will totally change your life if you do). Or, it could be something like going on a social media fast, focusing on breaking a bad habit or committing to a week of absolutely no negativity.
The objective here is to remove toxins from your life whether that's a person, place, thing or idea. Focus on what is causing you to not feel your best—mind, body or spirit—and spend some time away from it. Then watch how much clarity you'll have about what you should (or shouldn't) do next as a direct result.
4.Clean Your House. And Desk. And Car.
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I already shared that I don't go ham on spring cleaning. That doesn't mean that I don't get that my baseboards couldn't use some extra attention and that my ceiling fan shouldn't get dusted. Noted. But really, what a lot of us could probably stand to do is clean out our closets, office desk and whew—our car!
Kudos to all the sistahs out there who get theirs detailed every week. I'm impressed. But for those of us who know that our trunk or backseat is treated more like a glorified purse or storage space, now is as good a time as any to clean all of that junk out. You'll feel better and your stuff will look better once you do.
5.Unfollow and Unsubscribe
Sometimes, we forget that even our email accounts have a limit on how much content it can hold. That said, one day, out of curiosity, I went to see how much storage I had left in my Gmail account. What tripped me out was 1) I had used up around half and 2) most of what was taking up space was promotional emails, Facebook notifications (I haven't been on FB in like eight years) and messages from people I haven't talked to in my 40s (like…at all).
It took me about a week, but I made the decision to get some of my storage back by unsubscribing from dozens of newsletters and deleting emails (and email contacts) of people I don't communicate with anymore. When I tell you that it was re-fresh-ing? Words cannot express!
Sometimes we're carrying around extra stuff that we don't even realize is causing clutter in our lives and taking up space that could be used for something far better. When you get a chance, check out your own email and social media accounts. What needs to be deleted? Who needs to be unfollowed or even blocked? What are you waiting on?
6.Forgive. And Apologize.
There's a French author by the name of François de La Rochefoucauld who once said, "One forgives to the degree that one loves." I think that statement is dope because it's a reminder that you can't love without forgiveness and not only is it important to forgive others, it's also imperative that we learn to forgive ourselves; that we stop rehearsing mistakes—or conscious bad choices—that we made so that we can put that energy towards being wiser, safer and healthier.
Sometimes we don't realize that our bitterness, lack of trust and even fatigue are directly connected to someone we haven't forgiven, even if it is the person in the mirror. There's no time like the present to get that kind of monkey off of our backs.
Speaking of getting free, on the other side of forgiveness, there is sometimes the need to apologize. Not a pride-filled and flippant "my bad". Not a deflection or justification. If you know that you wronged someone or simply hurt their feelings, spring clean your conscience by making a heartfelt apology. Sometimes this simple step can be a miracle worker for your relationship with other people.
7.Release Your Baggage
There are planes that have crashed simply because there was too much baggage on them. That's such a blaring mental visual for me because it's a reminder that I can be in the process of thriving and soaring in my world, but still end up wrecking something in my life simply because I'm not willing to let some of my past baggage go.
What are some signs that you've probably got some baggage that you need to release? Distrust. Paranoia in new relationships. Emotional instability. Unresolved anger. Being a self-sabotager. Keeping up walls. Being super clingy. Not trying new things or taking risks. Fear.
Life has so much in store for all of us. But we're not gonna get all that's coming to us if baggage is all in the way. If you don't do anything else on this list, make sure to clear your baggage out. Please.
8.Put Yourself on Your Schedule
If you've read a couple of my articles here, you know that I am big on word definitions. When it comes to the word "schedule", let it sink in what it means: "a plan of procedure, usually written, for a proposed objective, especially with reference to the sequence of and time allotted for each item or operation necessary to its completion".
Wow. Having a schedule isn't just about making time to do something; it's also about allotting enough time to do something to completion. Completing something is about doing something fully, thoroughly, and entirely.
You know what this means, right? When you're putting your daily to-do list together, there are only so many things that you can do COMPLETELY. Be honest with yourself about what those things are and also make sure that you are somewhere on the list.
Schedule in a bubble bath and bathe fully.
Schedule in some quiet time and do it thoroughly.
Schedule in a way to celebrate yourself and do it entirely.
If you're not completing what's on your schedule, you're not scheduling it right. Yourself included.
9.Commit to Praying and Meditating More
I've got a friend who says that he doesn't get on his knees to pray. According to him, he and God instant messenger one another all day long. Personally, I like that perspective and, in many ways, I can totally relate. Prayer is a form of communication. Different people communicate lots of different ways—even with the Lord.
What I will say is no matter how you and God commune, it's a good idea to do it. There is even scientific evidence to support that one of the benefits of having a consistent prayer life is that it increases our self-control (who doesn't need that?!).
For me, prayer is a form of surrender. It's a reminder that I don't have all of the answers—and I'm not supposed to. Just knowing this, automatically makes life a lot less stressful or complex.
Don't just pray, though. Meditate too. When it comes to meditation, how often do you get out of your bed, sit on the floor, and deep breathe, in complete silence, for no less than 10 minutes? If you don't do this, I promise that you should. The practice of meditation does everything from relieving stress and balancing emotions to enhancing self-awareness and helping us to fight addictions. There are some studies that indicate meditation even makes us kinder people.
As far as meditation practices over this way, I'll admit that it's a lot easier to respond to a bill, crazy phone call or some sort of unexpected and unpleasant news when I'm calm and centered. Meditation plays a direct role in getting me into that head and heart space.
10. Buy Less. Give More.
Did you know that most people in the world only wear 50 percent of their clothes? Not only that but (surprise, surprise) Americans (and Belgians) waste most of their wardrobe. It really is kind of insane that we spend hours at work making money to buy tons of clothes (and shoes) that we'll barely even wear. That said, interior designers and stylists say that whatever we don't wear within a year's time should be thrown away, given away or donated. Springtime is a great time to do that.
Something that I've made a practice to do is guesstimate how much money I spent on the clothes that I got rid of. Then I make a promise to myself to not purchase anything new (in that category) until I have saved up that same amount. Talk about a price tag reality check. SMH.
Shopping less leaves you with more time and resources. How about giving more? Pay for a married couple you know to go on a date. Gift a single mom with a spa day. Treat someone in need with something they truly want. Research reveals that giving to others boosts our self-esteem, reduces depression and can even increase our longevity.
Not only that but giving puts us in good favor with karma. When you plant in other people's lives, you'll be amazed what sprouts up in your own—just in time for spring!
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
7 Easy Spring Cleaning Tips For Successful Spring Cleaning
How Spring Cleaning Became An Act Of Self-Love For Me
Spring Cleaning: When Is It Time To Throw Out Keepsakes From Past Relationships
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Originally published on April 20, 2019
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
On her debut album,CTRL,SZA crooned about her desire to be a “Normal Girl.” Now, nearly eight years since its release, her Not Beauty line represents her commitment to existing outside of traditional beauty norms.
The singer whose real name is Solána Imani Rowe first teased the idea of a lip gloss line during Super Bowl LIX in February, noting that the release would be happening “very shortly.” Not Beauty debuted simultaneously with the Grand National Tour, which she co-headlines with Kendrick Lamar, in Minneapolis on April 19.
Each Not Beauty pop-up would offer fans the opportunity to purchase the glosses, learn more about the brand, and have the opportunity to meet the superstar in the flesh regardless of their ticket status.
During the Los Angeles tour stop, which spanned three dates on May 21, May 23, with the finale on May 24, xoNecole had the opportunity to test out the glosses included in this soft launch, as SZA revealed in a statement that "this is just the start of other lip products, including plans to launch stains, liners, and creams all inspired by SZA's “infamous layered lip combinations.”
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So, what is included in the first Not Beauty launch?
The current Not Beauty products available are lip glosses that come in three shades: In the Flesh, Strawberry Jelly, and Quartz.
During my visit to the first LA Not Beauty pop-up activation, I not only had the chance to purchase all three glosses but also took a peek inside the blow-up log tent. Inside, fans got to experience SZA’s love for nature and her fascination with bugs, which are prominently featured in her performances for this tour. At one point, she even had human preying mantis prancing across the stage y'all.
There were blow-up photos of the beauty that is SZA for fans (myself included) to take photos, but in wooden-like tree trunks were a deeper dive into some of the ingredients featured in her products and their benefits.
For example, the glosses feature Hi-Shine Lip Jelly and Shea Butter as key ingredients and some of the listed benefits included are:
- Shea Butter - “A powerhouse ingredient, offering both functional and nourishing benefits.”
- Hi-Shine Lip Jelly (featured in the In the Flesh shade) - “Formula glides on with perfect adhesion to the lips without stickiness).
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What are in the products?
Featured in an orange package, with images of a bug and flower on the side, the back of the box reads: “It’s NOT BEAUTY, it just works. Developed by Solána “SZA” Rowe.
As someone who never leaves home without a good lip gloss, I loved how compact the wood panel packaging is. Perfect to slip into my purse, or in the case of the show at SoFi Stadium, into my pocket when I’m not carrying a bag.
Because I’m a sucker for a good black and brown lip liner and clear gloss combo, I decided to wear the Quartz flavor on night one of the Grand National Tour LA stop, and it did not disappoint. I’ll admit, it’s light weight feel made me nervous because it felt like there was nothing on my lips. However, when I checked my lips in my compact mirror several times throughout the night, I was shocked to find that my gloss was still intact. I only reapplied once out of the habit of looking cute and applying my gloss, but not necessity.
Here are some of the ingredients featured, but not limited to, in the Quartz flavor.
- Polyisoubutene
- Butyrospermum Parkii (Shea)Butter
- Ricinus Communis (Castor) Seed Oil
- Mentha Piperita (Peppermint) Oil
- Tocopherol
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Lip prep
I’m a simple girl who loves to stay true to her roots. So ahead of the show, I stopped by a local Inglewood Beauty Supply store and grabbed a Black and Brown shade lip pencil for just under $2 a piece.
Shading the outline of my lips with the black pencil first, I used the brown to lightly fill the inside of my lips before applying my Quartz Not Beauty shade gloss.
How to apply
There’s truly no right or wrong way to apply lip gloss (in my opinion), with this being a brush applicator sort of product, I simply untwisted the top and swiped the gloss around my top and bottom lip generously.
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Results
Again, my Not Beauty Quartz product stayed on my lips from the start of the show, which began with a fire DJ set from LA’s very own, Mustard, to the conclusion when Kendrick and SZA reunited on stage to send us home to their duet, “luther,” featured on the rapper's GNX album.
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It’s almost always “annoyingly fun” to have conversations with super churchy folks. Example? Recently, I had on an anklet that a particular woman took notice of. When she complimented it and asked what it was made of, I said, “Moonstone, which is one of my birthstones.” Oddly enough, she then turned up her nose and said that stones and crystals were tied to witchcraft, to which I casually replied, “Then I guess you hate Aaron’s breastplate, huh?” She paused and turned her nose up again — this time, though, because she just experienced a good old-fashioned “checkmate.”
This article is about crystals not Scripture, so when it comes to the latter, I’ll just briefly say that if you mosey on over to Exodus 28, you’ll see that a high priest breastplate is referenced; one that contains precious gems including topaz, sapphire, agate, onyx and jasper (and that’s just for starters!). Yeah, it really is important to not just throw judgments around like confetti — know of what you are actually speaking of first (because that’s what Matthew 7 is really all about).
I did think it was important to mention that for potential skeptics about why this article even exists. Because although there are Scriptural and evenscience-based individuals who roll their eyes at the power of what gemstones and crystals can (possibly) do, I’m pretty sure that some of you are not surprised that the holistic and Ayurveda worlds see it all very differently.In those realms, energy plays a big role in physical, emotional, and mental health, and crystals are believed to cultivate balance or intensify certain feelings or experiences through that said energy.
That said, when it comes to sex, specifically, there are certain stones (which are basically what crystals are;in fact, all gemstones are a type of crystal) that are believed to help make intimacy even more satisfying. If you’re curious about which ones are, I’ve got 10 for you below.
10 Crystals That May Enhance Your Intimate Life
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1. Garnet
Garnet is a rich shade of red that happens to be January’s gemstone. It’s considered to be one of the oldest gemstones around, one that Egyptians believed was a symbol of life and something that they oftentimes wore in their signet rings. As far as symbolism goes, garnet also represents love and vitality as well as energy, passion and even self-confidence — all of which are quite relevant when it comes to having an active and fulfilling sex life.
2. Amethyst
Queen Cleopatra and Leonardo da Vinci are just two powerful figures who were big fans of the purple gemstone amethyst. Interestingly enough, it is February’s birthstone — the month that Valentine’s Day falls under. Another interesting fact is many early Christians relied on this gem in order to increase their spirituality while many Greeks used to see it as a stone that provided protection. When it comes to intimacy, amethyst is also associated with love and devotion as well as feelings of calm and reduced anxiety — and since the less calm you feel, the easier it is to climax…well. #wink
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3. Orange Carnelian
Looking to experience more joy and happiness? Or maybe you want to strengthen your friendships. Or perhaps it’s time to increase your pleasure levels or to go into deeper levels of sensuality. For all of these things, orange carnelian is a top-tier pick. As I did a bit more research on this stone, it’s considered to be a royal one and something that can bring forth peace. One of my favorite things about orange carnelian is it comes in different hues of orange — the deeper the color, the more passion it exudes. Just an FYI.
4. Rose Quartz
If you want to take your romantic relationship to another level, rose quartz has a solid reputation for helping to make that happen for you. In fact, this pink crystal is oftentimes referred to as being the stone of unconditional love because it encourages the wearers of it to both give as well as put themselves in the position to receive love too. Since rose quartz is also tied to things like emotional healing, restored trust and harmony, if you’re looking to make a much deeper intimate connection with your partner, this just might be the stone for you.
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5. Rhodochrosite
Rhodochrosite is a red-rose colored stone that I personally hold dear. I say that because, as a survivor of sexual abuse, it is one that helps recovering individuals to work through sexual trauma (and trauma, in general). It is associated with love, compassion and strength as it helps you to process your emotions in a positive way, so that you are able to effectively release past pain and deal with any PTSD that you might have. You know, I know a wife who sexually struggled in her marriage for years because she had been sexually assaulted in college and never told her husband.
A stone of compassion is a precious one — including when it comes to dealing with sexual trauma and intimacy challenges and learning how to face them. Salute to this stone right here.
6. Citrine
Citrine is November’s birthstone and its rich yellow color explains why it represents things like abundance, prosperity, radiance and happiness. Aside from this, whether you’re seeking clarity, you’d like to be more creative or you’re interested in becoming more sensual, citrine encourages all of this. Sensuality is a dope word because it’s all about appealing to all five senses; especially during intimacy. To learn more about how to do that, check out “How To Incorporate All Five Senses To Have The Best Sex Ever.”
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7. Red Jasper
While doing my own research on what red jasper represents, what I liked the most is it’s something that encourages emotional stability which is always a wonderful thing to have. Although it is a fiery red color, it also contains grounding properties and it symbolizes strength, courage and, another word that can always make sex more pleasurable: stamina. Since stamina is what helps both men and women to last longer during sex, anything that is a “stamina hack” earns an automatic mention when it comes to sex-themed content — including this.
8. Clear Quartz
A fun fact about quartz is it’s one of the most common minerals on this planet. When it comes to clear quartz, specifically, I like the way that it looks because it’s either a cloudy white or something that you can see straight through. As far as its symbolism is concerned, if you want to reduce physical discomfort, remove distractions and focus more on heightened levels of yourself, this crystal represents all of that. Clear quartz also encourages healing, spiritual growth and balance. To me, it seems like if you want to cultivate a spiritual or meditative (check out “What Exactly Is 'Orgasmic Meditation'?”) experience with your partner, clear quartz is a stone to try.
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9. Shiva Lingam
I ain’t got no lies to tell you — when I first happened upon this particular stone, the first thing that came to my mind was an article that I penned for the site back in the day entitled, “Blow Your Man's Mind By Giving Him This Tantalizing Massage.” That’s because it explains what a lingam massage is and, as you can see, this crystal has that word all up in it. The history of lingam is a bit layered (you can read about it here); however, because it is considered by many to be a phallic symbol and that typically represents the penis — shiva lingam is a neutral-colored crystal that represents both sexuality as well as fertility. Shocking, right? #sarcasm
10. Pyrite
It doesn’t escape me that it’s kind of funny that I’m closing this out with a crystal that has the nickname “fool’s gold.” That’s due to its appearance. That said, it’s also a stone that has some interesting symbolism to it. Since it comes from a Greek word that means fire — of course, it’s a crystal of passion. Since it also taps into things like heightened energy, self-esteem, creativity, awakened senses and the removal of toxic thoughts — if any stone should be in your “let’s get it on” crystal collection, pyrite would be the one!
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Know what’s kinda wild? While I was on Etsy’s site looking for another moonstone, a sake popped up in my feed on what the merchant calls their “libido crystal set” — and six of the 10 stones that I’ve mentioned throughout this article are featured in the collection.
Yeah, I’ll take that as a confirmation that whether you purchase a piece of jewelry that has one (or more) of these stones or you buy a piece of crystal itself to place somewhere in your bedroom — just putting your own energy into wanting a better sex life is a powerful step in the right direction to achieving it.
And what science can’t refute is the benefits of positive thoughts and actions — crystals or not.
So, if precious stones are totally your thing — enjoy, sis. Enjoy!
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